Boobs.
Just being honest here…
So I have 2 unbelievably beautiful girls.
They are still at the age where they crawl up on me in the middle of the night and spoon me from both sides.
But the time is nearing an end. I can feel Justin Bieber slowly stealing them away.
But above all of that, I am freaked out about one thing.
Well really 2 things.
Actually, if you count both of them, 4 things.
Boobs.
What the crap am I going to do when they get boobs?
I’m not kidding.
I watch men whose kids are growing them.
They pretty much just give up at that point.
How did you handle that happening?
How did your parents handle your beginning boob stage?
Was it really the most awkward and strange period of your life?
Help this father 2 little girls not tie his daughters up and leave them in the top of the castle from age 13 till 34.
How did you handle the boobs or how did your parents handle that time in your life?
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
I am looking forward to see how you deal with this as my girls are like three years behind your’s. So when the shit hits the fan, I can come to this blog and say, ‘Right, now, what did Carlos do.’
No pressure, really.
Hahahahaha.
No sir. I hope your get them before mine and I’ll just watch you.
Umm…it was not that bad for me as a kid. I promise they’ll survive
Let your wife handle it, that’s all. And tell them they’re beautiful all the time. That’s about all you need to do.
gracias.
Oh, I should just have my Daddy call you – he was masterful at handling life’s little delicate issues with two daughters!! When my boobs appeared on the scene, my Mom took me out to have the birds and bees talk with me. Shortly thereafter, my Daddy took me out to have the “needs and the wants” talk with me, and explained how boys/men think and operate. Oh, the fun the first time a boy told me that he had “needs!” you’ll do great!! Teach them to act like ladies, but to know how to think like a man!!
That is a good word, Melissa!
I don’t feel I got much guidance, and it was a disservice. Face it head on, Carlos. They need you.
melissa, great comment. i’m now looking forward to the “needs vs. wants” conversation. i guess i just have to wait a few more years, since my girls are 3 and 1.
Start now homie.
Melissa,
As a daddy of two growing girls, I must say I agree with this answer the best. Momma handles the details like monthly visitor and other stuff, but it does come to me to explain boys. I think it has to do with the fact that I was a sailor…
Carlos,
Always leave the door open. Never let them think they have to hide from you. I mean that figuratively – not literally. But that’s how my Dad handled drugs. “If you’re going to smoke marijuana, I want to be there with you.” Of course, that didn’t happen, but when I did try it I fessed up to him right away. And it didn’t happen again.
I was in church a couple of weeks ago with my six and eleven year old daughters. After the service, one of my friends walked over and mentioned that he wanted to know who was the blonde lady between my wife and I. Then she turned and he could see it was my daughter. My 11 year old daughter! I told him, “You just scared the $#** outta me.”
Funny thing, though. And I see that this is turning from a comment into my own blog post… Anyway – as my kids grow up, I have stopped looking at women lustfully. The reason why, I think that some kid is looking at my daughter like that, and I want to kill him (or, in these horrible times, her).
‘Nuff said. I’ll shut up now.
i think it is just a constant conversation, one that has already begun, whether you know it or not. it’s about teaching them pride, respect, modesty, dignity and beauty. the conversation is larger than boobs, because let’s be honest, lust isn’t only aimed at boobs. it’s about teaching them that their bodies are a temple, that they are a gift, but also that they are just exactly what everyone else has, a body. it’s about teaching them to respect themselves and others but to also demand respect from others and to only surround themselves with people that will hold themselves to the same standards.
i guess that’s all i got Los, but you already knew all this. oh well, i have faith that you have already started the conversation in a positive way.
cheers
Constant conversation. Love it. That is all I needed to hear.
I agree with Heather EV…let the wife handle it and give them support as they need it.
There comes a time when our roles change b/c the kids are, and we have to trust GOD.
Man, I sound like a counselor/parent, though I’m neither.
Just another single guy observant of friends with families…
Sometimes single guys have the best advice.
Not jaded.
