Your Dad
My dad just called me to read me some scripture, tell me he loves me, and pray for me.
I don’t pretend to not know how blessed I am.
What kind of relationship did you have with your dad growing up and how is it now?
Los
My dad just called me to read me some scripture, tell me he loves me, and pray for me.
I don’t pretend to not know how blessed I am.
What kind of relationship did you have with your dad growing up and how is it now?
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
He left when I was 2. We met again when I was 27. He taught lessons and because of them my children will never type or say these words.
amen.
I am with you. My “father” would see me at his mothers on the weekends with his drug girlfreinds. He always told them I was a friend of the family and they were always to high or stupid to believe him. He met my step mother when I was 11 and she said she wouldnt marry him unles he had a relationship with me. It wasnt so bad until he took me in the hall one day to tell me that I wasnt his and my “real father” was out there. Words you never will forget. Now that I have my own children I find it hard to understand how someone can just walk out on their children. And my oldest son looks just like that side of my family. We still see him on holidays at my grandmothers house and my children know who he is and I let them decide what kind of relationship they want to have with him. He now has a new girlfreind whos grandchildren call him Pop Pop (word his own grandchildren have a hard time saying to him). I dread the two times a year I have to be in that situation but I do want my children to know that side of my family. A year after I had my youngest son my Mom was told she had lung cancer. She is the strongest woman I know. With all that happened with my dad she never once put him down infront of me. Five years later I thank god everyday that she is here and her cancer is gone. She was the best mother AND FATHER I could ask for. My boys are her world and she is theirs. Btw ….. My youngest sons name is Toby Lol just had to toss that out there. I hope things work out for you. I have hard days when I see my friends calling their dads. Fathers day is a tough one for me. I hide behind a mask that day for my kids but when I call my father in law to say happy fathes day I wish I had that also. Keep your head up !!
I’m so happy for your littles! I bet they have an incredible daddy!
what a strong set of 29 words. Thank you.
growing up, my dad was always there for me if i needed him, but not in the times in between. make sense? he’s there even less now.
my Heavenly Father…now that’s a different story
My dad was abusive and I haven’t talked to him nor seen him since I turned 18. I’m now 19 and it’s been a year and the memories still hurt me when I least expect them.
Been there baby. I am 39 and I left home when I was 17. My dad abused me and the devastation was…well, you know what I’m saying.
BUT…can I encourage you, sweet girl? Right now at this moment, you can’t see how it could possibly happen, but I promise you that if you will allow the Lord to heal you and mature you, then there is hope for your father. I’m a witness to it.
I know I sound so old-school when I say this, but it’s the honest truth. Jesus did it for me, He can do it for you. I was healed, my life began to change, my dad saw the change. My dad is now loving and serving Jesus as much as he knows how.
Take heart sweet baby girl. Praying for you.
Thank you. There’s times where I ask God why and where I doubt His goodness in all of it. But I know He’s good and I have to keep clinging to Him. But yeah, it’s tough at times. Again, thank you.
my dad is my hero! he is godly and loves his wife, children and grandchildren. he changed the legacy of his father and grandfather by not being alcoholic and an having affairs. he still is a phone call away for me and i love it.
I was blessed to have 11 years with my dad before he went to be with Jesus. The way he treated me and loved me still impacts me to this day. I miss him lots but I am SO thankful to have had such a wonderful father.
Never knew my real dad, had various ‘dads’ over the years… my Mom’s various boyfriends who were abusive and awful. However my heavenly father has since provided me with other men who I can call Dad who have loved me and cared for me.
My Father knocked me around for 17 years, I rarely see or talk to him now, he is poison to my soul..
I cannot say enough words about my dad.
to say the least he is my hero.
He has taught me about life, conflict, love, faithfulness and most importantly love.
He has taught me how to see others and how to care for others.
We talk almost everyday and I rely on him greatly for direction and wisdom.
It pains me to read all of the responses from people who do not have dads or their dads have left them or have never been mentally present. That is a whole other world that my heart breaks for and I continually pray that the next generation will not say the same.
Kyle, I hear you. It is painful to read of all the father wounds out there. The hope of faith is that through the community of saints, even our deepest wounds can be healed.
