a) leaving my good life in LA in 2001 to be a missionary overseas,

b) leaving what I thought was my new life-calling of overseas missions after only a year and a half to come home and heal some serious brokenness that was keeping me ineffective on the field,

c) leaving my just-starting-to-get-better life in LA (which included a great job offer) in 2004 to plant a church in Nashville (which fell apart a year later)

d) run full-out after addiction recovery in 2007 (still chasing, still recovering),

and

e) remaining in Nashville to continue working with my recovery peeps and my church — and what I still feel is my “calling,” whatever that is, to Nashville — even though I’m nearly 7 months unemployed and every door I knock on (or bang on) gets slammed in my face. I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing next; what dream God has for me right now. I’m just trying to keep on doing the next right thing in front of me and hope eventually it will all make sense.

I wish I had a grand dream like you, Los. I’ve always wanted something like that. But my dreams always seem to come in little waves, one after another. And I don’t know what it is, or that it even exists, until it’s washing back down the beach, burying my feet a little deeper in the sand while simultaneously trying to drag me back out to sea with it.

Someone already chased that deam though.