When I started growing boobs my mom mentioned to my dad that I needed to go bra shopping, his lame attempt to make a joke was telling me to “just put some band-aids on them!”
After looking at both of our faces he stopped making suggestions and stayed out of our “women” conversations.
If you think the boob stage is bad, just wait for their monthly cycles to start…now that’s awkward!
No worries, you can handle it
Justin Bieber! *swoons*
“a belieber” – hilarious.
I agree with what everyone else said. My dad handled all of my female firsts. Even before they got divorced at 13ish my mom had (and still has) such a drinking problem that she wasnt an active part of my life . Honestly I think each girls personality will change how you deal with each conversation. I was always the sensitive one so my dad knew that alot of joking didn’t work well with me. We had lots of heart to hearts. My sister on the other hand is a lot more similar to my dad so she handled things better sometimes by making light of situations with jokes I so clearly remember having “the talk” with my dad. How with so much love he explained to me how and why it was important to have respect for myself. Explaining How valuable I was. Even with some joking he reaffirmed to me so much throughout my life that I was valued, loved, and deserving of respect. So that’s my experience with dealing with this stuff with dads. You will do great!!! Your girls are lucky to have an awesome man and woman of God leading them and guiding them.
Thanks.
definitely let mom talk about the boobies with them and you just continue to sing their praises and remind them how beautiful they are.
Sweet. 1/2 of that is done already.
I don’t have a suggestion, just want to comment that I’m freaking out too with my 7 year old. And if I’m honest, I’m not sure if any amount of advice is really going to prepare me for the “boob” talk, and most especially not for the dreaded training bra shopping. With my luck, my wife will be away for business & I’ll have to be the surrogate mom (which I’ll do but with blushed cheeks). If that happens, I just gotta find someone to watch my son when we go shopping.
Just don’t get divorced…
My Daddy is a daddy of 2 girls.
He made sure to always remind us that all men have 2 brains, and that only 1 can work at a time.
Also, anytime we had boyfriends, they all went shooting with dad within the 1st few months…my sister and I thought this was a sweet bonding experience…dad let us know later that is was to show said boy had great of a shot he is.
Good luck! Miss you Los.
Brilliant.
This is why the idea of having girls REALLY scares me…
As it should.
My idea… don’t make too big a deal out of it.
If they sense your insecurity they will just feel (more?) awkward. It’s normal, just act normal and they will feel normal.
breathing…
I’ve had that talk with my 5 yr old and we have decided she’s not allowed to have boobs.
hahahahahahhaha
Best comment yet.
Remember that boobs are normal. Normalize their experience (and your own) instead of making it a major issue to freak out about. I have 4 daughters (almost all with boobs). It’s my three sons that will need more difficult conversations about boobs….
Tell your girls they are beautiful. Be faithful and present for them. Be the one that they know they can talk to without being shamed. The boobs are just minor details.
As one of three girls I totally agree!!
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
boobs are normal.
Clean it up. Great questions, just don’t use vulgarity to get your point across. Would you use d*** to describe man parts here? Probably not.
C’mon.
I’ll see you at echo.
It’s clean.
+I+$ would have been vulgar
But I don’t live in the Midwest either.
Your raising and my raising might have created different dirty words.
The more i think about it the more ridiculous your comment feels. Lol
Breasts make me think of actuals areolas and such. Too real of images
Boobs equals wiener
ROFLOL Agreed Carlos.. there are other words that are more vulgar…
I don’t let (encourage) my kids to say either of those words. Penis and breast work great in my house!
Would you use it from the stage?
HA!
Well, If I was singing a song about boobs, then yes. I would say boob and not breast or titty.
But seeing that I don’t regularly sing about those things, I havnt found the need yet.
Hopefully, only if you were singing about someone who is a bumbling, dufus type…
Coming from someone who didn’t have a relationship w/ her dad. The sheer fact that you are there, supportive & as involved as you already are, I am confident that when the time presents itself you will come through that stage w/ flying colors. Your kids all seem well adjusted, healthy kids.
