The Thesis Of Sohaila
I was blogging back in 2002 before I even knew what blogging was all about. I wrote this about 2 days after Sohaila was born. 8 years ago.
It was an EPIC post on my “weblog”
Thursday May 2nd, 2002
4 a.m.
It’s as common as something that nobody knows
Her beauty will follow wherever she goes
Up the hill in the back of her house in the wood
She’ll love me forever, I know she
La da da da da da
- Jack Johnson Bubble Toes
What 48 hours can do to a man. Thursday night my largest concern was if my band would remember to come in on the 1st beat of the 4th measure of Salvation instead of the 1st beat of the 6th measure. Oh the pressure. Last night around 3:33 a.m. I was wondering if there was anyone on the face of the earth feeling the loneliness and despair of a 2 day old father trying anything to relieve his 2 day old daughter of whatever it was making her cry out in such a passionate and desperate tone. What 4 days will do to a man. A lot happened in those 4 days. Enough to change a man forever. Heres what went down.
4 a.m. April 26th 2002 . I usually wake up around 4 a.m. every morning to roll out of the sack and hit the toilet for a blurred aim and miss. It was nothing out of the ordinary. Opening my eyes I find Heather staring at the cable box. ??? Heath. What are you doing? She did not even have to explain. She just looked at me as if this was the beginning of the end. Contraction? I asked. Just another stare.
They were beginning. You have to understand something here. At the beginning of this whole process of labor I had read literally hundreds of articles and books on the who, what, when, where, and why of labor. I was ready. Or so I thought. That doctor Spock dude had nothing on me. Lets have a baby!!!
So up we sprang. WALK WALK WALK. We walked around the block stopping every 9 minutes or so for one of these Contractions. Heather would suffer for 30 seconds or so and we would meander on. How easy is this? Walk with the wife. Hold her hand. Let her breathe. Baby comes out right? Little did I know that these contractions were nothing more than mere 2 foot high gopher holes in comparison to the Andes Mountains Heather would be climbing in 30 or so hours. We walked. Smiled. Giggled. Took pics. Video taped. Had lunch. Nate and Danielle brought over pizza. Sarah D. came over. It was a nice cloudy day. Everything was going good except these darn contractions were going something like this. In minutes 12,6,8,3,2,6,20,14,5,6,8,9,4,5,7,12,10,11,9,2,6,8,7. Nothing solid. And they wont admit you into Kaiser until you are at least 3 centimeters and 5 minutes apart. So around 6 that evening we realized that this Martha Stewart, soft focus, What to Expect When Your Expecting, TLC Baby Story, labor was turning into a sort of Braveheart, Gladiator, black and white, Fear Factor, kind of labor.
11 p.m. April 26th 2002 Moans were growing louder. Tears were coming faster. Patience growing thinner. How could a woman so strong be getting beat down like De La Hoya when only hours before was on cloud nine? Lord? What is going on here? Cant you please get these contractions to at least get closer together? Around midnight Heather was basically on the floor writhing in pain. Called Kaiser. Still no on coming in. The look in Heathers eyes as I told her to gut it out for a few more hours was one I hope to never see again. All that was missing was the snakes on her head and me turning to stone.
After about another hour there was no more we could take. I packed the car. Heather at this point cannot communicate without her head spinning 360 degrees 3 times while her eyes would roll back in her head. And off we go. The 10 minute freeway ride seemed to take forever. We pull into the parking lot and scoot past Emergency up to the 3rd floor to labor and delivery.
2 a.m. Sat. April 27th. Look at me. Strong grown man helping his poor tired laboring wife into the L&D ward. Heather looking the likes of an abused wife. It is time to get this kid out. Just one look at us and these nurses should spring into action and while handing me my trophy for being the best husband in the world should carry my wife off into a birthing room all the while placing the epidural into her back within minutes. UUUUUUUUUmmmmmm. No. Instead we got the nurse who they do not let work the day shift for obvious reasons. She drags Heather to room 9 and tells her to get on this bed that is too high for her to get on herself. She looks at the situation and rolls her eyes. You are a Pastor. You are a Pastor I had to keep my cool. She strapped Heath down and started monitoring contractions. 45 minutes later I was about to go and get the bags from the car when the midwife came in and checked Heather. 1 CENTIMETER!!! WHAT!!!! No way. Almost 24 hours of strong contractions and only 1 centimeter? We were devastated. They sent us home. Told us to come back when the contractions were so strong that Heather could not talk through them. HELLO. This is right now. But we went home. All I can say is that the next 7 hours were the longest in both our lives. Every 6 minutes someone might as well have stuck my wife with a butcher knife. Myself being Captain Emotional was growing closer and closer to my wits end. Nothing I could do. Helpless and armed with nothing more than a stop watch. Like I said. No words could explain the places we went during those 7 hours. I felt like we were at the doors of Hell. My wife is amazing. 8:30 a.m. Saturday morning.
