The Small Group Model…Is It Time For A Change?
When I do a google image search for the words “Small Group” I get results with pages and pages of churches.
I’ve been in dozens of “small groups” in my adult church life.
I have loved many of the people in these groups.
But I’ll admit, the group in which I actually did life with the people I met with in our “scheduled” group time was the only group that felt like real community happened.
Every other group I have been in I have made great friends in which I hoped that in the future, I could have community with.
And some of those friends, I have ended up in community with.
But I feel like overall, the small group model might begin the process of true community, but it is not the answer for true community.
What is the answer?
I don’t know.
But more and more peers I talk with are coming to the same conclusion that the system in which they are in feels forced.
Obviously they work. EVERY CHURCH I have been a part of in the last 15 years has used them.
But just like small groups were a result of the current churches frustration with “Sunday School”, what will be the result be from people being frustrated with “Small Groups”.
Here come lots of questions…
What do you guys think?
Maybe I’m a community snob.
Are small groups the answer?
Or just maybe a step towards a better model?
What has your experienced been?
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
I did a week long series on small groups and had some great discussion in the comment section:
Read all here: http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com/state-of-small-groups-part-4/
I do not want to rehash everything I said, but basically I talked about this idea of instead of jumping into small groups and study scripture right away, there should be a time of growth as a community first. getting to know each other, at least getting to know each others names first.
Well I’ll be danged.
You have a thesis here.
That is why I like you.
I’ll get on that reading soon.
Los
well, that is what happens when you are a free agent (job-less) you have a lot of time to do a lot of thinking.
Los,
here is what we are doing…one step further than a small group.
http://www.revyourlife.com/connect/running-partners
RUNNING PARTNERS!!!
wow. I like the concept.
Well, to be honest, I’ve felt in the past that if I wanted to connect to anyone at the church I would have no choice but to be in a small group. It takes a lot for me to truly connect and trust someone and I haven’t been in a small group where I’ve really felt that kind of trust and community. As you said…some friendships, some good people…but nothing really deep.
In fact, in the 15 years I’ve been a Christian I can’t think of a single “small group” that really had any lasting effect on me. However, there’s no real way to meet people within the church outside of small groups.
It’s good to meet new people and be forced to grow in those kinds of uncomfortable situations. Unfortunately, a lot of times I felt like once you’re in a group you’re expected to stay there unless you go out and start your own group. When I would leave a group at one church I attended I was almost given the third degree for leaving a group where one couple was making my family uncomfortable. We felt looked down upon because we weren’t in a small group.
I’m in a group in the church I’m in now and it’s new so I can’t really say much about them other than we’re in the “get to know me” time. Hopefully this group will end up with actual community.
Sorry to sort of hijack your blog…you press a button for me this morning.
“pressed a button.” Sheesh…typos.
Does life change happen best in groups? Definitely not guaranteed. Really does depend on the sense of connection (ensuring I’ll feel like I belong) and commitment (ensuring I’ll stay with it long enough to form an enduring relationship). I’ve found the key to life change is not necessarily being in a group, but always has to do with a life-on-life connection.
You’re asking some good questions…
mark
Dude… I’m with you on this.
I think that community can start there, but it is not the solution in itself. In my experience, it seems that the groups that are intentional about connecting in a real and authentic way are the ones that real community develops out of.
I believe that it is something that should be managed by the small group leader, but I also think that it is the responsibility of every member of the group to step into something like this.
Dan King
With the name bibledude, I’m gonna take your word for it.
I do believe the small group space needs to be rethought. Am working on a book on the subject. Hoping we can all redream community in a new and changing society.
I personally believe small groups are inorganic replacements for authentic community.
If we’re honest, they don’t work.
At the very least, they don’t work as well as we’d hope with as broad enough a stroke as we’d like.
Community can occur in small groups, in spite of them. And sometimes this happens. Friendships do form. And some last.
Community happens outside of the scheduled small group time. Life doesn’t happen when we’ve planned for it.
maybe it’s not the small groups, maybe it’s the church in general? is that really working??
well dang skippy…
yeah… what he said…
My church crossbridgecc.org, has lessened the “pressure” of small groups by inviting people to temporary, semester long groups that might open the door to friendships. Community creation is left to the people who attend. Sometimes you click and sometimes you don’t, so no hard feelings if you don’t find a life-long bff in the first small group you attend.
I am new to the Small Group Leadership world, so I am quickly working on my blog, book, website, and speaking/consulting tour. Should be in a town near you soon!
I don’t think that you can easily define small group life for people. For some it is community – some it is growing through a Bible study – for some (gasp!), it is not needed at all in this stage of life.
I also don’t think that you can easily define what a small group is. Is 2 people a small group? Is 30-40 people living out life together in a mid-size-community a small group?
We tend to want to box things up neatly for people – complete with definitions and flow charts. Life doesn’t flow that way, so why do we force it on people in our church?
Dang. I’d hate to see your job description now.
