Small Groups and You
I know some of you go to small groups and some of you don’t.
Andy preached on our groups philosophy today and it got me intrigued as to the reasons,
you go to a group or you do not…
Los
I know some of you go to small groups and some of you don’t.
Andy preached on our groups philosophy today and it got me intrigued as to the reasons,
you go to a group or you do not…
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
Absolutely positive: life pretty much happens there, more than on sundays during our times of corporate worship…
Mens group yes, and it’s a great time for everyone involved. Small groups, no…Can’t seem to get the wife to go. I will keep trying though…one can never have too many Christian friends!
i lead a small group in a coffee shop on wednesday nights while the kids are in youth group alot of the parents come over, have coffee, talk about what is relevant in their lives and interact with the other regulars in the shop.
I cannot imagine my life without being in a small group. Especially as a single woman. My small group is my family while I am away from family. They are where I receive care, where I grow through Bible Study, where I can serve and love others, and who serve others with. I can look back over the last 8 years and my darkest most lonely moments where when I was not attending a group. When I need prayer, have bad news, good news… I don’t call or email the church staff… I call, email, facebook my small group. They are the first to pray and first to know any news in my life… b/c they care about and for me.
The spiritual growth from small groups is nice but I would say that our group life is as much about the friendships/ relationships that have grown from them. Our closest friends from the last 10 years have come from our small groups. Living in a City, the ATL, where everyone is from somewhere else helps connect you.
I go to a small group, and honestly I can’t imagine not. Personally, I find small group to be way more fulfilling than a church service. I could miss a Sunday, if it wasn’t my job, but I am not missing my Group. Again maybe this is because I grew up in church, Im just kind of over it. But group is that which feeds my soul. I couldn’t make it without those people.
My wife and I host a small group for young married couples every Thursday evening. We have had some amazing moments, awesome worship, and seen individuals blossom through further reading and understanding of the Word, and deeper commitment to know Him. We’ve also had the opportunity to perform numerous acts of community service in our group. This is always the best, when you come home from serving someone else and see how excited people are and the conversation that develops. I’m incredibly thankful for my group.
Reasons why I do: accountability and intimacy
not in one now, but i hang with small groups of people during the week…does that count?
LOS -
What are you studying in your small group? What is God showing you and teaching you?
Leslie Brooke and I host a small group on Sunday night with about 12 to 14 people. We go through the Nooma videos and spend about an hour and a half talking about the questions in the guide. They’re so effective at getting us to open up to each other, I wish Rob could put out another video every couple of weeks.
it can be working for everyone.
Speak up if small groups has not worked for you. It’s ok
can’t. Sorry. It can’t be working for everyone.
My church doesn’t have small groups.
Ok… I confess. It didn’t work for me. I would love for it too, but frankly the group we were placed in was not very compatible with my family. At the time we were totally new to the area and did not know a soul. I had find childcare (it was an adult only meeting) which was a challenge. Then we ran into serious differences in believe that touched on a bit of underlying intolerance. Basically, we seriously felt like the outsiders looking in, even while sitting in the same living room. Right now I am longing for a small group… today as I was leaving church I realized that I don’t have a friend like me – young mom. All my friends are my mom’s age. It’s just not the same.
Sorry for all my typos above. Here’s some input from the hubby…
The group assumed a high level of knowledge for everyone. For example, in response to some input, Bible verse references were thrown around without explanation or time given to look it up. Instead of taking time to explain or inform I just got blank looks. For a Bible study there wasn’t much space for learning.
Nooooooooo…I avoid small groups.
I’m 27, single and the last small group I was invited to was filled with married couples with kids.
I do have three girl friends that I pray with and have fun with and kind of share my life with.
P.s. There are almost no singles in my church so a “singles small group” or whatever doesn’t exist.
Maybe I need a new church :s
Aaah! Raw nerve. Since you mentioned it. I attend a mega-church that really encourages small groups. I have been in quite a few of them. (all of them girl-only groups) My belief is that God formed them so I’d stay in each of them to the bitter end. All except for one had very very catty dynamics. Some of the girls left the church all together. After seeing others in the groups fighting or the leaders coming down on us like anvils spiritually, I stepped away from them for a good long season. I still kept in touch with some from each group. The only one that was great was a super small group (4 of us). I had prayed with a friend for weeks as to who the Lord would lead to join this group. We did a book study & we learned SO much from each other! We didn’t want it to end so we still meet once a month.