8:30 a.m.
RING RING. Ok that was a cheesy attempt at a telephone ringing. But you get the picture. I answer and get a smooth calming voice at the other end. It was Tammy Brown. My senior Pastors wife and one of Heathers best friends. Hey Los. Could I come over and give you a break so you can sleep? As if words sent from Heaven. Any longer and I dont know what I would have done. Sleep depraved and trying to be strong for the wife. I conceded. Tammy showed up and here began her quest for a Nobel Prize which I have already submitted a recommendation in her honor. You see Heather had been pretty much screaming bloody murder since 4 a.m. All breathing got tossed out the window with being sent home. Tammy quickly took charge and got Heath back to the
he he he whoooo action. No playing around here. Tammy put us in the van and off we went again. We get to Kaiser and I just had that feeling like we were going to get turned back yet again.
What a difference a nice nurse makes. She even smiled. J Into the birthing room we go. This room is nicer than the one the night before. This nurse was nicer too. Things are looking up. The midwife comes in to check on Heather. She is that last one we had for our last appointment. We lover her. Things are looking good. Heathers contractions are under 5 minutes apart. Things are looking good. Nascar qualifying was on Fox. Things are looking good. We just know that this kid is coming any second. I mean we had been in labor for 30 solid hours. Midwife. Latex Gloves. A Little KY. Assume the position. Then her face got that I got to tell my kid her daddy left look. We all braced for the news. 2 Centimeters. No Way. No Way. No Way. We felt like the last 30 hours had been for nothing. We knew they could not admit us under 3 centimeters. But the midwife told us to keep our bags in the room and start walking.
So Heather and Tammy started the left turn circuit. A mini Nascar Race going down. She told us that a good hour of walking should open her right up to 3 so we could be officially admitted. This was the first bit of good news. I took it upon myself to make the first set of phone calls to close friends. We were basically in. By lap 40 of the Kaiser Riverside Labor 100 our midwife calls us back in for a pit stop to check the oil. Still not 3. But she admits us. YYYYYYYYYYYIIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPEEEEEE!!!!!!!!
We are in. Call in the family. They cant send us home now!!! So within 1 hour we had a good 15 close friends and fam in the waiting room. But I noticed another thing. The waiting room was WAY more crowded than usual. Then someone reminded me of the full moon. Little did I know about the party of births that was about to ensue. So many ladies in labor. Not enough beds. This never happens. So Kaiser made the call to begin to unadmit people. And Heather was still only 3 centimeters dilated. We were first on the list.
1 p.m. Sat. April 27th. It is 1 p.m. and our midwife walks back in. Closes the door behind her so as not to be heard. Guys. The nurses want to send you back home. There are women much more dilated than Heather. Lets check you out one more time Heather Still 3. But 100% effaced. And the babys head was right there. Everything was happening except the dilation. So from the end of the bed we all saw the same thing. The midwife looked behind both shoulders. As if to see if we were all alone. See at Kaiser they dont break water. They basically are told to let that happen. But with a wink of an eye she dove back in and I swear reached up into Heathers neck. Suddenly SPLASH. Another wink. You did not see me She walked out. We were not sure what had just transpired. We were trying to figure it out when she popped back into the room and said Oh my!!! Looky here Heather. You water broke!!! Well we cant let you go now. Ill get the nurse. Suddenly this woman became an angel sent from above. She didn‘t have to do that. She just asked that we keep it hush hush. OK. We were in it now. 32 hours into this game. The pieces were starting to fall into place. But the Andes were coming.