So what are you gonna do at Cross Ppoint to nail this one down?
wow! respond to the frustration with small groups in a comment section of your blog? come on los…
i like many have been extremely frustrated with my experience with small groups and the feeling that if “you really want to _____ (insert your own current catch phrase here: grow, be connect here, experience transformation, etc) you MUST be in a small group” mentality.
the groups that been the most beneficial in my experience were the ones that happened as a result of at least one of the following: a shared experience or mission, happened naturally, were intentionally short term (sometimes leading to long term relationships), or set out from the beginning with an understanding that this group WILL NOT work if we all bring our own selfish agendas (intentional or unintentional), rather we should begin with as clear an understanding of Philippians 2 as humanly possible, i.e. every member agrees and lives as if this group (however it is conceived) is for the benefit of the people sitting around me.
just my few pennies.
oh, i almost forgot:
“Obviously they work. EVERY CHURCH I have been a part of in the last 15 years has used them.”
does tradition always equal validity?
“wow! respond to the frustration with small groups in a comment section of your blog? come on los…”
huh?
sorry…i just meant that my initial thought was book length and that a comment wasn’t gonna give me enough space to vent…
Earlier in 09 Starbucks used the slogan “Life happens over coffee”. I loved that concept because it captured the spontaneity of community. I’ve been tied to a Sunday School culture for several years, not because I like the model, but because the church in which God has given me a platform to serve uses that model. Honestly I haven’t even been involved in a sunday school class beyond teaching High School students a few years back. Community in my life has not happened because I was a part of a small group program. It has been the result of serving along side people with very different perspectives from mine, but with a similar passion to share life with students. One of my best friends is a 40 y/o dad who was raised in an independent baptist environment and thinks Mark Driscoll is a whack job. We are total opposites in many ways, but I love being a part of he and his family’s life. In my case, a “small group” was the people I began serving with. It was small and it was a group but it wasn’t a program….it happened over coffee.
However this is not to say a program is bad. My community is the result of a shared platform…a mutual opportunity to serve. If a small group system creates opportunities for people to potentially share life through common passions and side by side service, it is great thing. The catch is how we measure the success of the system . . . Is success the number of people who attend? Is success the depth of the bible study? Is success the quality of the relationships between every group member? Does every church member even need to be in a group? Or is success in small groups simply the conversations that happen outside of them, over the phone, over breakfast or over coffee between two or more people that spur us to deeper love for God and each other? You can’t plan it or predict it, but it is a noble cause to create environments with the potential to lead to such connections.
Thanks for that comment.
I love your take. I agree that it is not bad. Just needs tweaking.
Small groups can be a terrific tool for connecting- but it’s not always a perfect fit. The last group we felt REAL community in was 15 years ago (we called it Koinonia not small group) & it was just that…intimate fellowship. In the last few years we were part of a group that was like trying to squeeze OJ’s hand in a tiny glove. Awesome people, all with babies (not teens like us) upper middle class (wonderfully blessed & joyful to hear all your plans to redecorate AGAIN, but we’re going on Top Ramen for 4th day in a row & it’s hard to focus). Second group we were in recently was nice- lots of ministry folks who’d been thru the sludge that we could relate to. Just as community was about to happen- the group quit meeting. My most heart felt realization during all of these seemingly forces groups was that I don’t have time in my
busy, crazy life for a lot of idle, uncomfortable talk. I LOVE getting
straight to the Word,challenging one another & listening to the real
junk that we all need to surrender, but that rarely happens. Making
small group time just another “churchy” attempt. What I would do
anything to see now, would be more of an Action Group. A small
group of the same families who get together every week & put their
faith to action- fixing the neighbors porch, buying & delivering
groceries for the stranger who lost his job. EVERY week for a couple
of hours. Not a mass, once a year project day where the entire church
shows up & the people feel like they’ve gotten their quota of
“missions” in. There’s not much else like sweating it out & awkwardly
changing a life that can build real COMMUNITY.
OK- I really did hijack your blog. Sorry- too much caffine!
Drinnk as much caffine as needed.
I have been encouraged to write a book based on my own experience in the church. I am the Creative Director (Director of Magnification) at our ministry for the past 14 years.
The book concept looks at Small Group vs Teams (possible title).
After experiencing trying to keep an artist, actor team etc. together even when there were long gaps of time we weren’t creating/acting… was impossible. I shut the teams down and launched them as small groups! Duh!
So, my experience is HUGE success with groups when they are launched around a common focus/goal. Now I lead Bible studies that run for several months and get interrupted by projects or dramas. When projects are necessary we use the regular meeting days to accomplish them and pick up our Study next time! Growing like crazy!!
In the same church we can barely keep regular small groups going! It’s something I am documenting and experimenting with over this past year.
I’ve don’t quite understand the purpose of small groups. I know the research shows that it is difficult to connect in big churches and that small groups help ground relationships outside of Sunday mornings, but that has never made sense to me. If 1, 5, 10, 20 or 30,000 like-minded and loving people get together once a week and, led by the Holy-Spirit, reach out to one another in a genuine way and beyond their own needs and self-interests, it should organically become a hot-bed for the kind of relationship building that happens nowhere else. That’s what happens in secular office buildings, recovery programs, gyms, malls, universities and other places where people gather together. So why not in church? I’ve often wondered, do churches really need to synthetically produce through processes/events/accountability groups social interactions that come naturally in most other settings? Is it possible that these processes have actually stunted the kind of social growth that would allow people to just walk up to a stranger (in or outside the church) and say hi?
