My Vomit Filled Post About Jealousy.
A few years back, Anne and I would joke on iChat as to the state of the blogosphere and how we were desperately trying to get to the cool kids table.
How blogging is a lot like high school.
You have your popular crowd, your tree hugging purists, your jocks, your cheerleaders, your nerds, and the kids who secretly wish they could blow up the popular kids.
Blogging is like high school all over again for grownups.
We each sit in our little corner of the world reading about other people’s lives, secretly wishing we could somehow amount to what we see through our 15″ of LCD.
The last 2 weeks I have 3 gotten emails from people I have NEVER met apologizing to me for them harboring bitterness in their hearts against me because I have more facebook friends, have a higher Technorati ranking, have a cool job, can roll my rrrrr’s, and so on.
While I appreciate these emails in the fullest, and can’t even imagine the balls it took to write them, I can’t help but be bothered by what is happening.
We are aspiring to be people who, let’s face it, are just better at painting their web 2.0 canvas than us.
And we hold up our canvas in front of our webcams and show the world 25 seconds a day of who we are.
And somehow that is translated as life.
And somehow that is seen as a goal to attain by you/I.
I’m a storyteller.
I’m good at it.
When I was a kid, I was the one picked to tell the ghost story before bed because everyone knew I would scare the hell out of David Tayler. His mom would hear his cry make me pack up and go back home for being mean.
I smiled the whole way home.
Why?
Because I painted a picture for that kid that scared him to death.
Well now I get to paint a picture that is my life.
If I wanted to, in one day, I could put up videos, pictures, and conversations, that would convince you that I am the most miserable human being on the face of the earth.
And they would all be true.
But I’m not going to do that.
I’m going to try and paint the complete truth.
But it will ALWAYS be jaded.
So as I sit here rambling over my sentences and thoughts, rereading this mess of a post and convincing myself that it does not have to make sense, I know there are people reading this who can’t stand me.
They can’t stand me because they feel like I get all the breaks and life just happened to work out for me.
I go back to this mornings quote…
“If you find yourself criticizing other people, you’re probably doing it out of Resistance. When we see others beginning to live their authentic selves, it drives us crazy if we have not lived out our own. Individuals who are realized in their own lives almost never criticize others. If they speak at all, it is to offer encouragement. Watch yourself. Of all the manifestations of Resistance, most only h arm ourselves. Criticism and cruelty harm others as well.”
My charge to you is to stop sitting in front of that screen convincing yourself that you could do/be/live/write/smile/love better than I.
You can.
Just get off your @$$ and go do it.
RAIN IT DOWN
word.
Wow…..that is some truth. Thanks
yup.
This is precisely why you are in my Google reader. Honesty. Hard Core. In your face at any moment. And, Los, this is why you are raging across the blogosphere. I am happy for you and even more happy that you are convincing people globally to grow some big hairy balls and be real. Loved this post! Great job!!!
I think Jesus must slap himself in the forehead when we aspire to be other people. Even other Godly people. I try to remind myself that God will never say to me, “I wish you'd been more like ______.” Rather, He'll say, “Elizabeth, I've known you and loved you since before time began. I only made one of you, and there is no one else who has even been able to glorify me in your way. Stop wishing for his gifts. Her blessings. Their stories have little to do with yours. Yours is lovely enough on its own.”
That being said, I'm not saying I'd like to be you, Los. Just maybe have a cookout together or something. I've just put your family on my “If you could have anyone over for dinner list.”
It boggles my mind that there are people out there who would rate or compare one's life with a computer screen, or a blog, which is basically an online diary.
But I don't look at it like high school. We're adults and most of the time we're talking about Jesus. Are they jealous that you brought more of the lost to Christ? Sorry, can't do it brother.
I'm not competing with ya, I'm IN IT with ya and whatever WE can do, as an online COMMUNITY, to expand the Kingdom of God, I'm all over it. Anything else, I can do without.
I asked people for their favorite quote yesterday, this one seems to apply here:
“Success is sweet, but it’s secret is sweat.”
I love reading blogs of people who have “it” but I know “it” cost a lot and is a lot of hard work.
I appreciate you, thanks for not lashing yourself daily on here, it would get really old.
Wonderful food for thought. You always challenge me. Or make me laugh. Or both! Even better. Thanks.
I so get this. Mainly on one side *blush*.