4 words in succession. These were words that will forever change who I am. HEEEE HEEEE HEEE WHOOOO. They made the Andes Mountain Range somewhat scaleable. Word started spreading around town that the baby was coming. Friends started showing up. By 8 p.m. that night we had 20 people in the waiting room playing 21, uno, eating Krispy Kreme, sleeping, and watching me go from within the halls of screaming women back out to the so called real world where most of our single friends had invaded a waiting room with no concept of what was taking place only 20 yards away behind the double doors. From the halls of Labor rang out from various rooms AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!, Oh My God!!! Oh My God!!!Get This Thing Out Of Me!!! I Hate You and Your Mother!!! Get Me Someone Who Can Speak English!!! But the most heard chorus bellowing down the halls of the 3rd floor of Kaiser Riverside late that night was, Get this #@*$^$!@ thing $@#!$#1! Before I !!#%@**!! RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
HHHHHMMMMMMMmmm I thought. This is really going to suck. From the moment Heathers Water Broke the contractions were getting stronger by the minute. She was slowly losing it once again. Her he he he whoos were turning into he he did this My fault. Always. Another funny thing happened after the first 24 hours. Tammy suddenly became the only person Heather had any interest in seeing as a contraction rolled around. She told me numerous time that my breath was kickin. And not to breathe with her because it was making her sick. I was also told that I he he he whood way to fast and Tammy knew how to do it better. I was told not to touch. Now being the man of the hour I obliged with the wife. I graciously turned over the coaching role to Tammy. She has had kids. I have not. So I resorted to fervent prayer. Up until 8 or so my wife only got a sedative. No Epidural yet. They only give them at 4 centimeters. Here we go again with that dreaded dilation. So she would literally be snoozing and sawing logs when she would wake up in despair ranting, Oh No Oh No!!! Here comes another!!! This was driving me crazy. Give her the epidural for crying out loud. At 8 p.m. they checked her dilation again. Get ready. 3. I was thinking C-Sec all the way. Lets open the oven and bring out the meatloaf. No need over cookin this thing. 36 hours of this and the curtain was not rising. So once again the angel disguised as a midwife made the call to give the epidural one cent. Early. Everyone had to leave the birthing room. Only I could stay. Heather was stuck with me again as the epidural lady pulled out the box. Heather leaned against me as I watched this lady pull out this needle I knew was not going to enter my wifes body. She lathered her up with iodine. And shoved this needle right into Heathers spine. I almost lost it. But remember. I am super husband. The trophy is on the way. Then 10 minutes later Heather had a wire sticking into her spine dripping with this drug that only a loving God could provide. I mean give me a break. My wife turned back into herself. Within 1 minute of getting this thing she told me she loved me. Only 10 minutes before she barely wanted to stay married. Suddenly visitors were streaming in and out of the room while I watched Heathers contractions peak off the chart and her not feel a thing. All these young married and singles and a few others finally got to see Heather. I tried to tell them that this is only a figment of their imagination and deep within the smile and beauty was this non drugged woman waiting to pounce on and destroy anything in sight. But they would have nothing of it. They just saw strong Heather. Being her strong self. And in the end I am glad. Cause she is the strongest woman I have ever seen. Ever.
So midnight hits. People start heading home. Looks like the baby will be here around 5 a.m. Church is in the morning and most people are involved in ministry at Sandals in some way shape or form. After a while I wondered the halls looking for a place to crash. I found this security desk with no one at it and crawled under it and hit the hay. Lights out. Then at 3:45 I was awaken with 3 words that started my fatherhood Time to Push. Groggy from 45 hours of watching my wife labor in pain I gathered myself and walked the long hall toward the room where my wife might just cuss in front of my mother and drop a few F bombs while the Video tape rolled. I warned Carmen. Lets do it. I have not seen Heather in a few hours. She was sleeping as well. As I entered I expected to see Heather strapped down in stirrups wanting my head on a platter. Instead I got a scene straight out of an article in Martha Stewart Baby. Soft focus. Dim Lighting. Moms with Cameras. Wife putting on makeup on directing the photographers. What??? After all this intense pain and drama this is what we are going to end with? A Party in the delivery room? Well see.
I went down like this.
