Comments on: Parenting // Condoms, Guns, and Deadbolts http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/ Carlos Whittaker's Weblog Fri, 10 Feb 2012 08:05:38 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.1.3 By: bignateym http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-303709 bignateym Wed, 14 Oct 2009 03:33:31 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-303709 I already told my 14 year old she would be responisble for two deaths (hers nad her boyfriends and my imprisonment. That should scare her enough...for now. Really I hope I can love her enough as a Dad she does not need that much attention from her boyfriend. The hard part as a dad is giving permission for appropriate affection in a world where that means sex I already told my 14 year old she would be responisble for two deaths (hers nad her boyfriends and my imprisonment. That should scare her enough…for now. Really I hope I can love her enough as a Dad she does not need that much attention from her boyfriend. The hard part as a dad is giving permission for appropriate affection in a world where that means sex

]]> By: Adam Gregory http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-303459 Adam Gregory Mon, 12 Oct 2009 16:47:07 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-303459 As a combat vet from Iraq, who has a 12 yr old daughter, and a 2 yr old daughter, along with 4 boys in between the two girls, I just have one thing to say: They will never find the young mans body... ever As a combat vet from Iraq, who has a 12 yr old daughter, and a 2 yr old daughter, along with 4 boys in between the two girls, I just have one thing to say:

They will never find the young mans body… ever

]]> By: Adam http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-303301 Adam Sat, 10 Oct 2009 14:27:14 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-303301 I HAVE 4 DAUGHTERS! 12, 11, 8 and 2 months. There's some great answers here, but for me, I think the right answer is having an OPEN relationship. The time to start talkin' bout sex is not when you find out their pregnant at 15 yrs old. Start early, don't leave nothing out. Talk about sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, per say. Yes we're parents, but we also need 2 B friends that they can come to w/ tough questions, that only you would've asked your friends or were scared to ask your parents when you were sleeping around! Gr8 question Los. Thanks. I HAVE 4 DAUGHTERS! 12, 11, 8 and 2 months. There’s some great answers here, but for me, I think the right answer is having an OPEN relationship. The time to start talkin’ bout sex is not when you find out their pregnant at 15 yrs old. Start early, don’t leave nothing out. Talk about sex, drugs and rock-n-roll, per say. Yes we’re parents, but we also need 2 B friends that they can come to w/ tough questions, that only you would’ve asked your friends or were scared to ask your parents when you were sleeping around! Gr8 question Los. Thanks.

]]> By: Kirk http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-302712 Kirk Thu, 08 Oct 2009 18:50:59 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-302712 As someone who is not a parent, I can only say what I feel I would do now. I would first state my love for her, something she may choose not to believe in light of the actions to come. Then call sin out as sin and confront her with it. If she truly does love Jesus, I believe that will convict. Hopefully that conviction will lead to repentance. I would then ask her to end the relationship, a conversation I would also have with her boyfriend (who would be a professing believer as well or my daughter would never have been in a relationship with him in the first place). If they were unwilling, I'm not sure if I would deliberately end the relationship, though I would want to out of a desire to protect my daughter. Unfortunately, love may require letting her reap the harvest she is sowing. This brings to mind as well the passages on church discipline. If she refuses once confronted with her sin to repent, then it brings her salvation into question. How do you handle treating her as a non believer when she's a child in your home? Love cannot stop, it never stops. But I think it's important that she own the lifestyle she is progressing in, and we'd spend time sitting down and getting to the root of what she believes, and if she is, indeed, a follower of Christ. If she is, she must repent and discontinue the sin. If not, she's still my daughter, but at least there is no self delusion or falsehood. Those subtle lies are often far more dangerous to the soul than blatant paganism. As someone who is not a parent, I can only say what I feel I would do now. I would first state my love for her, something she may choose not to believe in light of the actions to come. Then call sin out as sin and confront her with it. If she truly does love Jesus, I believe that will convict. Hopefully that conviction will lead to repentance. I would then ask her to end the relationship, a conversation I would also have with her boyfriend (who would be a professing believer as well or my daughter would never have been in a relationship with him in the first place). If they were unwilling, I’m not sure if I would deliberately end the relationship, though I would want to out of a desire to protect my daughter. Unfortunately, love may require letting her reap the harvest she is sowing.

This brings to mind as well the passages on church discipline. If she refuses once confronted with her sin to repent, then it brings her salvation into question. How do you handle treating her as a non believer when she’s a child in your home? Love cannot stop, it never stops. But I think it’s important that she own the lifestyle she is progressing in, and we’d spend time sitting down and getting to the root of what she believes, and if she is, indeed, a follower of Christ. If she is, she must repent and discontinue the sin. If not, she’s still my daughter, but at least there is no self delusion or falsehood. Those subtle lies are often far more dangerous to the soul than blatant paganism.

