Monkey Bars, Damnation, and Pissed Off Christians
There is nothing that pisses me off more than Christians who preach at me instead of talk with me.
Oh wait.
I must hate myself then…
Funny how that happens.
#PotCallingKettle
Last week I tweeted the my daughter Seanna broke her arm.
Because she did.
Look at that wrist!!!
In the chaos of the moment I also damned the monkey bars.
See tweets below
This tweet got a few feathers ruffled.
Apparently I was supposed to care for the soul of the monkey bars a bit more than I did.
Apparently “damn” is a bad word.
So I told this woman to unfollow me who told me that I’m a prominent leader and need to watch my language on twitter.
To tell you the truth, I said something much worse to those monkey bars…
My tweet was the edited version.
I also told her to unfollow me and I would rather show this version of “leadership”, the scratched up dirty one, than the perfect version I can’t live up to and see online everyday.
In the mess of who I am you will hopefully find nuggets to learn from after you clean all the crap off.
I love Jesus I really do, and I try to follow him, I just am horrible at it. But getting better every few weeks or so.
Nuggets and crap were maybe not the best use of examples but you get the jest.
Later that day I started thinking…
If I’m asking for this woman to loosen up…
I should take my own advice…
A few thoughts…
1. I still don’t think damn is a bad word. I damned monkey bars…Jesus damned fig trees.
2. I’m not pretending to be James Dobson here. I’m more a mix of James Dobson, Phil Dunphy, and Homer Simpson…with a touch of Darth Vader thrown in for good measure.
3. Timing is impeccable. I probably would have taken that tweet from her and a few others a lot better the next day.
4. I still think the monkey bars are damned.
5. No. I don’t take the “Would you say that in front of your kids?” advice because there are lots of things I would not do in front of my kids yet gladly do behind their skinny little butts.
A penny for your ragamuffin thoughts…
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
Los,
I saw that tweet and while on one hand I cringed a little at the wording if it had been my kid (even though I have none) I would have been cursing those monkey bars.
I, too, have a difficult time with what language is appropriate for Christians to throw around. My husband is more loose in his language than I am. He is a Christian and his life and actions show it; however, if you had just met him and was riding with him while he was driving in crazy traffic his language might not lead you to believe he was a Christian.
Thus, the quandary for me.
It’s the whole “stumbling block/setting ourselves apart” question for the ages. What is acceptable and okay with you might trip someone else up. I grew up with the threat of having my mouth washed out with soap if I used the word “darn” freely. So, that has had a great influence on my language (although I still curse occasionally.) I don’t think Christians should pepper every sentence with a curse word, but when your daughter breaks her arm damning the monkey bars, in my opinion, is totally acceptable.
good stuff
Los, I think you are a refreshing and honest voice in the Christian realm.
So you showed your human side.
You were honest in your anger. You didn’t put a smile on and act like you were above it all and then let the anger fester. Good for you.
Humanity. Oh the love…
I love this article. Do you remember steve martin damning the glasses in the jerk? For me, not judging others has been a huge step. Showing them love instead was hard at first but now is the most natural thing ever. Love is the greatest of these, not telling someone how wrong they are.
We Cool…
Man, I feel you, and I’m with you on the “where do we draw the line between real and pharisee” issue.
The only thing I would suggest is that you consider Paul’s advice to the church in Corinth (1 Corinthians 8), where he tells them that, even though there’s nothing inherently wrong with eating food sacrificed to idols, that if it’s going to cause another brother or sister to stumble, he’d never eat meat again.
I think the same could go for language. I really don’t think ‘damn’ is a big deal, but it certainly is for some others.
Just a quick 2 cents. I hope Seanna is feeling better!
Great 2 cents. That was more like a nickle though. And I’d take a quarter from you…
Great thoughts…
LOVE YOU GUYS ON HERE!!!
Pfft…I would’ve damned those monkey bars too.
Los.
We’re cut from the same cloth my friend. I spent most of my life NOT in church, so I often rustle the feathers of what I call “bubble” Christians. I’m slowly refining my crass approach, but I will never let up on my honesty.
I saw your tweets and put it up to the first natural reaction of any caring father. You love your child and damn the monkey bars.
I’m with ya bro.
DJT
And I’m with you…
Personally, when I saw the tweet it reminded me of when I fractured my wrist doing the same thing when I was 5-6. I have also been on the other side, when my son was pulled from a set or monkey bars by another kid.
Coming from you I thought, now here is a guy that I look up to and is really like me. I’m not perfect and I will do anything to protect my kids and take on any hurt for them.
Next I saw the dreaded retweet from the haters. Sure we can take the perfect road and say that it was a bad word and should not be used. So what! It’s not about the word, it’s about the feeling of wanting to protect someone against harm but not being able to do anything to prevent it. It shows that we are human and can never be perfect.
It’s sad that people will just up an leave if they don’t see perfection in others that they are expecting it from.
So with that little rant, I say this. Keep on being you bro. Your doing an awesome job and I still think your awesome!
People need to lighten up.
LOVE This! Bro, we have nothing if we can’t be real. Authenticity isn’t found in a package, it’s found in the messy details of daily life.
Dirt is part of what it means to be human.
Damn the monkey bars.
Jonathan
Los, that’s the major reason I read your blog and follow you on Twitter – raw honesty.
Too many “Christian” leaders today try to come across as so clean and perfect that it’s nauseating.
They can’t tell me that a choice word or thought doesn’t escape when the child the love more than the world itself gets hurt.
I find it hard to believe that the first thing out of their mouth after pounding their fingers with a hammer is “Praise GOD for the opportunity to experience PAIN!!”
I’m not perfect. Far from it. I’m trying to get better each day. I need to see leaders walking the same rough road I am to know I’m not alone.
