Carlos, I Want To Live With Someone Else
I remember the week leading up to my marriage.
I had expectations that in a mere 7 days would come crashing down all around me.
Expectations such as dedicating every room in our home with wild sex twice a day.
Expectations such as my wife folding my shirts the way my mom folded them. That was the right way.
Expectations such as being able to prance around my home naked at any hour of the day.
Well the room dedications still occur.
The shirts have now been placed on hangers which took me a few years to get over.
And my nakedness has been sectioned to only floor 3.
But that last expectation has come with quite a reward.
You see Heather and I have pretty much come to the conclusion that we LOVE having roomates.
Cohabitating is the way for us.
In a little under 2 years here we have lived with 3 families.
As of now the Darleys have moved into our basement and filled our home with the wonderful pitter patter and sometimes chatter of 3 kids under 4.
So we are now up to 10 in our home.
The advantages FAR outweigh the disadvantages.
WE LOVE IT!!!
When the Darleys move out we will probably take a month or 2 to ourselves before willing our basement with another family.
It’s now an expectation.
An expectation that no amount of premarital counseling would have ever clued us in on.
So here is your question.
RAIN IT DOWN
ask me again in a year, I'll be married by then…
This is the kind of generosity that I speak of here. http://tinyurl.com/c9dd6c. I want to be generous like THAT!
We also have a roommate — he's lived with us for 5 years now. People think that's kind of strange, but he's really the greatest roommate ever — pays rent on time, is quiet, doesn't even eat our food, and doesn't complain about our obnoxious teenager. Occasionally we'd like to have a guest room, but mostly we prefer our roommate.
I never knew how much I would love saying good bye in the morning with a hug or kiss, or how much more I would love coming home walking through the door and greeting with a kiss.
On another side, I think I had this delusion that she would be waiting for me every evening in just an apron or something slinky and welcoming me home with some bow-chika-wount wow!
The bow chicka happens, but not so much apron nly when I get home. Who'd have known!
I love this! We've been doing a lot of talking about community living. I'm ready to just do it.
this is what community is about
i can't really engage in this conversation since i'm not married or whatever, but i can definitely see a lifestyle of cohabitating being really wonderful.
It is.
Oh. And send me the address of Jenny.
Done.
I thought I was going to come home to a wild sex kitten who made me chocolate milk everyday.
It was my issue not hers, got over that one quick.
I thought I was a good communicator, found out that I suxors at that.
I thought I would be able to get her a house by 3 years into it, still waiting on that 6 years in.
I thought I could be her develop spiritually but can't do that when I am stagnant. Still stuck, but getting better
I thought I would be an awesome father but am realizing that what I thought was totally off and I continually try to be heavy handed in word and deed.
We've taken in two or three since we've been married, but we keep getting walked all over. Wanna trade room mates?
Totally unrelated: I dig that wall. Especially the camera hanging on it. Nice.
You can be!!!
How old is he?
Community living is the way to go. For sure
For shizzle
wow. Great response. That taught me a lot
It is.Yea. It's an oooold cannon.
Hmm… probably the nights where we sit and do absolutely nothing but watch TV and lounge around like bums. It doesn't happen all the time, but I think we both imagined ourselves as the hip young married couple that would go out every other night with friends, etc. We're so not.
I mean we are hip, but only if hip = being old farts at 22 and 23 years old.
We're not really that boring, but we definitely enjoy nights of nothing WAY more than we ever thought we would. Quite the surprise, seeing as how I hated the "nights of nothing" growing up. I guess it all just depends on who you're doing "nothing" with.
We've only been married for 1 1/2 yr, So everything is still so new that I love it all. Even if I don't like it, it's still sorta cute.
PS: I'd LOVE to see my husbands response to this. I'm pretty sure I know what it would say, but… it'd be MUCH more entertaining coming from him, becuase he had the same "apronly" idea as Al Dancy, up there. Ha ha – where do you guys get this stuff?
It is ALL about who that person it. you are right.
Ha. Yea. The cuteness wears off.
Tell him to comment
I like this post. I am divorced. Was in a marriage where unfortunately bad memories can outweigh good ones. Thinking about getting married again has me worried it won't be so fun living with another person. But I'm more convinced that maybe it will be, as I read all of this.