Melissa’s dad seems to have gotten it right! That’s the kind of dad I’ve dreamed I had.
You’re so ahead of the game, your daughters (and son!) are lucky to have you. It’s nice to see loving, faithful & dedicated Godly daddies w/ their kids. I may have missed out on that, but when I see dad’s such as you, I am reminded that there are good men out there & I feel okay & remind myself that just b/c my earthly father was absent I’ve got the ultimate Father who is just a prayer away!
Thanks Lanna.
Seriously, guys always get so freaked out by girl body parts. Everyone has them {boobs} even your mom. Just think about it like that.
Now once other boy’s start noticing just intimidate them with your size. That’s what my dad always did.
Now the emotional changes I would guess will be MUCH harder to navigate as a male parent but, you have two girls so I can imagine that means double the fun.
Oh gross. My mom does not have boobs. She had things made for keeping me alive.
My Daddy had 3 girls but by the time I came to this point my sisters were adults so he’d been through it already. He did exactly what others are suggesting, he let my mom deal with it and told me how beautiful I was. He was and still is always there when I need him.
My husband is in the same place as you are right now. Our 8 yr old daughter is asking questions, like “Mommy what are boobs for?” My husband looks at me and I handle it. We don’t hide anything from any of the kids and explain it at a level they understand. They know they can come to ask and ask us questions and we’ll be honest with them. I think the most important part is to pray for guidance, God will show you and direct you on what you need to say/do.
We shall venture this journey together!!!
there ya go.. I’ll be here for ya, well as much as I can be way up here in Canada. lol Have the moods started yet too?
OK I’m gonna have to side with LOS on this one. My daughter is getting there too…and my wife had to get her a training bra the other day, and i totally flipped!!!! I almost started crying in Wal-mart!
I’m having to trust that God is in charge, so i’m just reading a bunch of JOE WHITE books on raising teen girls…
I’m gonna write a book.
Carlos my friend, I feel your pain. During your recent visit with us you may have noticed our girls. I crossed this bridge with the older two starting about 5 years ago, and the youngest girl (11) is now headed in that direction also. At the outset I can remember telling Tina, “I am not ready for two ladies in the house with Boobs”. Then repeated the saying with “three” and now “four”. It was a little wierd during that adjustment period, especially the hugs. But i quickly adapted and had to remind my self that they are still my same girls, requirng the special love that only a Dad can bring. They need to know how cherished they are by me. So I make it a special point to love on them and hug them as much now as before. Also Tina helped to get ahead of the game by starting them with training bras early, conveying the messgae of modesty, and strong open communication.
Also Tina helped to get ahead of the game by starting them with training bras early, conveying the messgae of modesty, and strong open communication.
Love it
I’m worried about that, too. But more, I’m worried about dealing with my sons. Already Luik said this week, “Ouch! My pee pee is broken!”
“Why, Luik, what’s wrong?”
“It hurts.”
“Why?”
“I touch it a lot.”
Oh Lord.
ch:
Oh Lord.
Boys will be boys!
my middle son does what i like to call the liter flick, and then say “OUCH” i keep telling him. “Dude, if you would not do that, you would be totally fine.” he just looks at me like i’m crazy…
i love being a dad!!!
Priceless.
Los, 2-part boobs story:
First, I’m a Christ follower, as well as our President, a plastic surgeon himself. We are a regenerative medicine company that has developed a cosmetic solution when women ask, “Doctor, can you take fat from here and put it here.” You can probably guess the “here” and “where” they want to put it.
If you look around your Sunday pews, you’re sure to find some of our handy work:)
In summary, I love God and boobs. I got no issues with the mother’s I meet wanting a natural post baby lift. I’ll say hello to them on Sunday for you:)
Love it. I now know more pastors wives who have been “enhanced” than those who have not.
It’s all the rage.
Good for you!
Los
God love them-so to speak:)
FYI-I purchased your latest CD to share with our youth Revolution service pre-music at Horizon North County church in San Diego.
Keep bringing it Los. Love what you’re doing.