Push. Push. Push. Watch Bob Villa on Home Time Push Push. Watch Bob Villa on Home Time. Squirt. Splash. I‘m a dad. I never felt that Warm Fuzzy most people talk about. I only felt amazed at my wife and in awe of this child. It was more worship than fuzzies. How anyone can witness a birth and not believe there is a God I cannot understand. Cause God was there that morning. And I am just beginning to understand that concept of Gods love in a way I never knew before. So I will try. Try to reciprocate that. Try.
I could go on for 15 more pages about the hospital stay, ride home, first night, but I will let you call me for that scoop. It is amazing as well.
So as I type this with my Sohaila on my lap fast asleep to the rhythm of the keyboard, I will tell you where I now stand.
1. Heather owns Proverbs 31. She is more than a wife. More than a best friend. More than I will EVER need. So many men go looking elsewhere for something more. All I ever need is her and she decided to double the fun by giving me Sohaila. I know all men might think the same of their wives. And they should. Mine is just better.
2. My child farts on me. Pukes on me. Sneezes on me. Screams at me. Then just looks at me. And it is then. When she forces her HUGE eyes to try and focus on the big brown blob called my head. That I understand. All the fussing and crying and stuff that people are scared of. It all goes away. Cause she is looking at me. Just a simple stare. It is then when she is at her calmest. Oh my Lord. How parallel is that to You? You hold us all the way. Yet you feel the most loved when we quit staring at the world around and just focus on you. I am beginning to get it.
3. My friends and family is amazing. Just to see Fermin (dad) hold Sohaila trying not to break her and not hold back the tears amazed me. We could not have done it without them. He must have led 5 people to the Lord at Kaiser during our 30 hour stay. Heathers side. My side. We are lucky.
4. My role is stronger. I am the Worship Leader at Sandals Church. Service Pastor at Sandals Church. And this is all I know. Leading Worship is being a good husband. Being a good dad. Paying the bills on time. Keeping my word. Leading worship is not giving people goose bumps every Sunday all the while feeling proud of yourself. It is so much more. So much more. A way of life.
5. And last. I stand a bit lower now. A bit more of myself is gone. Not just thrown away. But being used. Remember the playground in Kindergarten? Boys chase girls? You got tagged and had to go to jail And for the longest time you just ran around avoiding getting tagged. Ducking. Sprinting. Stopping. Shaking. After a while if you ever made it as one of the last ones not tagged the game changed. Now it became time to not run away from Jail but to run toward it to free the trapped souls of your fellow men or women. Time to sacrifice. You spend time plotting who to run towards that is not quite as quick as you. You tag a friend and he or she is free. Then you do it again. And again. You become sacrificial. Sometimes even being tagged and going to jail
Well the game has changed for me. It used to be all about me and how fast and quick I was. But now I focus on getting my family out of any situation we find ourselves in. I focus on so much more than myself. I become sacrificial. It is not about me anymore. So much has happened in this huge game of tag. And you know what? Sometimes I am going to get tagged. Then if you are reading this right now you got to promise me to come tag me out of jail. I have trusted most every one of you with some aspect of my so called life. And now I trust you with more than I have before. For some of you it has been secrets. For some it has been friendships. For some it has been late nights at the Waffle House. For some it has been my education. Now I trust you with Sohaila. Be near us in prayer or in person. I just beg you be near us.
Tag. Your free.
Los
Back to 2010…
Happy Birthday Sohaila.
You have given me the best 8 years of my life.
Daddy
RAIN IT DOWN
This absolutely wrecked me.
Thanks for reading.
I’m wrecked as well Mandy
Happy Birthday Sohaila! What a fun thing to be able to watch you grow into a beautiful young lady on this blog!
Hope your family enjoys this special day!
Thanks for being here!!!
Wow. That is just beautiful.
Thanks. She is!!!
Oh, I loved that. Happy birthday, Sohaila!
She is amazing
Your an amazing father. Stay involved in her life. Make memories, teach her the way to go, love her, tell her she’s beautiful, show her Jesus every day, show her your love for Heather, whatever you do- love her for her. You have a beautiful daughter, Happy Birthday Sohaila.
She said thanks!!!
You wrecked me too. What a beautiful telling and a beautiful daughter. My baby girl is 20 and been in Peru 3 months with 24 more to go being a missionary reaching the poorest of the poor with the Gospel. I’m missing her today.