]]> By: Tara http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-302638 Tara Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:58:28 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-302638 This has been a great discussion. Just want to make one point... we can do all the "right" things as Christian parents... pray with and for our kids, teach and model God's Word for our kids, be active and involved in their lives on a daily basis, keep the lines of communication wide open, love them beyond bounds... but we have to remember that God also gave our children free will, and at some point, they will make their own decisions as to what happens in their own lives... whether or not to follow God, to drink, do drugs, have sex, etc. Parents often think that if they follow a prescribed how-to list of raising kids to be Christian adults, they have nothing to worry about, But there are no guarantees. In my experience as the parent of 4 teens/20's and in observing other families, some of those kids choose to follow the path contrary to what we've taught them, in spite of doing everything "right". The key, then, becomes how do I respond to that child who has chosen to walk away from God, has a child out of wedlock at the age of 20/17/15 (male or female), gets in trouble with the law for drinking and smoking pot... We need to, from the moment our children are conceived, do everything we can to train them up in the way they should go, but also be aware that they may choose a different path, and be prepared to handle that should it happen... with God's grace, love, and mercy, and lot's of prayer. This has been a great discussion. Just want to make one point… we can do all the “right” things as Christian parents… pray with and for our kids, teach and model God’s Word for our kids, be active and involved in their lives on a daily basis, keep the lines of communication wide open, love them beyond bounds… but we have to remember that God also gave our children free will, and at some point, they will make their own decisions as to what happens in their own lives… whether or not to follow God, to drink, do drugs, have sex, etc. Parents often think that if they follow a prescribed how-to list of raising kids to be Christian adults, they have nothing to worry about, But there are no guarantees. In my experience as the parent of 4 teens/20′s and in observing other families, some of those kids choose to follow the path contrary to what we’ve taught them, in spite of doing everything “right”. The key, then, becomes how do I respond to that child who has chosen to walk away from God, has a child out of wedlock at the age of 20/17/15 (male or female), gets in trouble with the law for drinking and smoking pot… We need to, from the moment our children are conceived, do everything we can to train them up in the way they should go, but also be aware that they may choose a different path, and be prepared to handle that should it happen… with God’s grace, love, and mercy, and lot’s of prayer.

]]> By: @rg21 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-302621 @rg21 Thu, 08 Oct 2009 12:22:48 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-302621 Do I really need to think about this? I have three girls and when the adoption gets done I'll have five ranging in ages from 13 to 3. I'd much rather pray that this doesn't happen, do plenty of training-up before hand, and then hope for the best. BTW...Scaring the HELL out of the boyfriend would happen on the front end, not the back end. Do I really need to think about this? I have three girls and when the adoption gets done I’ll have five ranging in ages from 13 to 3. I’d much rather pray that this doesn’t happen, do plenty of training-up before hand, and then hope for the best. BTW…Scaring the HELL out of the boyfriend would happen on the front end, not the back end.

]]> By: Bonnie Irving http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-302459 Bonnie Irving Wed, 07 Oct 2009 18:29:06 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-302459 WHEW! My Husband and I Just went threw this with our 15 Yr old Daughter. She Spilled out her Hear to my Good Friend( who is the Childrens Ministry Pastors Assistant) She is actually my Step-Daughter, so My Friend, and the Childrens Pastor told Her that they Still Loved her most of all!( We are very close to them and have served Under them as a family for many years) They told her that while it was a Poor Decision, one that they wished that She didnt have to make, that it was in the past, and she needed to make her Peace with God and Move on, They also said that they were giving her today( it was a Sunday morning) to tell my husband. I knew something was up because i saw her in tears. I asked what was wrong and they told me that i needed to talk to my Husband when i got home, and that i needed to give my Daughter A LOT of Grace and Understanding right now until after we got thru all this and any fallout Associated with it. That''s all they would tell me. I had Such a HUGE knot in my Stomach Because i had an Idea of what was going one and I was Scared to Death about what my Husbands reaction was going to be! When i came home My Husband and my Daughter wernt there yet, so, i waited til they got home and when they did my Husband was Remarkably calm, He took me down stairs and told me what happened, and that I needed to change her doctors appointment to getting a Pregnancy Test. He didn't Blow up at her at all( I was SO proud of him!!)( , Just told her that he was Very Disappointed in her, and that She was going to have to live with any consequences of Her decision, and that If it turned out that She wasn't Pregnant, that she needed to start birth control. My Husband was Of the Mindset, that if she didn't it this time Behind our backs she would be Inclined to do it again, not only that she had to deal with the broken trust with Her Dad and I, Not to Mention, Her boyfriends Dad. By the Sheer Grace Of God, She didnt End up getting Pregnant, I am Hoping that this Scare was Enough to make her want to wait. This is something i hope i dont EVER have to go threw again! WHEW!