My Dad was a typical military dad stoic and unemotional. He was gone quite a bit serving this country. He showed me the true Father’s love in the fact he laid down his life in service. A true American hero buried in Arlington. However my legacy is I am a child of the King and my Abba Father loves me more than I could ever imagine.
My folks divorced when I was 5. My dad kicked me out of his house when I was 12 . . said he never wanted to see me again. His next weekend. He was electrocuted while tarring a house and was said to not live. My brother (who had also been kicked out of dad’s place) and I drove 3 hours to see him in ICU. After a few minutes we were escorted out of his room by his wife (who was trying to get his machines unplugged). Since then our relationship is on the mend. We see each other when we can, even though it’s not often enough. I’ve learned many things from him, things to do . . and not to do.
my dad was verbally abusive, we did not have a good relationship. he is gone now and i wish we had left things better!
While my Dad has never been a very outwardly spiritual guy, he has always been there, and shown me what it means to lead. Even though he is not very outspoken about his love for God, his actions have shown me what loving God is about. I always knew I was blessed, but when I taught at a continuation high school it really sunk in how amazing my relationship with my father was (when little) and still is.
PS I will be standing in the very same spot on that stage in 3 weeks.
Growing up, my dad and I often butted heads, but not because we didn’t like each other. It was because we were so much alike that our stubbornness often got the best of us. As I got older, I realized my dad’s discipline was done out of love. He’s the most humble, caring and compassionate man of God I know.
My father was charming but distant and at times, downright mean especially when he drank. Which was often. He served in Korea at 18 and growing up, I had no idea what that meant and he did not talk about it. Now I can look back and see the classic signs of PTSD. He was diagnosed a couple of years before he died, technically of heart failure. I call it suicide via alcohol because his heart doc said he would live to be an old man if he left the booze alone. We found him with a half empty half gallon of vodka beside his bed. He believed that organized religion was for weak minded people who needed to be kept in line and that God could not be scientifically proven or disproven. It took me over 30 years to work my way past those beliefs.
My dad was emotionally damaging and never uplifting to my mom, brother or myself. I ended the venomous relationship when I was 19 and have not seen or communicated with him in 17 healing years. I have a great stepfather that has filled a huge hole and been the best PawPaw my kids could ever ask for. And better than that a wise woman told me you get two chances at a great parent child relationship; once as child and once as parent. I’ve got a great husband who is the best dad for our kids. His love for them heals a scar in me on a continual basis. A great dad is a true gift.
My dad is my best friend, and the Best Man at my wedding. He taught me how to be a child of God, a husband and a parent. He taught me how to love, work, serve, sacrifice, pray and play baseball.
My two boys love PawPaw, and his eyes light up when the rugrats run to him.
Plus, he still holds my mom’s hand.
I wish…
Hand-holding. *Chills* Awesome.
In a word: complicated. My dad has always been a “part” of my life, but he has always lived thousands of miles away. After he and my mom split when I was about a month old he stayed in the area for a few years but moved to California when I was about three to pursue his music career. He eventually re-married and settled just outside of L.A. His wife had a son that he adopted as his own and they had a daughter together. But I never ranked anywhere near the top of my father’s priority list. It’s only been in recent years that I realized what a profound effect that has had on my life and if I ever get to have my own children, they will never wonder where they rank on my priority list. They will always be no.3 with God being first and my wife/their mother being second.
I should also say that I could never consider my Dad to be a deadbeat. He always paid his child support, sent me birthday/christmas cards and gifts, called every now and then and I always saw him and his family at least once a year, if not twice. But those things just weren’t enough. I needed his love, acceptance, and affirmation more than his child support and birthday card. It’s been incredibly difficult, but I’m trying to allow my Heavenly father to do what my earthly father never could.
My Dad was a hurt kid. Abused, misunderstood and blamed for the death of his older brother. He didn’t know better. But as a grown man, it seems he didn’t try to do better.
He stopped speaking to me over four years ago — still don’t know why. But it’s not as horrific as it sounds as we never really connected — except for our arguing.
I’ve been told he and I are a lot alike. I sure hope not. As someone said above, the plan is to never have my blessed, wonderful, amazing son have to write these words about me. He will always know I love him. He will never question it.
