Not a Penis
Mom, dad, brother, and myself. That’s what I knew. 3 penises and one not a penis. My whole life has been safe from not penises. But in a single moment today, I realized I am greatly out numbered. All in the blink of an eye. I walked out of the bathroom while Heather was stepping into the shower. 1. I rounded the corner down the hall and there was Sohaila. In the bathroom, bent over like a weeping willow, wiping the reminints of what was left on her tush with scientific precision. 2. At this point I was pretty shook up. So I walked into the living room and Seanna was watching Strawberry Shortcake one her back, through her sky high legs with her 2 year old not a penis aimed at the heavens. 3.
At this point I had to sit down. I had a mini panic attack picturing Heather at 40, Sohaila at 17, and Seanna at 15. All looking at me like I can’t possibly understand them. Since I have a penis.
Ragamuffins. Tell me I’ll survive.
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
women have all the power. sorry.
For eight years I was surrounded by too many penises (wait, that doesn’t sound right! lol)…being the lone Not a Penis was hard work. Cleanin’ pee off the toilet seats all day long isn’t fun! Then I had my first daughter and I felt the power shifting…yesssss. When daughter #2 came eighteen months later, we are pretty much done with the hostile takeover. We rule!!
Sorry, Los; but you’re pretty much screwed. The irony of it all is that having offspring without penises dooms you to several years of worrying about penises during their teen years. My 9 year old daughter recently asked us when she’s going to get boobs. I’ve decided to start drinking way, way more.
Dude, you’re doomed! Doomed I tell you! But pretty much so am I. I have two little girls also, but I have the saving grace of my oldest being a penis bearer. (That sounded weird.)
I’m gonna go sign up for a firearms class. . .
I’m with you. I’m one amongst 4 not penises. Let’s pray for each other shall we?
Didn’t you say that you are adopting a boy? Okay then~ you should be okay.
Man i’m with you…3 in this house…in 10 or 12 years we all need to esape to the mountains in the middle of the country somewhere!
I’m in the same boat as you… only reverse it. The best things about having all these boys around is we use way less toilet paper than the non-penis dominant households and we only have to pay for one wedding. Besides with your amazing parenting skills that you demonstrated recently, I am sure you will survive.
Los,
Dude I understand, not so much in the living place, but man my workplaces dude. Once I worked in an office of 13 non-penis people, with me, the only penis… needless to say my thoughts were kept to myself throughout certain weeks of each month.
You will surive… I hope…
P.S. Rich Kirkpatrick is gonna hunt you down tomorrow, He is feeling like a very miffed Jack Bauer about not being on the top 6 bloggers now. Watch your back!
Don’t tell him I am the Mole in his CMU (counter-modernity unit).
P.S.S. Can I get some reciprocical link lovin?
seriously dude?
Oh. More than serious dudette.
Haha…my daddy could’ve written this. He had two amazing little girls (my sister and I)…even every dog we’ve ever had has been a female. Poor outnumbered soul.
We usually get what we want…but it’s worth it I think. My daddy revels in doing “daddy” stuff, like killing spiders, getting the phone calls when my car breaks down, and threatening to kill boys who aren’t nice to his baby girl…count yourself as a lucky one.
you WILL survive. your much needed MANliness will be needed when your girls are teenagers…especially when the other walking-penises come a-knockin’ and asking for your beautiful daughters to go on dates…
this is SO hilarious…you had to sit down, ha!
derek can relate, he is totally outnumbered. as of a few months ago, we had a dog with a penis, but had to find him a home when we moved. back to 3 against 1.
It’s like this…
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. Definition:
I help keep the balance where it should be. On our side!(lol) My wife is the No Penis version of you. And we still leave the toilet seat up.
I am the proud father of 6 boys and grandfather of one, boy that is! My sisters had one girl and three boys between them. One of my nephews has a son. The other is dating a lady that has two daughters. If you do the math, that’s Penis – 14, No Penis – 7 (including spouses) There seems to be a genetic normality occuring in my family that more than compensates for the penis lack in others. I got your back, Brother Los! Little Los will likely be one of many for the future of a free America depends on it.
It’s a blessing to see how God is working in your family and how accepted Los is.
Good on ya, mate!
(I’m really not “down under” but I am a bit south of you.
Remember, real men cry!
Grandpa “G” & Company!
You may not understand them, but you will definitely be needed. To say te I love you’s, the you look beautiful’s, the identity you instill. Theyll need you.
I am the only not a penis in my house… Husband, 2 boys and one more to be born in a couple weeks so I can commiserate on the outnumbered scene… I am surrounded! When there is nothing but burps and farts and contests of physical prowess happening in my living room I want to run away…. but then I remember that I need to be the example that God wants me to be of a wife and mother that I would like for them to pick one day for themselves and I calm down and settle into the role that God has placed me in this family for. You have a very important role to fill as well! Be the spiritual leader, protector and the one that tells them all that God made them beautiful! You can do it!
Yay for Losiah. You are now not surrounded by only Not A Penis times three
I’d love to tell you I know how you feel, but my wife and I have five boys, one girl. Unfortunately, the girls still seem to rule around here. Not sure how that works…