After All Our Ray Boltz Opinions Comes Undeniable Truth…
From an anonymous reader to you and a friend of mine…
Couple things: Los, muchos kudos for your comments and to everyone else for not turning this into a blog war. There are few places where people can discuss this peacefully.
So, that said, my comment is for AJ. As someone who began to struggle with same-sex attractions in her mid-20s (I’m 32 now), I identify with the shame, fear and confusion you described in your comment. I grew up in the Pentecostal church (’nuff said) and in a macho Caribbean culture where homosexuality is regarded as one of the worst sins ever and coming out equals excommunication from my family.
(I usually comment using my real name but while close friends know about my struggle, my parents don’t — yet. Thanksgiving will be interesting this year. I don’t want them — or anyone else — finding out via the Internets. I’ll blog about it one day.)
About five years ago, I reached a point where I was sick and tired of a) fighting the attractions and b) extremely depressed and suicidal, largely because of my attractions. I decided that I was bisexual and that God loved me regardless. And God did/does love me, as he does anyone else who struggles w/ this. The thing is, as I started going to gay bars, to pursue my attractions, I still felt that God had more for me. I wasn’t finding The One, or satisfaction, in any of those would-be relationships. As a last resort (I gave God an ultimatum), I sought the help of an Exodus ministry in my area, albeit with a lot of skepticism. I thought they would’ve encouraged me to just pray the gay away (which I’d been trying to do for many years) and tell me that marriage was the solution or that if I didn’t change I was going straight to hell.
What happened was exactly the opposite. They didn’t tell me I was going to hell, give me a set of rules, or tell me that God loved me less, or to pray harder or make me sign a petition to make gay marriage illegal. They loved me for who I was and pointed me towards Jesus and encouraged me to seek the root causes of my attractions and the reasons for my confusion. Those causes are too numerous to list here — I’ve written a lot already — but in short I discovered I was looking to fill a legitimate need via another person because of a broken relationship with my dad and sexual abuse as a child.
I’m *not* saying those factors automatically mean someone will be gay but in my case, it was definitely one of the causes. Homosexuality has nothing to do with sex — it’s a relational issue. I didn’t choose to have those feelings, but I chose to stop acting on them and submit them to Christ.
It’s not that I couldn’t be gay and a Christian, it was that I saw and identified myself through the lens of my sexuality and as God’s children, we’re supposed to define ourselves in Christ alone. And, again, God had more for me…
In any case, I’m not trying to tell you what to do…just sharing what worked for me. Through healthy, transparent friendships w/ people in church (and after counseling for my F’d up childhood) my attractions to women have greatly diminished. I still sometimes have them but I’ve learned that my temptations don’t define me and as long as we’re on this side of heaven, we’re all going to be tempted by something. Knowing who I am in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17) is what guides me, not how I feel or what I struggle with.
Sorry for hijacking this post…I’ll shut up now.
Seriously.
I love YOU guys and this blog and what YOU make this community.
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
Wow…thanks so much for sharing.
And, Los…thanks for creating an environment where people can share these things. I read the entire Boltz thread, and this is such an incredible community.
Cheers!
If I were there I would applaud. Awesome!
Thank you Temporarily Anonymous! I have tried my absolute hardest to love and accept the homosexual community, but have had a difficult time condoning the promiscuity that seems to be so widely accepted (just like I do with straight Christians). Thank you for showing me the human side to this issue and that it is a struggle and that you’re trying to see yourself through a Christian lens rather than the lens of your sexuality. I know I’m rambling, but this is one of the most real and refreshing things I’ve read/heard about homosexuality and Christianity in a long, long time.
Thank you anon for your transparency. This discussion is timely for me as a member of my family is in treatment as a result of cutting while dealing with this issue.
I also think their advice is a sound way of facing any area in which we contiually struggle.
God bless you and I will be praying for your Thanksgiving with your family.
wow….how powerful…..i love our blog community….i am enriched constantly….
Thank you for that open and honest look inside. It is encouraging to hear from someone who struggles and is on the journey. Some people think that everything should be as cut and dry with struggles as it is with choosing a brand of cereal in the morning. It’s not, and I for one thank you for voicing that. I will pray for a peaceful Thanksgiving.
Kudos Carlos for allowing and encouraging this kind of dialog. And, thanks to your reader for sharing her story. It seems like seeing ourselves as God sees us, through His grid is really stated well there. I have had some friends and even colleagues close to me struggle and some not have the godly insight your reader has shared. I wish they would have heard her story. I am glad some will.
i have struggled with a lot of the same things. i’ve also wondered, do you think you CAN be a christian and be gay/bi?
wow – this girl has spoken with supernatural wisdom and real life relevant experience… I know she will be a source of hope for many people who have felt imprisoned by the shame of their sexual issues… thank God for that ministry… reminds me of verse 3 of Saviour King…
“Let now Your church shine as the bride…
that You saw in Your heart…
as You offered up Your life
Let now the lost be welcomed home…
by the saved and redeemed…
those adopted as Your own.”
this comment definitely deserved its own post. thanks for doing that los.
It’s not that I couldn’t be gay and a Christian, it was that I saw and identified myself through the lens of my sexuality and as God’s children, we’re supposed to define ourselves in Christ alone. And, again, God had more for me…
God actually landed this exact thing on my heart in a time when i was praying for my sis-in-law who came out a year or so ago. it was a powerful moment, but equally powerful was hearing Christ through the above statement.
now, when i pray for her…i simply pray that she will come to see her identity in Christ alone. i am not gay; i am not her. so, i don’t pray details, i pray into her life what i know: i pray Christ.
Wow! You said exactly what I have always thought about people who struggle with this issue. Thank you for your courage and your honesty. I will pray for you on Thanksgiving day.