I don’t know if this is any help at all to you, but I feel like it may, so here goes…
I’m not a father (yet) so I don’t pretend to have insight into your father’s circumstances, but I think this is a guy thing. Sometimes when we (guys) feel like we are no good to another person or that we could never be what we should have been for them, it’s easier just to shut them out than to try to be something we never could be. Maybe he thinks that way and that’s why he stopped talking to you. Like I said, I’ve never been a father, but I have been majorly guilty of doing this with other relationships in my past.
Brian,
I have often thought this might be the case… And I’ve reached out to him. We talked about the “stuff” between us. But he keeps leaving. My concern is not only MY heart, but my son’s. It hurts so much to keep letting him in to only watch him walk away again. It’s become far easier to just live life without a “Dad” than to keep going through the roller coaster of having one.
But, thank you so much. It does help with the whole “what wrong with me?” thoughts…
In June 2008, I caught my dad having an affair. Almost a year later he moved out of our house and wouldn’t tell my family where he lived. Every time we would get an address for him, he would move. He said that he didn’t want a family anymore. He just wants his music. In August 2010 his “special friend” called to tell us he was in the hospital. He spent a month in a coma and was diagnosed with a rare disease. Mom and I never left his side. When he woke up he had us banned from the hospital. Only allowed his “special friend” to visit him. It still hurts, but praise God my heavenly father loves me more than my earthly father ever will. I don’t know what I’d do without HIS perfect love.
My dad is by far the greatest man i’ve known in my 26 years of life. Growing up, he was at every softball & volleyball game, every choir performance and play I was in. He was then, and still is now, my biggest fan. Being the youngest of 4 children, with a father who is a full time pastor, remarkably – I never lacked love or attention from Him. Even now, he brings me roses just because and tells me I’m beautiful. His faith has been tested often, but it’s never been shaken. He’s faced many hardships, and often had to work outside of the church when the church he was pastoring couldn’t afford him to be on staff. Still, His time was mine, His love was mine. He was my hero growing up, and is my hero now.
That’s just precious!!
visitations with my dad were every other weekend from 3-13. They involved him forgetting to pick me up, hanging in bars, sex drug and alcohol laden parties, and me driving him home at too early of an age. They also involved hugs, tearful apologies, and life wisdom. My dad was and is an amazing man who has a disease of addiction. We didn’t speak for many years and to date, I haven’t seen him in 5 years. We do speak/text every other week or so.
Growing up, church was an occasional thing. A little more than just Christmas and Easter. When my dad built a relationship with Christ while I was in high school, I thought he was totally whacked – and I told him so.
Thus began some years of separation. He tried to get me on the straight and narrow, but I wouldn’t hear of it. Then, nearly 20 years later, I came to know Christ. And I finally understood my dad.
Over the last 10 years, we have prayed together, cried together, laughed together and watched my kids grow up. I helped him build a shed. He helped me repair my garage. He’ll be 74 in a couple of weeks, and I thank God for him every day.
My dad showed us unconditional love and always helped others—would pick up hitch-hikers and hobos and bring them home for a meal, perhaps to spend the night. Lots of laughter in our home.
He is now in Heaven and I look forward to being with him again.
I am so sorry for the others who commented who didn’t have that but encourage you that you can have that and more with your Heaven;y Father.
My dad spent a lot of time with me growing up. He is a general contractor in FL and he took me with him to job sites anytime I was out of school. Sometimes I had to work, other times just got to hang out with him. We also went fishing a lot. We never talk about spiritual stuff (though he is a Christian) but he tells me he loves when we talk on the phone and I know he misses us not living in FL anymore. The two main things he passed on to me are devotion to my family and a strong work ethic.
p.s. If you need something built in central FL he is still the man. Best GC you can hire for your office, church, restaurant: http://raburnconstruction.com/
(Sorry for the plug, but he is that good.)
Growing up I was always a Daddy’s Girl, and at 41, I still am.
The hand on your shoulder in this picture is so moving.
My dad loved me and was totally “for” me. Even when I grew up, he would call me “doll.” He made me feel totally accepted. At his memorial service, countless friends told me how much they valued his gentleness. I aspire to that now. I don’t take him for granted; still thankful all the time for God’s gift to me of my dad.
I grew up only seeing my dad on the weekends. Not because my parents were divorced, but because he traveled Monday-Friday in order to provide my mom, my brothers and myself. But unfortunately weekends weren’t enough time to build on. Or really even make an effort.
