OH DEATH, WHERE IS YOUR STING?
TWICE IN ONE DAY.
Today around 3 pm I was stirred out of my laptop trance in my office by the sounds of sorrow outside my office door.
Rachel, who works in my music dept, got the startling news that her sister had died.
Tonight. While walking around Atlantic Station in Midtown Atlanta, we got the call from Casey that Mark had died.
I am sitting here pretty numb.
From seeing sudden grief and sorrow to experiencing it myself.
Death surrounds me.
But then again,
It surrounds us all.
I took this picture to remember.
In my 30 some odd years on earth I have never had to deal with death more than I have today.
I know. I’m blessed.
Physically holding up Rachel while the shock of her reality hit her and then spiritually holding up Angie while her reality hit her.
So I took the picture up above.
A picture of truth.
Truth I do not want to forget.
Truth that is forcing me to sleep on the top bunk with my 6 year old tonight.
Climb higher than any mountain you have ever seen on earth Mark Lamberth. I will see you soon.
When have you had to deal with the everlasting truth that is DEATH and how did you go about dealing with it?
Oh death, where is your sting?
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
I'm not going to pretend like I feel your pain. I don't.
Each person I think deals with death in their own unique way.
But I will tell you what a good friend told me at the funeral home after my father died in 1996.
"I'm sorry. And if you need someone to talk to…you know where to find me."
I am so sorry for your loss. Your familys are in our prayers.
I just cried reading this Carlos. Its so stinkin hard. I have nothing to offer for advice. Just know that I'm praying for those 2 families today.
I'm so sorry for the loses you are facing. I will sit and pray for the families involved. Peace and comfort to you!
Death sucks. My wife and I have lost her father and brother far to early. Both in freak accidents. Why them? Don't know. It's one of those questions that will never be answered on this side of heaven. Just reassure them that what they're feeling is normal and it's okay to be mad, sad, frusterated. Kick something, hit something. Scream and yell. Just don't forget He is there to get you through day by day. With time it will get better. Just take it day by day. Praying for Rachael and Cassey. Keep on doing the work of the ministry. This is the part that sucks. Just be Jesus to them. Love you guys.
As I was reading this post, I had this really strong feeling of, "it looks like Carlos' family just got a little bit bigger." I pray that God will help you and your rad family love Angie and Nolan well. I only know you all through blogs and videos, but it seems like they are blessed to have you around.
One minute at a time. One day at a time. That's how I deal with it. Also, being honest about where you are and what you're experiencing, even if you think it might scare people. Letting people uphold you, because they will. At least for me, I couldn't even pray. Even reading Scripture was too hard. I needed people to literally put words in my heart through sending them to me or praying them over me. My heart is so heavy for you and Rachel. It's so fresh to me. I can say, 7 weeks in to dealing with the biggest loss I've dealt with thus far, you do smile again and life will seem worth living. But you have your moments. The first ones are the worst.
Know that I am praying for all involved. Death has been very real in my life – my mom (47) when I was 14; my dad, paternal grandfather, and great uncle this year; my maternal grandmother when I was 12; paternal great-grandmother about 6 years ago; two great uncles; uhh… I'm not done, but I'm going to stop there – its getting depressing.
In the past, I haven't always dealt with death in the best ways, and I think that is due to the fact that I had no hope because I didn't know Christ. I have to believe that everything has to do with the Cross. If the Lord tarries, every single one of us will die. In the meantime, I think He will use every situation to bring us closer to Him and what His Son did on the Cross for us. In that, I find my hope when the days are the darkest.
i love you, brother.
Mark is the nephew of one of my best friends…I too have been praying everyday, for a miracle, and we got it, didn't we…the miracle of Gods' care…I am desperately trying to perseve life through His eyes, rather than my mortal ones. I have not experienced much loss in my life, my Mom 6 years ago, I was blessed to be with her as she journeyed into heaven…but my younger brother 4 years ago, was like a hit to the chest…he was shot..I have never felt an emotion like that…
I do not know how people make it through this life, let alone those experiences without God…He is the sustainer, He is the One who will let you express all your feelings and emotions, then wrap you in His arms and tell you, it is for His Glory, that these things will have a purpose. these things that we can't possibly make sense out of…have a purpose that we may never be privey to…but this year, as I enter a new decade in my life, I am feeling the need to be solid in my belief in God, more than ever before, and I need to believe, not just read and recite, but truly believe in the promises and the miracle that God is with us, thru all the sunshine and the crap…and as the community gathers, to pray, support, feed and physically sustain Angie and Nolan, we remember, we are are part of that purpose that is bigger than we are…
The death of my mom a little over a year ago has broken me, humbled me, and caused me to view life with an urgency I did not have before. I am more passionate about loving those around me because I don't know if I will have another day with them. I am quicker to forgive and make it right. I am more spontaneous and impulsive. A lesson in mortality has transformed my walk with Jesus.