I follow lots of papercrafter blogs (hey, it's my thing). It is so easy to get wrapped up in wishing you are as talented as so and so. Had as much free time as so and so. Had the opportunities like so and so. Knew the people so and so knows. Had the expendable income so and so has. For a time I seriously struggled with that (and even now from time to time).
In the end I just had to delete a few blogs from my reader list and decide to be happy with myself and my talent. I had to accept that my style was different than others and that, just like in real life, I'm not exactly the most popular *wink*. I now watch blogs for what I can learn and how I can help.
Also, like has been said, I've realized the work that goes into a great crafting blog… and that with 2 preschoolers a blog is not my priority.
Thanks again Los. I need the reminder. It's about being the best me, not lusting over the best of someone else.
the more of an impact you make, the bigger the target on you gets. it's part of it. I'm sure there's definitely more positive reactions than negative. The negatives just seem to be louder.
“And we hold up our canvas in front of our webcams and show the world 25 seconds a day of who we are.
H
And somehow that is translated as life.”
Great words!
But I know all of you and am jealous of your blog ranking.
ok. i will. *boot!*
Just watched a Rob Bell NOOMA video about this very subject tonight (Name). It is about knowing who we are, as we were created to be–not worrying about our how we stack up against our brother–being comfortable in our own skin…Good stuff.
i remember those days.
It's so true.
Los you have a sick blog, awesome community, you right some killer posts, and you have an awesome heart for God.
but you're not THAT cool.
Great post — think the post I wrote earlier today was much more vomit filled, though — literally
Great post! Thanks for keeping us honest, Los.
thanks.
i wasn't that popular in highschool, and I'm not that popular in blogosphere either…neither fact defines me. glad to hear your popularity doesn't define you either.
your blog's great…keep up the good work.
It’s really interesting where we chose to put emphasis on life these days. Myself and four other buddies of mine went over to this widows house this past Saturday morning and worked on her house for half a day, and we fixed her car and got it running again, repaired the roof from leaking, cut some trees down that were hanging over the house, and some other stuff. The funny thing is, this lady could give a “Rats Ass” about who’s who in anybodies world, she lost her husband several years ago to a terminal illness that drained them finically and left her with out a husband who should be there to take care of her basic needs! And where’s the Church been?? I’ll tell you, gathering together several times a week in a building to sing the song” If We Are The Body!!” and then leaving that building to do absolutely nothing! That sounds harsh, but it’s the truth. If people would spend more time helping other people they wouldn’t have time to worry about their own inadequacies or insecurities. Peace!
Sometimes I forget that 12 year old Annie and 28 year old Annie know each other really well. And though 28 may have a job, a car, an “adult” life, 12 still sometimes wants to be cool.
I just remind myself that this is, after all, just blogging. Just online. And someday, if the internet dies, I'll still be me. And I'll still be loved.
Love the blog, Carlos. No hatin' here, friend.
I suffer from jealousitus to my friend. Its something Im working for for sure.
This is the best thing I've ever read on your blog.
oh man you said @$$
so im not good at reading thru comments and seeing what other people think about writers think but i did like the reference to “big hairy balls” by Heidi. pretty awesome.
and…
the words of the post are good, awesome. i'm that guy wanting to be better, and i'm learning how to go out and live my own life rather than wishing i was living someone elses, but…the one thing that i can't get thru my head is why is the 'r' in “Resistance” capitalized?
i may or may not lose sleep over this…
Very well put……..
Freakin awesome Arnie!!!! Amen to you!
The cool thing about blogs is that they can help us be transparent and authentic (even if a little jaded). You may show a few shades towards the happier side of your life, but you are being real and you are being yourself. That has to be tough for people to swallow or accept.
Okay, enough rambling. I am going to go out and better… not better than you, but better than I was yesterday.
Love it! Thanks for being real. I'm just another one of those worship leader dudes who reads your blog. But I'm quite happy not being you, though you're pretty cool.
I'm no worship leader or employed by the church in any way – just a follower of my man Jesus who reads your blog cuz I dig the transparency.
But you ain't all THAT – and I think I'm hearing you say you know that. I mean here's a dude who shaves his head cuz he's balding and wears a hat on a day that he didn't have time to shave.
See? He's human – he has inadequacies like the rest of us. He may walk the line between cocky and confident (you're not THAT great of a storyteller) but he does know social marketing well – and like I said before – he stays transparent and that is what I love most about visiting this blog.