Thx.
Totally not offended by the language. I have used that word before. And worse.
But I do love to judge the judgers…i get all worked up…want them to be more forgiving…and hold a grudge about the whole thing for-ev-er…which makes me a big ol’ fat hypocrite.
This is me, too.
We’re all effed up. Sometimes grace just lets us admit it.
Thanks for being real, Los.
So, to paraphrase a popular musician:
“My daughter just broke her arm on the damn monkeybars. Some of you are more upset that I just used the word ‘damn’”.
Hope she’s feeling better.
I think you just hit it on the head with this paraphrase!
Too true. One of my mentors in ministry once said in the pulpit,
“Each month 30 thousand people die who have NEVER heard the name of Jesus, not even once. And most people don’t give a S#$t. And most of you are more upset that I just said s#$t.”
….
I appreciate your “realness.” That’s what life and christianity are, right? Not some smoke screen of rainbows and butterflies. Growing up in the ministry and being around the self proclaimed “real Christians,”, I’ve almost given up on finding people who admit to being human with a greater calling, people who willingly admit mistakes, and people who aren’t afraid to own up to watching Harry Potter, Twilight, and Beevus and Butthead.
Props to those Believers out there. The ones that aren’t afraid to show the world the good, bad, and ugly, to be held accountable and to let God’s work be seen in action.
Having just walked through this myself it was so encouraging. I am scuffed up short tempered but love God with all my heart. Yep I say things that make people question me but I am authentic. Thanks
I think you should have darned the monkey bars. That would be the Christian thing to do
Los, we live in an age where people are almost trained to condemn other people over the internet because they don’t have to look the person in the face while they’re doing it. Where in the past people would keep it to themselves or a close circle of friends (i.e. gossip) now they can just insult you directly online. Make themselves feel superior to you because you said a word they think is bad and thus call you out as a horrible leader while they head to the buffet at Country Kitchen for their 4th helping paid for with the $10 they swore to their friends they gave to help fund water wells in Africa.
It’s a sign of the times, Los. Listen to those you respect who know you in person. There’s a world of difference between that critique from a close friend versus someone who just follows you on twitter.
Don’t have a problem with cursing. Don’t believe words are sinful. Bigger problem for me is the glee I get from calling out Pharises. I’m pretty sure God doesn’t support my motivation or attitude when I do it. Graciously accepting the criticism, whether valid or not, is personally my biggest struggle. Hope your daughter is well on the mend!
Thanks for keeping it real!
I am a pretty damned lousy Christian. That’w why I go to church every Sunday. To try to get a little better at it for the rest of the week. And, that’s why I follow other lousy Christians.
When you used the word “damn” I was a bit surprised. Not shocked, but surprised. Then I looked back on why I was surprised. Here’s are 2 things:
1. I went to a private Christian school and my bible teacher told us that the word “damn” is the worst of the words I could use to swear (more than f and all that). But that actually wasn’t really what caught me off guard. What did was …
2. You showed us your human side. Your daughter was in pain. You’re being her father and you were taking care of her and asking us for prayers on her.
Showing us your human side is much much and much more important than “damn is a bad bad word”. You’re being transparent. You’re being honest. I’d rather go to a church that has a leader like you than the one that’s pretending everything is perfect and preaching about how I should be perfect too.
We’re all broken people. God’s grace saves us from our own brokenness.
Thanks Los. Hope Seanna is doing better now
I don’t use ‘those’ words probably because I never used them before I started following Christ. I have learned recently that people reading your tweets can be very powerful. I too write my own opinions on twitter, I repost things I like. I found out my pastor’s wife reads my tweets & reports back to her husband. I have been labeled. I have been threatened in a ‘meeting’. Pastor have tempers. He followed thru. Now, I am labeled, dismissed, & forgotten.
Be careful what you tweet-If you have NO POWER or AUTHORITY
Really, I’m so so sorry for you.
Similar thing happened to my mom. BIG hugs from my little corner of the internet.
Sounds like you have a very insecure pastor. Big hugs coming from my corner too.
Honestly? It didn’t bother me a bit. Why because i would have said the exact same thing if it happened to my five year old. I’m protective of my kids. Possibly to a fault. But, I look at the way my mom did…God gave them to me to raise up and protect while they’re being developed into who He created them to be. You’re a human with human emotions. Somehow, I don’t think God is condemn you to Hell because you let out your emotion in a tense situation. People need to look in the mirror before they start slinging out judgments.
As usual! Bringing it and being real about it too. Keep doing your thing!
damn the judgment that got rained down on your head for that.
I saw a preacher once get up and preach on Philippians 3:8 he said how paul decided that christ was the only thing that mattered and everything else was Shit. He then went on to say how everyone in the congregation was now more caught up on the word he said rather the fact they knew they could’t say the same about their lives.
I think the real lesson to learn here is that some things are just more important that others…..
It’s all relative to your culture. I grew up in my very middle class English Christian home with my Dad as a choir leader and church organist, and the word “damn” was used freely in my family and throughout the rest of the well groomed upright churchgoing community. It’s only now I live in a largely American community that I have to watch my tongue.
Hey Carlos!
best wishes to your daughter as her arm heals! God bless you and ya fam, man!
I really appreciate your honesty and openness with this and your admittance to your own imperfections even as you continue to walk with God! Keep seeking Him! Also, I recently broke my wrist (not on those damned monkey bars
I’m with you man. I have the same “problem” I say crap, and damn often and my wife always tells me to stop (I even said crap once while speaking at a youth event and didn’t notice, my pastor (dad) let me know later lol) its just a form of expression that’s saying what you feel. If you feel “damn monkey bars” inside, then that’s what you say (as long as no F-bombs are being dropped and such lol). When I saw your tweets I felt bad for Seanna, then I was angry at the arrogance of people who were preaching to you rather than praying with you. Maybe they’re the same people who stomp on others when they’re down rather than help them up and help to make sure they don’t fall again, sad souls. Hope Seanna is feeling better by the way.