Carlos –
So sorry not only for the Lamberth family and for Rachel, but for you as well. Like so many others who have posted, I'm realizing again how grateful I am for the hope I have in Christ.
I wish there was some sort of magic formula to deal with the pain of separation – you know like a "Get Out Of Jail Free" card, so that we wouldn't have to feel the hurt. But honestly, would we want to live that way? I'm afraid anything else I could say right now would sound trite so just know that you are in my thoughts today.
I had a miscarriage last December (2007). It was 2 weeks after losing my grandmother. Death hurts. I can't discuss it more right now because I am "happy facing it" for my 2 year old, but I understand that picture. May God grant you the peace He gave me during a most difficult time.
Just wanted to thank you, Los, for allowing us to be touched by your life and by what touches your heart. Amazing to see the impact you have. Keep on. You are making a difference.
Tell Brian and Jacinda "Hi," from Fresno. We lost our three year olds son three and a hlaf years ago. Death stung, still stings. Hurts bad. However, my hope is in the Lord and I know Caleb is WAY happy and peaceful. I promise you can walk it out. Continue to move forward, do not sit on the mat for too long. Jesus wants us to be well.
Listening to I Will Rise by Chris Tomlin. Very appropriate. My prayers are with you and his family.
It stinks. This grief is hard… but his grace is greater still. My prayers are with you and the family.
–Terrace Crawford
http://www.terracecrawford.com
http://www.twitter.com/terracecrawford
Los, I think I respect you even more today. I believe to remember the pain is wisdom. Almost three years ago I got a sudden phone call that our pastor's wife had shot herself. I was one of the first responders to the death of a woman I had been friends with for 22 years. It devastated me for years and I still cry describing that night. I'm a worship pastor and helping our church deal with this compounded my own grief. Then in the aftermath we lost our pastor and half of our church because let's face it – who wants to be where there is enormous grief?____There are no short cuts in the grieving process I have learned. It takes time. It takes tears and introspection and some days, just when you think you're getting over it, it just body slams you again and knocks the breath out of you. Letting go is so painful – we long for what was and hate the new reality we've been catapulted into. ____It takes time but God does heal, and He teaches us as he does so.Keep it real. Don't forget. Let God speak to you. Stay tender before the Lord. God is in the broken places of our lives. May you and your friends feel the reality of His presence today.
I'm so sorry. Mark's family and friends are in my prayers.
My prayers are with you and the Lamberths in this time of darkness.
I haven't yet been face to face with the loss of a loved one but was recently brought to tears in the arms of my wife discussing, simply and honestly, that at one point we will be in that same position, missing, crying and numb. At that time I know that only one being is able to comfort me,
sending love your way Los, keep clinging to truth.
I feel like I should have a lot to say…yet I have no coherent words at all. My heart aches for all who are impacted by these losses.
May the peace that passes all understanding engulf you and sustain you. Praying for you. Right now.
My prayers and heart go out to all of the family and friends that have experienced loss. Thank you for sharing your story. May the God of all comfort, comfort you and the family today.
So sorry for your loss.
So sorry
What a beautiful tribute. I am praying for you and your family and well as the Lamberth's. I can relate to your emotion, there have been 6 deaths in my own circle. However we don't mourn as those with no hope. Our loved ones are dancing on those golden streets and joining in the most awesome worship service ever, best of all they are seeing our Savior face to face. Blessings to you and yours.
I'm so sorry for your hurting. I'm in prayer for your and Mark's families.
I dealt with my share of death about 5 years ago with my dad and both grandfathers passing in a span of about 5 weeks right around the new year. I was 14 when it happened, and I still deal with a bit of the loss. But honestly, knowing that God has some kind of plan in the end was good enough in that moment. I can deal with pain, but not hopelessness. I felt a good deal of that too, though. Ultimately though, knowing that death is overcome and it simply isn't the end brings a great deal of comfort. Even if my heart needs to catch up to my head sometimes.
Praying for ya'll.
I'm really sorry, Los. May the peace of Christ be with you.
My grandparents were older when they had my parents, so they were all gone before I was 25. The only way I know to "deal" with death is to let time pass, don't offer platitudes, and be there for the ones who need you. Presence is very, very important.
Oh Los. I am so sorry. I've had to bury a lot of friends and a few family.. and it never gets easier… Our only consolation is to cling to our Counselor. I am praying that He is so close and so near and wraps you in His arms tonight.
I don’t have a whole lot of input.
But when my 26 year old friend passed away from ALS this October I dealt with it by grieving for long periods of time, while arguing and being angry with God for how Chris was forced to live the last two years of his life. It was only through the beauty of Chris’ life and testamony that I was able to find healing.
