Do You Think I’m Sexy?
Low maintenance friends.
Those are the ones you should fill your lives with.
You know. The ones who can come over and you feel zero pressure to entertain.
A while back, Heather and I had a couple over who ARE NOT low maintenance.
Which is great because we are the people that turn high maintenance people into low maintenance people.
We love the challenge.
The morning was filled with conversation, laughing, food, Good Morning America, jokes, coffee, Robin Roberts, ping pong, Rod Stewart, omelets, tabasco sauce, chasing kids, and iPhone game challenges.
It was the most low maintenance morning ever.
Our sofa situation in our living room is great. Lots of room. Seating for like 10.
But for some reason papers were scattered all over the couch and we ended up all sitting on the love seat and one part of the couch.
I was on the love seat with, let’s call her “Jill”, and Heather was on the sofa across the room with, let’s call him “Jack”.
Nothing awkward. We are all cool like that.
Heather and Jack left the room to go get something in the kitchen and Jill and I were watching Good Morning America and chatting about our move to Chicago or something.
She had somehow gotten into the position of her back to the armrest and her feet in front of her towards the middle of the love seat.
I was sitting normally. Her hands were placed behind her head and she looked pretty cozy.
You know. Like this…
And yes. While on vacation I wear things like this. Green with buck silhouettes on them.
Our conversation had ended a few minutes prior and after about 3 minutes of silence she suddenly spoke these words…
Do you think I’m sexy?
Um…Did she just say that?
No way. But yes she did. Don’t look at her. Just ignore it. And no. She is not sexy at all. I mean I’m sure her husband thinks so, but not at all. Almost the opposite of sexy. HOLY CRAP. What do I do? What do I say? Dear Lord.
Do you think I’m sexy?
@$#!#@$! She just asked me again. SHE JUST ASKED ME AGAIN. Relax. Think. OK. I got it. Thank her for asking but politely decline to comment. Holy crap. Holy crap.
I could still hear Heather and “Jack” in the other room. I was floored at the confidence in which she asked. I had NEVER felt any sort of sexual tension between her and I. Like none. If there was a word to describe the complete opposite of sexual tension, that would be it. Like nada. Zero. None. Yet she asked and was waiting for an answer. I could still see her in my peripheral vision, arms behind her head, legs towards me, just staring, waiting, waiting, staring.
My heart was pounding…thoughts racing…fear growing…friendship ending…
I was slowly turning my head towards her and some words were beginning to escape my lips when we made eye contact and she said…
Or no. Wait. Was it Have I Told You Lately? Yea. That’s it. Do You Think I’m Sexy was probably his number one song in the US.
What? Huh? Wait. What? Oh. Yea. That’s Right. Wow. But. Do you still want to know if I’m sexy?
What I had forgotten was that about 3 minutes prior to “Jill” hitting on me I had asked her something while watching Good Morning America. I asked her if she knew anything Rod Stewart had ever sung. I hadn’t. It just took her 3 minutes to answer. And 3 minutes for me to forget that I had asked her.
And you know the funny thing?
I’m the one who’s probably the complete opposite of sexy…brilliant…
And low maintenance…
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
wow…you need some help…
Can you help me?
OH MY GOSH! You just made me laugh really hard! You narrowly avoided a huge train wreck, my friend! What a hilarious story!!
I know. I know.
*snort* hahahahaha….
ha ha, lmao, excellent story…
It was a close call.
good grief that is funny.
i suck
Hahahahahahah! Sitting in my office laughing out loud with no voice.
Wait, can you laugh out loud when you have no voice? Yes. Yes you can. It just doesn’t sound sexy.
yes you can
Oh my word! that is freaking hysterical!
Hilarious. That would be awkward… haha
hahaha! awkward but oh so funny. bet you are glad you didnt answer.
SO glad.
Great story. I am totally chuckling on the other side of my computer. Hilarious!
I’m still trying to get over the lounge wear!
Oh. Target. 5.99
Own it baby
bahahhaha
i hope jill never stumbles across your blog!
Oh. I changed her name, she knows. I admitted it.
Did you admit to her just how unsexy she is too?
Hilarious…I could feel the awkwardness reading your post!
This reminds me of those moments in public when you think someone waves at you but really they are waving at someone else. You return the wave and then realize that they were not waving or even looking at you.
I have been there before and know the feeling.
Totally. Happened to me at Catalyst with Louie Giglio.
Totally was looking thru me.
Suck.
i think the moral of the story besides LMAO is to remember the questions you ask so your not surprised by the answer. Glad you didn’t ask her if she knew and Michael Jackson songs, she could’ve answered ‘Beat It’…
What if the moral was purelt the LMAO part.
Now that would be funny.
Lol
that’s ok too
because it was down right funny! have a great vacation and enjoy the holidays! 
and avoid sexy conversations unless with ur wife! LOL
So happy for you that your mouth stayed shut. So happy for me, who was feeling every possible degree of awkward just reading this post, that your mouth stayed shut.
GOODNESS GRAY-SHUS.
HAHAHA. It sucked. Bad.
That could have ended up MUCH worse than it did. Good job on keeping your mouth shut for as long as you did.
I’m certain, had I been in that situation, that it would NOT have ended up that wall.
Holy crap. I agree good job keeping your mouth shut. Cause if you’d lied and Heather walked in the room that would have not ended pretty.
