Dripping, Single, & Them Stones
It was hot.
I was outside.
I was dripping.
I am bald.
Sweat drips faster.
I’m standing next to Brett Stanfill on a stage facing a few thousand people.
We are going for it and wrapping up the first set.
One of the amazing volunteers this weekend at the Engage Atlanta celebration even kept bringing us towels dipped in ice water.
I would set my guitar down and wring those bad boys over my dome.
I would suck the water out of it.
I would do anything possible to get that cold water on my face and in my throat.
Then I would put that sweaty, dripping, cold, rag down.
I looked to my left.
Here she came.
Right in the middle of a song.
She patiently waited until it was over…Cheers…shouts…Then she yelled…”HEY!”
I looked left…”I saw that rag. Could I borrow it? I’m hot as hell.”…Um…sure…
So I walked over to her and she wiped that bad boy across her face without missing a pore.
Wow.
Next set.
Sun beating…85% Humidity…97 degrees…Fists pumping…Feet jumping…Finish set…Walk to bass players riser…sit down…leek left…
Cute little 8 year old comes walking up to me, while I’m on stage, while Brian is delivering a convicting message…”Hey! Hey! This is from my mom”
I look behind him and see sweat rag borrower smiling sweetly in my direction.
I look down at the card and there it was…
A bold move that not many women would attempt.
I’ll call it the Hit On The Worship Leader Before He Even Gets Off Stage move.
I looked back left and smiled like a married man should and tucked the card in my pocket determined not to let this derail my next set.
The band, Rachel, Brett, and I went for it. It was a great set. 90 minutes after we started we finished and I tried to pack up as quickly as I could but to no avail…I had to face the bold card giver.
She said…”So…?”
“I’m married with 3 kids and love them all. Sorry. But thanks for making a brown guy blush”
“You love your three kids? So do I. But do you love your wife?”
“Oh. Um. By all I meant ALL. Like the wife too…”
“Oh OK. Well it was worth a shot.” she said.
She turned away when I grabbed her, turned her towards me, grabbed her face, no just kidding…
But I did tell her that I think handing me the card was rad.
THE HANDING OF THE CARD TO ME WAS RAD…NOT QUESTIONING MY LOVE PEOPLE. THAT WAS SHADY.
Most of us would NEVER be that brave, and she knows what she wants.
I told her I have LOTS of great single Christian guy friends who would be privileged to have her number.
Hindsight, in an opportunity to make the situation less bazaar I should have refrained from this comment, seeing that I talk a lot and like to stuff a lot back in my mouth.
When she walked away I thought to myself…I’m such a freaking wuss.
My cajones are frijoles.
I need to be that brave. We all do.
Whats the last thing you did that took some stones?
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
LOL. dang she’s got balls.o_O
last brave thing i did was give birth to a 7lbs baby 10 years ago…then i raised him alone with no support from the dad. i think that’s pretty brave.
What she did was “rad” until she checked to see if you loved your wife. That was lame. No other way of putting it. At least she was focused on God during worship….oh wait, she wasn’t. So I guess none of it was “rad”. Just keepin’ it real.
Co-sign. This was out of line to ask you about do you love your wife. Even if you didn’t, is she planning to step in to be the catalyst in breaking up your marriage?
Maybe I am taking this too literal/serious but the only good part about this was the note itself, not her strategy. I don’t want cajones like her at all.
lookin’ for a DADDY to raise her baby!!!
i think Los’s wife would kick ‘ole gal all over that parking lot.
True. Very True. I was talking about the card. She knew that. Bad typing…
Carlos, hope you don’t feel like we’re kicking you around here. I wish you the best and love your ministry. Keep going and God Bless! BTW, I still want to be your assistant. Come on already!
lol,
that happens to me all the time,
noooooooo, now I am just kidding.
Actually, it would be cool to get a note like that from my wife
i cannot believe she said, do you love your wife. wowzers. that’s what i call crossing the line. i’m more of a traditional girl when it comes to this sort of thing. but I get the life metaphor here
Tea. That was rude.
what a story. we could all use more cajones, although it’s kinda sad that she asked you about your wife. That communicates a desperation along with a boldness that makes me sad. She’s got a kid and is looking for a man at any cost. Can’t blame her for wanting to get with that well-shaped scalp, but that ain’t God’s way.
The last thing I did…told my whole lunch table about Jesus. they’re a rowdy bunch. And they didn’t freak out on me. Thank you Holy Spirit.
I’m sure this church plant will result in some cajones moments. Dry run this Sunday with just leaders; official opening August 8! Hold the frijoles.