I truly suck at this stuff.
I’m praying for all of you.
It was God tonight that lead me to lift you up before receiving your Tweet.
Be blessed.
i walked through the battle of cancer with my best friend and her boyfriend/turned husband Brandon. he died after 72 days of marriage. cancer took him. but God grabbed him up and he's Home and pain-free. i am still dealing with — especially this time of year. january 3 was the 3rd year anniversary of his death so i have been thinking about him and thinking about that experience right now. i am so sorry for your loss, my friend and what you're experiencing around you. no doubt it is a difficult road to walk down, but you're being prayed for.
My husband died a while back. I said at the time, that, even though you may be surrounded by people who love you and want to help, it is like being in a strange land, where you do not speak the language, don't understand anything anyone says, have no streetmaps, and have not the faintest idea how you will take the next step. It is an intensely lonely time, Los, and there is no way any 2 people on earth feel the same thing. It is unique. It is like being in a vortex. It is tough tough tough.
One small peice of advice…don't ask what you can do to help. Do it. Do anything. Just take the phone and make those calls for her. Go to the shops and buy food, tissues. Take her child and go for a walk.And don't listen when she says she is fine and can do things herself. Cry in front of her, and let her cry.
Yes, yes, and yes. Well said, Linds.
Very well put ~ thank you.
I see that Dave replied to this comment and I will too. The last paragraph is so true. We have had so many people say, "Call me if you need anything." I never call. The ones who show up at the front door and ask to take my daughter to the park or show up with dinner or call on the way to the grocery store- those are the ones who help.
I am really, really sorry.
I say these things, because they are things I learned, the hardest way possible. Faith? Without it, I would have been lost. It, and God's unending love and patience with me, is the reason I can sit here, hear what you are saying and in turn, say these things. He is a gentle God. I know. I have crawled onto His lap many times in the past 2 years.
And the words? Just tell her that you have no idea what to say to express what you are feeling. That photo you took? It says more than any words. Be strong….your friend will need you all around her for a long time.
I had to comment in 2 lots. Sorry. It was too long.
Praying for these families and praying for you. No answers on how to deal with it. be honest. Go to God.. beg for understanding. Live in His peace.
I am sorry for the loss you have experienced.
When you twittered about Mark going home, I went to their prayer blog and immediately saw the picture of him and his son…it broke my heart for the family and especially the little boy who will grow up missing his dad. I don't know them, but I cannot shake that thought. As I did a blog post for my sons 6 year birthday tomorrow, I couldn't shake that he'll never have his dad to celebrate his birthday with him again, and that crushes me. I am definitely praying for Mark's family.
The worst death I had to deal with was my Granny. She died when I was a teenager, we were very close. At that point in my life I felt like she was my best friend, and she was taken away. It was best for her, she was very sick, but it was a very tough loss. Fortunately, I know she was headed to be with Jesus.
I lost my grandfather my junior year of high school to lung cancer. There have not been very many days in the past 14 years that I have not thought about him. I would give anything to have just one more hour with him, but I know that it is not healthy to think that way.
God cares for you – Luke 12:6-7 – "6 Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God? 7 But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows."
God made us to care for each other – Genesis 2:18 – "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.'"
You don't have to be scared of the darkness – Psalms 23:4 "Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me."
i am sorry. to answer your question: it was when my dad hung himself in prison and when my wife and i lost a baby. i tried lots of ways to move on: cussing, working out, pigging out, pretending like it didn't happen, caring for other people affected by it and ignoring my pain, pain killers, praying, locking myself in my office and screaming at the top of my lungs as i recited 1 corinthians 15 and some other psalms of desperation, listening to what people say to me about it, ignoring what people say about it.
for me, it took a long journey of trusting that the God that i follow is the God that raises the dead. all other theological reflections about Him (for me) became worthless unless He was a God who raises the dead. that's the only hope i have. i eagerly anticipate God raising mark from the dead, as he raised Jesus from the dead. i also decided that anticipating that day with eyes wet, teeth gritted, and fists clenched was okay.
peace.
my older brother died 5 days ago from a car accident. the funeral was today. i had to to say goodbye to my older brother today along with my entire family and over 200 of his fellow police officers. over 1,500 people came to the viewing. my brother touched more lives in VA in the form of real community than i could ever hope for. he was 37 years old and left his wife and two children behind. I know up close and personal what you are going through, and it sucks. I have been writing alot about it on my blog for family members to read, but feel free to read how i am handling it – http://mikepaschal.net/
I know this sounds crazy, but if you want to talk at all carlos, please let me know. because to be honest, everywhere i look i still remember him and have questions. I Love You Chris Paschal! I miss you brother!