My husband’s aunt and uncle joined a small group after the uncle was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Basically, they just walked in, and said glad to meet you – here’s what we’re dealing with. Talk about changing your idea of a small group. A couple of the members spoke at his funeral, and it was powerful to say the least. That’s community!
You are right! In that case, they worked!
Weird. My church (lifechurch.tv) is asking the same questions. We’ve discovered that small groups do seem forced. Now the team leader for our “life groups” is shaking things up (in a good way) and trying new things with a new mindset. For the record, I totally agree that they are forced and often the only way the church pushes people to connect. Don’t have all the answers but definitely asking questions about this model.
How are you shaking things up?
We launched “Talk it Over” which is kind of a theme to get people to just talk about the message or what God’s doing in their life with their friends, their family, or their co-workers. That’s life change and community. We’re letting people know that spiritual growth and community can occur outside of a small group setting. Although it can be the best way for some, it isn’t always. Right now we’re trying create a mind shift. I’m sure there is more to come but right now we’re focusing on changing the mindset that we previously created.
For the record, I have two small groups. One is an amazing small group who are now my best friends in the whole world. In fact, I don’t call them my small group…I call them my friends. The other group is good but it’s not to that level nor do I think it needs to be. It’s a different type of community. Not less than…just different.
My small group experience in my church was very positive. For one thing, I had to learn to love people I would never have chosen to spend time with. In the back of my head I kept hoping that So-and-So would leave and I could feel comfortable again, but finally it came down to my own attitude and my own heart. I realized my expectation was community on my terms with only people I liked. That’s not the Church. That’s a clique.
Although I enjoyed spending time socially with my small group, that wasn’t our focus. Heck, I could go to any club or any organization in my town and be apart of something cool. The only thing that separated us from just another BBQ at work was Jesus. We had a common goal and that was to pursue Jesus. THAT’s where life change happened.
That time I set aside every week to focus on Jesus and pray for someone other than myself literally altered the course of my life. I’ve just seen God do too many amazing things through small groups to just say they’re useless. For so many in my church it was their lifeline.
If your final goal is community, well, people can get that almost anywhere(write an Apple vs. PC post and voila, instant bonding!). But if the final goal in small groups is passionately seeking Jesus together, then I think small groups is something that really does change lives.
Great point.
I’ve been in small groups, hosted small groups, and trained people for small groups. At some point, I’ve always come to the question of, “Are they achieving what we set out to achieve?”
The short answer – no. While I built friendships, we never established community.
I’ve had a couple thoughts circulating in my mind about this issue.
I’m not so sure that the small group model is very “man friendly.” Do men naturally circle up and study something?
Men do things together. Go fishing, hunting, camping, hiking, to the bar etc. It’s through these things that friendships are built and community happens.
Not so sure for women. I’ve never been one.
The other thought is that I don’t think community can be build in a 1-2 hour window once a week in a group setting unless there is immediate transparency and acceptance from all.
When I think of community, I think of the last neighborhood I lived in. We had neighborhood crawfish boils. We watched games together. We stood in the streets talking. When I was working in the yard, other men in the neighborhood gathered around to help/crack on each other. Only one of them was another Christian, but I truly felt like we experienced community.
My mom’s small group is the BEST. Sunday afternoons they meet and eat. Sometimes they do a bible study, sometimes they just talk. sometimes they watch football, sometimes they go on field trips (yesterday we went hiking). and I think that’s the best. instead of learning about each other by answering curriculum questions, they build up trust in each other simply by being friends and going out together.
When we lived in Miami I loved my small group. For the most part, everyone was open and engaging. I really really loved it. Those people became like family for me.
Now we live in NC. We’ve been a part of this small group for over a year now and it feels SO forced. Ugh. It’s terrible. Most weeks I dread going. We still go because we’re committed and there are a few people we have connected with…but GEEZ! I don’t get it. I thought it might be the culture differences, but I just don’t know anymore.
Maybe it’s the method?
I’ve had one good experience with a small group, and it was totally due to the fact that it was with the pastor and his wife, who were under some pretty shady criticism. I got to see their marriage and confidence in Christ decline for a period of time. As weird as it sounds, that has been the most comforting thing I’ve experienced in a small group setting. It gave me hope that church leadership were real people too. I never knew that before.
I think these days the “get plugged into a small group” message from the church really means “we’re too busy programming Sunday morning to care right now.”
…can you tell I’ve been burned before?
I still hold hope in the local church. I know God designed it for a reason. Perhaps we’re just missing it a tad.
I think these days the “get plugged into a small group” message from the church really means “we’re too busy programming Sunday morning to care right now.”
WOW preach it my friend.