No for me…our small groups are interest-based, and I’ve found that most of them just hang on to that theme. I’m cool with interest-based small groups, as it could allow for people who would otherwise be uncomfortable to join based on a common interest. But, if there’s no intentional descipling going on, you just end up with a bunch of people hanging out to throw frisbee, ya know?
I have never been in a small group. I so need to be. My church has them. However, my husband works about 75 hours a week (no joke) and we have 2 kids. Hard to make time as a family to do that. I can’t go by myself because he’s not available to care for the kids (he’s always working). Tough one, but someday hopefully. For now I just have some Christian friends I try to touch base with often.
My husband and I host and lead a small group in our home. We’ve participated in a number of small groups over the years, but I can honestly say that it’s only be the last 2 that have had the true sense of community we’ve been longing for in a small group.
I’m in a mom’s small group that I go to during the day once a week and my husband and I lead a small group one evening a week, as well. Small groups give me the small church feeling I need inside my bigger church. They hold me accountable. Help me connect. Give me an amazing support system. Yeah, I think they rock.
My hubs and I are hoping to host a small group very soon (Not lead yet) we just purchased a house, and as soon as we saw the living room, both of us saw a small group there. However, the person in charge of small groups at our church is on vacation and staying with you!! So we haven’t worked out the details yet.
(I saw on your twitter that you were thinking of buying a Kindle. I was thinking of getting one, but I realizeed it would be a waste of money for me, since I already read books with my ipod.Why buy something else? Don’t know how? Email me and I will let you know!!)
I used to be in a writing small group, but that kinda disbanded… and I only went to about three meetings.
I’m a busy kid…ya know?
My wife and I faciltate a small group in our home each Saturday night. We’ve facilitated small groups for the last 3-4 years now and, before that, attended various other small groups on-and-off since the late 90s. Here are a few things that work/have worked along with a few that aren’t working or haven’t worked:
What’s working now or has worked in the past?
* Committed attendees. We are small (just 4 couples counting us) so if even one couple doesn’t show up, the group suffers a bit. While not always able to attend, each couple tries their best to attend each week.
* Mix of study and social. We have a set schedule that focuses on a particular study for 4-6 weeks and then takes time “off” for 2-4 weeks to hang out, eat food, play games or watch movies. When we study, we study. When we play, we play.
* Flexibly Rigid. As mentioned above, we have a set schedule & curriculum and we generally stick to it. But occasionally we free-flow it, cancel our “study” and just hang out for the evening or spend extended time praying with/for each other.
* Openness (and this comes naturally with time if the above are present). A few months ago, I asked if anyone had anything they wanted us to pray for. We got the usual “my mom is sick”, “I’m looking for a new job”, etc (don’t get me wrong; those are great prayer requests). I turned it a bit and said, “guys, for about the past two months, I’ve just felt NO desire to go to church each weekend.” Suddenly, the floodgates opened and, ironically (or not), every other person in the group followed by saying they were struggling with the very same thing. Just an example.
What isn’t working now or hasn’t worked in the past?
* Echoing Tracey’s thoughts above, compatibility. Quite a few years ago, my wife and I were placed into a 3×3 group (3 couples meet 3 times each, etc). We were 22/23 and new to the church; the other two couples were late 30s/early 40s…and BEST FRIENDS! Do I need to tell you what happened???
* Babysitting. Currently live in metro DC and it’s HARD to find reliable childcare. It’s isn’t so much of a problem for us since we host in our home (our two year old is in bed and it is our 4 year old’s “movie night”). But it’s far-and-away the # 1 reason we get when one of the other couples can’t make it.
* Required homework. Let’s face it. We’re all busy and sometimes (OK…most times) it’s hard enough just to make quiet time with God a priority. Add one more thing? Not likely to work.
Sorry for the book. I’m extremely passionate about small groups, which is why my wife and I continue to facilitate one despite our current circumstances. Through a small group we participated in about 8 years ago, we made our two best friends in the world…and here is the kicker. We never would have “picked” either of them to be friends based on all the normal criteria: interests, age, kids/no kids, etc. We grew on each other by spending increasingly quality time over the course of several years.
I don’t go to a small group right now, but have my eyes open to one that looks “good”. I’ve been a part of a few different ones in the past and they were always wonderful to be in. Then came kids. It’s hard to find a small group where my kids fit into the picture. We don’t do the whole babysitter thing. Finding other groups where kids are welcome isn’t always easy. Even if the group allows children they tend to be tossed into the basement with a babysitter. Kids can learn a lot from being around a group of adults and seeing them in prayer and being open with each other.