I longed for sweet words and handholding and talks on his lap. But they never came. And I found those things elsewhere. But not in the best of places.
I longed for a close relationship with him. Even today, I long for that. But thankful I have have a Father in heaven so is there. Close. At all times. In all ways. And who has healed and filled emptiness.
And a Father who is even beginning to heal the relationship with the one I have on earth. And who helps me understand that he can’t give me what He can.
My dad is the perfect example of the God fearing, hard working, down to earth, awesome guy. My dad prayed for me growing up, took me to church, and showed me what it was like to be a man of God, without forcing a belief on me.
I have recently married (3 months ago) and I have such a great starting point of knowing how to be a good husband to my wife just from watching the way my dad loves my mom.
I feel lucky that he is my dad…
I don’t have a relationship with my dad because I never met him.
nicodemusatnite.com
My dad left when I was 1yr old. We saw him a couple times a year while growing up, went to live with him in the summer a few times while we were teens and at 17 I went to live with him, he had become a Christian and he is the reason I started really living for Jesus. We have a great relationship now. But there has been many times that I have watched my husband with our kids that I see what I missed. It makes me sad for me, that little girl who desperately needed her daddy. I’m SO glad that my kids have a wonderful father who is there for them.
That’s awesome! I have a similar relationship with my father as well. It wasn’t always like this. We had to go through some pain but it was worth it. Now I benefit from his over 35 years of spiritual leadership in the ministry.
He is my HERO and my FRIEND….seriously blessed to have the relationship with my dad that I do!!
I grew up in a Jewish home – both parents Jewish – and my relationship with my Dad has always been fairly decent. Our communication tends to have a strain on it because he just doesn’t open up very easily – whereas, I do a bit more easily than he does. He doesn’t, nor ever has he, talked easily about God with him – nor has he ever said he will pray for me (at least to my face). Jews function a lot differently than Christians – especially if they are more traditionally based, rather than spiritual (which my parents are more traditional).
It does sting not having this connection with either of my folks – but it is something I find soothing in with connection with other men in my life like my husband, our Pastor, and a few other key people in my life who are men walking deeply with Christ. These men cannot ever replace my father, but this is how it is in my life concerning the differences of beliefs my father and I hold.
He’s someone who is both a friend, an example, a great ear, a great counselor. He definitely is imperfect, and our relationship became strained for a while. After I lost my brother to suicide back in Oct, 2009, God did use the hell and pain of that experience to draw us back together.
My dad cheated on my mom when i was 5 and divorced her…drinks all the time, made me get drunk with him when i was 12 for the first time…when i accepted Christ at age 16 he wanted nothing to do with me ever again….calls me every now and again to yell and cuss at me.
Luckily had some men in the church who treat me like i’m their son.
My Dad was my hero til I was 12…he was music leader & youth leader. We were the all-American family; vacations twice a year, he took me fishing all the time, coached my Little League team….you get the picture. When I was around 12 or 13, he went through a “mid-life crisis” He left my Mom for her best friend, quit church (obviously), grew his hair out (and a beard…GASP), bought a motorcycle, and started smoking dope. I hated him & God…I walked away from everything I had believed and started following his example. The first pot I smoked, I stole from him…first time I got drunk, I swiped a bottle from him. Went many years with minimal contact with him. Fast forward about 13 years. When I’m 26 I have a radical encounter with Jesus…got instantly delivered from drugs, meth, etc.(My Dad was back in church) I repented to my Dad for my hatred & my issues with him. Unfortunately, he comes from a family where men don’t talk about stuff. So we were reconciled and have a better relationship than ever…which is almost none. He lives 10 minutes from, and he see’s us & our kids 3 or 4 times a year. No hard feelings, just leading separate lives. It totally freaking sucks..really makes me sad! Sorry for the long reply
When
My father was a verbally abusive alcoholic who was also terminally ill with emphysema. He often told me I was fat, stupid, and unlovable. He passed away when I was 15 and for many years I carried a huge burden of guilt thinking that I had “prayed him dead” because I would often tell God how easier life would be without having to deal with dad’s illness & drinking.
I have since been able to forgive him for the emotional scars he caused & I sometimes wish he would have lived long enough for us to have worked on a better relationship.
