Behind My Water Stained Lenses
There are seasons where I wear sunglasses all the time.
There are seasons when I never wear them.
I don’t realize what season it is until I look back at pictures.
And then I realize it has nothing to do with sunshine or clouds.
It has to do more with wanting my eyes to be seen or unseen.
Not for the sake of hiding what is in them as much as dimming what is outside of them.
I have been wearing sunglasses a lot more lately.
I guess I’m in a season of dimming.
Which is not a bad thing.
It’s more of a necessary thing.
I think sometimes the pace and speed as to which people move and egos shine gets all a bit too much for me.
Those who matter don’t and those who don’t should.
People who are there shouldn’t be and people who should be aren’t.
My parenting sucks and my kids end up loving me more.
All these things don’t make sense, yet are.
So I just put on my sunglasses and keep walking…
And these are all the things that are going on behind my water stained lenses.
What’s going on behind yours?
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
1st things first – did you dip those glasses in the water of LA to get that oil/water stained lenses?
2nd – answer to your question – i think on things probably way to much, so usually talking it out with God and asking for clarity. I am so glad God is all knowing and is everywhere at the same time:) otherwise i would be accused of taking up all his time.
I wear sunglasses a lot when I want to disguise my anger and pain. I fear that I’m like Cyclops (from X-Men for the non-comic book types), that without the shield I’ll carelessly burn a hole through someone. It’s not rational; I don’t have that kind of power. But I still wear them and I still feel it.
I don’t have a good pair of sunglasses but I’m old enough for trifocals which help me see clearer in 3 ways, close up, middle and far away.
For me it’s been a season of clarifying vision up close, middle and far away.
My process has gone like this: Expectation, reality, disappointment, loss, grieving. Followed by new doors opening, rediscovery, truth, acceptance, humility and love.
Not comfortable but worth it.
Regret, emabarrassment, dissapointment, shame, and guilt hide behind my sunglasses. I haven’t been a good leader to my wife and kids. I don’t always work as hard as I should. I have addiction issues that I’m too embarrassed to confront. The worst thing about it all? My sunglasses block grace. And mercy. And forgiveness. Thanks for a safe place to confess. I’m so thankful for your ministry.
We must be brothers. Same here. Hurts to admit. Thanks Los.
I have very sentive eyes so I where two pairs of sunglasses when it’s really sunny, but behind my shades is hurt, anger, rage, insecurty, lack of identy, rageing questions no body seems to have answers for, & a scared kid in a big body, begging for the safe arms of a “dad” that never seems to be there. when I don’t want enyone seeing the tornado of confusion & pain I where my shades constintly, fearing if anyone sees the termoil within the’ll be sucked in the dark vortext & also be lost.
I wear sunglasses all the time because I live in Florida and am very sensitive to the light. Sometimes I even wear sunglasses when it’s raining so I don’t have to squint. What I’ve found is that sometimes I forget to clean them off. I end up with scratches and smudges and before I realize it my vision is effected and I don’t even realize it. I’ve found we do the same thing in our lives. We allow situations and circumstances to muck up our glasses, but we don’t take the time to wipe them off (forgive, pray, etc.) and before we know it our vision is skewed. Crazy, huh?!
That was free….
I actually wrote a blog about this in May of last year. It’s called “Perspective – What color are your glasses?” and you can check it out at http://www.karagene.net if you’d like! BLESSINGS!
Love that you talked about a “season of dimming”. I think sometimes putting on those shades help me to focus on the important things…sort of dimming out the distractions around me; keeping me on task and on track with what’s important.
I wear shades. But I put up other barriers to block out the world. Silence, solitude in a crowd, attitude…
Those who know me well know when to give me some space when I come into the room. Others… well, I only hope they will give me the grace I don’t deserve.
Lately? I’ve got things cooking that make me withdraw somewhat. Maybe I need to get some dark sunglasses and clue the rest of the world in.
i appreciate your honesty. i think it’s essential that people have something (sunglasses, silence, solitude, etc) to allow them the opportunity to reflect.
thank you.
Two years ago I started to wear corrective lenses. Before then I hardly ever wore sunglasses because I was just bad about losing them and scatching them, not to mention I wasn’t used to having something on my face.
I wear sunglasses more and more. It’s funny how right you are. I always thought that sunglasses were for, well…the sun. Now I have discovered that I do tend to wear them for other reasons. Some which I have not yet realized I am sure. The feeling of privacy and seperation is the greatest for me.
I just wish that my sunglasses would slap me upside the head when I use them for evil.
Ooohhh I like this one Los! “Those who matter shouldn’t and those who should don’t.” It seems so simple to see it written that way and yet I think we all struggle with this daily!
