When Mommy Leaves Daddy Bleeds
Being a dad is one of the greatest joys in my life.
I’ve got 3 amazing kids…8…6…and 4 with hope of adopting 2 more.
And when we are together as a family it just works…It clicks…
But something happens when Heather leaves.
No matter how hard I prepare, how hard I try, it just all falls apart.
Kinda like this video.
Mom just went for some ice cream and, well…
Here are the things that go through my head and life when Heather disappears for a day or an hour, or even a few minutes.
1. Where are the freaking zip locks?
2. I thought the grassy hill would make Losiahs bike roll slower?
3. How many episodes of iCarly can they watch until it is deemed child abuse?
4. Your hungry? We had lunch a while ago? What? We didn’t eat lunch? Oh crap. Sorry.
5. Your stuffed pig is not lonely tonight baby. I know we can’t find him but it’s a toy. It doesn’t have feelings… Oh crap. Sorry
6. I know mom doesn’t do it that way.
7. It’s called the UFC. You can either watch this with daddy or take a nap.
8. Why is my iPhone dead? KIIIIIIIDS!!!!!
9. Man, why are there so many dishes in the sink? There are never this many dishes in the sink?
10. It’s NAP TIME! (2 hours later)…Daddy…we woke up an hour ago…Daddy…Wake up daddy…
RAIN IT DOWN
That is hilarious Los! The only problem I have when Jaime is away is when Christian wants to wrestle and won’t stop. When this happens I tell him that I’m not daddy. I also understand the feeling of #8 and #9
My kids beat the crap outta me when we wrestle
AMEN!
and amen
I have 3 kiddos as well…10, 6, and 4.
1. Kids: “Dad—it’s SIDEWALK CHALK!!”
Me: “Well, today, it’s back patio chalk.”
2. I hope Patricia left plenty of cheese: Mac ‘n cheese, Grilled Cheese, Cheese Pizza Rolls, Cheese Ravioli.
3. Two bowls of cereal does the trick for me—-surely it will for them too…right?
4. Scarface on blu-ray with full surround sound!!!
5. I can complete about 3 seasons of Madden TONITE!!!
6. Crap!!! I forgot to put a pull-up on Ms. Accident and she had 2 capri-suns….boxes, that is.
Madden…
Whats your screen name?
Fro sure my brother from another mother. I have dealt with this for as long as I can remember. It’s like my wife has some kind of cosmic force field that holds everything together and if she isn’t within a close proximity of the kids and I gravity fails and we’re just floating through space with no sense of direction or anything. I tried something on one occasion that seemed to work but I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone else. Three words for ya closet, padlock and ice cream (well that’s four words but you get the point). You’re not alone brother, hang in there.
See Ya,
Sean P.
p.s.
Looking forward to seeing you at catalyst this year.
I’m with ya on 2 things, where are the… and the iCarly bit was great. I swear my wife has a crush on Spencer, but I’m okay with that.
Another thought I have when my wife is away is of course you can eat that, eat whatever you want, why do you have to ask me? Wait…
Love it!!! I know just what you mean, I’m lost without Mommy at home. Been playing Mr.Mom for about 2 months(mommy got a job) now & still don’t have it figured out.
Such truth. And I only have one kid. There’s no hope.
None man. Give up now.
No kiddies here, but I had a good belly laugh about the iCarly part.
Los, This is hilarious because I completely understand. I think all us Dad’s can. For us it’s Disney Channel, but if I buy a movie then it’s all over. That movie gets played hundreds of times. I recently bought “The Neverending Story” and my 5 year old daughter has seen it about 50 times in 2 weeks.
I train in martial arts (style Ninjutsu & Taijutsu). I made the mistake of teaching my 5 year old daughter some moves. Now she beats me up.
Oh and don’t we hear the line, “I’m not tired!” all the time. Then they pass out from the sugar high.
Awesome post Los.
Oh man. The I’m not tired bit…Especially when they can barely keep their eyelids open
I find myself asking how long can a 6 month play by themselves in the other room before something bad happens, seriously I’m just sitting down to check something surely she’s ok
HAHAHAHAH
See, the life you describe is what I would call a LUXURY. Things are a bit flipped in this house.
.
My kids are 8, 5 and 1 and I see them about 18 hours EVERY day. If I should happen to escape to get ice cream without any kids, you can rest assured that it will be the longest ice cream trip ever
That is brilliant…
Usually my thoughts are (and in this order):
WHY ARE THEY BEING SO LOUD BACK THERE!!?!
followed by…
WHY ARE THEY BEING SO QUIET!?!?
I have found that the aftermath of the loud times is not as disastrous as the fallout from the quiet!
FOR SURE!!!!!!
Quiet and then giggling is NOT GOOD AT ALL!!! Has been followed by a “HOW DID YOU GET CHOCOLATE SYRUP ON THE CEILING????”
We have four kids, 9, 7, 2, and 1. When Mom isn’t there, the house gets turned upside down, nothing gets done, and I turn into a lunatic. It’s amazing how much she gets taken for granted when she is here.
But yeah, my thoughts go as follows:
1. I bet I can get through the rest of Mass Effect tonight.
2. Then, I can catch up on all that reading I’ve been wanting to do.
3. You’re hungry? But, we’ve already eaten twice today, isn’t that enough?
4. Bedtime is mandatory 7pm for the younger two, 8pm for the older two. I’m merciless about not letting them stay up.
5. No, I don’t know where Baby Horsey (stuffed horse) or Mr. Puddles (stuffed snowman) are. I haven’t been playing with them recently.
Love that video.
“I’m merciless about not letting them stay up.”
So wrong, yet so right.