As a Missionary and Pastor and also my innate propensity for being white… I really appreciated the candor and honesty in the article “Against the Current” in the Fall Addition of Leadership Journal. (pg. 15) Loosely the statements (where dealing with Small Groups) can be summarized as saying, “Small Groups are a White people thing.”
And where pertaining to “Community Building” I would have to say that I totally agree. White people do not seem to have the ability to just allow life to happen naturally. We have to really work at being genuine and open with other people even within our own families. And so for us, It has to be structured and modeled and organized, and therefore always ends up feeling forced. Especially to those outside looking in. Where the typical white person would just think “Well, isn’t this how you are supposed to do church?”
The western church borrowed the “Small/Cell Group” model from the rest of the world. Where, by the way, for the most part… their small groups are not for “community” but for discipleship, and spiritual growth. We have taken the model and seen how full of love these people are for each other… wanted that kind of connection and have created and structured a system where by White Christians can love each other and called it small groups. And this is how we do church… because.. “Well, isn’t this how you are supposed to do church?”
I’m just sayin..
Do we have small groups? Yes.
Why? Because white people don’t know how to love each other. (ok not really what we say, I just happen to believe it…) but my prayer as a pastor is that through these small groups community would somehow truly happen but that more importantly Spiritual Growth and Discipleship would happen because I happen to believe that no matter what your ethnicity happens to be… if you are growing spiritually with someone.. that commonality will naturally and organically provide a deeper connection for them than anything else…
That is why one of the biggest rules of marriage in any culture is to grow together (husband and wife) spiritually because what GOD has joined together let no man separate!
Just my thoughts..
Sometimes race is confused with culture. Geographic mobility has been higher with middle class whites than blacks. Mobile people have used small groups as a way to join up in new settings. People who are less mobile (including many blacks) tend to have extended family systems where birthdays and anniversaries make life so full that joining is less a felt need.
What small groups do is give permission to meet people and interact with them to explore more durable relationships. Lifetime friendships can begin wherever people get beyond “hello.” It might be useful to think of small groups as a spiritual form of “speed dating.” While some small groups gel into truly meaningful relationships, others are just exercises in getting acquainted.
isn’t part of a “small group” to get you outside your “doing life group?”
i fully agree with everything you said, but also have found that many of the ppl in my “small group” i would have NEVER interacted with if it wasn’t for being placed there (the 70-year old couple…the creepy single guy). that couple has loads of wisdom and that creepy guy isn’t creepy, just makes brutal first impressions. now i share a relationship with them that’s WAY different than my “doing life group” as there’s no presuppositions or baggage…they just know the dude that’s in their small group that has a daughter and works @ some job that they know nothing about.
there’s also a ton of freedom in the accountability there. example: my best dude friend who knows my more than i know myself can hold me accountable…BUT…he wants to remain my friend, so may not tell me that I’ve let myself go and gained 30 pounds or that stay on my weekly for my time in the word…in the interest of our friendship, he keeps it real enough to be in my life, but not always real enough to put our friendship on the line…
make sense?
i’m a huge advocate for inter-generational small groups. if i picked the members in my small group, i’d pick all my friends that like the cowboys and suck at Madden 10 so we could talk about how much Romo blows and I could beat them @ PS3 every week…
just my 2 cents..
Our church does “small groups” of common interest. Like I led a book club for two years so it wasn’t forced, we all liked books and enjoyed getting together to talk ab out books. BUT like you said, it was a season that started friendships and relationships but the season ended. But you know what kept us together relationally even after the club ended? Serving. Yes, I know I go to the church lead by the guy that wrote Servolution, But it’s true. We all did book club then a handful of us started serving at the Dream Center reading to preschoolers, then three of us stayed serving there. I think all small groups, that serve together, will have a few long term connections that last. Also, we have groups that are specific serve small groups. Midnight outreach, to Strip Clubs and streets, widows ministry, water giveaways, etc. These groups make for lasting, bonding, friendships because you are serving the poor and the hurting together.
your church. I still need to make it there.
Sounds amazing.
Yes! Come visit. We can show you all around the Dream Center! You can stay with our family, we love company.
Joe Myers book The Search to Belong shook up my thinking on this topic more than anything else I’d ever read. Definitely worth checking out.
Myers spends a good deal of that book discussing the idea that we have four types of social space: public, social, personal, and intimate. I think so often churches/small groups push for intimacy as a means of establishing community which just seems backwards to me. I’m sure that anyone who has participated in small groups has horror stories about that group member who just ran straight into that intimate space. Inevitably you’re left with a room full of people thinking “Dude, put your junk away.”
I think we need to take a step back and see small groups for what they are- one way that true community can develop. Hopefully the church can experience the same renaissance in community development in the next few years as we have in corporate worship over the previous few years.
I can’t stand small groups, nothing makes me want to jump in front of a bus more than ‘having’ to attend a small group because the Church says I have to in order to grow and be a ‘real Christian’. Sounds harsh I know but that’s pretty much the reasons we hear week after week for why we should be in a small group.
Personally I like to build friendships and community through shared expereinces that happen in ‘real time’ in ‘real life’. The idea of being forced to attend a ‘discussion group’ or whatever irks me, who says that’s the best way to connect and grow? who proved that theory?