OK so that brings up a sticky point with me. I don’t want to sound judgemental, I’m really trying to understand how to respond, when my daughter talks about wanting to be “enhanced” like the pastor’s wife.
It IS all the rage. What do you say?
I have three daughters…two have boobs. honestly, my husband stayed in denial each time until we went to the beach and he saw them with a swimsuit on. then he would say, “when did that happen?!!!!”
when shopping for a homecoming dress, my 16 year old said, “Tell dad not to give me that look when he sees me.” I reminded her that when he pictures her in his mind, she is about 5 years old and is riding a bike or something. when he sees her in the homecoming dress, it really is a total shock!
I thought it would be different the second time, but it wasn’t. I definitely think the third one is getting locked in a tower!
AMEN TO THAT! I’m totally with your husband!
Someone else said it, I will second it. Keep up the dialogue and tell them everyday they are Beautiful. You do not have to say “You are beautiful.” but find a different everyday to show it. Love them for who they are and will be and be sure they know it always. There will be days when you want to throw them onto the roof or across town…it is okay. They still love you. It is just this tornado of hormones rushing through the system that make it completely impossible for us..I mean them..to know what they are saying or even why they are saying. There are days it is a complete out of body experience.
If you haven’t yet read “Captivating”, get it now! It is a must read for fathers of young women. Teaching young girls about modesty is how we have handled it in our home, which can be very difficult with the wardrobe and bathing suit choices that are in the stores.
AMEN TO THAT. i love that book!
got see meet John and his wife just a few months ago…great folks!
#1 DONT let them have a bra at age 5. That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen yet it happens. Let them grow up to it.
PREACH IT BRO! PREACH IT!!!
Dear God. tell me ppl do not do this…
Yeah, not too early, but be alert for the “nipple pop” that starts before the actual tissue growth begins, and get them something that covers that when it happens! Even if it’s just a cami that smooths things out. It’s sooooo awkward to see the girl who doesn’t quite have the boobs yet but “something” is happening!
To offer a slightly different perspective, as someone who was unsure of her father’s love for her as a teenager:
(And a small disclaimer: I have a good relationship with my father now..)
But as a young teenager up through college, it was completely obvious he had no idea what to do with girls. I don’t know if my younger sister felt the same, but I felt growing up like I didn’t even exist. Or that suddenly I was a mutant different than when I was small. My mom did the birds and the bees, which is fine. I wouldn’t want to do that with my father.
But none-the-less, it would have been nice to know that my father still loved me as a teenager, and wasn’t terrified of me, just because I was a girl, with boobs. They happen. Love them just the same. Tell them they are beautiful and wonderful, just as they same as you seem to do now.
it depends on how tomboyish they are. girlie girls will be embarrassed by the need of one but will want to wear a training bra with the quickness. a tomboy-y girl will deny that she needs one and not want to wear one cuz the boys will use it against her. go for the sports bra with this one. at all costs tho, when they need one, make them wear one. the scrutiny for NOT wearing one when it’s needed is much worse than being teased for having one on….embrace it just as you do all of your other fatherly things and you’ll conquer it…as always. love you whittakers!!
As a girl who grew up without a good Father figure influence I would say one thing I would have loved from my Daddy is reassurance of my self-esteem. As one of my best friends often reminds her husband, a little girl’s self-esteem is built by her Daddy. I love what someone said about their Dad giving them a talk about “wants and expectations” (or something like that). I think the best thing a Dad can do is show his daughter how she deserves and should expect to be treated. Treat them like princesses (not spoil them, but respect, protect, encourage them) so they don’t expect any less from the guys they date and eventually marry. And let your wife handle the technical part!
Be the kind of man that you want to see them marry some day. They say girls always marry someone like their Daddy! 
Speak it Kara!!
It’s a tough time. My daughter is 12 and in this stage where she is starting to look like a young lady. She still has many tendencies of a little girl and then shows flashes of being a young woman. Your girls are still young. I would just enjoy that time for now. Don’t fret about tomorrow and raise them up now as they should be.