Anyway, you asked about small groups, not parenting.
Hopeful to find a good (for me) small group soon.
I am entering my 11th Life Group in 8 years next week. (that’s just official life groups and not discussion groups, book studies, etc.) We have always been the ones to help birth new groups so I’ve done this alot. Some I’ve loved, some I have hated. I have enjoyed the vast majority of the ones I have attended. I would like the opportunity to stick with a group for longer than I’ve gotten to in the past.
I am a big believer in life groups because I really do think we are transformed and grow in the context of relationship. I’ve seen the beauty of these groups and how God has impacted people’s lives. I just know sometime you land in a group that is NOT for you! So you have to be committed to the process, and try again sometimes. But even being in a group where things don’t quite click teaches me something important about relationships.
I was the leader of a women’s small group in the Alpharetta area. Most of the ladies were older than me–upper 50’s and one young lady in her 20’s. We enjoyed each other and there was no judging. We could share openly with each other. It became tough balancing going to the meeting and having a pre-teen at home. Two of the ladies were very good friends before joining the group and I always felt they had a sort of clique together. I’m trying a lifechurch.tv small group tonight.
We just moved here and finally found a church. We were involved in a small group at our previous church so wanted to find one here also.
Out of 85 groups, 12 of them looked like they would work for our family (kid-friendly, married couples, day of week we would attend…). I sent out a mass email asking more info about the groups, only 7 replied back, and 2 of those didn’t look like they would work.
We have tried one of the 5 groups left and so far so good. Of course we’ve only been once so who knows. They told us if we decided not to go to their group they would help us find another group.
We were pleased with the group and they seemed authentic. It wasn’t overly spiritual and everyone seemed relaxed.
We are part of a big church and new to town. The only way we are going to really meet anyone and build relationships is if we participate in a small group.
To me a small group is an extension of your family. You have to have the right group in order for it to be a pleasant experience. I’ve been in crappy groups before and quit going. I found another group and it’s been a blessing. I made friends and bonded with people I wouldn’t have normally bonded with since Sundays are so busy. I’m hoping to find that at this new church.
i’m in a group of young marrieds with kids. it’s interesting though cause i’m dating on the way to engaged. hahahaha. it’s good for us to have some consistent weekly community, especially, in the midst of a fast ministry lifestyle.
Yup. I’m a sg “leader” at Buckhead. Awesome group of guys.
Used to hate to lead them. Love to be in one. I have a mom’s group and a mixed group–couples, singles, men/women. Love the community and connection more than the study part but you need a catalyst right?
Our small group of couples has become like a second family. Support, prayer, accountability, learning together, compassion — I can’t explain the wisdom these people have shared with us.
Carlos I know this has nothing to do with your post but can I request more boo daddy videos and funny random things? I love heather’s blog for this reason maybe it’s just a mom thing and enjoying reading that. Just a thought.
In a small group…Love the growing friendships, tough conversations. I took a long hiatus from the first small group I was a part of and honestly never thought I’d be a part of one again because it was shallow. The group I’m a part of now is real and the food is fantastic.
I’ve been in a lot of small groups.
One of my favorite groups of all time was when I was in graduate school and was about the only single woman in the church. I was in a home group with professors and their wives, and one night I realized I didn’t feel SINGLE; I just felt human. It was so freeing.
Our least favorite group was a marriage-oriented curriculum, and the (older) facilitators did NOT get or appreciate my honesty or sense of humor. Awkward.
My husband and I recently left established accountability groups to join a brand new small group, and though it’s still in the learning-to-REALLY-trust-you stage, it’s been genuine, real, and challenging for us.
I’ve never been a fan of small groups. My youthgroup has them, and I’ve been in a couple but they’ve never clicked. It always felt like forced socialization, and I didn’t like the feeling of having to share my innermost self with a group of girls I barely knew and hardly liked.
This last year, however, I was part of a Student Leadership Team in my youthgroup, and though it wasn’t technically considered a small group, it sure felt like one, and I loved it.
ive been in groups and out of group. my walk with God struggled without the community aspect, even though I went to church every sunday. coming back to small group was such a relief. we need each other. you have to understand what it is to be in a good group and without one to know what you are missing. we aren’t supposed to learn about Christianity by ourselves. there has to be community. it is so important. it’s hard to confess one to another when there aren’t one another’s around. and we all need encouragment and to sharpen iron-to challenge each other. i m a small group leader now, and i love it, love being a part of college ministry. I know I can’t live without being in a small group.