Departed nearly five years ago, I find it funny how the heart/head decides what to remember, depending on my mood/feeling/current situation/circumstance.
How emotions curb our vision…
Although a “sense” of restoration occurred towards the end of his journey, many wounds were left raw, partly because I knew he could’nt/wouldn’t deal with them properly…
Alcohol, drugs, and long-ago sought history of his own ego, he was a troubling, wonderful man… not so much a father… he did not have one to learn from, and I, the same…
My father taught me, by default, all that an earthly father should be by what he was not… and with each moment, I can look to my children and remember that quiet-desperation I felt for my father… and “be that man”.
May all the wounds that have been listed before my post, and after, be a source of renewed ground for a future of great fathers, toiled soil, fertile with renewed opportunity to change the landscape of their lives, and the lives of their children.
There is ALWAYS a choice…
There aren’t any ordaninary moments…
“Be the Change”
My Dad left my Mom, my brother & i on Mother’s Day when i was in the 4th grade (my brother was in the 2nd). He left us while my Mom, brother & i were at church. He left us in financial ruin & public scandal. He was verbally & physically abusive for years. When i’d cry on the phone begging him to come home or to just love me, he’d remind me what a piece of garbage & burden he thought we were. Not once in my life did i ever see him pray, much less for his children.
I looked at the picture of you & your Dad, Los and am admittedly a tad envious. Please forgive me.
My Heavenly Father tells me He loves me, wishes a good future for me, blesses me, & speaks His Word to me though. So I have nothing to cry about or a reason to feel sorry for myself anymore
my dad dropped outa school in 7th grade to work full time, and growing up he was the hardest working dude ive ever met in my entire life. he would make me work construction with him so i would hate it and do something else when i grew up. he bought me my first bass when i was 12 and told me to be a rock star.
i can count on one hand the real conversations we’ve had, but whenever it happens i hold on to it like a fat kid to cake.
me and my girlfriend (now my wife) broke up and i was devastated, he took me to a Waffehouse, i told him some guys wanted me to go on tour and play bass but i probably wasn’t gonna go. he said “girls come and go man, but if you don’t go on tour and do what u love then you’re an idiot.” so i went. and i havent stopped since.
My dad is awesome. God’s blessed me with a father I can look up to, strive to emulate, and run to with any questions I have. With that being said, I’m also grateful that he’s definitely not perfect.
He has also showed me the great importance of loving and prefering your wife.
I recently lost my dad to cancer. Below are some of the blogs I wrote about my dad and the impact he had in my life. If you care to read…
http://fiestahobbit.xanga.com/739943166/my-dad—good-memories-/
http://freemanfood.blogspot.com/2010/05/love-covering.html
http://freemanfood.blogspot.com/2010/06/im-feeling-this.html
http://freemanfood.blogspot.com/2010/08/bob-freeman-legacy.html
My dad is my hero. He has loved my mom, me and my two younger siblings above himself. He is the most generous person I know. Dad has been an amazing example to me, especially in my new marriage.
Isn’t that awesome?! I am listening to my stepmom and stepsister talk via Skype about the Bible.
To answer your question, growing up my dad was always working (he still is, but we are closer now). After my parents separated I lived with my dad, so we bonded through hard times. I love my dad and realize how blessed I am to have him in my life.
YEA for DADS. AND more importantly, especially for those without fathers on earth, our Heavenly Father!
I wish I had the kind of relationship you and your dad have, but sadly I did not/do not. I did not grow up with my dad because my parents were split and divorced by the time I was 3.
I have been able to visit my dad and keep in touch with him, but there are definitely scars from not having him around every day as I grew up. I still feel them to this day, even though things seem “okay” between us. :/
I wrote about that here: http://www.fredtexas.com/father/
I am so reading this to my daughter, whose Dad has not visited her since she was 1 year old. She is 4 now and I believe that this will help to put things into perspective. She is brilliant and asks questions about him from time to time, but unfortunately she attends a very upscale preschool where she is the only child from a divorce in her class. Thanks Carlos~
When I was 6 my dad went from hero to zero when his alcoholism took over his life. From then on our relationship was non existent. He faked his love, his true love was the alcohol that destroyed our family. After 2 DUI’s, broken promises, and lots of pain I moved away for college. Still fake love. Now my dad is dying. Slowly the alcohol and nicotine are killing, and our relationship is still non existent.