Very sad
to me she was brave UNTIL she questioned your loyalty to your wife. So you are available if you’re married but don’t love your wife? ick. that made her a bit trashy in my book. just saying.
AMEN! but you know that old country song…”I LIKE MY WOMEN JUST A LITTLE ON THE TRASHY SIDE.” :-p
Yes. That was classless. For shizzle.
I’m echoing everyone else, the asking if you like your wife was like WOAH RED FLAG! in my mind, but maybe she was just kidding? hopefully?
Went into a house on fire and pulled a woman out of it.
I agree with some of the other comments…she crossed the line when she asked about your wife. Umm..married means married means NOT available.
Good thing you’re committed to your wife and family. But hey, you’re right, she does have cojones.
Can we have cojones AND keep it classy? Pushing it after you said the word “married” is kinda messed up.
I sold everything I owned and moved with my husband and kiddos to Costa Rica. Now I have to sack up just to go run errands and crap. I feel intimidated just about all the time these days But it’s all good.
Amen. But pray for her…let’s pray for her.
You bet.
true she was brave, but in her note she says “IF YOUR A CHRISTIAN.” and a “CHRISTIAN” man is to LOVE HIS WIFE, and for her to step up AFTER YOU SAID YOU’RE MARRIED. and push with what is in affect “Yeah you love your kids, but what ’bout the old lady…do you REALLY…?”
you’re nicer than me.
I would have said simply…”I’m HAPPLIY married with 3 kids…but you should go by my CD there are some great shots of my arm on it!”
oh yeah would have more than likely called her a hooker! or something, then felt bad, and would have been like mid set “LOOK to the lady I called a hooker a little bit ago, I’m sorry…you’re not a hooker, you just need to hit on single men.”
I usually agree with your posts Los, but gotta agree with some of the other people here. It would take just as much balls to cheat on your wife behind her back, but that certainly wouldn’t be “rad”.
And if I was the single guy that got her number, I don’t think I’d be too happy about the idea that she’s going around trying to find cracks in people’s marriages, but maybe that’s just me. Maybe I’m old school.
Keep up the good work man.
Yea. I Didn’t type long enough.
wow… I’m an optimist at heart and so I can fully appreciate the lesson here – “Be Bold”. Way to make lemonade with those sour lemons of temptation, Los.
I would hope in that situation I would have the cajones enough to resist the flattery of admiration and tell her to stop trying to write another broken love story and trust the Author of love to do a better job than she can. Reminds me of John 4 and the woman at the well. I hope she finds herself in the Everlasting Arms of Love and then finds some man to express that love to…
And as for my “testones” (how do ya like that word?!)I guess the bravest thing I did recently was confront a friend who was taking advantage of me. Being a recovering “Approval Addict”, it is difficult to speak the truth when you know that someone isn’t going to like you for what you are about to say. But for me that was brave and I am learning to rest in the fact that God loves this little ragamuffin and that’s all I need.
Umm…. trashy, fo sho. Not rad.
yes.
Yeah, she crossed the line.
But, if our primary goal is to make sure we never go too far, then we’ll never go far enough either.
ewwww…. I think of rad as ‘ballsy, admirable, gutsy-in-a-good-way, wish-i-had-the-nerve-to-do-that’.
I think her challenging your marriage was neither admirable nor gutsy. Just creepy and sad. And the fact that you admired her for doing it is a bit questionable, my friend. If you were my man, I would not be thinking that was so cool at all.
Just sayin……
what that kanye west song? “She take my money, well I’m in need
Yeah she’s a triflin’ friend indeed
Oh she’s a gold digger way over time
That digs on me”
sorry i feel she thinks there’s $$$$ THERE!
Interesting. After I read this, I stewed on it all morning. It just didn’t sit right with me. So I got back on to write a reply and….looks like I’m not the only one who didn’t really appreciate her “cajones” in this case.
I agree.
LOL…too many people focusing on the WRONG things…let he who has no sin cast … back to the question. ME? I courted and married the woman my late wife chose for me. She told me of her (and God’s) plans for me three months before she passed. The three of us spent that time seeking HIS will, talking and sharing our lives to that point and what did we think would the future hold for us. She was SOOOO right… it WAS God’s plan and she was actively seeking and listening, walking by faith and doing all she could to see HIS will done in her life …Talk about your ‘cajones’ now boys and girls…
Not cool. So not cool.
Well – uh – Carlos, I think the consensus is that we’re not impressed. This post is disconcerting. The whole thing certainly has honesty written all over it – but it’s the kind of honesty that communicates that this writer is a person who may be so out of touch with his pride that, with brazenly posting something this bizarre, he only demonstrates that he has no idea how thin the ice is and how hot his skates are. This is the weirdest, creepiest post I have read in a while. No, I’m not impressed with your lady friend at all.