That is rad.
to me one of the best parts of having babies is remembering the wonder of the day they were born….
amen
Los,
This has got to be the most incredible post ever. I laughed, I cried, then I did them both some more.
And incredible, humbling post, from the dad’s point of view. Priceless. I’m going to have my son read it.
Love the pix of your first born growing into the gorgeous 8 year-old she is today.
Thank you.
Thank you!
I remember hearing the annoucememt at church that Sohaila was here and being so excited for you guys! I also remember being exhausted because I had just had Gwen and was adjusting to be the mother of 2. She is getting so big! Before you know it we’ll be parents of teenagers! Tell Sohaila happy birthday from the legaspi’s!
Oh, dear. You’ve made me think of my story with my Boy — eleven years ago. I love the realization you share about what it feels like to have that little bundle of blessings just stare at you. And how Daddy thinks the same thing when we stop being distracted and just look at Him. So good… Happy BDay, Sohaila!! (Good job, Mama & Daddy!)
She said thanks to you too!!!
Whoa. I’m about to give birth but I think what hit me more is how this has affected you spiritually. Not the pain and agony. Because the reward is so great.
And so you feel better. Seanna, our 2nd… 4 hours of labor. Not 48
Oh Los,
How I needed that today of all days…you see, I am 38 weeks pregnant and according to the doctor, could deliver any day now. “Any day” that we (my husband and I) thought was last night. We went to the hospital after hours of contractions and got sent home after finding out I was only dilated to 1 centimeter!! I am surprised I’m not in jail for going postal on the poor nurses just trying to do their jobs and get thru the night. The final straw was the last nurse that actually came in and told us we were going home because, “You aren’t in enough pain yet…” I so needed those tears and that laughter that your experience just provided!! Thanks so for sharing and tell Heather she rocks!!
Let me know how it goes!!!!!
Definitely…tonight is a full moon…LOL!!
Oh my goodness. Thank you for sharing this. I don’t physically know your family, but the Lord has blessed me through you all big time. Thank you for letting us see into what you were going through when your precious little girl was waiting to be born and you and your incredible wife were going through one of the most difficult times you’d ever experienced.
Happy Birthday, Sohaila!
Wow. Just wow. What a fantastic recount of your beautiful daughter’s birth. She will love having this to read when she’s older. I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my second child (a girl this time!) and this makes the anticipation of her arrival so much more, remembering all the feelings we had the first time.
Wow.
Oh, for Pete’s sake. You’ve made me cry, again.
Well done, sir. Well done.
Your point #2 above moved me in a way that I never thought a sentence with the word ‘fart’ in it could.
I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that my wife and I had our first child just a week ago, but you’ve hit on all of those feelings that a new father has. Things that are felt, but that I couldn’t articulate nearly as well.
Wow, so I have this little flip calendar of daily reflections and here’s what it says for April 28:
“Because of you, I love a little more. Because of you, I take time to give an extra kiss good-bye. Because of you, I have a new favorite song…Because of you, I live today, before I worry about tomorrow…Because of you, now I can help or listen more. Because of you, today, I am me.”
Quite amazing what love can do! Feliz Cumpleanos Sohaila! God bless you all Los!
I got a few giggles and tears from this. My little one was over cooked and completely uninterested in checking out of his warm cozy home. After passing 2 due dates we scheduled a c-section and hoped to go into labor beforehand. That didn’t happen – not even a little – and so at 8:18 am Nov 30, 2006, Jordan was born by c-section. 10 lbs 13.2 ozs. We didn’t have the excitement of contractions and labor and part of me feels like we might have missed out on that, but another part (the part not keen on big pain and excitement) feels like the end result was what we were after-our baby boy’s birth (however he got here) and for him to be healthy.
Beautiful post, we can really see how much you love your family. Keep taking pictures of the family as they grow, they are so awesome to look back at.
Amazing post. Thanks for sharing.
Wow, beautiful post! Becoming a parent changed us spiritually too. You just can’t imagine love that strong until you have children.
Happy birthday Sohaila! You’re a beautiful girl, inside and out!!
My sweet baby girl turned one on the 24th. Reading this post wrecked me too because I wasn’t there for her birth. We adopted her from the foster care system and the Lord had everything to do with it! I am a horrible writer, but you have inspired me to sit and journal the experiences that we had in that process. From having her placed in my arms at 4 days old (that’s today by the ways, 5pm) to finalizing adoption on Oct. 16th, 2009.