My parents were divorced when I was 1 year old. My mother lied to my father and told him I wasn’t his child (to avoid having joint custody) so he was not in my life at all until I was 18. At that time, my mother had a health scare and decided to come clean with what happened and get me back in touch with my dad. He was very sick at the time and passed away one year later. Things were tense between us, because he was bitter with my mother. I never got to meet him, which was my dream since early childhood. I hear he had a tatoo of my name on his arm. I do not doubt the Lord’s guidance in my life, though, and have seen Him work even though these hurtful things.
My dad and I are closer now that we’be ever been. Which is saying something, since he lives In Fairbank. He’s not a believer tho, so we always have that unspoken difference going on. He has his own ways. Never sure how to approach that area.
Still we get along great and I kinda regret the years that we didnt talk much. I was a stubborn kid.
I see Jesus when I see my Dad.
Yo like many others my Pops was abusive. He had alcohol issues. We didn’t get along for most of my life.
HOWEVER, in 2003, I was 23 at the time, I led my pops to the Lord over the phone while I was on a missions trip. For the first time my pops actually said, “I love you” to me. His life completely changed after that. He loved and cared for my mom like never before. He’s with the Lord now and I had the honor of doing his funeral.
LOVE YOU POP n I miss you, but I’ll c u soon.
My dad isn’t perfect. But then, neither am I.
For myself, as a kid, I expected my mom and dad to be perfect. But I didn’t expect the same from myself. As a mom I can see that now. I can see how badly my parents wanted to be what we as Americans have termed to be the “perfect” family. Because that’s how I want to be for my kids. Lots of forgiveness had to be given and asked for.
I know a lot of dads have hurt and done untold amounts of damage…I’m not downplaying that at all. Praying that healing takes place in those who are still bleeding, and that, where possible, families and relationships are restored.
My Dad is my hero! He is strong man of faith that challenged me to chase after God’s leading. He is a man that loves his Savior and wife. He is my best friend. It is a pleasure to sit with him and learn how to become a Man of God.
ALL FOR GOD’S GLORY!!!!!
My dad and I never really got along when I was a kid because we didn’t really have a lot in common. Years later as I started walking through a season of trial, he and I really started to connect. I think when he saw some of the things he tried to teach me as a kid organically coming out in how I responded to situations he realized perhaps the wild child was actually listening to him. I’m glad we get along so well now.
My Dad was the best man in my wedding. Worked a lot when I was a kid, but made time when he could to throw around the baseball. He taught me so much without words how to be a great husband and man of God. I am blessed!
I can’t answer this for fear that my dad will throw something at me the next time I see him.
My father sealed his heart up during my mother’s depression and drinking. He checked out of the family and I am mad at him for it.
I understand, but I’m still mad.
my dad saved me from my mom growing up. she had all sorts of expectations and her love was conditional. my father’s love was unconditional.
My parents divorced when I was 8 and both remarried other people. When I was 15 my Dad and Stepmom divorced… and he came out of the closet. He was cheating on my amazing, beautiful Stepmom with another man. That began the steady decline of our relationship as he cannot imagine that I could still love him despite the fact that we don’t agree on everything. He is very much a “my way or the highway” kind of guy, and has over the last 15 years become verbally and emotionally abusive. Our last exchange of emails was left with me asking him to go by the old advice if you don’t have anything nice to say don’t say anything at all!
My Stepdad…. another winner…. hit on me a few months ago while my Mother was on what we would later discover to be her death bed. Yup… after 18 years of being a dad in my life he told me he had the hots for me and that we had “screwed in the spirit a thousand times.” Kinda messed up, huh?! My Mom passed away before I ever had a chance to talk to her about it. I think she knew.
The good news is…. God is faithful! And despite these train wrecks of father figures in my life I have been surrounded by awesome men of God that have shown be what a real father and husband should look like!
Complicated. I haven’t spoken to him since New Years. I’ve txted, called him, emailed him and got no response. This is typical. Your post about your dad just calling you out of the blue made me get a little teary-eyed.