IMHO small groups are born out of the church’s laziness to look at what people really need to connect and make sacrifices and tough decisions in order to see that happen. They are convenient, easy to write off as ‘spiritual’ and in my expereince they end up little cliques of inward looking people that serve only their own agendas.
Sorry for the rant but you asked
My suggestions; provide more opportunities for people to connect on a less frequent basis areound common interests and let them be who they are, not force them into a small group.
There is real danger in confusing small groups and community. Small groups point toward community like a road sign. You still have to pursue community. But I’d argue that without small groups (the concept by whatever name you call them), you’ll have very little chance of community.
I have never liked small groups. I am a pastor. I have never been a part of one that challenged me in my relationship with Jesus.
When we started the new church we are leading i wanted to do something different. I searched for any models that were in sync with who we wanted to be as a church. The one that we felt had the most merit for us was the LTG model. 2-3 people who meet on a regular basis who read 20-30 chapters of scripture a week, confess sin to each other and pray for people who are not yet followers of Jesus. Thats it.
I have never grown so much in my walk with Jesus. The people we have who have given themselves over to the process are experiencing crazy life change. You can’t drink from the fire hose of scripture and not be changed. The Spirit of God is going to change you.
Thats what i love about this model. The responsibility for change is given to the Spirit. Your heart is wrapped around the lost because your praying for them constantly. There is intimacy because its only 1 or 2 other people. I can trust 1 or 2 people more than i can six.
Its worked for me and us as a church. Will we add, adapt, or change. Maybe. But for now its the pony we’re riding because its quite the ride.
I can see both sides of the coin on this one. First.. small groups makes “big church” smaller and more intimate.
Now.. here’s what I think can be the problem… how you tout small groups as the end-all-beat-all to having a closer relationship with others. Just add water.
However, I think what we can sometimes forget to acknowledge is that small groups are a relationship – they take time, nurturing, care and sometimes the groups just don’t work out. So what do you do when they don’t work out?
“Small Groups” are just a pathway… a tool… a resource to help make community happen, but they’re not the cure for lack of community.
Okay…I never comment…but I’ve got to jump on this bandwagon. I’ll tell you something I have not enjoyed about small groups/the church. I’m a pastor’s wife and have been on staff at a mega-church, a church plant, etc. At the mega-church…although they “talked” about small group being about community…they were always monitoring the groups, their growth, etc. If the small group got too big, they wanted to split it/form a new one, etc. This pattern was so constant, that there was no chance for true community to be formed. It was very unintentionally divisive. But, the church wouldn’t see beyong their “growth” perspective. In addition to that, as “leaders”, we were always the ones that were supposed to “support” the change to encourage growth…when deep down in our hearts…we hated it. Even we longed for community, yet we weren’t really promoting it…we were doing the opposite.
I think obviously a lot hinges on the group leader and the expectations and inteiontality of the group that determines your experience and assessment of group life. There are groups that are poorly led and others that are led well. Groups that lack intetionality or have unclear expectations and groups that have very clear goals and expectations. Every group is unique and a lot depends on these things mentioned above.
I would agree that the focus of the group has to be on relationships. Bible study and prayer are obviously important, but relationships need to be the driving force. Accountability, Belonging, and Care must happen to experience community. Without this focus, groups can drift off course and away from the goal of community.
I think it also important to think about what you are expecting community to look like. If you expect community to be about connecting with your best friends for life, then we probably will end up being disappointed or left expecting something more. Community is just messy at times. Sometimes we do make friends for life, other times we struggle even wanting to see that person another week.
In a small group, you are going to typically spend time with people that are very different than you and often people that are challenging to love and connect with. Yet, this is part of community – learning how to relate, interact, and most importantly love others that we might not typically “hang out” with or spend time with. Loving others is the mark of discipleship according to Christ, and I think a major part of group life and community. The point is that we need to connect with people to grow. Sometimes the more difficult relationships we encounter in groups are the ones that help us grow the most.
I am a small groups pastor btw, so obviously I believe strongly in group life!
Hi Carlos
In my opinion and experience, I really think the small group model is really about how its being used in the larger church model. About 5 years ago my church started its intentional discipleship program and changed our whole church structure so we have 3 ‘levels’ of community – celebration (entire congregation at service, we’re only 200 at max), bible fellowship (its divided by life stages like youth, young adults/young marrieds, with kids in school etc), small group (where discipleship is takes place). Community at each of these levels are different and they’re not entirely separate but have different focus.
I grew up in church (this very church) and struggled alot with the Sunday School system especially when I hit my teens because lots of kids were dropping out and I really didn’t have any community at church, I just kept going cos of family and God. I was 15 when the small group system (http://geylangefc.org/ministries.html) was started for the youths. When I was invited to join a small group of girls, I said yes instantly cos really wanted to be part of a small group and grow intentionally in my faith. It was and still has been hard to form community with these girls because most of us grew up in church yet because of structural ‘issues’ we never were quite friends, just people around the same age. Also our personalities and interests are vastly different. Through 2.5 years of discipleship together, we really grew as individuals in our faith but also as a ‘community’. Although these girls aren’t the people I’d ‘pick’ to be my friends, they are my spiritual community because we come together to challenge each other, be accountable, to grow together and pray for each other. We also eventually served in youth ministry together.