Also, I am a strong advocate of following the advice of Mel Horowitz. That Dad from ‘Clueless’ who said to his daughter’s date:
“Anything happens to my daughter….I have a .45 and a shovel. I don’t think anybody would miss you.”
I think Bill Engvall put it best when he said, “See that little girl over there….you ever think about huggin or kissin on her, you remember one thing….I ain’t afraid to go back to prison.”
i wish “boobs” didn’t automatically equal sexuality, but they do. as your girls figure out puberty, the last thing they need is their dad freaking out about it. breasts or no breasts, give your girls what EVERY HUMAN BEING wants: to be loved and accepted exactly as they are.
(the lessons from both parents on modesty, self-respect, and male/female thinking will be invaluable, too.)
oh to answer your question:
i don’t remember my dad handling the issue at all. my mom was better, but we’re not a “let’s share” type of family. i figured out more things on my own, from friends, church leaders, or from books.
if my parents were more supportive and involved, i think i would’ve spent less of my young adult life feeling as insecure as i did.
Got 1 little girl about to be 16 and was blessed with the latina boob endowment from my side of the family. She went from a 13 year old, 5′2″, 4 sport, flat chested jock to a 16 year old, 5′8″, 1 sport curvy young woman. Along the way, the boys began to notice her more and more. I just thank God, she got the modesty gene from my wife and respects her body.
I would recommend keeping the lines of communication very open and don’t let anything be “taboo” in your house. Although my wife handles most female issues and I handle most male ones, both of us and our children know we can have a discussion about any topic, especially since my wife and I are missionaries and travel during some unexpected teenage dramas.
Finally, I taught my boys to respect girls like they respect, honor and protect their mom & sister. I made it perfectly clear I would NOT tolerate any foolishness out of them in their relationships. Likewise, I explained to my daughter NOT to settle for a young man who respects and honors her less than her father & brothers. I gave her full permission from the time she understood the fundamental differences between boys & girls to honor and protect herself too. If any boy or man touches her inappropriately, she is fully empowered to take her knee and shove his family jewels clean up to his tonsils. Then when he hits the floor, to kick him again, spit in his face and walk right down to the school office and give me a call.
Love it!
awesome!
When my parents bought my first bra, my dad hung it from the chandelier in the dinning room. I remember him distinctly saying this, “My little girl is blossoming”. I was mortified!
All I’m saying is don’t do this! Be a little sensitive! LOL
My Dad was so embarrassed by my boobs it definitely meant less hugs and made me feel weird and sad… I think Terrell has done great to keep reminding himself they are still his girls even with boobs and they still need lots of hugging!
This! I read somewhere that if you give your daughter “front” hugs, don’t change just b/c she gets boobs and start giving her the “side” hug. She’ll already feel awkward and she needs to know that you’re still her dad all the same!!
Los, thank-you so much for this post. Been struggling through this stage myself.
I was first freaked out around a year ago when I went to pickup my little girl. Grabbed her under the armpits and thought, “What the hey is this???!!!!!” Not long after came the training bra which we noticed was unfortunately forgotten a couple Sundays ago as we walked into church!
Fortunately, I’m learning a lot from many of these great comments. A few of my favorites so far:
Melissa – “Teach them to act like ladies, but to know how to think like a man!!”
Robin – “He made sure to always remind us that all men have 2 brains, and that only 1 can work at a time.”
But I think Toby offered the best advice:
“I’ve had that talk with my 5 yr old and we have decided she’s not allowed to have boobs.”
Carlos,
From the beginning with my 17 year old daughter, I tried to make sure that she felt secure and knew that all subjects…boobs, cycle, boys were and are open for discussion without any condemnation, judging or wise cracks! Even as awkward as it will feel,press on and offer your wisdom.
Early on, my daughter tried a couple of times to embarrass me while in a store shopping for feminine products. Never to be out done or embarrassed, I turned the tables on her by proudly exhibiting the box of product held high throughout the store.