I agree with the whole timing of the issue. I feel that true leadership is not changing who you are, or putting on a face when you know people are looking. You knew putting damn up there would be read buy thousands, if not millions
. People are drawn to you for being the real deal.
I probably would of cursed the monkey bars, taken a bat to them, and at night go back with my reciprocating saw and tore the whole blasted thing down.
Wow. I must be hanging out with mostly sinners lately because I saw your tweet and did not think anything of it.
I grew up in a legalistic church environment. When you’r always looking for sin you get to the point where your constantly looking for people to sin or “trip up”. After a while, you starting looking at life through this “lens-sin-finder.”
Thus, you focus on the use of a supposed curse word instead of the need of the person involved.
Wow……this discussion sure brings back some flashbacks.
On to happier topics!!!!
A couple thoughts.
I don’t think damn is necessarily a bad word, honestly I say it. I doubt that we could even unravel this down to what words we do and don’t say (or tweet).
However, I think sometimes we like to hide our sin underneath this umbrella of ‘authenticity’ and ‘being real’ because it lumps us together so that no one can judge, rebuke, or even gently admonish us.
I would classify that woman’s response as a harsh rebuke, but that’s what rebuke is. Harsh. The scriptures describe it as iron sharpening iron for a reason.
Truth is, you’re a worship leader signed to a major label with 20,000 followers on twitter…so maybe her words have a little more weight than you think.
You said, “I would rather show this version of “leadership”, the scratched up dirty one, than the perfect version I can’t live up to and see online everyday.”
Which I can respect in a day to day/in person/face to face vein, but the truth is you tweeted what you said. It didn’t slip. You took the time to open your twitter app, type it in and send it out for 20,000 people to see.
Despite your intentions or the fact that you’re a sinner and you mess up, whenever you tweet something it translates for all your followers into; ‘it must be ok for me to do ________ because Carlos does or says it.’
It’s the burden you carry because of your position of influence.
I hope this comes across clearly brother, because I love you, I think what you’re doing is unique and I think that God is using you in great ways., your reaction is
If everytime someone pushes back on something you say or do, your reaction is to blog about it the next day, exposing the brother or sister that felt compelled to approach you with admonishment, it’s going to make a lot of us feel like we can’t ‘be real’ or ‘authentic’ with you because we’ll get chastised the next day on your blog or told to unfollow you when all we were trying to do is keep your heart in check.
Not a lot of people have 20,000 eyes on them every second of the day, i can’t imagine the crazy-pants tweets you get daily from haters, but i’m talking about people that are motivated out of love for you.
My little girl is 4 months. I can only imagine the words that will come from my mouth when takes her first tumble and hurts herself, or when mean girls or boys at school say things to her. A fathers love is deep.
My hope is that if I start tweeting out of haste or anger that you would put me in check because you’re my brother.
Truth is. Haters gonna hate but as worship leaders; ‘If we lead worship on Sunday mornings and not Mon-Sat, then we’re probably just good singers.”
My favorite quote from you a while back.
Be encouraged man. Don’t let crazy people drag you down and allow your brothers and sisters to press you in holiness, even if it’s painful.
But who is this woman that she thinks she can sit in judgment of Los? Isn’t it possible she’s the one who’s wrong in this situation? Just because someone wants to rebuke you on something doesn’t mean that person is acting from the prompting of the Holy Spirit and doing the will of God.
There’s a difference between pressing someone in holiness and bashing them for not being perfect. In this situation, I think the latter is what happened in that exchange.
Jason,
Aren’t we the ones always wrong in the situation of sinning against Christ? What does He do everytime? He washes us in His mercy. We’re called to do the same.
Regardless of whether or not the woman was right or wrong, we’re called to walk in repentance and absorb other’s sin against us by offering forgiveness.
My comment to Carlos wasn’t one to show that the woman was right and he was wrong. If you go back and read the last half, it was meant to shed light on something i’ve been learning the hard way.
That is, if we’re in a position of influence, placed there by God for His glory, then we need check our tendencies to do or say certain things in order to be above reproach.
It’s not about right or wrong, it’s about discernment and wisdom.
Josiah,
I see where you’re coming from on this. Thanks for your thoughts.
Truth.
But read a bit more carefully.
I don’t think I chastised her at all.
I covered her twitter name…
I said I need to take my own advice…
And I admit to my hypocrisy…
And no i didn’t slip.
Never said I did.
I was angry at the monkey bars and damned them.
Am I really typing this right now?
lol
Good words…
Los
That was to Josiah btw
Just holding you to a higher standard brother.
There’s a lot we have to give up in order to be above reproach as men of God and as worship leaders.
My standard should be Jesus.
But He didn’t twitter.
So I guess I’m screwed in that.
Oh and that I’m not ever gonna get to that level of perfection…
Good words man
Haha. Me neither! Doesn’t that suck?
Love you man. Praying for you.
This journey is tough, don’t let haters rock your boat.
Nah. Nothin but love and THANK YOU for your comment. Lots to chew on…
So… from the sheltered, “bubble Christian” side of the street, I did’t read the tweet, but I probably would have been a little uncomfortable to see it. But I would have been a LOT more upset that a) your kid broke their freaking arm! and b) you’re upset and I totally feel for you. So, yeah, the word may or may not be appropriate for a Christian (keeping it real or otherwise), but if swearing is wrong, so is a lack of compassion and a “holier than thou” attitude. Whatevs.