We're fast approaching the anniversary of my 6-year-old granddaughter's sudden death (she was disabled, but we didn't think it was life-threatening). A month later my mother died unexpectedly. 6 weeks after that, my unborn granddaughter died. And the day after Christmas, my son-in-law (father of the 6 year old) told my daughter he was "done" and walked away from their 7 year marriage and two little boys. God and the church held me together. And that's exactly what will happen for Angie and Nolan. They will never be the same, and that's a terrible, sad truth. But on the other hand, they will never be the same, and that's a wonderful, glorious truth.
In June of 2006 our friends Chris & Leah Walls and their children, 7 year old Miler and 5 year old Mallory, were on their way to a church service that Leah had helped plan. They were stopped at a light when their van was hit from behind at 65 miles per hour. Instantly they were in Heaven. I can promise you that not a week goes by that I don't think of them. As silly as it sounds I often ask God to hug them for me, and I think of them spending time with the Lord they all loved and served. Chris and Leah were very creative people and to this day when I'm working on some creative endeavor I think of them and realize that I'm still inspired by their lives.
I'm so sorry you've had to walk through this day, Los. It's awful and painful and I pray for God's comfort for you and for all those effected. Most of all I pray that it will ultimately spur you and all the families and friends to get closer to God and His people.
We were in an uncertain position with this situation as it unfolded initially. Friends of ours in Tennessee contacted us because the Walls' friends in the community where they lived did not know how to contact their next of kin, but all our Tennessee friends were told is that we need to find their parents. So, while we were not told anything officially initially – for obvious reasons – we wound up involved in providing information which helped authorities find and ultimately contact their parents. Otherwise, what we had to deduce was what media outlets in the area where they lived were reporting – and that was that there were four people dead in the van and that this was them. That was a very long night as we hoped some confirmation would come. It came later that next afternoon in the form of an Associated Press brief.
We learned it's always good to provide emergency contact information to close friends in the area where you live, especially if the rest of your family is scattered, and do the ICE (In Case of Emergency) listing on your cell phone "ICE John Smith XXX-XXX-XXXX" to have emergency contacts clearly identified on your phone in case your phone is intact and locatable if something happens.
I too miss Chris and Leah terribly and wish we could talk to them about so many things – music, art, parenting and faith among them. And therein lies our hope, that we'll see those who have gone on to be with Him again one day.
May this hope help guide, you, Los, and others here who have experienced loss.
We were in an uncertain position with this situation as it unfolded initially. Friends of ours in Tennessee contacted us because the Walls' friends in the community where they lived did not know how to contact their next of kin, but all our Tennessee friends were told is that we needed to find their parents, not why. (The call came well after 10 p.m. so we knew it wasn't good even when the phone rang.) So, while we were not told anything officially initially – for obvious reasons – we wound up involved in providing information which helped authorities find and ultimately contact their parents. Otherwise, what we had to deduce was what media outlets in the area where they lived were reporting – and that was that there were four people dead in the van and that this was them. That was a very long night as we hoped some confirmation would come. It came later that next afternoon in the form of an Associated Press brief.
We learned it's always good to provide emergency contact information to close friends in the area where you live, especially if the rest of your family is scattered, and do the ICE (In Case of Emergency) listing on your cell phone "ICE John Smith XXX-XXX-XXXX" to have emergency contacts clearly identified on your phone in case your phone is intact and locatable if something happens.
I too miss Chris and Leah terribly and wish we could talk to them about so many things – music, art, parenting and faith among them. And therein lies our hope, that we'll see those who have gone on to be with Him again one day.
May this hope help guide, you, Los, and others here who have experienced loss.
I'm so sorry. Praying with you.
Part 1:
I keep thinking about you and Heather and the loss you are exepriencing – funny how this internet thing brings people together … I've only met you once, but I couldn't get you guys off my mind last night and this morning. And of course thinking/praying about/for Angie even though I don't know her. Two years ago my best friend lost her husband suddenly on new year's day. I was on the way to their house, just talked to them a couple hours before and called on the way to their house to let me know I was coming. The neighbor answered the phone and then handed it to a friend of ours.
Part 2:
She said, "Pat's dead." I'll never be the same after holding my best friend up while she sobbed over his casket. It was the HARDEST thing I've ever done in my whole life. Absolutely gut-wrenching. But I have watched God turn a terribly tragic event into something for HIS complete glory. We have watched God provide over and over and over again for my friend for the past two years. She has had personal breakthroughs that could not have happened were her husband still alive. And there were times where we had to pull her out of bed, or almost breathe for her, talk her off the ledge, but today she has such an incredible testimony of God's grace and faithfulness.
Praying for you through these hardest days … and Mark's family and friends.