I’m so grateful that I go to a church (Ecclesia Houston) that has thriving small groups. I love my small group and I greatly appreciate the diversity within.
I grew up in a church where I journeyed with people of all ages, but in my 20’s, I went to a church where basically the choices were to be segregated by marital status and age. The groups were very social in nature and there was little time to interact with people outside those groups. I asked myself how I was supposed to learn to be a wife and journey as two if I was never encouraged to spend time outside my singles group, and the answer was to find a place that had diversity within the small groups.
Now, in my small group, I am no longer labeled a single (who watches her friends disappear into the Married Young Adult vortex never to be seen again). I am grateful for the accountability, the worship, the community, and the things I learn from people from every stage of life.
I”m in on, but it’s hard… the kids are wild, it just seems “forced” sometimes. like we are in a group, so we magically are all best friends.
my husband hates it— likes the people, but the whole small group thing is outside of his comfort zone.
we are in Nashville, fyi
Our new church is big on small groups. At our old church, they were against small groups in homes because people ‘got weird’ and things got messy, I guess. We weren’t there then, so we can’t talk to it. Instead, adult Sunday School was the big thing. We loved our Sunday School class, but couldn’t attend often once we had kids and were down to 1 car (husband on staff and had to be there by 7 am).
We would love to be in a small group and were matched up. However, the group and everyone in it are over 11 miles away. With childcare and the 22 mile roundtrip, it just wasn’t going to be financially doable.
Right now, we are searching for another group so we can have social time with other adults. Ideally, we’ll find a group where the kids can be in another room at the same home.
My wife and I attended a Buckhead Church small group a few years ago. We lived quite far from everybody else, but we made the drive regularly (this was when gas was not $4 a gallon). It was a fun group of city couples, but it never seemed to be anything more than surface. We didn’t know what a group could be – so we thought it was normal.
Fast forward to today. We lead a group through a NorthPoint strategic partnership in Georgia. It is the most dysfunctional group imaginable. We tried to go deeper – but it only uncovered more than I was ready for. We found really big differences in theology, made visible all the different levels of commitment, and made me dread having to be with them weekly. I don’t think we’ll make it the 18 months we are supposed to.
We need friends in this area – but just struggling with this group. We are now attending a different church, and there are no small groups or really people my age.
I guess we can all long for that amazing intimate group that Andy talks about having – I just haven’t seen it yet.
i love small groups, but i recently relocated from missouri to florida to work on staff at a church as director of student ministries for female students.
i love my job and the church (at least the first 5 weeks with them have been great! we’ll see …
but the challenge lies in the fact that sarasota, FL isnt exactly the most happening place for 24 year old singles… im required by the church to be active in a small group due to my position on staff, but the “young women” small group consists of the youngest woman besides me being 33.. and most are in their 40’s.
while there is wisdom that comes with being in a small group setting with women older than me, its also hard to feel comfortable being open & honest with them because it’s seemingly impossible to relate to them.
in the past, my favorite small group setting has been a mixture of ages / sexes with a good balance of young & older, single & married, etc. also, whoever is communicating has to be gifted in that area… ive seen way too many people just want to be the “leader” instead of wanting to serve where God has gifted them.
I didn’t read through all the comments, but one thing I noticed about some of the people that small groups didn’t work out for said that they were placed in them. Our church encourages people to visit different life groups and pray about which one to join. We didn’t fit with the first one we visited but fit great with the second. I’m not sure placing people is the best way to go. And you really have to be willing to put yourself out there and initiate some of the relationships yourself. My family (hubs and 4 kids) feel like our small group is our family. It is a HUGE part of our living in community.
We lead a married small group. Actually, we’re launching a “just married” small group this fall. 5 couples married less than 3 years with Brenda & I. We’re very excited about this new group.
I just recently moved so I’m in the process of trying to get hooked in with a church.
At my previous church, I spent three years in a singles small group. We had some common problems, but God worked in amazing ways to change our hearts.
Curriculum: At one point, I actually took a break from the group because I realized the curriculum was all about US and our feelings and had nothing to do with Jesus. It was like a self-help study. “How to be a nice wife.” “How to be a nice person”. Fine, but there is no power there. It was stunning what happened as soon as we went back to reading the Bible, life change happened!