My dad and mom divorced when I about 4 years old. He never paid a dime of child support and thinks it’s great that my mom never came after him for it. He was abusive to my brothers, so much so, that they stopped visiting him shortly after the divorce. I would continue to write him and see him once or twice a year. He always stopped at the liquor store for his whiskey and coke and he’d drive me around town and make rude comments about the women on the streets. I tried to keep an open mind and have a relationship with my father, but it got to the point that his drinking, gambling and verbal abuse turned him into someone that I did not like, much less love. He drank everything that should have mattered to him away; his job, his kids, his parents love and support, his health, his second marriage, his home, his health. I pray for the man and that’s all the relationship I can tolerate.
You, my friend, are truly blessed to have a loving father. The only loving Father I have is God.
My dad was a great encourager. A servant. A man of God.
Loved him as a kid. Appreciated him even more as an adult.
In 2003, just one month after we celebrated my parent’s 50th anniversary, he passed. Hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about him. Miss him…but know I’ll see you again!
I’m so blessed to have such an amazing dad. He’s a strong Christian who raised me with love and discipline, shaping me into the man I am today. He is extremely generous (so is my mum!), he even bought the house my family now lives in so we could be secure until we can afford a house of our own. I KNOW how blessed I am and I will strive to honour my father by being such an example to my children as he is to me
My dad worked alot as a kid so we didn’t have the best relationship. In high school i kinda took him for granted as he is a very wise and a Spirit lead man of God. Now that I’m in college I look up to him, he’s a hero of mine. His dad walked out on his family at a early age and every had a 2nd family that they didn’t know about. His dad died when he was 17 so i look up to him since he could’ve followed the same path as a dad who wasn’t the greatest but he didn’t. We still don’t have a great relationship we talk maybe once every two weeks but about nothing important. We’re just both super busy and i guess that’s just life for now. anyway I love him and he’s my hero
I’m gonna chime in. I wish more fathers had a backbone and let go to God before they had children. Right now I see more men stepping up and breaking the generational curse (I’m one of those).
My situation well it’s like the normal stories everyone hears. Parents divorced when I was 7. I hated my dad for everything. My parents bad mouthed each other for years. He married again when I was 10 and my mother married again when I was 8.
When my mother married we moved to Texas from Louisiana. This only made it more difficult on me. My step dad meant well but never lead us. Always chasing money and to this day still does. My dad thought well if I just buy their (my brother and I) love then everything will be fine.
I only wish my dad would have told me things about marriage and woman. I could have broken my genetic habits long ago. I was told by him at age 7 that I was to be the man of the house and that I had to be perfect so I didn’t cause my mother problems.
That one little speech caused me to hide all feelings and be scared of all relationships until the last few years (I’m 32 now). With that said it wasn’t until last year did I get details of why my parents divorced and still neither one was direct enough. They just blamed each other.
Last year I was divorced by my wife. This was the most difficult thing that has happened to me ever in my life. I was at my lowest and nearly took my own life a few times, but could never actually do it.
I was tired of hiding, I was tired of escaping everything, I was forced to find myself for who I was and ask our Heavenly Father to give me the guidance I have always needed. And that was exactly what I needed.
I have now been able to boldly tell my father things that he should have told me long ago. Kind of reversed but it needs to be done. My son (17 at the time) during this divorce got worse. Drugs, crime, hated the world. I was able to let go enough for God to use me to get to him. He has done such a change and makes me very proud to see him reading his bible.
I have hope that my wife will return and we will restore our marriage and family. It’s been a very tough 2.5 years with this situation, but I’ll never give up. God has shown me that I’m the one to break this curse of mislead relationships within the family and that with Him at the head we will have a rock foundation for the families to come.
Lord I pray that you continue to show me how to be an example and lead families to you.
I didn’t really have a dad. Lots of men came in and out of my life. Never felt like i needed one. Until i watched the sweet relationship my husband has with my daughter. He is the amazing Dad. He loves and adores her, protects her and teaches her. Makes my heart ache. I wish i had been good enough or special enough to have had a father like him.
In the words of the great philosopher and rapper, Shaq, “Biological Didn’t Bother.” Met him when I was 14 and haven’t talked to him in 10 years.
Had a great stepdad who filled his shoes though and passed away when I was 16.
And yes, you are blessed man. Now I just want to be that kind of dad to my kidlets.
got choked up when i saw your post. my dad died three weeks ago today.