Let he without sin…
And I’m not out of touch with my pride…
It is hot, nasty stuff.
Join the club. I’m sort of a jackass sometimes, and I think that came out here. It’s not my intention to judge this woman at all. I was more concerned with what your post communicated, but I shouldn’t have assumed anything about your level of pride.
I just blogged about this today, matter of fact….
I recently took the risk of ignoring my insecurities and recorded a 6-song EP in Nashville a few weeks ago.
So pumped, and yet so scared at the same time.
hmmm…I’ll skip all the criticism since I’m pretty sure you have a brain and already knew everyone was going to harp on this and I’ll go straight to the questions. I believe it was: What was the last thing I did that took some stones?:
I walked away from the hospital without my sweet boy and straight into the arms of Jesus…then thanked Him for the experience of a life time.
I’m really surprised with most of these responses. I agree that it wasn’t cool or right of her to ask if he loved his wife, but that isn’t the point of this post at all. I wish I had that kind of bravery in my life. She was willing to go all out and face rejection. I’ve always played it safe; and while God has blessed me and my family because of our faithfulness in tithing, serving, etc…, I know that there is a calling to step it up and take risks and steps of faith. I need boldness to witness and not be afraid of what others will think of me. I think that is the point of this post. It seems that so far everyone has been focusing on what she did, instead of focusing on that we should all be striving to have that boldness.
And I guess to actually answer the original question…the last thing I did that took some stones was filling in for our lead pastor on short notice (2 days) to preach/teach on Father’s Day. First time I had done that in “big” church instead of for a youth group or small group. But then, in the end it wasn’t really something that took stones because I was prayed up and just letting God use me.
i read this. walked away for awhile. thought about it. came back. saw you had updated and clarified. thank you.
however, i’m still not sitting so well with this, my friend. i’m glad you clarified to her that you love heather. i know you know i’m not throwing stones because you know my story… but THIS… her last few comments are weird. not rad. BAD.
i have other thoughts… but i’ll talk to you about those later. still processing.
And she has no idea who JEsus is…So those thoughts are probably not worth their weight as if she did know them…
and THIS smart aleck response is gonna get you punched in the throat when i see you ‘cuz that’s TOTALLY not even close to what i was thinking.
nerd.
Los, God bless you for being not only a man of commitment & honor to your beautiful wife & family, but also for your heart of worship & service to our Lord.
The sinful, human side of me wants to make a snarky, judgmental comment about a woman i don’t know. But the Holy Spirit inside of me says to pray for her, that she’ll use that gift of boldness to serve Christ.
Notice which was my first instinct-the snarky, judgmental comment, of course. So y’all say a little prayer for God to continue to extinguish that ugliness right outta me please
in AA we talk a lot about ego. Edging God Out. It’s as cheesey as the other 3,000,000 cliches. It sticks with me. I sometimes get awfully impressed with me. This gets me a little further away from God than I already have the propensity to be.
You know I’m always surprised by the amount of judgemental comments that sometimes get spewed on here. I’m going to jump out on a limb here and say that if the woman had been a gay man, I don’t think the reaction would have been as harsh. At least from the past posts and comments I’ve seen, (although sadly, there have been some serious haters on those as well) a gay man would have been treated with much more compassion.
From the comments I’ve seen she’s been called a hooker, trashy, weird, and a whole myriad of other things. Yes, what she did was out of line…but what would ever give me the right to point my finger at someone since I myself (as have most of the readers and commenters here) have been all of these things and more. ‘Til I met Jesus.
God forbid this woman finds this blog and reads these comments. I don’t see much love here at all.
To the woman…if you ever do by some small miniscule chance ever do find this post…there is a Love that is so far beyond your comprehension and reason, and it will change you from the inside out. I have no stones to throw at you cuz I’ve been where you are. I pray you find Jesus, I pray someone close to you leads you to Him. Not because I think you’re a bad person, but because He truly is everything you need and are looking for. Peace…
Much Love Here? I don’t hate the woman. I just REALLY dislike Los saying that her tactics and questioning the status of his marriage was rad. There is nothing judgemental about calling sin sin. This is a black and white issue. He said he was married. She continued to pursue. Black and white. Get a clue. What does a gay man have to do with anything? Whatever your stance is on homosexuality, that would have been wrong too because he is MARRIED AND SAID SO.
Jason,
I’m pointing out how the woman has been treated. Not Los. I never said you or anyone hates her…but they sure aren’t showing a lot of compassion for her.
