Treadmills, Nakedness, and Wink Wink Wink
So I joined this gym called The Forum Athletic Club in Buckhead. Almost everyone I talk to tells me that is where the “celebrities” work out. So obviously, I joined for some good blogging material. And Ragamuffins, tonight did not let us down.
I walked into the gym around 8:45 pm and scanned my little card. The gym was somewhat empty. A good vibe. So I continued towards the locker rooms.
I passed by a few Buckhead Betty’s and smiled kindly as I made my way to the back.
The locker room was empty, not too stinky, and cold. I remember the cold.
I went around the corner and found an empty locker.
Being the 34 year old hunk of testosterone that I am, I turned to to mirror and gave about 30 good seconds of flexing fame to the man in the mirror.
“My legs…” I thought. “They are so skinny” “But my belly…it is so big”
So I figured, well, I better weigh myself. So I dropped the drawers and headed over to the scale. 196. DANGIT. I have gained about 6 pounds in the last 3 months and it was time to hit it hard. So I joyfully pranced back to the locker, stopped in front of the mirror for one last flex, and placed my workout shorts on.
My belly was feeling a bit nauseous from dinner so I decided to lose some weight before the actual workout.
I caught up on some RSS feeds on my iPhone for about 5 minutes of “thinking time”. When I left the stall I did think to myself, “Man I am wasting some time. I have been in here for at least 15 minutes.”
So I stuck my headphones in, started walking out when I felt that tiny little urge to #1.
You know how it is. You are about to run 45 minutes and the last thing you want to do is stop half way through to go potty.
So although I had loafed around in the locker room for 15 minutes flexing, weighing myself, and wasting time I knew I had to go again.
I turned around to hit up the urinals.
“That’s weird?”, I thought.
Where were the urinals?
I walked a bit faster around the corner. Nothing.
The other corner. Nothing.
Time froze.
I turned around and sprinted towards the front door as another gym member came walking into the locker room.
SHE never looked up as she walked by me…
The lady on the triceps machine looked stunned as I walked out of the LADIES LOCKER ROOM!!!
I had no where to hide.
I ran to the treadmill all the while thinking about the last 15 minutes of my naked life.
I could not concentrate enough to run. I went to the font desk and talked to “Sarah”.
“Um. Hi. My name is Carlos. I just joined the gym a few days ago. Well, I , um, kinda don’t know how to tell you this…but, I, um, kinda accidently changed in the women’s locker room. I SWEAR I didn’t see anything. Actually. You should have seen me. I mean not literally. But you know. I totally thought I was in the men’s locker room. They look SO MUCH THE SAME!!! Has this ever happened to anyone before?!?!?! No one came in the entire time I was in there. I would have been mortified if someone walked in. So do you think you might be able to go in there and get my clothes?”
***crickets***
Laughter.
Sarah made me feel like only half the loser I was. She swore up and down that the locker rooms look the same and it has happened before but no one has actually ever hung out in there.
She went in and rescued my boots, jeans, and bag.
And of’course, EVERY muscle clad male model happened to be working out at the entrance of the locker rooms when she escorted me in to retrieve my clothing.
They all looked a bit confused as I walked straight into the mens locker room to put my stuff away.
As I walked past them all towards the treadmills I heard a whistle and laughter.
It took everything in me not to turn around and wink.
So see. Ragamuffin don’t need no celebrity to make story.
Just follow me around for a day and you’ll have enough for a novel.
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
there was NOTHING on Tv tonight even remotely as entertaining as that. bravo sir. i salute you.
Hahahahaha!!!!
Not that this is even remotely as amusing as your story, but I once accidentally used the men’s room at a Quizno’s. While serving as a responsible adult on a youth mission trip. There are pictures of me opening the door. Yikes.
lol!!
sooo funny!
I’ve had this dream a few times!
Classic.
We will make it a dedication for this sunday. Everyone go to the opposite bathroom. The girls might have a hard time using the urinals, but it will all be for you Carlos. Maybe all those years of retreating to the girls locker room after worship threw you off. For those of you who don’t know the story. Sandals church is in a GYM at CBU. The worship team and Pastorial staff all retreat to the ladies locker room (which is stage left) after worship and after service. It’s kind of like back stage for Sandals Church. Now that this has happened, it is evident that this has thrown Carlos for a loop. So I urge you ATL…. whenever you see Carlos….please be sure to point out where the MEN’S bathroom is to save himself further emBAREesment. Carlos, we at Sandals church appologize for any confusion you might have suffered from hanging out in the girls locker room with us!
Oh and…… HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Love ya
Miss ya
Thanks for the late night laugh!
Laughing my head off. Thanx for sharing.
oh maaaan. LOLOLOL.
Dude…
I have no words.
I know you have not been home in 4 days but really babe no need to go into girls locker rooms.
H
I’ve done nearly the same thing only at Benihana’s. It happened so fast. I was urinating in the toilet thinking to myself…”where are the urinals?” Then as I looked into the mirror above the toilet and could the see stalls across from me, I recognized shoes at the bottom of the stalls… lady shoes… only to be met by a skirt coming out of the stall! I ran as fast as I could and never looked back!
So, this is how you get your kicks Mr Whittaker?