When it really gets sensitive, Mom is and will be the go too person.
Now dealing with boys/men looking at your daughter’s blooming features is another story……
Los…
Just go with it and don’t dwell on it too much. Tell them absolutely every day that they are beautiful and give the old hairy eyeball to any boy that stares a little too long.
i have no answers for you right now. cuz all i’m doing is laughing. yes. laughing. this post was hilarious.
you’ll know what to do. you’re a good dad.
but still… bwahahahahahaha!!!
I feel the same way…I have no advice and I’m sure you’ll do perfect, but I can’t quit laughing. I bet my dad was clueless on what to do when his “baby” grew up. Mama handled the details, he just loved me!
I have a 12 yr old. She starting “budding” this year and mercy you’da thought she needed a DD the way she went around squeezing them and telling me how badly she needed a bra! I talked her down a bit, told her that yes she was getting boobies, and sure we could get her a bra….. make that a training/sports bra doo-hickie. No big deal from the mom’s perspective.
Hubs has been cool about it too. His take is to train them in the whole “boy” arena. He’s real good at explaining how boys think and how important modesty is. My parents didn’t really explain that boys like looking at things, so JT makes sure that (in 12 yr old-ease) that boys indeed are curious. So, no short-shorts, and what not.
Like the others have said, always hug them, front hug and everything. Tell them they are fantastic. Let them snuggle for as long as they want to, even wrestle with them. That lets them feel your strength. (Being a daughter I LOVED being hugged or wrestled by my dad.) And, of course, don’t make a big deal about it.
Now, between you and your wife, you can have the bug-eyed looks of “What the..??” any time you like.
maybe I’ll only have boys… sorry I can’t help here. Looks like you got some good suggestions though.
On a similar note Los – when I finally do become a father… I’ll be using the search bar on this blog a lot!
1. http://stuffchristianslike.net/2008/04/106-the-side-hug/ Just sayin’
2. Doug claims that if the girls get their first period when I’m not home, he’s calling 911.
3. Do what my parents did. Send me to Catholic school, tell me nothing and wait for the parent/student video in 6th grade. Boys in one room. Girls in another.
4. My oldest (9) will be so proud to have boobs and/or a bra one day, she will most likely announce to her classmates, “I’m wearing my first bra today!”
5. Remove all foods from your diet containing growth hormones and delay development as long as possible.
Amen to #5. Organic milk. Ridiculously priced..yes, no hormones. The process is so sped up these days by what we ingest. I have a 4 year old girly girl that loves to play dress up and hug and kiss me all day. I love it! She’s my princess. I want to keep her my “little” girl as long as possible. Scary. Right there with you, Los. She has two big brothers that love to wrestle and want to be cage fighters. I like to think of it as family insurance.
I think my Dad was great with me and my two sisters. I don’t remember him acting different or weird when I got boobs. He always told me I was beautiful and expected us to dress modestly. If he was worried, it sure didn’t show
man, i am right there with you. Have a 7 & 5 yr old and already getting plenty of gray hairs…I can’t imagine what I will go through when they get older and start sprouting. I tried to not potty train them…figured most guys wouldn’t date a girl still in a diaper, but my wife wouldn’t let me do that.
I don’t ever want to give up on my daughters and their changes, but I do know that my wife will be better at certain situations
Being the only boy of 6 kids, (that’s 5 sisters for those keeping score), I was well prepared for all of the, “girl” moments with he first of my two daughters.
I can remember the first, “body changing” conversation we had. As we went through the schools curriculum, we discovered that when girls change into women, their bodies produce eggs, grow hair and sometimes produce body odor. In our house the conclusion we came to was that women are hairy, smelly chickens.
A few months ago, my wife and I were out and I got sucker punched into bra shopping for the girl. The single most uncomfortable moment of my life. In a single moment the bra went from being a symbol of sexiness, fun and immeasurable admiration for my wife to a garment that I prayed I would never ever come in contact with again.
The only advice I can give is keep it honest, keep it light and remind the girls every day that you love them more than anyone on the planet and that Jesus loves them more.
