One Foot, Then The Other
I have been struggling the last week with some nasty anxiety.
Not like the kind you feel before a test.
More like the kind you feel if you’ve skipped your last 5 20mg’s of Paxil.
It is a thorn that I have been given that I will always have respect for.
And a thorn that I will always try and make my female pooch.
It comes in waves.
What normally happens is a few days of intense anxiety will turn into a few days of intense depression.
In the midst of this nastiness I get to continue living.
I get to continue working.
I get to continue fathering.
I get to continue husbanding.
I get to continue smiling.
I get to continue serving.
I get to continue pastoring.
So here’s the deal.
Today, or tonight, whenever the crap you are reading this,
You get to decide too.
And I’m telling you, as much as it sucks imagining working past whatever hell hole you are in,
It sucks a lot more giving into it.
Just some words of encouragement I wrote to myself that I figured someone might need to hear too.
Bring it,
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
much appreciated my brother….
Thanks man.
you are not the only one boss…as much as i hate it…i am in that tribe too. thanks for your transparency.
Thanks Drew. Let's keep praying for each other.
wow, your timing in impeccable! i needed to hear those words more than you know, thanks!
Me too.
could not have read those words at a better time. thank you…
Yes. My crap doesn't have to keep me from engaging in life. I still get to choose.
WOW, God is so good. I needed to hear those from some one besides myself! Thank you!
true. thank you. quite encouraging and right on time. God knows. I usually catch up on your posts a week at a time…caught this one immediately. i've bitten off my nails to nasty, ugly, painful nubs. something's gotta give and it can't be my fingers any longer! pray with me my friend.
thanks for being honest, I really needed to hear this.
The cool thing about this community we have here is the fact that we can all pray for each other through it.
thank you los. i was right there last week and got a much needed day of rest today.
That was my trip to Atlanta this weekend in a nutshell. I was trying to step out in faith and came under spiritual attack. I immediately felt alone. Like things didn't matter. After all the crap, the opportunity to serve and minister to a friend made it all worth it.
You are way better than I am, I self-medicate with pain killers to help. Friends don't understand…or just plain "don't have the time" to listen…and seeing someone is too expensive. One day I'll get out of this hole.
Hey Suzie…you are not alone.
I know how you feel, I the thoughts you tell yourself. You are not invisible and you are not alone. I am praying for you!
Praying for you Suzie.
I don't wrestle with anxiety or depression.
But I am in that valley called burn out. Stretched between a full-time family, and a full-time job, and full-time school. The last five months have especially been kicking my butt.
But I see the light. I'll get there. One foot at a time.
So I'm really feeling this. Thanks for the pep talk.
That burn-out valley is so real. Take care of yourself and your family. Everything else will come out in the wash. IMHO.
are you still on the meds? I as well have anxiety and take zolaft. I have tried going off of it but feel much better on. I feel for you man , I can not stand that feeling
thanks for this!
what i'm learning is that Christ's power is manifest in my weakness. the message of the cross is most evident when i'm at my lowest, because then my feet are moving ONLY because of His power working in me.
again, thank you.
Thank you – I needed that!
thanks dude, it was a bad day all around. but that is such a good reminder.
thank you
Thank you. It is good to know I am not alone. Different hell hole, but not alone.
Love you bro – praying for you right now.
Amazing how for so many this was just at the right moment. I love how God does that – uses one to minister to many, and all because you shared that encouragement with us Los.
I needed this today, right now, more than I've needed it in years. Thank you.
Thanks for saying it better than I could. Both of you… Los & David.
Thank you my good man… Thank you!
I'm there. Trying not to cry publicly at the most inappropriate moments. I'll get through it, though. Thank you, Los.
i had narly bouts of anxiety and panick attacks for a large season in ministry. It sucks big time and sometimes people just dont get it!! By God's grace somehow they went away after losing 100lbs (for real) taking a strict set of vitamins and supplemements and getting some "head" counsel. i feel for ya man!! Stay the course!!
awesome! thank you! i needed that this morning!!
If you had high blood pressure, would you quit taking your medication? If you had diabetes, would you stop/refuse insulin? I've struggled with depression/anxiety for a number of years and I have to have help to stay out of the darkest, deepest, can't function hole that you can't imagine (or maybe YOU can). It is not a character flaw to need help. God will help those that help themselves. If it's a true chemical imbalance that medication can help, why not take the help that is offered? Why the negative stigmatism?
It's not negative. I take my 20 mg every night!
I'm sorry – that sounds so defensive when I read it and that's not at all what I mean/meant. Obviously I'm still struggling with a lot. I try not to throw my personal baggage out there and managed to spill most of the bag. I didn't mean to dog on you. To take a line from Harry Potter – the dementors are squirling and I'm having trouble with my wand to fend them off….. peace.
Thanks for sharing – I'm in that exact same place. It totally sucks trying to keep going in the middle of it. It's so exhausting and it seems like you're not making any progress toward anything.
I'll be praying for your trip this week. Hopefully all the traveling will go smoothly and not make it harder to get back to "normal". I'll pray that your time with your wife and kids will be relaxing but invigorating for you.
Thanks, this hit home for me.
Thanks Los, been praying for you more since OTB.
We're just lucky He didn't call us to be rock stars, but pastors. And with the love of our friends and families, and be Gods grace, we can work past these recurring problems.