Purpose: Something happens in a group when you realize you are not there to be served, but to serve. Suddenly the people who liked to hear themselves talk stop coming, and people start finding their gifts and talents in surprising ways.
Authenticity: This one was tough. It took a pow-wow and three major life-shattering events to get us to the point of being truly vulnerable. The amazing thing is once you reach that point of trust, it’s incredibly easy to welcome others into the group. Your heart is so much bigger and you’re more willing to share someone’s struggles because you have dealt with your own in community and know it makes all the difference.
Warning: People are messy. But as my pastor keeps saying, We have to be insulated in the Body of Christ or we will become isolated, where Satan can take us out very quickly.
We lead a small group too! Kids are always an issue unfortunately. Not our so much …. it’s OPK!
We’ve tried the baby sitter thing, involving the kids (ages 12 – 3) which was tougher than expected. It is what it is.
I facilitate a coed life group (aka small group) for single young professionals (roughly ages 25-35). I am very fortunate to go to a church that thas an awesome singles ministry. At my church life groups usually take place on Saturday nights, Sunday mornings or Sunday nights, and childcare is almost always provided during the times life groups meet. Life groups are VERY important to the pastoral staff, and I agree. I go to a very large church, and it’s how we connect in a deeper way with other christians. It keeps us from getting lost in the shuffle.
I lead a womens small group and I love it. It has given me a way to connect deeper with other women. As a single parent I have made sure to extend an invite to any single moms I know and we have a bunch now. I think its a great way to get to know people and learn at the same time.
I wouldn’t miss it. It’s the best representation of the church that exists. It’s truly where the good stuff happens. I go because it the environment that produces the most potential for life change.
I lead the small groups for the junior high girls in the youth group. We meet midweek to pray for each other and go deeper in our faith. I love working with the girls – and it’s a whole life ministry – meeting the girls for coffee or a movie…. being there all week – not just Wednesday night.
However, I feel the need to be around other adults…to not get sucked into the drama that can define the youth group.
So now is the time for me to be in a small group.
Long answer to say I’m not in a small group but want to be. But I’m a commitment-phobe…and the idea of adding One More Thing to my schedule unnerves me a bit.
I LOVE my small group! every tuesday night at 7pm sharp, my butt is parked on a couch with 10 of the most awesome people in my life! this past year was our first small group experience and we are true believers!! life change happens in a small group!
We attend a small group, but honestly, it’s not everything I really think that a small group should be. There’s things that frustrate me, we don’t meet on a very regular basis all the time, there isn’t a measure of honestly and respect that is really necessary to do life with others, some people leave others out of big events in their lives, sometimes i feel like my opinion doesn’t matter to some in the group, honesty and vulnerability aren’t valued as much as I think they should be …but in the end, the guys are there for us when we need them and I just figured that out this week. I just feel like there was much more to Christ’s example of His relationships than we are experiencing in this particular small group.
Now you got me thinking Los..I want to listen to that sermon too…where can I listen to it?
I love, love, love my small group. In it are singles, married, and all ages. They range from 27 (me) to 80. How’s that for diversity?
We love on each other and are family to each other. I seriously couldn’t, and wouldn’t want to, do life without them.
(Probably moving within the next year and the thought of having to find a new small group makes me very sad … but also excited about making new friends.)
I think I have had a similar experience to a lot of people. about 4 years a go our church did an overhaul on our small groups ministry. Started fresh along the NorthPoint lines of closed groups, age-and-stage etc.
The first group I was with rocked, the couples (was a married group) interacted well together and we all grew relationally and spiritually.
When it came time to multiply our group, the new group I was in was not as age-and-stage (don’t have much option in a relatively small church) and we had attendance issues (some legit (a couple emigrated and my wife and I had our first child) and others not), ended up being the group leaders, myself and sporadic attendance from two other single guys. By the end of that time I was sick of groups and if it had been my only group experience I don’t think I would have been so quick to join another.
Andy Stanley once said “you don’t give up on getting your hair cut because of one bad haircut”, so went to group link the other day and am at week 2 of a new group. So far so good, but I am on the groups bus for the long haul.
I’m down with groups because I’ve seen God work in them, even (especially?) in the ones that seem to be crappy at the outset. My husband and I have been in groups full of couples who looked just like us and loved the same things we love and are all about following Jesus and they were good groups. But I think our best group experiences have been the ones in which we sat around at our first meeting looking at the Star Wars bar scene playing out in front of us thinking there was NO way we would ever love these people. Those are the groups for which we’ve desperately prayed for God to show up and do a big thing, and He has. Every time.