Our group eventually merged with another young adult group as we moved into another ‘phase’ of discipleship and together we have really grown to be a community. We really aren’t best friends or anything but they still are my ‘home’ spiritual community, some of them are more of my life community then the rest. We’re still growing I guess.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that in the body of Christ, I’ve learnt that we should be learning to love those people we find unlovable our wouldn’t usually chose to be part of our community outside church. I think its about learning to love as God loves.
In addition, I feel that the purpose of the small group model needs to be clearly defined. If not its just a cliche of people who kinda like to study the bible togteher. Also, because our small groups are part of the bible fellowships, we grow and build community not just with each other but with the other small groups. To clarify, ‘bible fellowships’ are mid-sized gatherings of 40/60 people after service on sundays. We discuss issues pertaining to our life stages and what God says about them etc, like how what the bible says applies to our lives (so for youth its like dating, school and for parents its parenting issues or faith at the office or anything else).
I don’t know if that makes sense to you or adds to your thinking. I’m not a pastor or anything, just a college kid who is intruiged by church/Christian community structures. I wish I could back this all up bibilically but I don’t have the verses at hand. I think my pastors and church leaders went for T-Net training (http://www.tnetwork.com/).
Praying for your head, your family and Soul City Church!
I know that I am late to the comment game here, but I think that you are asking a lot of good questions. I think that small groups are great, but they can be messy because they are made up of messy people. I think that people feel like it is forced because they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by looking for a group they like better. As a small group leader, I encourage new people to check out as many groups as they want. I want them to find their fit. I think small groups should be given the creative freedom to build their own little community however they want to. Also I think we have to look at the “small groups” that we are already in, although they may not be centered around Jesus. The most important small group that I am a part of is my family. For me the goal is Acts 2:42-47, but I am still learning how to get there.
My wife and I have been part of the same small group for about the past 4-6 years. I’d say it’s been more like an organism than anything else. Some people have come; some have gone. Yet the core group of couples remain. About 2 years ago, another couple joined and they also remain.
We’ve changed our “model” at least a dozen times over the years to meet individual needs and overall group needs. We’re about to change it again in 2010.
I could be way wrong here but I tend to think the answer with small groups — or community — is the same as with most things in life. Just keep working on it over time and eventually you hit that tipping point when it starts to click. But in a world that constantly pushes instant gratification, we cannot expect to form meaningful and lasting relationships in 6 weeks, 8 weeks or possibly even 2 years. It takes time. More time than most of us are willing to give…and it takes a willingness to “get messy”…and we don’t like messy and, therefore, we lack true community.
Two things strike me about small groups and what you ‘get from them’
!. – The type, style of leadership determines the focus, drive and development of the group. Having a leader on a power trip, someone who is very bureaucratic, or someone very laid back will all shape and change the atmosphere and experience for those participating
2. The expectations of those involved – is it instead of attending a sunday service, is it for discipleship, fellowship, are they coming for healing, are they coming for teaching, are they coming cause your sofa is comfy and coffee nice? Of course people come for a few reasons but the intentions will flavor the outcome
Just a few of my thoughts
Oh, I love this… love it I tell you! A fire was fueled reading this blog post because it has been exactly what my roommates and I have been talking about lately.
OK. So, in the past, yes – it has felt like my arm has been twisted by churches (big and small) to join a small group/cell group/life group. Understandably, the importance is to meet people with whom to build genuine relationship and “do life” with to connect people and so that the larger service does not end up being the catch all for people in need of said true relationship.
Although I don’t think there is one main ingredient about small groups, the best ones are when there is true relationship. By that I mean, people genuinely love and care for the people in the group and actually walk through difficult parts of life with each other. There’s been a men’s cell group meeting in my house (we’re not leading it, we’re just giving them the space to use, we just cook for them, fellowship, and leave while they talk/pray for each other) and to see these guys open up and grow . . . it’s like a dried plant perking up after a good rain. They are all at different stages in life, come from different churches, have various gifts and skills, yet it’s the one place they feel at home and well connected with other men.
I will adamantly say it’s because of the genuine love and relationship they have been building with each other. We have one guy who is about 6’7″, has a voice as deep as James Earl Jones, and a heart the size of Texas, who will wait for the guys to come around the corner and surprise them by lifting them up in a massive bear hug. Walls crumble instantly. Another guy in the group was getting married and when some of his groomsmen dropped the ball in major ways, these guys came to the rescue because they loved him and weren’t going to let him walk out that pivotal point in life, alone. I could have cried, watching those men “circle the wagons” and it ended up being a massive blessing to this guy’s fiancee.
The greatest part is there is no power trip. We cook for them to foster a sense of home but they take the ball and run with it. Sometimes they pray for everyone, sometimes it’s just about sharing their victories and failures, sometimes they will end up praying for one person the whole entire time. ::sigh:: it’s a beautiful thing.