Los, I am so sorry for all you are going through today. I will pray for your friends and family. I pray the Lord speaks, loudly, clearly, repeatedly words of peace, comfort and wisdom. He's good for that.
I didn't have a death in my family or friends this week but a family member … made some very very poor decisions and has caused our entire family a lot of tears this week. I haven't slept well in a month because of what is going on.
Los, I don't know you. I don't like patent Sunday School answers and you probably already know this, sometimes pain is just pain. Of course you know, the Lord is no stranger to pain. He'll suffer through with you. Death has no sting, we don't grieve in the manner of the world and yet … pain is just pain.
As I am typing this I am inspired to pray for you to be able to *express* this somehow. Maybe with words to a friend, art … song … anonymous act of kindness … I don't know … whatever. I sense a *want* to pray for your "expression" after I post this comment.
bless you and your loved ones.
I lost my father when I was 13. The pain in my heart is as fresh as the pain on your face in that picture. Today, I am 32.
It's not easy and it shouldn't be. It's ok to be sad, angry, happy, and all the other emotions that inevitably Angie, Rachel, Heather, and you will cycle through. It is in these times that His love becomes our strength and we are carried by our maker. My heartfelt prayers are with all of you.
Los: I am sorry to learn of the loss of your good friend and struck by the way you involved yourself directly, deeply and personally in Rachel's pain. May God's mercy reign in both situations.
To answer your question succinctly, a number of my relatives have passed away over the years. My parents in particular are deceased and I am an only child.
Ten years ago this past September, my mother died unexpectedly – (We discovered her about two days, we think, after she'd passed away) in my hometown in Alabama. Amanda and I weren't married yet. It took us several years to deal with the physical aftermath of her death. I'm not sure I've ever completely dealt with it emotionally. But I do believe the Lord did attempt to prepare us for it. I do believe that somehow, the Lord uses these times to help us to minister to others.
It's a fairly lengthy read, but I wrote a blog on the 10th anniversary of the day we found my Mom.
The link is: http://crawlspace5.blogspot.com/2008/09/ten-years…
I hope it is somehow of some help to others.
Los: I am sorry to learn of the loss of your good friend and struck by the way you involved yourself directly, deeply and personally in Rachel's pain. May God's mercy reign in both situations.
To answer your question succinctly, a number of my relatives have passed away over the years. My parents in particular are deceased and I am an only child.
Ten years ago this past September, my mother died unexpectedly (We discovered her about two days, we think, after she'd passed away) in my hometown in Alabama. Amanda and I weren't married yet. It took us several years to deal with the physical aftermath of her death. I'm not sure I've ever completely dealt with it emotionally. But I do believe the Lord did attempt to prepare us for it. I do believe that somehow, the Lord uses these times to help us to minister to others.
It's a fairly lengthy read, but I wrote a blog on the 10th anniversary of the day we found my Mom.
The link is: http://crawlspace5.blogspot.com/2008/09/ten-years…
I hope it is somehow of some help to others.
I'm so sorry to hear about Rachel's sister and your friend. I will pray for comfort for you both and for the families.
I had to deal with death a couple of years ago when my grandmother died. We were VERY close. She lived with us for as long as I can remember and she was my best friend. Even though she was in a nursing home in her last couple of living years, her death came on rather sudden. It was a shock to all of us. I kept asking God why. I felt like it wasn't fair because she would never get to see me get married. Never get to see my kids. She got to witness all those things with my two sisters, but she would never experience that with me and I felt that was unfair because her and I were the closest, not her and my sisters.
But then I realized that all of those statements are about me, and that we say it all the time and it sounds cliche but she really is in a much better place. It was kinda weird because all the cliches that I thought would have no impact on me at a time like that, really did comfort me. Knowing and understanding that this world is only temporary and that we have a far greater life in heaven with our Father, made me feel grateful that I had such a good and unique relationship with her and was able to know her while she was here.
I still miss her and will continue to miss her. I still cry sometimes because I miss her and I want her here with me. And I've just come to accept the fact that I'm allowed to cry and to miss her because she was my friend. But as her friend, I can focus on her ultimate well-being, which means that right now she is in heaven with no pain, without having to sit in a nursing home, and without having to deal with any of the troubles we still face here on this earth.
Los: I am sorry to learn of the loss of your good friend and struck by the way you involved yourself directly, deeply and personally in Rachel's pain. May God's mercy reign in both situations.
To answer your question succinctly, a number of my relatives have passed away over the years. My parents in particular are deceased and I am an only child.
Ten years ago this past September, my mother died unexpectedly (We discovered her about two days, we think, after she'd passed away) in my hometown in Alabama. Amanda and I weren't married yet. It took us several years to deal with the physical aftermath of her death. I'm not sure I've ever completely dealt with it emotionally. But I do believe the Lord did attempt to prepare us for it. I do believe that somehow, the Lord uses these times to help us to minister to others.