All I can really say is enjoy the ride my friend. We do.
When my 19 year old daughter was 13 or 14 is when I woke up..scared to death. However, at that point, I realized that whatever mistakes I would make from then on…one would not be being too scared to try..and try too hard if necessary. I just jumped in…started talking to her…explained to her how boys think (my wife handled the details of female biology)..I even asked her to forgive me in advance for all the mistakes I was going to make but that I loved her too much to give her my best and more. One funny trap I walk into…less and less now thank goodness is when I see them sort of sad…I DO NOT TRY TO MAKE THEM FEEL BETTER…a hug and a kiss is it…but at the same time…we have all had a good laugh…when I tried so hard they had to tell me “Dad..its girl things”. Also, though I try to be as affectionate as ever…hug them…let them cuddle on the sofa..make sure they feel loved and can cry on my shoulder if they need to…or talk to me about anything. They won’t talk about everything for sure…but if they need to..the door is open.
FWIW… the day I found out I was having a little girl my close friend and mentor (and father of two boys) said to me:
“Travis, you know what the one difference between having a boy and a girl is…? With a boy you only worry about one penis. With a girl, you have to worry about all of them.”
Hope that is as encouraging for you as it was for me.
I’ve nannied so many girls. The biggest mistake I saw dads make at that age is they stopped hugging on their daughters. It seems like they get nervous about how it looks to hug their tween / teen daughters who have developed. Don’t ever stop. I can’t tell you how it makes them feel to get lots of affection & all of a sudden it stops. Tragic.
I currently teach sixth grade science. That’s right middle school. I cannot stress enough how important it is to communicate with (vs talk at) your children from an early age about everything (sex, drugs, all the nitty gritty). No matter how awkward you feel, ask yourself if you’d rather them learn about these issues from you or from some kiddo on the playground with unknown sources. You do not want to know some of the rumors I have dispelled. And always always always hug your kids. They may have extra tissue on their chests, but some part of them (it may be buried deeply) needs the reassurance that you are still their daddy who loves them no matter what they look like. People say that a kids daddy is their mental prototype of God. Does God stop hugging them when they grow boobs?
keep the hugs coming the exact same way as before — when they become uncomfortable, they’ll let you know. btw, friends of mine took showers with their kids until they kids were, like, 10. now THAT’s creepy. I never took a shower with my parents. Ever. That would be a good question of the day for you to post.
Boobs are a sticky situation! Along with boobs comes Attitude!! Get ready LOS! lol
Sorry I haven’t read all of you comments. Just wanted to say that I spent a lot of time in sexual abuse support groups and I’ve heard a lot of women say that their (non abusive) dads stopped touching and hugging them when they went through puberty so they thought they had become somehow unclean and unworthy of love and looked for it in other people and places.
Just keep on loving them and do your freak outs on the blog and you’ll be fine.
i developed early. and i remember clearly that was when my dad stopped tickling me. and pretty much stopped having much, if any, interest in me. as rough-housing and silliness were pretty much the only ways he interacted with. and it just stopped. it all stopped when i got boobs.
that does a number on a girl.
but i imagine that you will do just fine, friend. i already know that your relationship with those girls goes way beyond surface. you care about their cares. you care about their hearts. you’ll do great… even when you’re eventually made to go buy their tampons. you’re outnumbered.
Always be their daddy and keep holding them and hugging them until they let you know it is time to stop. Of course, the hugging never stops.
Don’t get all physically awkward. There’s nothing quite like feeling like your dad doesn’t love you because there’s now distance between you and maybe he doesn’t hug you as much. They’re still your daughters. Just because their bodies change doesn’t mean their need for their dad has changed one bit.
Advice from my dad…
Another dad’s adopted daughter was starting her period, and the dad was having a reeeeally tough time knowing how to deal with it: she was being even more affectionate than usual, and wanted to cuddle all the time. He didn’t know what was appropriate, and her changing body was kind of freaking him out. My dad said, “Just accept any affection she gives you. Cuddle with her, hug her back, and tell her she’s beautiful. What affirmation she doesn’t get from you, she will probably look for somewhere else.” They *will* sense your insecurity. Affirmation doesn’t just come with words…it comes with action and attitude.