So, small groups, yes are a great thing – but would agree that there’s merit to them happening out of genuine relationship with other people, shared experiences, friendships.
::ok, steps off soap box::
Thanks Los.
Small groups done right are what we need.
The small group I’m a part of has been the closest glimpse into what the first century church would have looked like to me. These people have fostered love, connection, honesty, warmth and Truth. We realize that we cannot live inside the bounds of an age group or type (small group for pregnant women under the age of 28 is a little exclusive dontcha think?) I think the point of a small group is to create community. The only reason it doesn’t work is if you make it into something it’s not – a gossip session, a college class, a counseling appointment.
It’s a time for true connection and conversation. Yes, speak of the Bible, and yes, teach something…but it also needs to be a conversation – relating things back to reality. To be quite frank, I don’t think small group will work if you make it into a straight Bible study. People love the Bible, but they also live lives that need to be taken to heart. Connecting things back to the stories we read and hearing the depth of their heart’s transformation through their connecting the words they hear in scripture to the experiences they have daily is so necessary!
I also believe that small groups should reach out to those who don’t know Christ and who hate church…because in that setting, they can feel the love of a true community, ask questions without being slammed by a Bible, and feel connected to what is being spoken about – which is real life experiences.
Call me crazy, but I’m all for small groups done right. I wish I could explain it further but I’m out of time. Thanks for the post. Got me thinking.
Los~
Is it possible that the model isnt wrong or broken but that we are wrong and broken? (i know the obvious answer)
My point is this, community is being FORCED into our lives and schedules. I believe that most Christians and even Pastors are trying to force God into their schedules through small groups. When this happens then real community cant take place.
I also believe that the people that are hungry are the ones going to do what it takes to get fed.
If you truly desire community your going to do what it takes to find it. The problem is we end up trying to find it with people that aren’t hungry like we are.
Many of us are too comfortable in our daily routine to have to”carry” other peoples loads. Most people dont desire real true community.
Just some random thoughts from a semi-frustrated small group leader.
First off, LOVE what a lot of people have written. Great thoughts. Makes me want to turn my comment into a novel, but I’ll control myself!
Now, my experience… Our small group when we moved away from our home state was how I met the people who are now my most amazing friends. Love these people like crazy. Recently had to leave these amazing people when we moved a few states away and now are part of a new small group that I can only hope will lead to those same deep, honest friendships. Was our small group where I DID life with these people? I don’t know. But it was how I met them, so it was at the very least a starting point. Maybe that’s the most we can ask for out of a semi-forced organized meeting. I’m fairly certain that one day small groups will be replaced by something else, hopefully something better. In the meantime, though, I think (and hope) they’re helping people to connect then leaving it up to the people to DO life together.
Oh, and those amazing people I met in our first small group are still amazing and do amazing things for me on a daily basis.
Our church is right in the middle of this discussion, so I’ve really appreciated the post and reading through the comments. In summary here is where we’re currently at:
– many churches confuse the small group “tail” with the community “dog,” so to speak.
– We try to suggest that small groups are by no means the only pathway to community (the best of which happens spontaneously) but they are a valid path.
– we then define community as this:
When crisis hits, who would you call?
Who would you die for?
Who would die for you?
Who is asking you the hard questions?
Who is encouraging you in life?
the questions are a bit stark, but they cut to the chase of true community.
If the answers to those questions are not people in our church, then we say, “we invite you into deeper community within our church and lifegroups is one of those ways.”
So we’ve never felt small groups are the be all/end all solution, but they are a great solution to the challenge of community and discipleship. I think much of our weariness with them is the over emphasis they’ve had for the past 20 years.
As an aside, ‘los, how about a post discussing the challenges of a staff member in a church lifegroup? A whole nuther can of worms there!
Imagine Fellowship in San Antonio is changing up the model of church. Check out this post: http://blog.memberhub.com/is-your-church-like-a-a/
Our church is the small groups or ‘villages’ as we call them. Our villages serve the city for the glory of God and for the good of our city.
Our church is not the weekend service. That is whenall the villages get together to celebrate what God has done in our lives and in our city.
Our plant is based of the premise of, “how would you plant a church if you had no church history to go off on and instead had the Word of God alone?”.
Does it work? Don’t know, we just started.
Have we seen the glory of God? Oh absolutely.
http://www.fwcitychurch.org/
All good. But I have never wanted community or authenticity or intimacy or whatever the new word is. I just want friends.
Friends have been around forever and are good enough for me. Not buddies either. I have never been a bud guy. Again, just friends.
Small groups bore the hell out of me: Theology according to group democracy, boring bible studies, pretend conversation. Occasionally we watch a DVD cause no one has an actual idea. Like the people, hate the format.