Honestly, I am so…darn (to use a christian term) tired of our pretty little, nicely wrapped with a bow on top christian lives. Unfortunately, we so seldom tear the paper off to reveal what lies within. We’ve gotten pretty good at keeping ourselves so nicely wrapped, to keep the stale, re-gifted old fruit cake, which hides beneath the surface, hidden from view.
Is it a “sin” to say, damn? I think it’s more of a question of the heart. Looking at the definitions for the word damn, you have to ask; Were you declaring the monkey bars to be “bad, unfit, invalid, or illegal?” Were you “condemning” the monkey bars? Or were you swearing? It could have been any one of these. Only you and God really know your heart.
I say, thank you Los, for tearing off the paper and showing us that old, stale fruit cake. You serve a God that can make that cake new and fresh again! Course, no one really likes fruit cake, so it’s probably a terrible analogy!
Oddly enough, it’s posts like this that make me love you that much more.
See, about 75% of the time I am questioning whether or not I have it in me to be a Christian. I’m just such a constant mess! I look around at all the other ‘Christians’ and they aren’t very messy at all…so…I just don’t cut it. I feel like quitting, giving up on even trying.
And then you come out with something like this and I’m all ‘yay! I can be a Christian and NOT be perfect! Hurray!’ And I can press on another day.
For what it’s worth, I highly doubt God marks down each so-called curse word we say to hold it against us later. He is MUCH bigger than any word. Even the really scary ones that make my ears hurt.
Los. I am gonna have to disagree with you… partially. I am reading this post and thinking “methinks he doth protest to much”. I was always taught that if you have to spend that much energy justifying your actions it may be because your conscience is being pricked.
As Christians we are told that “rotten/filthy/abusive talk” is not to be a part of our lives (Colossians 3, Ephesians 4:29).
I’m not gonna judge you, because Heaven knows there’s enough dirt on my nuggets as well (LOL – great analogy!), but as your sister in Christ I am trying to urge you to “make perfection your aim”. Don’t stop being real, but don’t be content to live with even little imperfections (dare I say sins??).
Love it.
I guess I just disagree with what “rotten/filthy” is.
And just to let you know…
I spend energy on lots of things I type on this blog…and my conscience isn’t pricked.
It’s more of wanting to let others learn from my life…
Good or bad.
Well considering that you admitted your tweet was edited…
Remember that it’s not just what your tweeps “hear” (or your kids, or whoever), it’s you and God at the end of the day. That’s it. So you decide before Him what counts as “rotten/filthy”.
Hope Seanna is feeling better.
I’ll be praying for her.
Los,
You’ve stirred up a bloody hornets nest now mate!
LOL!!!
I think it’s high time Christians(not all Christians are like this) come off the mountain, into the real world where people have an occasional drink, use some language, and are relevant. Jesus’ best friends were fishermen and tax collectors, tell me they didn’t use language.
C.S. Lewis, in Mere Christianity wrote on the four Cardinal Virtues of Christianity: Prudence, Temperance, Justice, and Fortitude.
I think this whole issue falls under Temperance. Lewis defines it as, “going the right length and no further”, as opposed to those who might think of temperance as abstinence. In drinking and language, knowing our boundaries and not crossing them, that is the key.
I think it is refreshing for me and the next generation of leaders to know that the current group of leaders aren’t all tightwads. However, I also think it is key for today’s leaders to encourage the next generation, and hold them to the higher standard, teaching temperance.
Love you bro,
don’t stop doing what you’re doing.
Jp
Good stuff man – I really appreciate the fact that you’re a genuine person. Admitting we’re all screwed up is hard for some people. It’s getting easier by the day for me, and I’m glad to see someone with a platform being real too!
Los,
You didn’t do anything wrong. You were being honest while other Christians would be more concerned about appearing holier than thou (although most people see through their act). In my book, “damn” is a medium word anyway. Now, I do think Christians should try to avoid the F word and the S word – although the S word is my default exclamation when someone scares me while I’m driving. Just ask that big deer that was standing in the road the other day. He got an earful.
By the way, I hope your daughter’s arm is doing better!
Seriously, lady?
I would have totally damned the monkey bars, too.
I think people expect perfection from people when they themselves have not achieved it, in a way, denial of their issues. The sad thing is, that when judging, we inevitably are hurting ourselves and blocking God’s ability to work in our own lives. I would have said the same words, probably more, may even kicked the monkeybars a few times, and then gave the devil an earful about messing with my family, while trowing the word of God into it. But that’s just me, and in the end I continue my love walk with believers and nonbelievers, despite my lack of perfection, and I will continue to choose to show the Love Of God that surpasses all understanding, even to those poor souls wanting to condemn and judge the world. Cuz in the end, it’s all about love, and if we do not have love, then all the other stuff is noting. God Bless you man keep doing all that you do.
I agree with most of the people who have responded. I am like one of the responders, I find it hard not to judge the “judgers”. It drives me batty to hear someone who proclaims so loudly to be a Christian and then all you hear is them judging everyone and everything they see. We are all human (including the judgers but but that is why they are so annoying, they try to believe that they are not.) I would much rather follow someone like you. You are real, you show your weaknesses but also don’t mind professing your love for God without preaching AT people. And, you are a dad who loves your family, so that makes it even better. Please keep being you because “Those who matter don’t mind and those who mind don’t matter” (Dr Seuss)
I absolutely love reading your blog and I second what I just read someone saying you are a refreshing honest voice for the christian realm. I dont think thath because you damned the monkey bars (who wouldnt) that you love Jesus any less. My lifegroup just left my house and I know for certain I said damn about something. Just because you are a christ follower and a “prominent” leader doesnt mean you are any less human. Id rather see the real you than someone who is only performing to please others. Thats a pedestal that no leader should have to stand on. And besides Jesus would have known that you were damning the monkey bars even if you hadnt said it and he loves you anyway! Thanks for keeping it real!!!