Happy Birthday Sohaila!!
This is awesome, Los!
As a single guy, I so look up to this.
This is the kind of father, dad, and husband I want to be.
A man after God’s own heart.
Thanks Los!
I don’t have kids yet, but it sounds like it will be an amazing experience when it does happen.
~Happy Birthday Sohaila~
An amazing story. I was so lucky with my labors!!!
This brought me to tears and reminded me too of my miracles running me crazy lately.
Great post. there is nothing in the world like being a dad!
im a boy and i actually cried.. Happy Birthday Sohaila!
happy birthday to your 8year old angel =]
She is so beautiful! She is blessed to have a father like you!
Great photos too! What camera and lenses are you using?
Wow, that was a win Los. Beautiful words and I loved your true aspect on the whole thing
I just hope you never publish that photo I took, (Sohaila’s first photo) the one Heather has turn down on the album with a note “turn at your risk” LOL
Happy Birthday Baby Girl. You are such a gift to us. Love, Lita.
That was amazing. Being a Mom of 3 I can relate to the hee hee whooooos of it all. And I totally agree that I cannot understand how anyone can watch a Mother go through labor and child be born and not believe in God. In miracles even. I hope your daughter had a wonderful birthday, she has a great Daddy.
This was so moving. Thanks for the wonderful insights at the end, too. My two girls are helping me to learn the same things, that the things I do in this life are not about me and how great I am. God’s call for me is so much bigger than some twisted ideal of popularity.
And I love this idea of tagging each other…you definitely bailed me out of jail tonight!
The last picture… that, sir, is EPIC.
Thanks for inspiring me to buy a good camera and try to catalog my family!
Loved reading this, Carlos! Brought back memories (some not so good – my epidural didn’t make it to me in time… I still have anger issues over that one!).
Tell Heather I’m so glad to know I’m not the only pastor’s wife to drop a few “f-bombs” during labor!!
I only started reading this blog a few months ago, but in the time since I’ve completely fallen in love with this family. I also read your wife’s blog, and both of you are just so wonderfully honest… so Christian in the truest sense… not the sense of “hey, look at me, how good of a Christian I am” like so many do, but in the sense that you live an honest life before God and you accept that sometimes you will fail and you are not ashamed of that, but you allow God to show you His mercy and grace. Like I said… Christian in the truest sense
In a world where I am getting fed up with Pharisees and honestly starting to identify more with non-Christians sometimes than I do my own brothers and sisters… your family is completely refreshing. i pray that when my husband and I have children, that we can be even half the parents to our children that you are to yours.
Los–
I loved this blog. It was sent to me by a friend, Sarah Prendergast. I am all too familiar with the relief & sense of peace brought to me by an epidural. It was my husband’s savior!!
Happy birthday to your daughter. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this entry.
-Staci
God’s gifting of words to you, Carlos is indescribable to me. As many others said regarding this post, I laughed, I cried, I remembered my 4 children’s births, I related to that demonized/angelic woman that childbirth evolves women into being, I was struck again by what worshiping God really looks like.
My oldest is a senior in high school this year; I can’t describe all my heart holds at this milestone. He is an amazing son and I am blessed beyond words to be his mama.
Many blessings to Sohalia, you, Heather (whose blog TTOTALLY rocks), Sienna and Losiah.
Our God reigns!
My bad, Seanna. Sorry.
Wow, you are such a great writer! This so reminded me of my crazy 8 births…all of them long like this…not even one merciful 4 hour like Seanna…but each one well worth it of course. I too became a crazy women, my poor husband like you standing by my side. The youngest is 17 and almost out of the house. It all goes way too fast as you know. Thanks for the memories, I really needed your perspective to draw me back to what is important…family and of course Jesus!!! All the rest of the mess doesn’t matter!
Happy Birthday Sohaila! (and happy super special day to Mom & Dad)
This was like… the best thing ever.
My oldest son’s birthday is this week also. Tomorrow, actually. He’s 18 though. Man, the time flies.
Dude, that was long! Felt like I was reading…my blog.
Beautiful. The girl and the words.