The theme of “forced” small group participation occurs in many of the posts. Coercion is a characteristic of certain personality types frequently found in church leaders. Requiring conformity to a legislated method or program defines many church leaders – legalism is found in many places and forms. In my understanding of how small groups work, those who participate are given permission to get acquainted and to approach one another about spiritual and emotional matters. One way I have combatted legalism is to describe the protocols of small group programming as “required except where they are not” — and the exceptions are many. Using a principle to nudge or coax participants toward greater effectiveness is preferred to requiring conformity to a set of rules.
My few cents:
1) I have helped to “organize” many “community groups” (nice wording eh?) and have seen a common pattern. A leader arises, probably coerced by the church staff/Pastors, and quickly finds themselves either a) having all their friends over once a week for dinner/discussion or b) miserably hosting a group of people they have no desire to spend time with.
2) I have led small groups where my husband and I have sat and been totally transparent and honest with our group members, trying to stir the dialogue and find meaningful conversation and depth and had others LIE to our face about their lives. Clearly this type of environment doesn’t foster GENUINE relationships.
3) I have attended more than one group that was clearly a social standings based group (see point 1:A) based around “friends” of similar social status. When you are the only small business owner who is struggling to pay the bills, this is not that much fun.
4) The only “small groups” I’ve seen truly work are very fluid groups of people who are serving together and truly sharing life, typically born out of need. Perhaps if the church were willing to admit its neediness – more people would be willing to offer genuine community and true openness in response.
I agree with Natalie… small groups built around people who are already serving together is the best option. Holy huddles where we expose our deep dark secrets don’t foster spiritual growth & community. They just give us an avenue to vent our frustrations and talk about how messed up our parents caused us to be. In our church our youth leadership team is the best small group I’ve seen, and we don’t call it that. The people who make it up genuinely love and care for each other, and wouldn’t think twice about “asking the hard questions.” Community happens naturally without having to be forced. We keep in touch by text, phone calls and Facebook. Plus we serve side-by-side in the trenches of youth ministry every week.
I think a small group should be a microcosm of the biblical church. I feel there is little depth where people are not serving together in the carrying out of the Great Commission. In order to grow together, they must engage the world together and that means more than just meeting together for bible study, food, accountability and the occasional service project.
Interesting to think that it is an extension of other centered living that pours forth from the smaller corporate body as well as the individual. The inner life is knowing Jesus, the outer life is Christ manifest. From Jesus, to ourselves, to the group, to the world, together.
rest… to trust Christ and live, letting Him fulfill the wants and desires that sometimes consume me if and as He wills… those desires for restoration of the relationship with a girl that still amazes me
sorry wrong post
As the small groups pastor at our church, I ask this question regularly. I am a social person so making friends is not that difficult for me so I didn’t start out building small groups so people can meet new friends. We do 3 types- Study: study a book or subject together. Social: build it around something you love to do like hiking, reading, fishing, etc. This summer I launched the 3rd type and they are SERVE. I went to organizations and ministries in our community and asked if we could partner with them. We go into the homeless shelters, a teen outreach center, retirement homes, a place that ministers to the families of prison inmates, etc. Then we asked the police department and parks department what we could do since they’ve had so many budget cuts. They were shocked that we wanted to just serve without anything attached. It’s set our church on a new course to just SERVE!
The reason I like our model is that you can do whatever feels comfortable. Right now I’m leading a parenting group for people who need a boost and they have had major parenting successes since it’s started. This summer my husband and I led a group of 20 up Mt. St. Helens, most of them it was their first mountain they’ve ever climbed. Last month we cleaned up an totally overgrown park in our community. These have all accomplished exactly what I set out to accomplish and some have even brought new friends into my life as a great bonus!
I think being comfortable with the fact that not everybody NEEDS to be in a small group is a huge step in the right direction. Also having very clear expectations of what you want out of them is another.
I resonate. Honestly, I’m bored with the study aspect. I find value in in intellectually, but that model is still too “classroom” for me, which means there’s not enough time to get to know the others, especially if you’re new to the group. Something different, one of our pastors started a “junto” (see wikipedia). Because we are all believers, the conversation naturally turns to spiritual things, more personal, more relational.
Anyway, it’s a format I think that could be worth expanding.
a.bird
In my experience, the small groups that i’ve been in that haven’t worked seem to have been from badly thought-out mixes of people being assigned to groups. If the people wouldn’t naturally “click” due to really different temperaments/attitudes/life experience ect or due to a lack of social skills, it won’t start working just because people have been thrown into a small group together. Being Christian is not usually on its own enough in common to make it work. I’ve been in groups where even after a year or more it still feels like a college tutorial (and a bad one at that) not a community. On the other hand I’ve been in well put together groups where I knew no-one before joining but after a few meetings people have clicked well together, feel they can be honest and enjoy spending time with each other outside meetings.
Community is rarely found when it’s the goal! At least this is what I have found as a former “Connection’s Pastor.” World War II vets didn’t go looking for community, they just shared the same mission and the byproduct was community. Community that lasted a lifetime!
We have changed our structure from Home Groups to Seasonal Groups where we define the Mission and invite people from all walks of life to engage the mission to find community.
It takes pressure off from becoming the church’s e-harmony coordinator. This is not a covenant but rather an experiment that we have been trying for the last few years.