The strength God gives us is more than enough to kick these nasties to the curb -
Thanks for ALWAYS keepin' it real 'Los.
SERIOUSLY?!?@?
how did you know right were i was this morning?
Hey Los, take courage in the word of God
Philipians 4:6-7
Be anxious in nothing, but in everything, through prayer and petition, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard you heart and your mind in Christ Jesus.
I'm in the same boat as you, I have Acute Anxiety Disorder as well as Seasonal Affective Disorder. I take a lot of vitamin B, it's sunshine in a bottle, lol. This verse has been kind of like a mantra for me whenever I get anxious or panicky. Take care man.
My "mantra" has been:
2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version)
For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of … a sound mind.
Also a good one!
This was totally for me. Thanks.
Weird. I wrote myself a very similar note on my blog yesterday. I feel you.
Reminds me of the lyrics to "Everything"…
God in my living
There in my breathing
God in my waking
God in my sleeping
God in my resting
There in my working
God in my thinking
God in my speaking
etc. You know the song.
"i get to…" thank you for that reminder.
i needed to hear it in the middle of this hell-hole i find myself in.
Share that particular thorn with you. When it pricks, Satan really does try to take advantage.
oh wow, I'm not the only one. Reading your thoughts and comments from others in the community really helps in dealing with this. Thank you for your transparency.
Thank you so much for that post, I needed to hear that truth today. I read your blog everyday over here in sunny Huntington Beach, CA. I love your honsety……….. Thanks again
Feeling this one big time. Got my own doses but thinking this way and trying to focus on NOT getting mired in crap and CHOOSING to be positive seems to be more help, in spite of doses that seem to shrink.
Thanks for this, I might have to cop that thought process.
I feel you… been there. Awful how you can turn around on a good day and there it is, like that creepy little orange WW momentum guy.
"The end of a thing is better than its beginning"
me too. Today was one of the worst in a while, I just want to disappear on days like today. Thanks for sharing, it's good to know I'm not alone in the struggle.
It is easy to look at today and be defeated or look at the future and fear as I walk my difficult road. Instead I am choosing to celebrate today and what God has given.
Thank you for your reminder to not give in.
very timely post. thanks for your transparency. praying God gets you through and uses it for his Kindgom.
keep it real.
Been doing it ever since I had my son. Currently on anti deppresants and they make a world of difference I can actually feel normal which is amazing vrs what y ou just described. Sometimes we just need to be on medicine.
Carlos, a thought hit me on the way to work today. You said you were struggling…..I wonder if it is because you had such a mountain top experience with God in your pause from social media that you are now on the downhill side of the mountain and that does not feel as good….but then it led to another thought….what would it be like for a week at Buckhead for worship to be straight out only worship…..no props, no lights, pretty much nothing….maybe just acoustic guitar, songs that most know the words to so…. no video….. and then everyone closes their eyes, imagines they are by themselves before God and worshiping in complete abandon to their King who sits on the throne….their King who holds them when they cry…. and their King who is touched when they worship only Him with all of their souls without any distractions…..Christ and the worshiper one on one, face to face, complete abandon to the King. Just thought this would be an awesome experience for a worshiper and something that I have never gotten a chance to do….maybe it has been done before, just thought it would be kind of a cool allegory to what you went through with your recent quietness before God and how maybe sometimes all of the noise is just that noise….and believe me I LOVE loud rocking out worship, but for a change what would Buckhead think?
Sorry for the length. I used to have this on a bookmark I would read everyday when I attended Al-Anon. Been in need of posting this in every room in my house once again. Feel free to delete if its too long…
Just for Today
Just for today, I will try to live through this day only,
and not tackle my whole life problem
at once. I can do something for twelve hours
that would appall me if I felt that I had to
keep it up for a lifetime.
Just for today, I will be happy. This assumes to
be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that
"most folks are as happy as they make up
their minds to be."
Just for today, I will try to strengthen my mind.
I will study. I will learn something useful.
I will not be a mental loafer. I will read
something that requires effort, thought and
concentration.
Just for today, I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own
desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes,
and fit myself to it.
Just for today, I will exercise my soul in three
ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and
not get found out. I will do at least two
things I don't want to–just for exercise.
I will not show anyone that my feelings are
hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not
show it
Just for today, I will be agreeable. I will look
as well as I can, dress becomingly, talk low,
act courteously, criticize not one bit, not
find fault with anything and not try to improve
or regulate anybody except myself.
Just for today, I will have a program. I may not
follow it exactly, but I will have it. I will
save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
Just for today, I will have a quiet half hour all
by myself, and relax. During this half hour,
sometime, I will try to get a better perspective
of my life.
Just for today, I will be unafraid. Especially I
will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful,
and to believe that as I give to the world, so
the world will give to me.
-Kenneth L. Holmes
Copyright ©1996 Al-Anon Family Group Headquarters, Inc.
Word!
Thanks dude I needed that!
You all don't have to live like this. Anxiety can be beat by changing your lifestyle. Check out "The Anxiety Cure" book on Amazon. It's written by a Christian Guy, and very helpful. The biggest point I took from it is that you HAVE TO SLOW DOWN. We aren't meant to live at such a fast pace. Carlos, it is obvious just reading your blog that you may be doing too much.
I can totally relate to that and right now I needed the encouragement to keep going! The 'wolf' of depression has been nipping at my heels.
Good stuff…. however, I wish I had read it the day you posted it instead of just now.