Faitherhood – Hell, Hugs, and Humps
[Photo 
aley Hake]
I’m a hugger. I like to give hugs. I admit it. But you know what I like to do even more? I like to hug people who don’t like to give hugs. Oh man. Those are the best. They resist your squeeze with a pressure that could crush a small canine. All the while smiling and hoping to God that you don’t notice.
Sundays are a great day for me to feed my sick addiction. When we hit the last chord of the set I literally set my guitar down and SPRINT out the side doors of the gymnasium while trying and catch the hundreds of people spilling out of the front doors. I am mostly greeted with this statement…”Woah. How’d you get back here so fast?” To which I normally respond …”I have a secret tunnel!!!. Ha ha ha”. And now that I have revisited that statement, I probably will not say it anymore. Not so funny. I’m such a tool. Anyways. Hugging.
I try and hug everyone. I can see people shifting out the other door in order to avoid any sort of physical touch I might attack them with. But I normally pivot on my inside heel and catch them on the other side. Suckers.
So this past Sunday I was huggin’ a fellow male hug resister and after our mutual triple pat, (Pat one – “I’m”)(Pat two – “Not”)(Pat three – “Gay”) he asked me how Losiah was doing. I answered with a resiliant “great” and went on to express my infatuation with my kids. How I can not wait to watch them grow. He responded with his take on how horrible it is going to be and how it only gets worse. How my life is about to become a living hell and he will pray for me.
Um.
OK.
So this all happened within 10 seconds of the initial hug. My hopes and dreams for my daughters and son had been slashed. I wondered what happened to this guy? This was so not the attitude of a hugger. And I quickly banished his opinion as being one that had been formed by a man who had not been hugged during his daughters teen age years.
Do I have that to look forward to? Hell? Is it just inevitable? Is it coming whether I like it or not? Or is there any hope? I believe there is.
My hugs with my daughters may turn from reciprocal displays of affection to my hanging on to them for dear life. That I can see. But to toss in the towel to any form of amazing community just because they will grow some lady humps and strap on bras, nope.
So go hug a dad whose kids have lady humps.
And tell them just to keep them away from 14 year olds named Carlos.
‘Cause Lord knows, that is gonna be THE rule.
Los
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RAIN IT DOWN
Let me just say…..your life may not be living hell during the teenage years…..you may not have to hold on for dear life. Growing up, my sister and I always heard “I love you!”…always. This seemed so normal to me and I guess I was oblivious to the rest of the world out there. I would have friends say to me, “Gosh, you guys say ‘I love you’ a lot”…and “Your family is so affectionate”. My parents just made sure we knew we were loved and….well, we are just huggers!
Doesn’t have to be a living hell. Just keep putting in the time, my friend.
Mine are 7, 5 and almost a year. All three boys. I think a lot of it comes down to parenting styles. Every situation is unique. I’ve had folks give me the “just you wait, you’ll get yours”. I’m still waiting….:) I internalize those comments and take it as a personal challenge to be a better parent.
Not that a blog is a perfect portal into your life, but it looks like you and the wife are doing just fine. Keep it up.
– I’m no longer a fat ragamuffin. I hit ww goal toda and I am officially on maintenance.
I have a teenage daughter (13)…praise GOD she still pecks me on the check every morning as I drop her off at school–even in front of her friends! So, I am the MAN…at least for a couple more years?
Look, I’m new to the game, but I have to say, what people tell me and how it actually is? Totally different. There are a lot of pessimists out there. I think it’s all outlook and that two people can have the exact same experience: one will bitch and moan and tell everyone else how miserable it is, and one will tell you that it was a blessing and the joy they experienced. I choose the optimism train.
Don’t listen to anyone, just keep doing, the best you know how. You won’t be perfect–but even if you were, they still wouldn’t be.