I’m stating the same thing as about everyone has about your blog and tweets: authentic. Thanks for being you and truth is we are all posers for Jesus sometimes. This whole post has my thoughts spinning around like a brown exiting the super bowl. Here’s a couple of them in bullets
-Confrontation via social media. This chicks intentions were great, but her method or approach was totally jacked up. Trying not to lay the white ghetto talking preacher out here on your blog, but the scriptures are pretty explicit about confronting your christian peeps and the manner in which it should be done (Matthew 18:15-20; Galatians 6:1-5). Idk?!? I feel like a direct message would have been more appropriate if it was such a big deal for them. Btw couldn’t remember if it was a chick or dude
-Time spent with regard to others holiness, rather than your own. Jesus talked about this with the log and speck thing, but I have and must revisit this often guilty. Christians must spend more time praying for others instead of pointing at what they are doing wrong! Praying for others is a characteristic of holiness while point at others mistakes is a characteristic of holding hands with the devil.
-We can know God, but we can’t be him. I am firm believer that the second person of the Trinity God the Holy Spirit can do His job better than I can or ever will. The Holy Spirit convicts dead and living person of their sin and wickedness. I can only point to the exterior, but the Holy Spirit deals with the interior. We forget about this often. Preachers (me) are notorious for this crap and the sheep are practicing what they’ve had model. We must follow God and not try to be Him. I feel this can be attached to whole thing?
There’s my 3 point sermon.
Thanks for all you do!
Jacked up sinner
jeth
Los,
One of my best buddies is a pastor and when I’m hanging with him and his family, words slip. It is life and non of us are perfect. My son split his lip on monkey bars when he was 5 and I promise you that “damn” is the nicest thing I said when I found out.
Be real bro, stay real, and live real. I believe that one of the pillars of the RM movement is authenticity. Twitter is closer to real life than many social mediums, sometimes you get a swear word.
I get what the lady was saying and I know I/people around me often say things around the kids we wish we could get back. But as with everything else it a chance to teach, parent, and be authentic with the kids.
Much love my brother. Damn the monkey bars. I seriously can’t believe they still allow those things in 2010.
SK
I think it’s very cool that you take from this and find some lesson that you can learn. Sure, maybe we all need to lighten up! I am personally not offended by your language and appreciate your honesty and also your love for Jesus at the same time, it is evident! You’re also a great dad, haters will hate!
So, you shouldn’t care about the soul of the monkey bars, but then what’s the point in damning the monkey bars?
nicodemusatnite.blogspot.com
Made me feel better in the moment…
Did you really ask that question?
lol
I hear you man. I get what you were saying big daddy.
love what you are doing bro. keep it up.
rk
Thanks for being so honest! I wish that more of the Christian “leaders” were so real! Your website is awesome and lifts God up all the time. Thanks!
So, what does “no filthy talk/coarse jesting” mean, anyway?
“Swear” words?
Words that hurt?
Both?
Neither?
yes.
Ok, so what if Seanna would have turned and in her broken-wrist-little-six-year-old voice said, “Damn Monkeybars!!” Hahahahaaa!!
I only ‘cuss’ around my mom, because it makes her butt pucker.
I learned it from her lol
The kids in the Chronicles of Narnia books say damn.
I had a youth pastor unfriend me on facebook because I joked about getting a tattoo & drinking a beer with another pastor friend of mine. I didn’t get the tattoo, by the way. and the beer was o’douls.
Dear Lord,
So many of your professed followers are so full of shit. Thank you for my brother los who is not. Please protect his heart when what comes out of their mouths is what their hearts are filled with. Thanks. Amen.
Los! Thanks for bein’ real, man! Love it!
I actually blogged about this, one of my friends was one of the people who freaked about that word.
http://www.carolesmithturner.com/2010/11/things-that-make-you-say-hum.html
People need to chill and get pissed about the stuff that really matters not a stupid, minor cuss word. I get really tired of this crap.
I did not see this post til now (promise!) and my post today is called “What the %&*#? Christians Cussing.”
Here’s a quote from an article on Decapolis about swearing in Christian music that just about sums it up:
“I have three things I’d like to say today. First, while you were sleeping last night, 30,000 kids died of starvation or diseases related to malnutrition. Second, most of you don’t give a s***. What’s worse is that you’re more upset with the fact that I said s*** than the fact that 30,000 kids died last night.”
Amen and ahem.
sitting in my favorite pastor’s office the other day, he told me “every church needs someone on staff who’s job it is to occasionally walk the halls or show up at board meetings and yell ‘bullshit!’” he’s been the pastor of a thriving church for 40 years.
As Christians, don’t we invite people to come as they are? Well . . . actually I should ask, aren’t we supposed to? Who would ever want to come ‘as they are’ to meet with a group of ‘perfect’ people? Not me! I avoided giving my life to Christ for years because of this dynamic. I felt too jacked-up to be in the presence of such pristine people. Then I met them, and realized most of them just wear masks. Lots of masks. Its scary to think, but many of us have forgotten what we really look like because of all the masks we wear.
I’m a residential counselor for young teens in group-homes. I’ve been blessed to see some of their lives completely redeemed by Christ. And I see this when they realize we are not to ‘become what we aren’t’ but to ‘come are we are.’ When we come as we are, jacked-up sinners, the Lord responds by coming to us just as He is, full of mercy and redemption.
When that overwhelming pressure is lifted and they understand, yes they need a miracle, but no they don’t have to be the one to perform it, their lives change. They get out of the ruts they’ve spent years spinning their tires in.
All because they’ve excepted Christ’s redemption over the Christian’s holy mask. True transformation.