I’m with Ron about the bad haircut. I think it’s kind of a cop out to say that you tried a group once (or even a couple of times) and it wasn’t for you, so now you’ve sworn off them forever. God can make any group work through prayer and some commitment, and it’s way more fun to be in those groups than in the ones that are easy.
So far I’ve been in three church-sponsored cell groups. I’m sure it’s great for some folks (as evidenced above), but not for me. I’m not interested in manufactured intimacy.
Not that I don’t have a small group of folks with whom I am open and transparent… it’s just not a church-sponsored thing.
Just my .02…
Thanks Carlos for this rich supply of honest feedback about groups. As group director at my IN church, I am always asking for the reasons people don’t join a group. I especially love Andy Stanley’s quote referenced above and hope to incorporate that in my group leader training this Saturday.
For all of you who had a bad group experience, what did, or what would bring you back to groups?
I love the community that we can build in a small group. I love doing life with other people, wholeheartedly and valnurable. I have truely had that in the past, and so has my husband. We believe that we can have it again, we just have to pour ourselves into a small group again. We are getting ready to move and are excited that we may have the oppertunity to gain that community with another group of people.
@Mary Beth – I am getting back into a small group and continuing to seek the true Christ-filled community that I know we can have because I desire it so much. The real small group that I was a part of in the past was amazing, those people were like my family and we shared everything with one another and we were there for one another, no questions asked. I’ve made some friendships from that that I want to make more just like. I love the example of small groups that Christ showed us through his disciples.
we lead a young couples small group, and it’s been great. small groups can be really bad for a church if they’re conceived badly, but they can be very good for a church if you do it right, and by that, I mean done right for your particular church. I don’t know that there is just one magical formula for them.
I agree…there is no one magic formula for all churches, if there were, I don’t think small groups would be that appealing, their suppost to be organic, authentic, and unique…you can’t formulate those things!
but I will say one thing that I’ve only see bad expierences come out of…our church encourages you to invite people to your small group so that it can grow (not really a problem), but after if grows to be more than 25 people, you are supposed to split it in half. I don’t like that. Or the “small group cycle” that I am seeing at my church, is the preacher will do a sermon on it and people will sign up and start attending a small group (great results, nothing bad here), but then they begin to dwindle down (small groups take committment), and then they start to disband…so there’s another small group sign up, and we are all put into new small groups. There always seems to be a lag in the small group attendence during certain summer months, and I don’t like that. It takes committment to do life with other people and time is what that requires.
I think I must be really passionate about this subject.
I live in New York. Not that it has a great amount to do with small groups. Well maybe it does.
When I was in college in Tennessee, I never really felt that there was a great need for small groups or whatever fancy title you give your group. I had my friends, I was on leadership with the college group, I was at every event that the church had, and on and on.
When I moved to New York, I realized I had no community. No one who was keeping me accountable. No one that I was journeying with. I could go into a church service and walk out afterwards without any one speaking to me and ultimately no one that was discipling me to grow in my own walk.
I read a few of the other people’s comments about manufactured intimacy and being vulnerable. I don’t think that is the purpose of a small group. I think a small group is a place where you can make friends, be encouraged in your walk, and minister to others. We have spheres of influence in our lives. You will never know the people who are supposed to be in your most vulnerable spheres if you don’t make small groups a part of your life.
A small group isn’t always the most tight knit family. But it is small so that people know if you aren’t around for a while. They will ultimately know how to meet your needs. Like I said before it is not highly likely that you can go to church on Sunday and someone know anything about what is going on in your life. You will be disappointed if you expect a large gathering of believers to know how to meet your needs. It’s in the small groups that these are seen and met if you will give them a chance. And maybe your small group can’t meet your need, but they probably know someone else who can.
I went to a Counting Crows concert this past week and the lead singer was ultimately speaking about small groups. He said that we have lost a sense of community. Everything is so large and monopolized that we have many people with great needs not being met because they are overlooked. This is the natural flow of things…we all need community. I say JOIN A SMALL GROUP!!!!
Some of my best friendships were formed in a small-group.
I’ve tried countless small groups and have never found what I expect them to be. I have always seen them as cliquey popularity contests, it disgusts me, so I’m through with trying for now. It seems the leader always thinks it’s going great but no one gets much out of it.