Ya know what you're gonna get when ya come here. You're gonna get honesty. Openness. Truth. Painful realizations. And THAT makes for compelling reading anytime (story telling, formatting and spelling/grammar check aside).
Thanks for the blog Los. I like it.
DUDE I LOVE YOU!
if you were not reading damn emails like those you could get time to reply to my question about music/worship ministry set up stuff! I suffer from jealousy in many areas of life but never in the blog stuff, i joke that i am jealous of you & others like you BUT its just me hiding behind a man crush & deep down i know that if i had the balls to do what you do i could also command an audience this large. In the meantime, i will continue to be inspired and wonder what your bicep feels like!
HELL YEAH, Los! Plus, we're all different parts of the body! We don't need two Los's. It's not about popularity, etc, as you said, it's about us working together as a body, rejoicing with those who rejoice and mourning with those who mourn.
Good stuff……
Thanks for this post, Los. Its so refreshing to see somebody recognizing that a good rank on technorati and some money flowing in from blog ads is not the point.
Reminds me of the CS Lewis quote “Aim mainly at heaven and you get earth thrown in. Aim mainly at earth and you get neither.”
We could rewrite that “Aim for Jesus with your blog and you (may) get a high technorati ranking thrown in (but even if you don't, you get JESUS). Aim at a high technorati ranking with your blog and you get neither it nor Jesus, but just a blog that is bitter and attempts to hijack others' success.”
Just my thoughts on the matter. Oh, and you all should check out my blog. It's cooler than Carlos'. (I couldn't help myself)
I find myself in this post. So much it hurts.
When I was in grade school, I used to be mad at my friends because they weren't the “cool” people I though I should hang out with.
I get jealous of our pastor because he is so wildly successful and I think I could be too.
I could be the creative writer, or the gifted teacher. I could hang out with the popular kids.
But then I read posts like this, and I am reminded that all of that is just a “chasing after the wind”.
Thank you for reminding me that the only thing standing in my way is me.
wingnut
Very true… loved this post.
I would love to have a popular blog and have people think I'm cool…but I'm just not.
My job is cool…..but I'm not…and I'm just not that interesting….
Yep. Blogoworld is definitely the cafeteria in high school. Maybe more so Junior High. And I've never wanted to be like you Los. No, that's not true. I do.
Love it Los.
When I see someone excel, I think: 'Wow, God is so awesome to create him/her with those amazing qualities!'
Thanks…After years of trying to be cool, I'm finally cool with just being me.
As someone who is NEVER satisfied with who I am, I can say I totally understand what you are saying. A year ago this month I discovered I could sing, and I can honestly say this has been both the most interesting and miserable year I have probably ever had. Why can't we just be cool with who we are and what we've got? I led worship over the weekend at a youth/highschool event and it was recorded. I'll be getting those mp3s later on tonight and I am terrified of what I will hear; instead of being satisfied that we had an amazing two sessions of worship where the Spirit made His presence known, I am worried about my tone, pitch, and technique.
That is so horribly backwards.
Sometimes I like to imagine a church where people had no expectations except that Jesus will love us, God will Father us, and the Spirit will move, because I wonder if only then will I be able to stop this bullsh-t nonsense of comparing myself to other people and always being let down. And it's interesting that I have read and reread this comment twice now to make sure it sounds cool so that other people will read it and then want to read my stupid blog.
Erg.
good post. [not that they aren't all good]
Well put, I couldn't agree more.
Storyteller you are. Remember when you convinced me that Eddie had some kind of equilibrium problems and that is why he had to wear a helmet?
I had to close my facebook account more than a year ago because I realized that I was reading too much into and analyzing other people's lives. I guess I was jealous, but more importantly, I was just sad that my life wasn't as great as there's. I later read a blog that said people don't really put who they really are on Facebook and MySpace as much as they put who they want you to think they are. Not that they lie. But they definitely don't put the bad stuff. That made me feel a little better, but I know enough to know that I should stay away from social networking sites.
I am a big fan of anyone who is genuinely attempting to submit to and serve our great God…and that definitely includes you, Los!
Keep up the great work for HIM!!
YES! totally. Get off your ass and work it out. LOVE IT.
It's Time (not the winans version)
this reminds me of Ben Folds' “One Angry Dwarf” song. It's brilliant, all nicely bundled up in 4 short minutes.
i'm still mad that you can roll your rrrr's and i can't.
i'm still mad that you can roll your rrrr's and i can't.