Los, I have been a reader but have never responded 'till now. I love this post as well. Love the stories that have been shared.
Christina – I hear ya. Thinking about getting married again terrifies me – but it's all in the Lord's hands.
I just want to thank you for this post. It's something we've been talking about the past couple of days and this just reinforced the thoughts that it could really be a good thing.
PS
We miss you guys!
I never knew what sacrifice really looked like before marriage. Not that I've given up all that much, less than she has for sure. But the willingness to give up pretty much anything for her was a bit of a revelation.
And – I love the fact that she loves me through all the junk that so often covers me.
Posts like this get me so excited about marriage! 9 months to go
Los, I love this post!
My wife and I (and our 3 girls) have opened our home to staff members, interns and friends 5 times over the last 5 years. We've only not had someone living with us for about 24 months out of the last 72….we've been without anyone in the basement for about 2 months and are looking forward to having another intern with us this summer…fun stuff!
I've been married for 8 months now! I was always the funny guy…but I'm finding that my wife is over-to-top hilarious, something I seriously never realized before marriage. And we started dating in grade seven!
So get 'this' a few years ago hubs and I heard a guy say "if you're not living with your eyes wide open for someone who made need a place to live, then YOU are missing out'
We were almost to being empty nesters and hubs said NO WAY ….since that time we've had no less than around 7 different people live with us…THAT guy knew what he was talking about… oh and I love every part of the man my husband is becoming…what a ride I have had with him. 20 years without Christ and the last 10+ seeking Him…wow.
I like that quote
I never imagined one of our favorite things to do was to hang out on the bed with our family. In the beginning (17 years ago) we were always going a million miles a minute, going to see bands, being artsy fartsy, going out to gourmet dinners constantly. Now, there is nothing like having our family dinner at home, a quick game of Mancala and lounging in the bed just laughing. Some of my favorite times are when I read to my daughter in our bed. We turn off the TV and it is silent for the first time in the day. My husband is right beside me and soon the dog, then the cat jumps on the bed. The house is quiet and all you hear is the story. Never in my wildest dreams did I see this coming.
Wow. Maybe you should blog.
It shall.
MISS YOU TOO!!!
Maybe you guys can be our next roomies.
Lori and I are packing now…
Would you be OK living with someone who could school you in ping pong?
That's really a pretty scene to ponder.
Praying together every morning before Colin heads off to work… what a cool thing.
Miss you!!!
My husband and I seem to be total opposites. He is the quiet type who loves to be alone. I love to talk, a lot. And I love groups of people. When we got married, we obviously had to compromise. I learned that one of the reasons I wanted to be with people was my insecurities. Now, I don't really need to be around people as much as I did, and I love it! Who knew!
I have actually become really interested in cohabitating. I would love to read more about it!
I never knew I would love getting my kids ready in the morning!
Good to see you guys really using the time to get to know one another, pouring your hearts out and all that……….:)
I certainly never knew that we would be passionate advocates for orphans and love opening our hearts to those He was calling us to love as our own.
He's a year or two older than us — one of those eternal bachelor types in his 40s. Good guy.
I hear you mang… we haven't had the # of people live with us… but at one time or another we have had all of our siblings (5) except one live with us at one time or another. I love sharing life together and the only issue I had was when one of my siblings wanted to use our house as a party base and was drinking and partying all the time – which made life crap. I think as times get tougher and more believers open up to communal living… we will see alot more of this lifestyle happening !
As far as what did I not know I would enjoy so much before we lived together… I would say that is how much I love being a daddy. I always loved and wanted kids… but I never realized how much it would change me and my view of God, the world and life. If I can just do 1 accomplish one thing in this life… it would be to help my kids love Jesus more then me.
great thoughts
That love is amazing
Your ass would be grass. Bring it.
Cool! Hospitality really is a blessing if we can get past the initial cultural stuff of being in our own space. I dig that you guys are like this!
We were iChatting with each other.
for real
Hmph. Smug marrieds.