Oh… I’m just glad that I’m not alone in the embarrassing moments category! That is soooo funny! Thanks!
Now that is FUNNY! You just made my morning.
WOW. SO close to jail time on that one, you were! imagine if a woman would have walked in during?
i bet you were hardly worried and were really thinking, “i can’t WAIT to blog this!”
seriously funny story.
It’s funny how the only real difference between Mens and Womens are the urinals…I’ve made the same mistake a few times. Not to that extreme, but still, it happens…
I was nervous, confused, nervous, nautious, confused, nervous and hysterical whle reading that post. Oh dear. Carlos, you need some rest, my friend. Heather, help.
Usually the women’s room has a little drawing of someone in a skirt or something on the door. Just a tip for you. For free.
slick!
Hey man,
I found your blog from the ‘shlogcast’.
The video on ‘my saturdays’ caught my attention because she mentions Riverside.
I took a quick look around your site here and it’s a small world.
I grew up and became a believer in Riverside. I moved to NC when I was 15 and am now 25 and a youth pastor/web developer/newlywed husband in small town near Raleigh.
Northpoint, and particularly Louie Giglio and 722 have been really influential in my life. And I am “that mac guy” to most of my friends…
Thanks for sharing your life here. Maybe ours will intersect someday :0)
Carlos, this, my friend, is what “sharing your story” really means. What a riot. And I do believe it could not have been funnier if I had seen it myself
Bouncing off Mr. Alexander’s comment: it’s more like emBARE-ASSment.
Uuhmm…I am with Mr Police…sounds like a dream I had…
Amazing! Love it!
price of a airline ticket from BWI to Atl, $200. price of a 6-nugget kids meal from Chik-fil-a, $6.00…Los posing in full glory and “thinking” in the women’s locker room…PRICELESS!!!
awesome! Just awesome!
you are the best reality show on earth buddy. i am telling you, those LA INK people are sitting on a goldmine and don’t know it.
Excuse me while I go change…I wet myelf from laughing so hard!
i think that i would have just left everything at the gym and never returned….just saying
I agree with Lynse… would’ve just left my stuff & never go back.
You have more courage than I, my friend
That has to be the funniest thing I have EVER read!! EVER!!
Your mom is naked.
good stuff….best one today (I’ve only read three….but I’m sure this is probably the best one today)
you’re amazing.
did you ever check out my naked blog?
PURE ENTERTAINMENT!!! Thanks for the laugh today!
Speaking of nakedness… check out my pastor — he’s on 24/7 http://www.myNAKEDpastor.com cool & crazy stuff
Peace Out
Heredes
man, there were some scary word pictures in there. i think i’m scarred for life!
actually, i was in a restroom stall once in a campground bathroom with showers and the such when i realized that i was in the wrong restroom. i almost died.
Can’t say that I have ever pulled this one, although I have been whistled at in the gym, just wasn’t by a dude.
and THIS is why i read your blog. a euphenism bonanza!
At last. Now you know what it feels like to be me.
Hi Los!
It’s my first time commenting on here. I just had to let you know that this story made me laugh out loud so hard just now. Thank you for always keepin’ it real – you made my evening that much more pleasant. Thanks!
this is one of the funniest posts i’ve ever read.
That is the reason I don’t go to the gym – I know something like that would happen to me and I would absolutely faint.
what a great way to end the day – thank you.
(poor ladies had to endure your time of RSS reading…)
See….you post something about nakedness or a big oops like that….people respond! 42 responses. Wow.
But it was hilarious. Hope ya is enjoying the ATL!
Lates
Jim
ok….this is freaking awesome. Quite possibly the best start to a Thursday in my entire life. Thanks for sharing.
Hilarious, absolutely hilarious!
The only thing that could have made this story better is if a chick had walked in while you were flexing in the buff.
)
As I sit here feeling all out of my element and wishing for something funny, you came thru as always. I haven’t laughed that hard at one of your posts in a while. It’s not just the story that was hilarious… your ability to make it so real is what makes me laugh all loud. thanks Carlos. I needed that!
The best part is that you took a dump in there. My gosh, that just rocks.
Chad
I read this yesterday and it still makes me laugh out loud today. I was in a staff meeting and I thought about this post and just laughed. Great stuff Los.
Not sure how I missed this post. but WOW. I just read it to my whole family. We all had a great Christmas laugh. Thanks for letting us in to your life.!
Way to keep it real! Thanks for the laugh!
Carlos, It took everything in me to not spew my drink all over my computer screen here at work. I so needed that laugh. I loved every minute of it. Just remember first impressions are lasting impressions. You are now notorious at that gym.
The soundtrack I am hearing in my head for this adventure needs more wah-wah and chicka-bowm-bowm.
You’d think the “not too stinky” part would have given it away. Any men’s locker room I’ve ever been in was STINKY. (No, it’s not like that, I used to work at the YMCA.)
And the cold. See, we don’t make these things up – we really are cold!!!
i’ve accidently gone into the guys bathroom before. went to the bathroom..did the whole washing of hands thing…(there were no urinals btw) and then…6 sailors walked in and i got red within 5 seconds. ( i was on a navy base) .. it was humiliating..
That is absolutely HILARIOUS.