I Flipped Someone Off Today
I flipped someone off today
I never saw it coming
He rounded the corner while whistling
He smelled of sweat and was plumbing
I knew that when I saw him
He thought he was better than I
For he looked and my little pooch belly
And chuckled as he walked by
The gym was empty and silent
I could count 5 people inside
But this dude kept working out near me
Grunting as he worked out his bis
I finished my lame set of somethings
And thought I would call it a day
Then I turned to the left and I saw it
“Oh no he didn’t” I thought on my way.
He really did kiss both his biceps
As he stared in the mirror and winked
I walked away towards the lockers
And wondered…”Maybe he just blinked?”
Then he followed me into the lockers
Got naked in 8 seconds flat
Stuck his bluetooth into left ear
And walked around showing “all that”
I left the freefest in a hurry
Got into my car to go home
Started backing out
Then I heard a shout
My gym friend was standing alone
He said “You better look out where you’re going”
I said “Sorry, I’ll be on my way”
He said “That is a good idea”
I could think of nothing better to say…
…Than “But I have a better idea”
“You really aren’t all that you think”
“Your muscles are small”
“You’re barely 5 feet tall”
“Don’t worry it was cold, we all shrink”
But I kept my mouth shut as I drove
Turned left onto Johnson Ferry
Then dude cut me off
Left me in the dust
And my hand slowly rose before me
My fingers then fell in formation
I could not believe what I saw
“I’m a pastor!!!” I thought as I sped up
Ordained in the church of the raw.
In a few short breaths it was over
He had gotten the better of me
My 3rd grade self had won over
As I popped in Mariah’s CD
So let this be known to all travelers
Who were on Johnson Ferry at noon
If you saw me today
In my Red Santa Fe
My name’s Joe, I work up near Boone
I can’t believe I was “that guy”
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
dude. you have some freaked experiences at the gymnatorium.
thanks for rawness. brennan would be proud.
That was a beautiful piece of literature, sure to have generations enamored forever. Congrats.
Hilarious! Started my day with a good laugh. Thanks!
HAHAHA! Never thought I’d see a story of this type told in limerick form. AMAZING post. That is why you are a blogging beast.
But you should still be ashamed of yourself.
Classic! Thank you for being so honest. There is no telling whee we would be if it were not for the grace of God!
carlos, you know thats just how we say “hi. have a great day” on the freeways in southern california…its just a gesture of love…though im guessing it might mean something else in atlanta?
I don’t get it.
THIS is why i love this blog. thanks for the raw-ness.
heh
I stopped flipping people off in the car when we got a new Pastor and I didn’t know what kind of car he drove.
LOL
priceless!!!
did you ever have a teacher that would give you points for creativity?
so like, if you totally bombed the test, but you wrote a cool story, you could still get a few points?…maybe the test wasn’t that great, but your poem definitely makes up for it. I’m sure Jesus gives points for creativity.
I totally just read the last line of Emily’s reply as ‘I’m sure Jesus points’.
I find myself saluting fellow drivers as well and w/in seconds of lifting the finger I totally regret it. I am so glad we serve a forgiving God!
hmmm…
That’s how some SPD staff (Okay, one and you know who you are!) greet me almost every morning. I wish they would put it in a literary form as well because that would be really sweet. I keep the evidence from the security cams on disc and I refer back to it any time I’m feeling down and need to know that people do love me.
I’ve NEVER done that. EVER. [ducking]
Hey, Jenna!! I came this close to flicking my pastor the bird. It was dark, I was crossing the street, a car comes speeding up and stops very close to me and my wife. I gave him the “what the you-know-what” look and loaded the finger. But, I didn’t fire. Just then, the window goes down and out pokes the toothy-grinned head of my pastor laughing at me. I acted like I knew it was him alllll along. He knew better.
Thanks for reminding me again why I love this blog. The honesty. God forgive us and for all the people in the church (pastors and staff included) that claim to never slip. Not an excuse, just an understanding. Be real. Be honest. Be forgiven!
Sometimes it’s tough to be above reproach
I’ve sought so hard to sustain this gain
Now watch me give this ground away
What can i do but admit I’m in over my head?
Colors fade from blue to dark red
I’m back into a corner by my choices
I’m hearing those dame dark voices
At the mercy of my desires helpless, trivial
I’m left with no defenses
Stimulus, response, repeated failures-I’m sick
This sickness fills my senses
But despite my apparent loss I see release
This Stalemate, my peace
But as this theme continues to follow close behind, I see so clearly
If I would only let go of my tendencies
I would know what it is to be free
I can’t win when I indulge this fantasy
Reduced as a pawn led to misery
“A little detour won’t hurt, let me change you slowly
A moment’s pleasure, but you’ll owe me.”
All encompassing defeat awaits the day
I choose to plunge and embrace this nightmare
But the night has an end and I see you
and you see me as the dawn of the one
Who has adopted my ailment, my sickness
My Stalemate reveals my blindness to my own condition
dude, i can top this. I flipped off a girl who was doing the craziest parking lot driving I’ve ever seen – AT MY SEMINARY.
do we like this type of shameless confessional in order to make our sinfulness feel less obtrusive?
~w
Do we like to be anonymous in order to make our judgments less self gratifying???
Speak all you want around here. But do it with a face.
Los
I ran across your blog through Brian Seay’s blog…just had to tell you that I nearly spewed coffee out my nose while reading this…amazingly fun and oh so close to home! And I certainly hope the last two exchanges continue LOL…I will definitely check back…Peace to you!
What the hey happens when we get in our cars?!!!
It must be something about the fabric on the seats or something.
(wink) (not a blink)
I cussed at my dog, but that was after he took a fat dump all over my kids bedroom floor. I think I flipped him off too.
So… I don’t know if i laughed harder at the original post or some of these replies. LOL This is the very reason you’ll find no Christian bumper stickers or anything on my car… I’m not a very nice driver sometimes and Frank is even worse! No worries, the guy at the gym was probably on steroids anyway!
Wow! Serioiusly? All of this happened? I was with you until he started calling you out like that. It just sounds so much like a movie. But congrats dude, I would’ve probably shown him who’s #1 way before you did. Wow. people.