Peace,
Tim
Thank you all so much for your kind comments. I didn’t think what I had to say was that big of a deal, but just me running off at the mouth like I usually do. You rock, Los.
@scared and confused: for me, the question wasn’t “how can I be gay/bi and be a christian” it became: how can i live my life (and find peace) in a way that is congruent to my faith?”
while faith in jesus (i.e. salvation, believing he died for your sins) is the central tenet of christianity, it doesn’t end there. you can still be a christian miss the mark — and that’s how i view my acting on my same sex attractions. a writer i like says that the fact that we sin doesn’t take away our salvation, but salvation doesn’t legitimize our sin either.
so instead of running away from god, i started to run to him with my attractions (submitting them to him). like, look at what i’m thinking god — i just lusted after that girl/guy. why? what am i really looking for? help me deal with this. and he does. for me, at all goes back to those root causes.
i grew up w/ a lot of legalism so i thought what the bible said about homosexuality (and a lot of other things) were just a bunch of rules, but i learned that those rules were there to protect me from stuff that led to lots of heartache (and therapy — that’s dang expensive!) later.
and there i go again, running off at the mouth…
I am a part of a ministry that supports those caught up in sex addiction. A significant part of our community is composed of Christians with same-sex attractions. I was encouraged by this story so I cross-posted it there. I hope that is ok.
http://www.higher-calling.com/forum/viewthread.php?forum_id=2&thread_id=3878
peace|dewde
http://dewde.com
Excellent!
Great word.
man thats awesome…not that im trying to pimp the viper blog here but we had some good discussion and hopefully helpful insights over there during our WEEK OF HOT SEX on some of the issues discussed in this post…
http://www.deadlyviper.org/blog/?p=234
maybe some of this might be helpful….
thanks los for who you are and being my friend…see ya in a couple weeks…mike.
@Temporarily Anonymous
Please continue to run off at the mouth. You are a blessing and a gift from God to this community. You have acquired great wisdom in your search and God will use you powerfully.
I am 20 years old and have struggled with this very thing since I was around 13. No one knows; to everyone else I am just a normal dude that can sing and loves worship. I have been given a real gift for music and voice and the Lord has put an awesome vision in my heart for leading and teaching about worship, but the fact is that I struggle with same-sex attractions and it is going to be the end of my dreams and aspirations. That post encourages and sheds light on a dark subject!
Awesome TA!!
There will always be “perfect” people to tell us how horrible we are, but for the most part, there’s lots of love to go around also.
Thanks for this transparency is a rare thing in personal lives.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one (wo)man sharpens another”.
i love how blogs can facilitate this truth!
Dude,
I’d slow clap for ya right now. (You know how at the end of a good scene in a movie, there usually is a slow clap started?) Thanks for being transparent.
Tina
This is just one of the reasons I like this community.
There is a line from a song (can’t think of the name at the moment) and it says
“break my heart for what breaks Yours”
It is far more important to me to reconcile people to God, than to judge their sexuality.
Thanks for sharing…
Awesome.
I love how God is moving and working through this!!!! Gave me chills.
For the woman who wrote this post, thank you for sharing your story. God’s going to use your freedom in Him in even bigger ways than this!
Anon:
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
THANK YOU
AMEN
AND
AMEN
AND
AMEN!!!!!
Church!
Brilliant.
I’m going to quit blogging and become a full-time commenter here.
A few Things-
I am a Christian- and a lesbian.
I was raised in a wonderful christian home, with godly parents. There was never one ounce of abuse in my family- and all of the members of my family have always been active in my life.
Gay people come in all forms, just like straight people- everyone has their reasons for why they live their life the way that they do. I have always been actively seeking the heart of God, that aspect of my life didn’t change when I realized I was gay.
My partner & I are actively part of a church (not a gay church, because I think they flood you with acceptance rather than confront you with accountability) & we both have wonderfully supportive families.
While being a christian & being gay doesn’t always fit for everyone- it works wonderfully for us, and God continues to bless us.
(Wow. Stunning from all angles.)
I’m a sinner. I don’t like it, it doesn’t fit and I don’t accept it as being good. I hate my sin and I wish I could have one “good” day.
Thank you, Jesus.
@Temporarily Anonymous, thanks you so very much for sharing that extra bit in the comments. Your genuine desire to make a difference is fantastic. I will pray that your family, as they learn of your challenges and successes, will surround you and help you continue to seek God’s best for your life.
May God be praised, He is faithful to complete that which He began in you!
Still crying…and praying for the incredible people who are authentic enough to share their stories with us.
Thanks you.
Thanks for posting this. It puts a lot of things into perspective.
This is just another reason why this blog rocks! Thanks to all for your honesty.
Peace be with you all.
As someone who can highly identify with your anonymous friend, thank you for posting their testimony.
As someone who struggles, I agree 100% percent.
I was reading all these posts and had a striking thought. If “straight” people say we have a savior who struggled with temptations that we struggle with, what then should a homosexual say? Did Jesus struggle with same sex attraction? Because if He didnt then how can a homosexual identify with Christ in that area of sin?
I just covered this subject on my blog. It is time for the church to realize there is a huge mission field in our homosexual neighbors. We need to befriend these wonderfully kind, intelligent, and special people – whom God loves dearly – instead of ignoring and alienating them. Before we fly all over the world to reach the lost, we should reach out in love to those in our own backyards. Why would any homosexual ever want to be a Christian based on the terrible way Christians treat them?!!!
Los, as usual, you did a great job in posting Anonymous’ comment. You rock, Dude!
Hey thanks…I am in the middle of still struggling with this and it means a lot to me that you would share your story to help people like me!!! Again thank you!!!
They are narrowly oriented to one field, sometimes two. ,