I found myself wearing my sunglasses a lot on our recent trip to house hunt for my move to the San Francisco Bay area for medical school. I realize I was trying to keep my emotions hidden, I didn’t want my boyfriend to see all the fear and doubt I was feeling about the decision to move and to start medical school. I wanted him to see me excited and strong, so that he could be excited and strong… I wanted to be the rock of confidence, at a time when I think we both were feeling a little unsure. It’s funny how even after 5 years of our relationship there are still moments when I wish I could hide the real me, afraid that the real me might be too much for him to handle.
Of course, he knows me well enough, to know I’m hiding… and also, well enough to let me hide for the moment… As thrilling as a new romance can be, it is the comfort of being known to such a deep level, and being loved in spite of oneself, that makes commitment so very appealing to me!
I’m beginning to realize that God pulled me out of a thriving ministry in the states and dumped me in missions, not so that I could be some great missionary, but so that I could quietly learn to be a better wife and mom.
Ouch.
What’s behind my glasses?
Sometimes I’m hiding an angry eyebrow, or the bitter lines of judgement from the face I make when I’m casting others down.
But mostly, these days, it’s the burning tears of humility and big, fat, crocodile tears of Joy; the tears that come in the process of learning how to submit to God’s will.
behind mine are fatigue usually. in those moments, i’m not ready for authentic interaction, but i need to get to the store to buy some beer to sip on while i watch the finals. and that’s absolutely all i’m interested in at the time.
I don’t wear shades when I stand for injustice. I have a hard time to look into people’s eyes with shades on, so I would take my shades off.
But sometimes i need them to hide my tears of pain when i see how some so called “Christians” can hurt others. It kills me when mercy and grace is not extended and when pride reigns. Then i hide under my big lenses I can just cry…they are dark and big- no one can see the pain.
I wear my sunglasses at the least bit of sunshine. My husband says I wear them too much – which I think is silly.
I misplaced them yesterday.
Which is fine because too much goes on behind them. Too much worrying and analyzing and worrying. Someone told me recently that I haven’t seemed to be enjoying my faith lately and it’s probably true. Ministry is a fine line between caring and releasing and it keeps the back of my shades cloudy sometimes.
love you. love this post. and this is one of the coolest pics you’ve posted. are you still in cali? wanna see the whittaker fam before you head out!
i broke my sunglasses 2 days ago… bummer. it’s not a good time to be without sunglasses. not just because i live in L.A., but because i am not wanting to be read right now. the ex is moving far far away, and though i have healed and moved on from our relationship, i am dealing with some foreign emotion. i’m always the one leaving, this time it’s different. i could’ve been leaving, but i am not. basically, i’m a little emo and i’m not sure anyone in my world would understand why… so i miss my sunglasses big time.
I dig your heart in this post, what was said was real, how ironic that you wear the shades to feel the need to hide some things but behind the laptop screen you can feel free.
M_
I’ve had a burning desire recently to buy sunglasses. Haven’t worn any in a few years. Wonder if that means I’m feeling more private? I have shown a lot of vulnerability this year, and it’s been good, but maybe it’s also been wearying. Or maybe I’m wanting to dim what’s coming at me…there’s a lot of brokenness out there, and sometimes it overwhelms me.
I wear sunglasses all the time becasue my eyes are really sensative to the light and if i don’t then i squint link crazy and get tension headaches – crazy I know!
But that’s not want you’re getting at here is it? Behind my sunglasses likes an often insecure man who’s afraid to follow the dreams on his heart. Often those eyes are weary under the weight of the world and guilty and ashamed that I dont seem to trust God enough to cast it off. I’m a man longing to be who God has created me to be yet struggling to figure out how. Please pray for me, that I will be bold and humble in faith to trust God and to follow Him. – thanks!
Ministry is getting rough these days.
Busy. Very busy.
Life is busy. Very busy.
Complicated. Awkwardly, complicated. Very complicated.
I was able to hit pause today. Needed. Refreshing. Lovely. Nice. I like pause. A lot.
As long as you aren’t dimming Truth …
New beginnings and glaring ignorance… a complete lack of practical knowledge to make big dreams a reality… and the stumbling, halting steps of a child who’s learning to be bold again… who’s slowly remembering what it is to have courage.
Interesting post! I just called the eye doctor about getting darker lenses in my sunglasses. My reasoning was that the ones I have aren’t really dark enough to filter enough sunlight (my eyes are sensitive) but when I read this, I got to thinking that maybe I want darker sunglasses cause really, I don’t want people seeing me ignoring them. I’m burnt out on trying to solve problems for people because I have problems of my own that aren’t being solved, so if I have a darker or mirror coated lens, then maybe I can sit and look like I am looking people in the eye when really, I’m watching whatever is going on in the background. Is that bad?