I would give about anything to have a group I trusted enough like some of these other commenters do.
Love small groups – am processing if they should be allowed/enabled to be what they really are – small churches.
We’re trying to get some small groups going in our church using the HomeBuilders material form FamilyLife. So far, we’ve been real hit and miss with it (since April).
I am a part of a long sanding Friday morning Bible study with about 5 other men. We meet at a local cafe early on Fridays and discuss the week’s reading (typically a short book like Philippians or 5 or 6 chapters from longer books like Acts).
In my younger days, I fled the small group scene for many of the reasons mentioned above (infighting, not-like-us attitudes, etc).
Peace.
@ Mary Beth – you asked a question above re: what would bring people back who had bad experiences in small group…
I can only speak for myself, but I’d say… uh, nothing.
Authenticity and transparency are valuable to me. Being placed in a group of strangers and then told that they’re my new best friends is not valuable to me.
I also place a high value on having people in my life who do not think the same way I do. In my own experience (your mileage may vary, of course), I’ve found that CONSTANT involvement in cell group and/or church activities insulates me from people who don’t have a relationship with GOD. I’d rather not hide in church.
I hope to see that small groups have more involvement than the actual church.
Church is the place of worship. Small groups is where you live life together.
Well, that is the idea anyways. We American Christians have a lot to build.
I get a gnawed-up feeling every time I hear the words “small groups”.
Part of it is because it feels like the new buzzphrase that’s replaced “Purpose Driven”
Part of it is that I’ve been in them (men-only and couples) and nothing has clicked.
All of my experiences ended up feeling like scheduled, surface-level friendships. I hear about the good ones, but have never been part of one.
And yes, I do understand that one only gets out of them what they put in, but despite best efforts, nothing has stuck yet.
But we’ll keep trying.
Carlos, please forgive me for soliciting feedback on your blog.
:- )
@tony g – what if groups became the vehicle for meeting needs in the community? What if friendships became a by-product of that service time together?
@ Mary Beth – I’m sure that groups can be a vehicle for that, and friendships can be a by-product – I have no argument with you there.
If I had a bone to pick (and this is not with you, as I have not heard you express this opinion), it’d be with the folks who insist that church-sponsored small groups are “the” vehicle rather than “a” vehicle for these things.
My 2 cents… different strokes for different folks…
Appreciating the feedback!
I usually struggle with the promoting the expectations of grouplife. Here’s my conclusion, today anyway, that we need to have a flexible enough structure that groups can exist for a variety of reasons…
connecting into friendships
serving together
outreach
spiritual growth
knowing that when someone joins a serving group, they will most likely grow closer. When they study scripture, they see the importance of connecting/serving/etc. So while a single purpose can draw them in, by-products can be deeper friendships, accountability, etc. Whether they become friends really occurs outside the designated group time. I agree you can’t manufacture community, but it’s worth creating an environment for those who need a structure to help them.
okay, that’s my 10 cents
I’ve been in some good small groups and I’ve been in some ‘interesting’ small groups. What bugs me is that…
1. I feel like I’m not being Pastored anymore.
2. Qualifications for small group leadership can tend to be very minimal.
That said, I lead them myself with much fear and trembling.
I think Dave expresses our experience well with small groups. My husband and I have lead a small group for the past 3 years. Our church encourages people to try different groups until they find a fit.
What works:
Committed attendance
Mix of study and social
Similar age group
Set schedule (people need to know they can count on the start and end times- we ate dessert at the end so that those who wanted to leave then could)
Creating a comfortable atmosphere
Meeting weekly
What does not work:
Meeting bi-weekly or changing meeting dates often
Required homework- videos work great- we love Andy’s
Meeting in the summer
The first group we tried were “not our people”. We did not have anything in common with them. There were not other groups in our area so we decided to lead a group. It was a rocky start but we ended up with an awesome group of strong Christians who had just joined our church. We had some unbelievable times of sharing and support. ** We met weekly which made a huge difference!** Our church also encourages us to divide and start new groups after 18 months. It was hard to divide our group but “it’s not about me”. We are now into our 8th month with a new “neighborhood” group where we are trying to reach people in our neighborhood. You know the people you see every week but do not know anything about and don’t have a church home? This was out of our comfort zone. It has been a struggle to get to the same point as our last group but I think it is mainly because we do not meet every week and we are not making a connection very fast.