(By the way, I’m the same way.)
Dad – “Son (4), stop holding yourself down there, it’s not polite.”
Kid – “It’s polite to me.”
ha…I have a 3 year old that when we take his diaper off he tugs on that thing like he is in a contest
Los it is so true! I only have a 5 month old baby and still, when mommy leaves, chaos ensues! It seems there is more spit up and poop. The dog wants to play rough with her. Only the tiring games entertain her. Then when mommy comes back from getting the mail 5 minutes later, daddy needs a nap! And moms don’t get that either! We aren’t being lazy. We are just worn out! This stuff doesn’t happen at work. I don’t have to practice sign language or my ABCs. I don’t hear the first 10 seconds of the same song 50 times in a row. I don’t have to worry about the food coming back out of my co-workers mouth uncontrolled and unannounced. No one sits on the floor and cries because they are tired of sitting in a pile of crap in their pants!
I think I’m tired now just thinking about it. Nap time!
Ironically i’ve had Ava ALL day today since 8am this morning.
I just twittered that she is now sleeping in starbucks.. PRAISE THE LORD!!! Meanwhile, I appreciate my wife more every time this happens and it’s so good for our marriage when I have Ava all to myself… it’s good for lots of things but for now just saying the marriage part.
I’m realizing how hard it is to get anything done and even just drive to where i intended with her asking me questions constantly… and if i do get something done, i feel guilty cause it means i ignored her potentially a lot
love you dawg, thanks for this today.
CASE
PSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! your how old again?
Two boys (3.5 & 1.5). Daddy usually has at least one melt down. We typically avoid serious injury. I’ve got that kid that’s a total klutz though. My littlest can’t seem to take more than two steps without crashing into something.
Nap time is the worst. I have things to do kids! Why you gotta wake up?
And everyone knows: silence is trouble.
Wife is at a @goodgergirl is at a baby shower right now. I asked the girls to go clean up their room. All I have heard form the last 30 minutes is squealing, screaming, threats against each others lives, and an occasional giggle with a yell across the house from me to get busy on the room or no Camp Rock 2 tonight. What am I doing? Reading your blog. I’m a dad and proud of it!
My son arrives in december. I declare it will be different with me!
hah, maybe not.
No kids in the house, I came back from a 10 day trip and husband is sooo happy he almost cries when he sees me. “Don’t ever leave me that long again”. But if he leaves on a business trip he can manage as long as he is not in the house all alone.
I’m doing 5 days with our 5yr old right now. It is rough. Everything runs smoother when mom is here. Here are a few of my recent moments.
Sure, you can have coffee creamer in you milk.
Sorry sweetheart, but Final Fantasy isn’t two playered.
No, you can’t draw with water colors. Draw on the iPad.
We’re not listening to veggie tales in the car. We’re going to listen to Ragamuffin Soul.
The first time I left Jadyn with Paul for a few days, she was about 6 months old. He did GREAT. With my current job, I go out of town several times a year Paul manages things pretty well while I’m away. I try to leave hints and information, and I check in every day to see how it’s going. But by and large, he rocks it.
Until he has to take her to the office with him. Then, all bets are off.
Kids, watch another ep of iCarly… I’m on Twitter!
Let me tell you, as a mother, I want to leave my children alone with my husband, but I rarely do.
I can’t relax if I do. I am wandering what is he feeding them that he shouldn’t be?
What are they talking him into that they know they aren’t allowed to do.
My husband would rather be the “friend” and let the children eat and do what they want (within reason) then listen to them whine.
PS.
He loves iCarly as well
A friend told me(and she has 8 kids) to relax when Doug’s got the kids by himself. They will not die. He will not do the special little things or catch all the nuances that I do but they will be fine. Therefore, once I’m out of the house–I’m good. For the most part. ; )
All I did was go to bed a couple of hours early!
I love you baby! H
If I head to bed early or for a nap, Doug will lock me in my room so the kids can’t bust in on me asking for snacks and computer time!
The mom’s perspective:
while I went away for a girl’s weekend. I came home to a square cut out of the carpet in a bedroom that was the size of a large sofa cushion. Don’t ask…….
I left my husband with my daughters (then 5 and
Another time I came home from an evening away and the drawer fronts had been pulled off the cabinet drawers in the kitchen. How does this happen? I still don’t have an answer, nor do I have drawer fronts!
…and this is not a stupid man! He is a very intelligent and competent engineer. Something strange just happens when I walk out of the door and back out of the driveway….
after a crazy day w/ the kids
“Goodnight, I love you.”
“Daddy you forgot to brush our teeth.”
“We’ll do it in the morning.”
Happy Birthday, Carlos! I’m sure Heather and the kids are going to give you lots of birthday love. I’m glad you were born.
Oh…my…word. I am laughing so hard on so many levels!!! When I’m serving at church and have to go in ahead of my family, I always ask the kids when they get there “did you eat?” because invariably, if daddy’s not hungry, obviously neither are the children. When I was a kid and my mom went out, my dad would declare it “old fashioned night” which meant no tv and when the sun goes down, its bedtime because in the old days there wasn’t electricity for lights! Its funny now because I had a couple years of therapy!!
You dads are all awesome!
Your post reminded me of this: (about Mr. Mom)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PokBAxtvW4
One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever heard my husband say was how much he needed me to be his daughters’ mother.
This has been the most realistic video I’ve seen so far…
I always cringe whenever I walk into my house after being gone for a while. “Oooh, your daddy let you wear that?” and “You ate what????” heheheee
Heather is the bomb-diggity of all moms in the momistry. yup.
6. I know mom doesn’t do it that way.
this is classic lol