My personal philosophy on curse words is that they should only be used when they are necessary to express what you want to, e.g. You may not be ticked off, annoyed, or angry. But you’re pissed off. Trust me, there’s a big difference.
Your “realness” inspires me to be better all the time. I not a fan of people who “look” perfect. Imperfections inspire me and also let me know I’m not in it alone. Thanks for that!
I loved this! Thanks for keeping it real! I don’t have time to read everyone’s comments, so this may be a repeat of something someone said, BUT I will say it anyways. =) The problem that so many people have with Christianity is that so called Christians (who should know better than anyone how completely NOT perfect we are and never will be) make people feel like they will never measure up, never be good enough, never be “perfect” enough- so why bother? Thank God that He loves me in all my imperfectness. I will never measure up to what 95 percent of “Christians” think I should be but I’m good enough for him! You are a light- keep shining! Much love! =)
I personally think that “ugly” is a worse word than “f***”. Why? “F***” generally doesn’t hurt anyone, but “ugly” causes wounds from the youngest to the oldest of us.
$.02
Today, Matt Chandler posted the following tweet:
“I’m judgmental and proud and I hate it.”
Honestly…
I thanked God for that tweet.
And I thank God for those among us that can keep it real and can, in turn, hopefully encourage one another and lift one another up.
Because none of us have got it all together and not one of us will be perfect until we are spending eternity with God.
Best choice of words? No. Do a lot of us slip up and say them. Yep. And a whole heck of a lot of other stuff, too.
But let’s keep it real. Let’s be authentic and not fake in trying to please one another…or God…because He can smell a fake a gazillion miles away.
Be encouraged, brother!
~ Beck
I love this- “Best choice of words? No. Do a lot of us slip up and say them. Yep. And a whole heck of a lot of other stuff, too.” so so true.
I do, however, really struggle with social media and the persona’s we are allowed to create there. I feel like technology exploded so quickly and we haven’t always taken the time to realize what this intense amount of connectivity means. 5 years ago had your daughter fallen and you responded with “damn those monkey bars” the people with you would have heard it. Not the whole world. CRAZY how quickly word travels these days…
Hope her wrists healing up quick!
#1. We don’t judge people, the Bible does. #2 I’m more concerned that christians are becoming so “real” that they blend in with the world. What about the guy who struggles with an addiction to alcohol and has lost everything, And then sees a “real” christian sipping on a beer. What if he doesn’t choose Christ because of that? And we are more concerned with screaming “judge not” at each other instead of living by the Word of God. Preach the gospel persuasively. Jesus said that we are the light of the world….can’t see it if it’s not shinin’.
This is why people like me never thought for a moment of seeking help, support, transformation in Christianity. If the people here can’t handle a borderline pseudo-curse, then what would they have done with a pot-smoking, coke-sniffing, like-a-truck-driver cursing, carousing-with-the-boys, divorced, single mother, lying, cheating, stealing chick like me. Damn, I’m glad Jesus cut me a break. Oh yeah…and my kids know all about the old me, the new me and the power of Jesus to inspire change from the inside out…
Is it possible that you would be swearing more if you were in a different season in your walk with God?
Is it possible that you would swear less frequently (or perhaps never again) if you were in a different place in your walk with God? No one is perfect. But like the others said, swearing affects everyone in a different way or not at all.
Well, Los, I guess we’ve determined that you aren’t a Calvinist. If you were, instead of damning those monkey bars, you would have blessed them for helping your baby girl break her arm and endure suffering for God’s glory.
Damned Calvinists.
LOL! Shoot, maybe those monkey bars are predestined to burn in hell.
for me, its a relief when I hear a leader cuss. I know that sounds odd, but what I mean is that its nice knowing that leaders are regular people – because we tend to hold them up like their statues.
AMEN!
Damn that felt good to say!
We have a lot in common. My kids have skinny little butts, too.
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/kevindeyoung/2010/11/23/the-hole-in-our-holiness/
Her wrist looks terrible! Is she feeling better now? Poor baby.
I think some Christians got it all wrong when it comes to cussing. I totally get not wanting to be a stumbling block to others, but sometimes a word is only a word. In fact, what gives a word its value is the thought and emotion behind it. A silly little knee-jerk cuss word that slips out of one’s mouth with little thought is no big deal. On the other hand, I’ve experienced some furious Christians (myself included) who use ‘G-rated’ language backed by ‘R-rated’ emotion. It really comes down to our hearts, not our mouths.
So good!
Hey Carlos,
I don’t follow your blog but caught this post through a link. I empathized with you a bit over this as I will drop the F bomb by playing NCAA Football on xbox haha.
However, when you wrote this, “I also told her to unfollow me and I would rather show this version of “leadership”, the scratched up dirty one, than the perfect version I can’t live up to and see online everyday.” I couldn’t help to see this is about the twentieth time a blogger has written this.
If I were your friend in real life and had said the same thing, would you say, “Ben, stop being friends with me, etc.” I doubt it. You would probably challenge me and tell me I am being stupid for focusing on such a minor thing in an issue that would happen to anyone. Heck, the lady may have been totally joking and it simply didn’t translate online. A simple “are you for real?” or “are you kidding me?” may have clarified what she was trying to get at.
If our way of dealing with people is simply dismissing them, then it kinda shows how disconnected we are from real conversation. Just my thoughts.
Hope your daughter is feeling better though, I have never broke a bone but dislocated my knee, not fun.
True. But I’m not her friend.
I had never seen her or heard of her in my life.
This digital world masks true relationships well.
I think had I had a real relationship with her…you are correct, that would have happened.
But I dont, do I didn’t.
Does that make sense?