It's a fairly lengthy read, but I posted a blog on the 10th anniversary of the day we found my Mom.
The link is: http://crawlspace5.blogspot.com/2008/09/ten-years…
I hope it is somehow of some help to others.
My Grandma was diagnosed with lung cancer a little over a year ago. The day before Thanksgiving we got the news that the cancer had spread to her brain and there was now a 5-inch tumor. Chemo was stopped and they told us she only had a few weeks left. She passed away on December 21st. It was the most painful, tortuous, confusing, amazing, frustrating, sweetest blessing I've ever been given. Give it to Him, give it all to Him. On November 27th ( http://heatherozuna.blogspot.com/search/label/Gra… ) for the first time in my life I cried, screamed, and yelled at God. And of course He wrapped me in His loving, all knowing, arms and took me for the ride of my life. Give it to Him. Let Him bless you. Death is messy, it stings, but it walks hand in hand with something sweet, pure, and peaceful. Death alone can give us a hope like nothing else we've ever known. Scream, cry, yell, question… Give it all to Him then sit back and let Him hold you.
I just found out a few days ago that my best friend from High School had died. Back then we were tight, but we'd had a falling out… and never reconciled. It has hit me hard. I wrote a post about it title He Ain't Heavy He's My Brother. Death too surrounds me this week. Peace be with you and yours in this time.
I dealt with it when my first daughter was born: http://graceshiloh.blogspot.com
What an incredibly difficult time in your life, yet how joyful to know that your friend is now in the presence of the Almighty! How wonderful to know that he is waiting in heaven for all of you to get there. He just gets to experience it a little sooner. My family has experienced the death of very close friends almost three years ago. My brother was especially affected as he lost three friends in the same accident. It is terribly difficult but always comforting when the one who has left us behind knows the Lord. They are all waiting for us to get there. Praying for your family and Mark's family during this hard time.
I rarely feel a connection with the "net" Los, but today I feel your pain. I had been to one funeral in my entire life before my Grandma past on Thanksgiving night, just a couple of months ago. Some say we're lucky or blessed, but I wasn't sure. While others around me have been to several, I had no experience or expectations of the overwhelming emotions that were about to come. In the end, God knows that I am weak and gave me many years to build up the inner strength to deal with these situations. I thank Him for that!
I pray for your fond memories, your strength and your tears. May they all be great and serve a great purpose.
Praying for you guys. I can not imagine the pain and the loss you feel.
I'm 25, and this March will mark 10 years since my mother passed away after a long-ish illness. A few months later my father died, leaving me an orphan at 16 years old.
Grief and loss are interesting things that I think God understands very deeply. I'm constantly reminded of how when Jesus was on the cross suffering and dying, he thought of His mother, and the grief that she was feeling at losing her son, and I also imagine the grief that He was feeling at losing His mother. Jesus takes the time to make sure that His mother will now have John as a son.
Relationships are important. God created us to live in community. We are the body of Christ. When one dies, we are all affected. We mourn predominantly out of selfish reasons. We want our loved ones to be with us now, instead of with the Lord. Even though our mourning is selfish, I feel that God still understands it well. He understands that we hurt because a relationship that we once had has been permanently altered. Yes, we will see this person again one day, but our relationship with them has forever changed. I will see my mother again one day, but that mother-daughter relationship that I had with her will never again be….that can be a hard pill to swallow, even 10 years later.
I want to echo comments that have already been made: do not ASK what you can do to help, but simply DO it. Don't fret about overstepping your bounds or anything like that.
"Mourn with those who are mourning, and rejoice with those who are rejoicing."
my spirit grieves for both losses and I too write this with tears wetting my cheeks. thank you for being a wonderful friend and brother to those who are experiencing grief and for "weeping with those who weep" through this time of mourning. Thank you also for commemorating them and allowing a network of folks to bind together in love and support.
May Abba faithfully grant them peace that surpasses all understanding and stand at their hearts like a soldier on guard…
I'm pretty much at a loss for words on this day. Yesterday was the anniversary of my mother's sudden passing 8 years ago. I was 23. Then, 6 months later my best friend died in a car accident. That's when it really hit. Yesterday, my husband's grandfather passed in the arms of his beauitful wife of more than 50 years. It's been a journey for sure, but the best advise I received was that grief shared is grief removed. It's exhausting to talk about it, your eyes hurt from crying, but it is healthy. I agree with Linds, gotta just get out there and help. Get your calendar out and turn 3 months ahead, put a note on that date to do something special for your loved one. It seems that by that point most everyone thinks you are doing well and don't need help, that's when the sting wears off and it really hits. I'll be praying for your friends and their families as they face the days to come.