No, it’s not judgemental to call sin sin. But it is judgemental to call the woman out in the harsh manner that she has been called out. By that I mean all the adjectives which have been flung her way.
As for the gay man thing…the issue of homosexuality has nothing to do with it at all, rather I was trying to point out that oftentimes, women are judged far more harshly than men. In order to make that comparison perhaps I should have come up with a better analogy.
I wonder if the woman ended up catching all the flack from Los’s readers because they readers like Los a lot and don’t want to come out and just say it – we don’t like the idea of a married Christian, guy giving major props to a woman who tried to hook up with him even after learning that he was married. It’s that simple.
I know Los must be hating the kind of attention this is getting, but it’s not personal. It’s a reaction to what he WROTE – not him personally – and what he wrote wasn’t something that drew attention to Christ or marital fidelity at all. It drew attention to (a) him; and (b) a misguided woman who made a bold attempt to engage with him.
SK ~ can I call you SK? Thanks.
What you say may be true. I’m not condoning the woman’s actions, and I’m not here to argue Los’ response.
But the vitriol in some of the responses toward the woman is absolutely 100% judgemental and in some cases…cruel. I know I wouldn’t want my missteps dissected, analyzed and condemned by a bunch of strangers. Once again…I’m not arguing whether the woman is wrong or right. I’m arguing that the response toward her (coming from Christians mind you) has not exactly been loving or gentle. Please see below…Galatians 6:1-5 MSG
“1-3 Live creatively, friends. If someone falls into sin, forgivingly restore him, saving your critical comments for yourself. You might be needing forgiveness before the day’s out. Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their burdens, and so complete Christ’s law. If you think you are too good for that, you are badly deceived.
4-5Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don’t be impressed with yourself. Don’t compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life.”
“SK” works for me. I agree that people should lay off this woman, but quite frankly, Los put her in this position by indirectly inviting his readers to condone the action by sharing a time when they had done something similarly impressive.
Understandably, people pushed back and essentially were saying, “Hey dude, you’re married. How in the heck do you find this to be impressive??” If they really had stones, they would have addressed him directly, not her; but she was a lot easier to kick around, and she won’t send you a personal email and tell you to watch what you say in Los’s comments section.
SK -
“…she was a lot easier to kick around, and she won’t send you a personal e-mail and tell you to watch what you say in Los’s comments section.”
Thanks for your honesty…and for the conversation. Peace…
I dont think anyone has anything to apologize for regarding this woman’s behavior. It’s called circling the wagons. I hope she does find this webpage and everyone’s post. Stay way from the married ones. Interestingly, there’s a passage in Proverbs that talks about the adulterous woman, with smooth talk. And she says “I have paid my vows” meaning that she practiced the rituals of religion, making a show of it. Sorry, call me judgmental, but a slut is a slut. Let’s just call it what it is.
Ida,
Thanks for your input. I’m quite familiar with Proverbs.
I’m also quite familiar with the myriads of verses that state things like “mercy triumphs over judgment” and what that guy Jesus said about loving our enemies, treating others the way we wish to be treated…stuff like that.
I say it again…I’m not condoning the woman’s actions. But neither will I stand by and watch her be verbally slaughtered for it by strangers.
You’re right — referring to her as a slut was a bit strong. But her behavior was calculated every step of the way. Some of the posts say she crossed the line when she asked whether he loved his wife. She crossed the line long before that. Sharing his towel?!? That’s an extremel familiar gesture. Provocative enough for it to be remembered and written about by our dear target, Los. Sending her kid over to say ‘that’s my mom’?!? Maybe referring to her as a slut wasn’t that far off after all, because if that isn’t pimping I don’t know what is. No, she crossed the line early on in his story. And that’s the difference between what a man sees as going over the line and what a woman sees. This is why alot of men fall — they don’t see the signals early on until they’ve been drawn in, many to the point of no return. Women like her are a threat to marriages, committed relationships and to the church.
Dude. seriously?
Handing the card was rad. Cmon dude.
If you have been here long enough you know better.
ok, seriously, that did not take stones. Horny single mom, that’s what that was and she could have easily asked around to see if you were single, there are way to many of these “brave” women out their hitting on married men. Yuck.
A while ago, I had to text a friend to try to explain to her why the issue of her boyfriend being a part of our bible study wasn’t as black and white as she thought. We’ve been discussing it for more than a week now, and I had finally had enough of her trying to guilt trip me. Needless to say, it wasn’t that easy. No one ever wants to hurt someone else’s feelings. I think sometimes we just have to trust God to help us stick up for what we feel is right.