I want to know where in the story “Jill” became “Jane”
Busted. When assigning pseudonyms I always forget.
bahaha! What if, for a moment you had lost your senses and said, “hell yeah, you’re sexy” Now that would’ve really made you sweat! AND was her name Jill at the beginning of the story and then Jane at the end? ha!
Trying to protect the innocent.
Last week, I was on the phone and my boss was heading out the door. He looked at me, put 2 fingers up to his lips and then pointed them towards me. He was trying to tell me that he was going outside to smoke. Then a minute or so later, he made sure I knew EXACTLY what he was doing so I wouldn’t think he was blowing me a kiss. WAY AWKWARD!!
hahahahahahahahha
Oh, that’s classic dude. Just be thankful she didn’t come back with his song “People Get Ready.”
Oh no you didn’t.
Soooo… what were you just about to say before the LORD himself saved your tail? You know, just in case some opposite-of-sexy person asks again? You’ve had a while to think about it. Funny to hear how you’d answer that…
“uh… no… no I don’t.” Really long silence starts.
Hilarious though, I really was laughing out loud.
I was going to say…
Well. I think your sexiness is only available for comment from “Jack”. So you will never know.
PAHAHA! That was great. Wow.
And how could you not know any Rod Stewart songs?? Shame on you. lol.
Because he’s 70
Totally just disrupted my staff meeting.
sorry.
Ha! Thank Goodness for 10 seconds of sheer internal panic that gave her just enough time to bring it full circle.
“do you think i’m sexy?”
“Have you read my muffintop archives?”
*slap*
or
“do you think i’m sexy?”
“HEEEEAAAAAAAATHER!!!!!!”
Neither end well.
The awkward tension is leaping off this post, hahaha and yes I agree with Katie [above] when did “Jill” become “Jane”? hahaha, even funnier!
I know. It was aweful
Well, do you? Kidding.
Thanks for making me laugh.
What does “Jill” think of this post?
HIL.AR.IOUS!!
VERY FUNNY!
LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So felt second hand awkwardness for a moment. Awesome post.
I mean, you dont know that Rod Stewart sang Maggie Mae?
I am getting old!!!
That is legendary awkwardness.
On a side note, if I ever sing karaoke, I usually sing Rod Stewart. But I like cheesy pop songs….
Wow, that was really hilarious – I was fealing the tension and I was only reading about the exchange. Thank God for a slow, wise, pause before opening thine mouth.
I was in a cold sweat (on your behalf) through the story until the punch…..dude….how do you get yourself into this stuff?
Funny
No kidding. I started chuckling when I got to this line: “we are the people that turn high maintenance people into low maintenance people.
We love the challenge.” And I love that. But little did I know how insane this story would be.
hahahahaha Thanks for sharing, man.
-Marshall Jones Jr.
Send your friends to us. Well fix them
Seriously I think she is still pissed off. . . because of this post. “Not sexy at all” stressed so adamantly. . . she’s offended, & I doubt they’ll stop by again. . . good thing you are moving
actually she read it first and chose her name “Jill”
You know what happens when you assume…
You could sell that story to Degree to make a deodorant commercial. Way to stay cool under pressure.
3 words:
flippin hilarious!!!
this is an awkward moment on steroids! Thank you for your transparency and for the wonderful laugh at your own expense haha! God bless you man! And wow, did God’s grace pull you of an epic jam or what?!
LOL dude, awkward. I hate those moments but once they’re over it feels like… Jesus coming down and saving your butt from a burning house.
i soooooo thought that post was going somewhere else… and i’m sooooo glad it went where it did.
and it’s the transparency you live by that keeps me coming back for more los….
Merry Christmas bro…
Great blog! Really caught you going in. I’m sitting there thinking, ‘What the heck is this guy going to do?’ and then ‘How the heck does this guy get in these situations?’ Keep shining the light brother ~ you’re doing a great job. Much Love, GP
That. was. Awesome.
Heehee You almost got me. That was comedy. Oh, and I LOVE low maintenance friends. And I love having like ZERO chemistry with friends of the opposite sex! Feels good not to have to worry if your nose is oily or if they are looking at your butt.
That was a close call, tho.
Too funny! And just so you know, that picture is weird’n me out, lol!
ok, that made me laugh, a few times. I SO would do something like that.
What if she hadn’t said “wait… or was it…”?
What if the next worcs out of her mouth were simply, “Have I told you Lately That I Love You?”
This story is hilarious. Thank goodness you didn’t answer!!
This was seriously the funniest post you have ever posted…lol!
I just wondered …. does it scare you at all to use the word “holy”, which pertains exclusively to the awesome Lord God, along with such a profane word as “crap”? It would me.
Nope.
My God is much bigger than that.
The fear of the Lord that is in me has to do more with not sharing Him with the world I live in than legalism.
Loved this story, awkward and yet awesome.
Hahaha! Absolutely hilarious! Thanks for the laugh today!
That is so precious! It made me laugh out loud.
I just got to read this. Too funny. I love that you share these stories.
Haha, I love this bro, so freaking funny. This is something that would so happen to me.
You guys sound a lot like us, we’re a low maintenance family ourselves. I don’t know what to do with high maintenance people or rigidly scheduled people. If we don’t have to go anywhere, we’re all in our PJ’s all day. And I love that.