First off, I'm sorry for your loss. Take time to grieve, and to continue to live, and to celebrate that your friend is with the Lord.
I lost my dad to cancer in 1993. 15 years and 2 months later, there's rarely a day when he doesn't cross my mind in some way. Most times, it's a fond memory. Sometimes I still get angry. There's so much of life I've missed sharing with him, and so many times I've wanted, nee needed, his input.
Death of someone close changes us. Permanently, in my opinion. The grieving process helps us to cope and to change our psyche to the new reality of life without an important person. But, we are changed, nonetheless. In the immediacy, we just want the world to stop, just for a moment, so we can grasp what has just happened. That's the shock and sometimes the denial. No matter how prepared we think we might be, we never really are. The pain hits, and we want to curl up under a sheet while giving the world the finger.
Then, we realize that it just doesn't stop, and we have to get on with ourselves. That's when the anger hits. The futileness of our anger – at ourselves, at whatever caused the death, at the person for dying on us – leads to depression, despair, loneliness. We can't imagine at this point that life will go on. It will, but it won't be the same life.
We then start to rewrite our map. We make the little changes that lead us to accept the big change. We take their number out of our phone book, their birthday out of our calendar. We have fond memories of our lost loved one. Depression starts to wane.
We then reach acceptance. We know nothing will change what happened, and we know we must change in response. We're not happy about this, we may never be, but we've come to accept it. We can really feel joy for loved one's new life in heaven.
Peace be with you (and Rachel, and Mark's family..) You're all in my prayers tonight.
I'm sorry, that sucks. I have been praying for the Lamberths since you linked their blog, I don't have any words that will help, but I will continue to pray for you all.
Los-just prayed for the families and the ministers that are helping them.death brings the reality of our commitment is an eschatological one…be with Christ. the other reality is that we are more latched onto this world and we fear our separation from it.Nothing more glorious that those who are with the Father.
Thanks for keeping it real.
here's an online hug for you.
Wow, Los. Offering up a prayer for all of you affected by these losses.
There's no easy way around dealing with death. I'm deeply grateful for the promise and hope of Heaven. My cousin died suddenly a few years ago (almost 3, to date), and we were unsure of where his heart was with the Lord. His death came just after the time I watched my best friend's family literally be torn apart and just before my mom was in a very nearly fatal car accident (she's alive and well today, thank God). I asked myself some really hard questions in that season…and kept coming back to this: God is good. God is here. God is willing to heal us in the midst of a fallen, broken, confusing world where death is yet to be a mere memory.
Much love to you, Los…and to Rachel, the Lamberths and everyone else hurting from this.
Wow. I'm so sorry for everyone involved. I've had some loss over the past 9 years. My brother and then my mom who left quite suddenly. Here's the thing that shocked me most, as a christian, I naively thought it would be less intense. Less horrific. ("the sting") But death, even in for me, a christian, was raw. Horrible.
A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis was the book that with it's honesty gave me permission to grieve and eventually led me to find peace in knowing I would see David and Mom again. But God knows it's a razor sharp, gut wrenching process. Prayers for these two precious families.
Feeling for you bro. Praying for Angie and now Rachel.
When my father-in-law died this blog post was a comfort to us. I hope it is for you too.
http://mytwocents.wordpress.com/2007/03/15/why-wo…
Praying for you all.
A few times — 2 grandmothers died when I was a kid, my grandfather when I was 17, but the death that stuck me the most was my father's death death from secondary liver cancer when I was 26. I was fortunate to spend almost every day with him from the time of diagnosis to his death; I wouldn't give up that time for anything. I still miss him 22 years later, but I know we'll be reunited someday. I also lost a good friend to cancer when I was 31. Oh yes, and a beloved student worker to suicide about 2 1/2 years ago — that was a really tough one.
Then last year I got close to death myself as I battled Stage 4 Inflammatory Breast Cancer, but Praise be to God, I am in remission. I'll never be the same though. I've written a lot about that on my blog; in fact, my last post is about how today is really all we have and how now I get up in the mornings usually happy (very unusual for me; not a morning person), thanking God for the day and giving me another day. Each day really IS a gift; that's not just a schmaltzy cliche. I have been blessed beyond measure for another chance with my family.
I am so sorry for your friends' losses. I'll add them to my prayers today. They may not want to hear it right now, but their loved ones are with Jesus and they'll see them again; I strongly believe that. But of course they still grieve the losses.
My last post, if you're interested is: http://justenjoyhim.wordpress.com/2009/01/08/no-d…
Blessings to your friends. And prayers. Always prayers.