When I tell people I have a 16 year old boy they look to the heavens and say “Oh you poor thing!”, not knowing how blessed I am by his almost daily expression of love toward me and respect and compassion toward others. He is a goof and a dummy, but he does the best he can with all odds stacked against him. Yours have a discernable advantage, and for this you should have hope.
Growing up with 3 sisters – my poor dad. Yeah, we all reached the stage when we would pull away from his hugs because it was “embarassing” – but it didn’t stop him from doing it. And then we became either huggers or non-huggers. Of which I am the latter. So you just keep on hugging and see what you end up with.
By the way – I am the one that tries to run from those “huggers” – what you described is so true.
I remember the last hug I received from my DAD before he went to be with the Lord. With all the energy, in the hospital, I reached down and hugged him. Three hours later I received word that he had died. Society has so many “do not” we at times appear to be uncaring. I will never forget the last hug! It was special. With MOM, I was speeding on I-5 south of Santa Clarita, driving from Fresno to see her, when I received the call that she had died. Although I was sad, I continue to remember the many hugs received as her son over the years. Hugs are special!
Personally, it’s really tough for me to combat a person’s negativity about motherhood and overall parenting. I’ve had people express complete disgust over the fact that I have the amount of chil’rens that I do…I’ve had them wrinkle up their nose that they were smelling a caca mustache and tell me, “Oh, you POOR THING.” or “Better you than me!” or “You are probably EXHAUSTED” oh and “Do you EVER have any time to yourself? You probably NEVER get to go anywhere!” and my favorite, “UGH, you have FIVE BOYS I feel sorry for you!!” Like they are a tribe of diseased lepers or something. GEEZ, people. Whatever happened to “children are a blessing from the Lord”? Yes, remind me of that scripture when I am barking orders at my kids or wiping what seems like the hundredth crap diaper of the day. And I think THAT is why I have a hard time with people with bad attitudes about children…yes, it is TOUGH, yes it is a sacrifice and YES, sometimes our children don’t come out the way we’d like them to. But still, have some hope, be encouraging, offer wise advice–gimme somethin’! I am really looking forward to sowing what I have been reaping all these years. People with sour faces about how their children turned out or about children in general just drain me. I really, really don’t want to be that kind of person.
P.S. I always did wonder how the heck you got to Flip Flops so fast.
Denise, you are SO RIGHT! I get the same thing from people when they find out I have seven kids. My oldest ones are almost 16 and 14 and they are GREAT kids. I love them. They’re respectful. They love the Lord.
I think teenagers get a bad wrap because all you ever hear is how awful they are. I think we write the script of expectation for them and wait for them to follow it, when in reality teenagers can offer so much!
Finnish men do not hug! I have learnt to love it over last 10 years. Now moving back to Finland, it makes life interesting. I start giving a hug and they start taking steps backwards…and sometimes stumble. Hugs rule!
i must be totally missing the connection you’re making between not enjoying hugging and being negative about one’s kids / kids in general and raining on another parent’s optimism (which is just kinda rude).
i’m married to a total non-hugger (common introvert thing that we extroverts tend to misunderstand) who adores his kids and would never try to squelch another parent’s infatuation with their kids.
sounds like you just met a crabby non-hugger. they’re not all that bad.
Gotta be hugs 4 me & my little peeps. My Mia & Noah are adorable, so I can’t resist huggin’ & kissin’ them at every opportunity. Same for my lovely wife, Janet.
When it comes to hugging other folks it just depends who:
If it’s a formal handshaker, I’ll go with the shake.
If it’s a handshake, then a thumb grip, I’ll go with that.
Big old hug, I’ll reciprocate.
The most fun is when you hit a non-hugger with a giantic grizzly hug. Watch ‘em squirm!
Peace & Blessings
J
I just have to comment. When you force hugs on others at church, you are not acting with God’s love. I am female and I just cannot feel neutral about being hugged by a man. I want my hugs from my husband and my family. I will tolerate a few from close female friends, otherwise, count me out.