My Husband and I Just went threw this with our 15 Yr old Daughter. She Spilled out her Hear to my Good Friend( who is the Childrens Ministry Pastors Assistant) She is actually my Step-Daughter, so My Friend, and the Childrens Pastor told Her that they Still Loved her most of all!( We are very close to them and have served Under them as a family for many years) They told her that while it was a Poor Decision, one that they wished that She didnt have to make, that it was in the past, and she needed to make her Peace with God and Move on, They also said that they were giving her today( it was a Sunday morning) to tell my husband. I knew something was up because i saw her in tears. I asked what was wrong and they told me that i needed to talk to my Husband when i got home, and that i needed to give my Daughter A LOT of Grace and Understanding right now until after we got thru all this and any fallout Associated with it. That”s all they would tell me. I had Such a HUGE knot in my Stomach Because i had an Idea of what was going one and I was Scared to Death about what my Husbands reaction was going to be! When i came home My Husband and my Daughter wernt there yet, so, i waited til they got home and when they did my Husband was Remarkably calm, He took me down stairs and told me what happened, and that I needed to change her doctors appointment to getting a Pregnancy Test. He didn’t Blow up at her at all( I was SO proud of him!!)( , Just told her that he was Very Disappointed in her, and that She was going to have to live with any consequences of Her decision, and that If it turned out that She wasn’t Pregnant, that she needed to start birth control. My Husband was Of the Mindset, that if she didn’t it this time Behind our backs she would be Inclined to do it again, not only that she had to deal with the broken trust with Her Dad and I, Not to Mention, Her boyfriends Dad. By the Sheer Grace Of God, She didnt End up getting Pregnant, I am Hoping that this Scare was Enough to make her want to wait. This is something i hope i dont EVER have to go threw again!

]]> By: jill http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-302444 jill Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:37:51 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-302444 A little more than 10 years ago, I was a 16-year old girl who loved Jesus and was having sex with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is now my husband and we have 3 amazing kids, one of whom is a beautiful 7-year old daughter we conceived the summer after we graduated high school. Our story has a happy ending, which I know is because of God. So what do I do when my daughter is in my shoes, 9 years from now? I don't know. I had a mom who dealt with her 18-year old pregnant daughter beautifully. She didn't do anything wrong when it came to me having sex before marriage - I knew it was wrong and did it anyway. I agree with previous posters about making sure you have a strong relationship - but I had that with my mom (my dad was dead) and had sex anyway. I know I won't be exactly the parent my mom was, but I will love Jesus, teach my kids to love Jesus, pray like crazy, teach them to pray like crazy, hold tight to my morals, teach them to hold tight to their morals, then deal with any trouble that comes our way when it comes... b/c sin and temptation always come. A little more than 10 years ago, I was a 16-year old girl who loved Jesus and was having sex with my boyfriend. My boyfriend is now my husband and we have 3 amazing kids, one of whom is a beautiful 7-year old daughter we conceived the summer after we graduated high school. Our story has a happy ending, which I know is because of God. So what do I do when my daughter is in my shoes, 9 years from now? I don’t know. I had a mom who dealt with her 18-year old pregnant daughter beautifully. She didn’t do anything wrong when it came to me having sex before marriage – I knew it was wrong and did it anyway. I agree with previous posters about making sure you have a strong relationship – but I had that with my mom (my dad was dead) and had sex anyway. I know I won’t be exactly the parent my mom was, but I will love Jesus, teach my kids to love Jesus, pray like crazy, teach them to pray like crazy, hold tight to my morals, teach them to hold tight to their morals, then deal with any trouble that comes our way when it comes… b/c sin and temptation always come.

]]> By: Heather C. http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-302443 Heather C. Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:17:45 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-302443 Since our oldest daughter is 10 going on 25 this very situation scares to death! However, we have tried to be very open and use any opportunity to discuss our beliefs, and God's plan for her and marriage. I know that someday it is going to stick with her. My parents did the duck and cover whenever S E X came up so I am trying very hard to be honest and not run away from the questions. We also bought a book called The Princess and the Kiss for her birthday which has allowed us a gateway to talking about abstinence and why God wants us to wait for the right person and marriage. Oh and hubby does have guns...lots of 'em! Remember Guns don't kill people, dads with beautiful daughters do! Since our oldest daughter is 10 going on 25 this very situation scares to death! However, we have tried to be very open and use any opportunity to discuss our beliefs, and God’s plan for her and marriage. I know that someday it is going to stick with her. My parents did the duck and cover whenever S E X came up so I am trying very hard to be honest and not run away from the questions. We also bought a book called The Princess and the Kiss for her birthday which has allowed us a gateway to talking about abstinence and why God wants us to wait for the right person and marriage.
Oh and hubby does have guns…lots of ‘em!
Remember Guns don’t kill people, dads with beautiful daughters do!

]]> By: Jae http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2009/10/baby-the-condemns-are-in-the-top-drawer/#comment-302427 Jae Wed, 07 Oct 2009 12:09:25 +0000 http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/?p=8723#comment-302427 Los, i wanna know what was your creative answer to “Why is your tummy so big daddy?” Los, i wanna know what was your creative answer to “Why is your tummy so big daddy?”

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