No, seriously, I'm single but I grew up in a household where we always had family or friends coming and going for periods of time. I totally want to do this whenever I have a house, single or married.
intentional community at its' best! admire it.
farting!
ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
Never thought we'd be planning to adopt a couple (or more, later) foster kids!
awesome.
I can’t wait to be married in 60 days and be able to answer this question. I can’t wait to figure out which expectations are bogus and what will surprise me about living with a boy! Our house is quite small now, bit maybe someday we’ll live with another family. Maybe after being married a while.
it is rad.
You should get some kind of kickback from apple.
Just saying…
She's not the nicest person in the world and I get that!
ooooooooo
hahahaha
For me, my wife is wiser than me. I knew she was smart, but every time I flip out about something she tells me that I'm crazy and that it'll be okay. And I'm learning to listen to her A LOT! Only been married 1.5 years, but I'm learning so much.
Living communally is so good.
We have 5 right now.
With the birth of our daughter came the first time we were without roommates. I am still recruiting everybody I can to come live with us. I love it!
So many things that I could say I had no idea I'd love…so here's 2 random ones.
1. I had no concept how much I'd enjoy washing…underwear…
2. I'm not a cat person. Generally, I still don't like them, and I'm a bit allergic to most. My wife is a cat person. I enjoyed the process of researching low allergy cats and buying a cat for my wife. And I enjoy living with the cat and my wife. Maebh rules our house.
I tell people all the time that I would like to live in community. Something about it seems fun. People always look at me like I'm crazy when I mention it.
I'm going to send this post to some of my friends and my husband. 
But now I see it IS possible.
As for something we enjoy now that we're married…well…it's only been ten months…so everything is still very new. But I never thought we would enjoy grocery shopping together. We both lived at home before marriage and never had to bother with grocery shopping. I guess we imagined it would be tedious and boring. But we really have fun with it.
I'm glad my husband does the grocery shopping with me because otherwise I don't think I'd enjoy it as much.
I was going to be a famous singer… now I sing my baby to sleep.
I was going to "dress up" in a suit to work every day… now I'm lucky to get out of my robe and a shower.
I was never going to have kids… now we have seven and he had one (yes, that would be 8).
I never thought about homeschooling… he convinced me I should try it for a year (this is my 8th year).
We believed in God… now we're going to tell others about Him because we don't just believe in Him, we've experienced Him.
We never even talked about church… now we're going to plant one.
We never thought we'd experience such financial lows… but there is NO ONE I would rather go through the tough times with.
I will never be able to answer this question however I think I would like living with a family and getting to play with the kids and go do the sweet fun stuff while the parents practice making babies. I just want to be like the live in aunt. ha ha
Los
my wife and I opened our home up a couple of years back. we have had up to 3 folks living with us at one time and now (due to city codes) have two housemates. We've gotten some really weird looks and responses when we told people we love having folks around, we hate wasting rooms that sit empty, and that we simply fight better when we know other people can hear us.
thanks for sharing and affirming that we're not the only crazy hippy commune- ish family in the world.
My man is a TX state trooper. I never imagined I'd love getting a call at 3am asking me to come unlock the screen door or being kept awake for and hour after that so that he can tell me about all the craziness that happened on his shift. I hope I never take for granted that he makes it home every night /morning to do those things.
I'm going on 16 years of marriage and there are a lot of things that I didn't know about Sharon before we got hitched. But the one thing that sticks out immediately is the prayers. Everyday I get "I was talking to God today…" God has used that to hold me in check for years. I thank God everyday that my in-laws (Papa & G-Ma) lived out their relationship with God everyday in the home.
I didn't realize and I'm so grateful that my husband has never, ever complained about my cooking. He's always appreciative about having a meal served to him, even if it is leftovers for the third time. Once in a while I make something that I consider inedible, but my husband just thanks me and happily eats it. He's like a human garbage disposal and hates to see food go to waste. Good thing he has the metabolism of a 12-year-old.
Los,
)
Been following your blog for some time now, but have never commented. We live up in Memphis, TN and have been living in community with families who have critically ill children for the past 3 years. The Lord has blessed us with the perfect house for our ministry. We usually have 1 family downstairs in the apartment that are with us for usually 2-5 months and the we have 2 guest rooms that are usually occupied 3-4 nights a week.