Los, you know I am one of your biggest fans, heck, I’ve been reading this blog since I started mine in ’05 (today is my 5 year blog birthday
so you know I have nothing but love for you and this blog…but I gotta say, the kiss ups on this post are scary. You get a lot of “I wouldn’t dare say anything against what Los says” commenters and yea, you do get some hard judgmental people. I hope I never fall into either category but I know at times I have been in both.
Just keepin it real and answering your questions with an honest answer.
Blog on brother!
Los you’re really catching it in the neck here, but the wounds of a friend are faithful.
Next time (and there will be one), hand the card right back. Without hesitation. Putting it in your pocket was the wrong move and sent the wrong signal. Also, who knows who watched that exchange, knowing you were married? Your reputation isn’t worth losing over a misunderstanding — and when people see a move like that, they love to gossip. But I imagine you did it because you thought it would make a good story. Now that you’ve been roundly rebuked, I’m sure you’ll use different judgment LOL.
I think what took courage is you posting the whole story. I think I would have edited out the part when she questioned whether you loved your wife. So then it would have tied up neatly where a woman did something brave but then didn’t cross the line.
I don’t think a woman should be so bold in pursuing a guy even if he is single but her boldness spurs me on to wondering why I am not pursuing God as boldly as she is pursuing a man.
Finally, I really appreciate you posting all that stuff about sweat. I usually avoid touching my husband when he is sweaty and I wonder if that is actually hurtful to him. I think I need to make sure that my husband knows that I would be more than willing to give him a big hug even if he is dripping sweat. Thinking of Run, Fat Boy, Run. What if Thandie Newton wasn’t willing to give the guy a hug after the marathon just because he was sweaty? That would be so not cool.
Dearest Wormwood ~
I know I am an old Demon and the enemy has probably done more harm than good to my vision, but it appears our earlier message was closer to truth than was comfortable for this helper of the enemy.
I’d say “Good Job!” to you my young nephew, but i fear your pride would swell and get in the way of the mission.
Stay focused but know you touched on a truth somewhere.
Your Affectionate Uncle,
Screwtape
Dear Screwtape…
Amen…
i appreciate the post, just for what it was. a single lady being brave & ballsy towards a guy she was attracted too – that is ‘rad’ as you put it.
it seems to me, if you were gonna share that part you should share the whole story, so i appreciated it. i don’t think at all you were trying to say it was cool of her to keep asking past the point she knew you were married. thanks for keeping it real
Okay, so I know I’m late on the comments…but here you go.
Not sure I would call the move “brave”…more like “brazen”.
Kinda seems “groupie-esque” to me.
Also, if you wanted to end it right there, next time, take the card and say, “I’m flattered, AND married, but my wife may know some great single CHRISTIAN guys! I’ll pass this on to her.”
end.game.
My take? The adrenaline kicked it a bit too far.
She asked a question she wanted to ask, then in the heat of the moment went too far. Not necessarily intending to sin, but asked a question too far because she was carried away with the moment.
So I’d not assume she meant to presume infidel-stuff.
But putting the card in your pocket was a bad signal. Should have handed it back, or put it down.
For what its worth, the first thing she did when she arrived was asked if Chris Tomlin was going to be leading worship that night. She said she would be REALLY excited to meet him.
She obviously was not disappointed
Why are we so afraid to protect our marriages by calling a spade a spade? We are called to Judge not in condemnation, but in discernment.
As a wife, here is my issue with this whole scenario…
This women, wasn’t helped in understanding that her intentions weren’t well received, so that she would think twice before she did something like this again. Instead, many comments feel sorry for her….
really, I don’t have a lot of sympathy for someone who chooses to act in a certain behavior. I have more sympathy for her child, who now has a certain perspective on: Men, How you get a man, and what to do when you like a man. This is behavior that has grown prevalent in the church and more recently with worship leaders. And now, we’re using our children as a “break down the initial barrier” tactic. Women aren’t stupid….
I think we need to take hold of our lives (as leaders in ministry) and not see ourselves as victims of someone that came up to us and propositioned us, but rather have a good response prepared (no matter how scripted it may be) for a situation such as this.
This to me could have been more of a learning experience for this woman, but it’s kinda a bummer to see that many people still think it’s “okay” what she did and that she only crossed the line when she questioned the marriage.
It might not be a “sin” what she did prior to questioning the marriage, but there is a place and time and it was inappropriate what was discussed.
If Satan came up to you and asked you if you wanted to go on a date, you’d say HECK no and leave the situation. That’s how serious I believe us married folks should take these situations. She’s not the devil, but the intention is destructive.