~ Judy
Man I feel your pain dude, last Christmas we my wifes great aunt, and last living grandfather died in the same week. All one day before Christmas.
I just want to tell you that God has it all covered, but then again, you already know that.
Oh, Carlos, I’m so sorry. Praying for Angie and Nolan, and your families. That’s so hard.
my cousin died in iraq a year and a half ago. he was not a christian. still dealing with a lot of the grief that has come with that. praying for ya’ll and the lamberths.
ughhh
I have too many stories and some too recent to share. It hurts and it sucks and yes we mourn with hope but it still sucks to be here without them. Day by day we press on.
I have been known as the "cursed girl" because it seems that everyone around me dies. My best friend/roommate Jessica died July 17, 2004. She got cut off by a big rig and so she over corrected and rolled 4 times across the free way. I picture her there in that car. Upside down…she had just called her parents to tell them hi and the accident happened…the entire crash was on their answering machine. They heard their daughter die. She was my best friend…my smile….I am crying now as I write this. There is so much more but I just cant talk anymore…I am truly sorry for the loss of your friend because I sooo know how you feel. I am grieving for Angie and for Nolan even though I dont know them….
It is the groaning of creation in a fallen world… groaning that I have experienced as I walked through my own cancer (3 times in 11 years). Groaning that I listened to a few weeks ago as my 6-year-old cried in fear that his mommy would die. Groaning as I have walked with friends who have died and lost children. Groaning for you now as you grieve. Thankful that we do not grieve without hope. Praying for peace that passes understanding for you & your family, for Mark's family, and for Rachel. I am so sorry.
When I was in 6th grade my uncle died from a heart attack completely out of the blue. I remember the night it happened our whole family went to gather at my aunt's house and I saw the most intense pain I have ever witnessed on the faces of my two cousins, both boys age 13 and 16. They did EVERYTHING with their father and it was just awful to see. I was only 13, but I went outside and cried like a little girl.
I'm praying for you
I tend to shut down for a while. Writing, reading, and listening to music always helped me. Or the best is to sit on the beach or hike to the top of a mountain and scream, cry, or whatever at God until He comforts you with His holy spirit. I will be praying for you and everyone else touched by this.
I am so sorry for the loss of your friend. I've been praying for him since the beginning, checking the blog every day, and I almost felt I knew him. Some friends of mine here in town did know him, and I grieve for all those who lost Mark – he was a husband, a father, a friend.
I lost my father when I was 2, my mother when I was 10, and my stepfather when I was 13. Two uncles and an aunt while I was a child. My first boyfriend was killed by a drunk driver…a good friend killed in a car accident when she was 25 – she was a wife and mother. One of my brothers died of bone cancer, and I lost my sister to complications of Crohn's disease. I lost a good friend a year ago right after Thanksgiving, and another good friend the night before this Thanksgiving.
When I was a child, I thought I was a jinx…the catalyst for all this grief.
How do we go on? We trust. God doesn't make the hurt go away immediately – we were created to grieve. And we shouldn't grieve alone – that's why people move together in their pain, to tell the stories, remember the funny times, the times when our friends, our family, were strong, or funny, or brave, or silly, or loving.
When I'm grieving the loss of someone I love, I don't grieve for them – I have the hope and faith that they are okay……I'm grieving my own loss. The fact I'll never hear their voice again, or feel their touch. Never again share memories with them.
And God does heal….he patches the holes in our hearts that are created when we lose someone we love. I think my heart looks like a patchwork quilt by now…but the seams are strong – stitched together by His love.
My husband was 34 when he died, I was 26. Our son was almost 2 years old. It's been 7 years and I didn't do too well for the first 5 of those years. I'm better now but it's extremely difficult when it's so close. It changes what what you knew as normal. My heart is with Angie.
Just dropping by to check on you and your family. We are just internet friends, but I love ya like a brother and wish I cold take some of your pain, ease your load. Will keep praying for you and Mark's families.
I losr my mom to cancer 18 years ago January 16th. Ironically enough my mom helped me through her death with her deep belief in Christ and God's will. No matter how bad the news got she always praised God because He had a plan! It is still tough, even 18 years later.
i feel you last april 21 my best friend killed himself, then two weeks later my great grandpa died, and then two weeks after that my dear friend nathan died to a skateboarding accident. which was the second friend i have lost to a skate boarding accident. so i feel you man. its a hard long road im not going to beat around the bush and say that it would be easy and that all the hooblah that people tell you. which yes is true but when its you its like you cannot do anything except grieve and talk about it as much as possible. anyway im here for you if that helps.
you prayed for me, now I will pray for you.
Four years ago I held my 16 year old sister's hand as she took her last breath. I close my eyes and see her face and i can still feel the sting in my hand and heart.
I'm praying for you and your friends.