Los
I agree with you in some aspects but because you are a public figure and Twitter is meant to connect with the public, then those are some of the things you may have to expect. Because the boundaries may be clear to you on a digital world and relationships, it may not be for all. Also, sharing your personal life like that as a public figure does mean that people feel they can relate to you in the same intimate way.
Maybe you should write a handbook for what you feel is digital etiquette for all public leaders. haha.
Appreciate your thoughts.
damned monkey bars broke my sister’s leg when she was in sixth grade. i with u, carlos.
“B**t”? Seriously! You’re gonna type b**t like that??
I won’t get hung up on the swear word, but instead that you blamed her break on the bars. If I stub my toe do I damn my furniture? If I wipe out on my bike, do I learn from what I did, or just curse it?
Jesus damned a fig tree that didn’t produce as it was created to. If we all damned the things in life that we make mistakes on, are we really learning from our mistakes?
How’s Seanna feeling now?
You see when you tweeted I completely missed the whole ‘damning’ the monkeybars bit, because I focused straight on the person who wasn’t well!
If we want to be ‘legalistic’ then I’m not sure you can ‘damn’ inanimate objects?!
Jesus focused on the people. He looked beyond the words and the deeds.
Carlos, you are a huge inspiration for me as a very imperfect man trying to love his family the best way he can and live his life for the Lord!
And back to my first point – God Bless Seanna and I hope that cast comes off real soon!
Carlos – Read back through that comment and I kinda got the punctuation bit wrong! I meant you were an inspiration to me, with ‘me’ being the imperfect man!
These words cause a lot of confusion!
I can see now why so many people have taken vows of silence or gone to live in caves – difficult to offend anyone from a cave!
In 2000 I met a new neighbor who changed the way I define who is Christian. She was quite profane and I felt uncomfortable around her a lot of the time. She never attended church services anywhere. If she had not lived next door I would have stayed away from her. BUT…she talked about God a lot, often more than my church-going ‘Christian’ friends. For example, looking out at the ocean view early in the day she said, “Look what God made just for us!”. She knew everyone in the neighborhood including the names of all the kids and often their ages. She was right there to help if there was ever a need. Most of all, as a new mom, she told me that God knew she needed help and then he put me next door just for her! And she was the same ALL the time, never putting on a ‘church’ face and then acting otherwise the rest of the week. It’s made me think a lot about God seeing a person’s heart, the real person inside and not the outward person that we often judge. Thank God my friend of many years now was put next door to _me_ to teach me more than a few things!
Goddam, muffucker! You fucked this shit all UP in the ass!!! Shiiiiit…..
Just keepin it real…..
So, it really kinda pisses me off that we even have to have this conversation. I mean I get it, but it just sucks. Thanks for being who you are and letting us see into your life, curse words and all!
I guess I’m a few days behind on this and i certainly didn’t read all the comments in here so apologies if i’m being repetitive. I’m hard pressed to find a place in scripture where we’re told which words are acceptable and which ones are “bad.”
I do recall many instances of being called to help the poor, the lost, the naked, the imprisoned. Maybe if we quit worrying about which damned words we use and who we’re using them with then the church would be a little more contagious.
I’ve had more “christian” conversations using “bad” words over a beer at a smoky pub with atheists than I have at any church. Language isn’t our issue, being comfortable on our pedestal instead of getting our hands (and possibly words) dirty is our problem. The church is on one path and the world on another, but there’s good ministry to be done at that intersection and sometimes you have to meet people at their own level, and sometimes they say damn.
mike.
ps. hope you’re little girl is doing alright!
typical… we learn early on in church to use “appropriate language”… but miss the whole point of christianity…. so much focus is on the outward …. the 7 words you cant say were invented and have evolved over the last 6 or 7 hundred years…. I try not to use certain words… but they do come out… its called being human…. I find the more I fill myself with worship and the word… the less that happens… but as I grow in His Love for me I am learning it is not what I do or say that earns that Love…. it is how that Love changes me…. american christians have arrived and have god in their hip pocket. they sit in their churches and pass judgment on everything… locking people out of the kingdom of God. Seeking after their “rightful blessing” and and forgetting about the one from whom all blessings flow… They boast in their relationship with God but in reality they are far from Him. It has become “religion”…God is doing a new thing in these last days…. the shaking has already begun. I really think that if we focus on the Love of the Father for all people… people will respond to that Love and repent…. it is not required to repent then come but the other way around…. lets get back on track…
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Los, I love your raw honesty. I wish more people were this honest about who they are, me included.
Unreal. Word Police. Thought Police. Police sweatin’ the small stuff, pickin’ all the wrong battles, wrapped up in everyone else’s business and supposed faults but neglecting their own. idk man, wow.
Proof positive some people take the internet way. too. serious.
This is a perfect example of people having their heads up their asses. It drives me crazy when I’m having an intelligent conversation with an adult and they say “darn” or “effing” or “shoot”. I hate that I can’t even say “that sucks” in front of my in-laws without a cringe from my husband’s mom. DRIVES ME CRAZY! When I read your tweet I instantly felt much more connected to you and you’re the only Christian minister tweeter I follow for the exact reason why you tweeted the word “damn”- because you don’t play pastor and put on a show of spirituality. I prefer real people since I live in a real world.
Please don’t stop being you.
You know, just because people say shoot or darn doesn’t mean they’re not real or putting on a show of spirituality. I was just taught you don’t use curse words. My parents always said to me, “Would you go up to Jesus when you meet him and say, ‘How the F*** are ya?’” Some people might I’m sure, but I never wanted to. So I don’t NOT curse because I’m being holier than thou or fake…I just don’t do it; never really found a need. And I’ve never really thought people thought I was trying to put on a show.
That being said, I have cursed (how many people have never done it, let’s be honest!?) and I don’t think it’s horrible that you do/did it. I think Josiah (above) really summed up how I feel on this topic.
Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing, Carlos! Your blog is fabulous and I love reading it. And I hope Seanna’s feeling better soon….I’ve never broken a bone, but I can’t imagine it’s too much fun!
Dear people who believe words are just words, without moral content, and–when salty enough–are evidence of being “real” and “authentic”:
FUCK YOU.
I mean, that’s how I feel and shit, and I’m not trying to cover up who I really am. Just part of being human, right? Sure hope Los doesn’t censor my comment. Los? You’ve got the courage of your convictions, right?
love it! i say damn all the time.
and im pretty sure we so freely use other degrading words like jerk, moron, idiot, fool without even thinking twice when the Bible so clearly states we should not call others a fool.
sooooooooooooooo, whoever wants to judge the use of the words damn, or what the hell, or f*** should think again if they’re calling people idiots.
omg, i totally judge judgers too. which makes me a hypocrite yes.
i wish we could all just remember that we’re not perfect before expecting others to be. i definitely am trying hard as!!!
Damned medical bills!! I hope your daughter’s wrist heals well! Thanks for putting it out there for us to weigh in on!
I normally like the things you post, but this, to me, is pushing it too far. I’m not judging nor trying to slam you or anything, but you do have to realize that there are some of us who do think “damn” is a curse word. You, as a leader, and please don’t take this the wrong way, especially have to watch what you say because some people will get offended. Am I? I could be, but I choose not to be.
Take Ephesians 4:29. Like I said, a lot people see that particular word as a curse word and it’s not “building up others.”
As Christians, you/we have to be careful with what we say.
Oh, and to add to mine: I know that you, or anyone, is perfect (and I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not!), but we have to be careful.
loswit
never had the opportunity to meet you. have enjoyed your music. have heard you at our church services a couple of times.
i first want you to know that i too am guilty of a bad word now and then. had to apologize to a ministry team member recently because he caught a message on his phone because i was in ATL traffic… he didn’t catch the end so i wasted an apology…
but i had a wise teacher one time that described bad language like this…there are curse words, damn, hell, etc…there are dirty words – you and i probably know them…and then there are gutter words – too much of what we have grown accustomed to today…
but, here is what he added about curse words…only God has the right to condemn…and curse words are condemning words…so we have no right to use them…
then we have dirty words and the bible talks much about our speech and no unhealthy talk among us…and hopefully we are above gutter language…
so while i understand your condemning those monkey bars as the incident happens…it took some time and thought to write out a tweet…now does than make me any better than you? absolutely not…
but one other lesson i learned long ago…most of our disciples will walk with God one level below our walk…if you are approving things they will go one level below you…
on the journey…
Los,
I’m a little late to the party with this post; however, I wanted to offer an opinion.
First, I’m not a frequent commenter but very much enjoy reading your blog and your tweets (additionally, I also enjoy when you lead worship). I think the question isn’t whether you should have damned the monkey bars in that situation but, rather, should the damning be made public on twitter. I can’t imagine that anyone would fault you for feeling or saying that when you see your child break their arm. But, tweeting about it seems like it was a premeditated action to use a curse word. In one man’s humble opinion, you can curse, kick, and beat the monkey bars for hours afterward but what’s the necessity in tweeting it?
Regardless, I’m still going to follow you and read your stuff. Much love my friend
People so tend to lose sight of the meaning of a curse and a swear. I would have damned the play ground.
Thank you for being honest. Thank you for being real.
there is just too much varnish on people these days. Too many things we consider sacrosanct that really, truly are NOT.
Tweet and speak all you want.
I’m so glad to have found your blog.
Thank you.
Hi Carlos,
I found this post through another blogger I follow. So, I really don’t know you. In a nutshell (for those who want to get right to the hate)-You are wrong for trying to justify your sin and for criticizing the woman who corrected you, as you will do to me. I noticed that you call yourself a pastor. If that is the case then I must respond as there are Biblical Qualifications.
I Timothy 3:2-3 Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. (see- temperate, self controlled, respectable)
I hope your daughter is well I have little ones too. A few quick thoughts. 1.) Jesus CURSED the fig tree. He did not damn it, because it had no soul. His curse was that it would not bear fruit again(and it didnt). The connotation of the word in which you used was for the sake of vulgarity, not the actual damning of a soulless object to hell. 2.) I appreciate your “raw” “dirty” honesty but this is what Jesus said in Matthew 12:36 “And I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment.”
Also check Luke 6:45 The good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and the evil [man] out of the evil [treasure] bringeth forth that which is evil: for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.
I do respect the honesty but we are supposed to be renewed by the transforming of our mind.
3.) I am deeply saddened that those above me are decieved in thinking that Christians who believe the Bible are somehow being hypocritical and that anything goes with God. This is not the case.
Carlos, please remember that God has standards and we are supposed to live by the Spirit and not our sinful flesh.
ISIAIh 41 BRING forth your IDOLS did they PREACH to you see they can’t speak they can’t DO ANYTHING all they do is cause confuson. Jeremiah 10 they nil hier IDOL down like a scarecrow it can’t move cant speak can’t move must be caried these are nothing but the WORK of CON men.john 10 jesus christ sais his sheep hear his voice and another voice thy will not follow and if another person tries to preach to tem they WILL FLEE from him. jeremiah 5 the priests bear rule on thier own auhority what will you do whe your judged my word is not inside them. Now here is the kicker john 5 son of man voice goes back in time mathew 16 jesus christ claims to be th son of man.?1 cor2 mind of CHRIST preached internlly and john 16 sais the spirit o ruth comes in the future. Ezekiel 13 lying prophets of ISRAEL my word is not inside them saying god sais god sais god sais wrote hoping mankind would CONFIRM thier WORDS. all of this is EASILY verifyable.