I have learned that
THEREis never a dull moment.
- MY 3 kids have CONSTANT playmates around
- I NEVER thought in a million years we would have an 3 different Amish families live us
- MY KIDS have learned not to run in the house because it's a wee bit loud for the downstairs family
- FRIENDS get concerned about coming over because it might be too many people, when we think the more the merrier.
- MANY people are allergic to animals ( we have 2 dogs)
- SOME COUPLES fight loud, while some never do..at least we don't hear it ( we all fight.. if you don't something is wrong
– SOME PEOPLE love to talk, some people want to be left alone
- IT HAS OPENED the door for us dig deeper and to families lives and share Christ's redeeming love
- WE ARE BLESSED with lifelong friends
- WE GOT over it being weird a few months into it
- MY WIFE and I are loud people (I am hearing impaired) and we really don't care. Ha!
-WITH 2 FULL kitchens, you run out of something, you run down or they can come up an ask for it.
- WHEN it's quiet and empty – you realize how much you miss it
- WHENa new family moves back in, you realized how much you miss it
- MY KIDDOS have grown beyond their years socially and can carry a conversation with anyone.
– HAVING 21 people staying in your house at one time makes you laugh.
- IN A LITTLE under 2 years we have lived with 35-40 families – some just short term
- HAVING 2 hot water tanks – makes all the difference
- WHEN OTHER PEOPLE cook in the house, it makes you hungry or say "what the heck is that smell"
- INSTEAD OF asking to turn up the heat, some people will put outdoor propane heaters in the house in the middle of the night, not realized that the whole house would smell like propane and that we could all die. ha!
- EXTRA LABOR around the yard
- READING books like L'Abri inspires you
- My wife and I were married at 20, been married for 11 years, we know we are doing what God has called us to do.
Just some thoughts from down yonder.
thinkHOPE,
Mark
http://www.habitatforhope.org
My husband and I also didn't realize how much we would love having roommates. About 2.5 years ago, we were able to buy a house—one that is WAY bigger than what we needed for the 2 of us. We felt like the Lord told us that we needed to use the extra space to bless others. So, we've had 3 different roommates during that time. Each of them were friends that were going through some rough transitional times and we wanted to help them out. We always let people live with us w/o asking them to pay any rent or expenses—we figure that we're going to pay the rent whether someone is living with us or not, so we like to bless others and let them get their feet on the ground. We've really enjoyed the intentional community of it all…more than we expected. And, it has even grown our relationship a lot as we spend time mentoring the people that have stayed with us.
What else do I enjoy that I never knew I would? Our favorite thing is Saturday mornings…getting to sleep in, cuddle, and then have Saturday morning sex. Just sayin. The bowchicawowwow is great on other days too, but we always look forward to Saturday mornings
I never knew I would love sitting quietly with my wife as we both read, like we do sometimes after we get our kids to sleep. I know that sounds boring but it's peaceful.
We tried cohabitating… Unfortunately it was with my in-laws and it didn't work good at all. Horrible actually! We do have two special needs adults that live with us every second weekend and that is great. My kids have learned a lot about serving others and sacrifice doing that. How do you go about finding roommates?
The thing we've loved that I never would have guessed is moving across the country. I always had expectations of buying a house and living in it for many many years. When we moved to the Detroit area from the Vancouver area it was like experiencing such a different culture. Even though we missed our families terribly it was so great to make friends that taught us to make our home more open to others. It also totally bonded us as a couple and family and forced us to start our own unique traditions. We couldn't be with our extended family for most of the holidays… We've never lived in one house for more than a few years and it's been fun!
I never would have thought it, but I actually enjoy cleaning up after my wife in the kitchen. Well after she has made a tasty meal!
I’ve only been married for five years, but my wife trips me out every day of my life. I’ve never met a more loving, generous person in my life. When I grow up I want to be just like her.
Took a while, but I got around to it: http://www.aaronmelton.com/2009/04/06/aaron-i-wan…
we've tried to find a roommate in Florida and NYC, but no one's been interested. well, we tried…