Sage advice from a wise man that’s made his share of mistakes…related by a daughter who feels loved and secure and her skin because of her daddy.
I am just now seeing this, but really want to chime in. I have a great relationship with my dad – he always was very open with me and told me I was beautiful all the time. BUT I distinctly remember coming to a time in my life when he quit tickling me and hugging me as often even though I am far from “well endowed.” So – be sure to try not to change that part of your relationship. It is something girls crave from their fathers and tend to go looking for if they don’t get it – the bear hugs, snuggling and tickling. My brother in law does a great job with his girls, 6 – 16 years old, continuing to wrestle and love on them like he did when they were little. Though I know for a fact sometimes he gets embarrassed. It’s important, trust me.
My Daddy was a bit unsure at the start and didn’t really take m changing that well but he soon got used to it and began hugging me more again and if I get upset he’s the one who’ll come and talk to me, I love my Daddy so much and I’m really sure you’ll be fine with your daughters, just always treat them the same as when they were little, that’s what my Daddy does, he still calls me his number one which was his nickname for me when I was really little and I love it, I’m 13 now and I love being my Daddy’s little girl, I know I’m growing up and my Daddy knows too but the way he treats me makes me feel really close to him and let’s me know I’ll always be his little girl no matter what. Just make sure you make your daughters feel they can always come to you and they’ll always be your babies I they want to, but make sure you take them seriously at the same time;)
You mean I’m supposed to have boobs?
Crap.
Let your wife handle it. My dad was the first to mention the inevitable “you need to start wearing a bra”. I think it would have been much easier to hear it from Mom.
The girls will survive and so will you. =) Everyone does. Keep on keepin’ on and follow your gut!
So as you know, we’re already dealing with this BIG TIME! Wait til you’re walking them to see a Disney movie and they’re a few steps ahead, and as you’re walking you begin to see the heads of every 18-24 year old dirt bag turn and give them the up/down… That’s what I’m dealing with!
Ugh, Tammy–that’s the worst! Makes you wanna scream out “SHE IS JUST A BABY!!” right?
My baby sister is in her 30’s and I still can’t stand when this happens!
Personally, I was very ambivalent about the boobs forming. I guess I just wanted to stay under the radar a few more years. Didn’t help that I developed WAY earlier than the other girls in class. Couple them with a big butt and its a recipe for disaster.
As for teaching the kids about them, we like to stress that they are 1.) Designed by God to enhance a woman’s beauty, to make her more desirable for her husband to enjoy (no joke). If you teach them this while they are young, its not so embarrassing when they get older because it’ll be old news. And 2.) God made them perfectly and specifically for mothers to feed their babies.
My 6 yo is very conscious of women that show alot of cleavage and often asks me why women like to “show their skin”. My boys UGH, I can feel their stares if I don’t wear a bra so I ALWAYS have to wear one. Little heathens…
Well, I didn’t get man boobs until I got fat, so my Mom says, “David, I know Joy(my wife) is feeding you, but you got to do something!”.
It really wasn’t that awkward for me at all. I guess because it wasn’t very obvious. I wasn’t exactly “blessed” in that department, if you know what I mean.
I never felt like my dad treated me any different either.
So I know I’m late on this, but I was early on everything else! My mom didn’t know what to do so she ended up planning a girls weekend with my aunts and grandma! It was so awesome! We actually continued that weekend through high school for me to buy a bathing suit every year.
My dad on the other hand, he took me on father daughter dates and always told me I was beautiful. He told me so much that the first time a boy said it to me I told him “I know, my daddy tells me all the time!” I responded that way when boys tried to tell me they loved me…
Basically, keep it up! Tell them all the time they are beautiful and that you love them!! I’m now 25, my dad and I are still super close and still go on daddy daughter dates!