It wasn’t great. It seemed like we spent most of our time yelling at each other. He died when I was 17… five years ago.
i spent the first 10 years of my life hating him, the next 10 forgiving and loving him and the last 10 missing him.
Never knew him. Thank goodness I had a grandfather who treated me like his own (with the added care that comes to a grandchild) plus uncles and male cousins who had my back growing up. I am so grateful that my kids have a father who loves them and has always been there for them. Thankfully we all have a heavenly father who is with us always, no matter what!
My dad has alwasy been there for me/us. He’s not perfect, but neither am I! He was a policeman and always worked at least two jobs, so he wasn’t home/there all the time, but when he was, we all did things together, whether fun or working. He is rarely alone: always either with my mom, one of us three grown kids (usually my brother) or a grandchild or great-grandchild .. it’s always been that way, and I try not to take it for granted.
I learned at an early age to take care of myself because he ensured that we kids could be independent .. which sounds like a contradiction for a man who is never alone, but it makes sense to us.
I also learned that I could love someone who wasn’t perfect (and vice versa). He was much too macho when I was young .. very strict and seldom gentle .. but his love for us overpowered those things, and we’ve all grown past them.
He is a rock, and at 74, looks much younger, despite some serious health issues over the years. He just got treatment, brushed those away and went on. We tend to do that in my family .. we follow his lead. We could certainly do worse.
I have a good relationship with my Dad. He was my snuggle buddy growing up, always apologized when he was wrong, loves the Lord, and always loves me.
He struggles with depression though, so there’s times when we just don’t connect well for awhile.
The cool thing about my dad was that I watched him grow up as I grew up. He came to Christ from a history of alcohol addiction before I was born. I saw him fall more and more in love with Christ until he died 3 years ago from cancer. I miss him.
I am my father’s child. I act like him and I look like him. Growing up I remember hating disappointing him. I was going to play little league but they didn’t have teams just for girls in the 80′s and I didn’t want to be the only girl on the team. My dad was a pastor in NC and during Easter, we were going to put on a Passion Play. Dad wanted me to play Jairus’ daughter but I didn’t want to because the guy who was playing Jesus was a scary dude in my 7 year-old eyes. My dad went from pastoring to coaching baseball. I got coached rather than fathered. The #1 lesson I learned was “be tough”. I was taught that there’s no crying in baseball and there shouldn’t be crying in any other part of life either. But in that respect, I’m my mother’s child, so I failed miserably at the no crying thing. Now he’s a pastor again and we have a family full of people in the ministry. My biggest lesson is remembering that God doesn’t tell me what He speaks to my dad so I have to trust God that he did hearfrom God just like the parents of those teens I lead have to trust that I heard from God. The “know it all” gene runs in my family but I am learning to stand up for myself at the appropriate times as to deter the insult I used to feel as a kid. (Thanks for giving an opportunity to share, this is the first time I’ve been able to articulate this part of my story in a large chunk. Previously my husband has only gotten it in bits and pieces.)
My dad is always there for me and my siblings! Always! He isn’t perfect, by any stretch of the imagination. But he loves God and he shows that in the way that he loves us! He works hard. He is a proud man, in that he wants to take care of his own. My sister and I always say that whoever we marry will really have to have his act together because as females, we know what it’s like to be taken care of…. Not high maintenance, just cared for and protected by a man.
I love my dad so much and I am so proud to be his daughter! God has truly truly blessed me!!! And the thing I love most about my dad (I learn this the older I get) is that his example of how to be a father has helped me see God as a loving, caring, and wonderful Abba. I, along with many others who said this, weep at the story of those who haven’t had good relationships with their fathers. If it wasn’t for God, there’s a chance I could be in that same boat! But I thank God for giving me such an amazing dad because through his example, I can imagine God as being a great Dad too! I mean, if my dad – in his sinful humanity – can be as awesome as he is, HOW MUCH MORE SO is my Abba Father?? I just thank God!!
And I want to say that it was beautifully encouraging to read how a number of you, even if you didn’t have the best relationship with your father, have found love, comfort, acceptance, assurance, and joy in the arms of your heavenly Father! I rejoice with you!!!
My dad is the most godly man I know. He didn’t used to be. Yes, he was a good father but struggled with telling the truth and the way he spent his money (my mom had money spending issues too). But God got a hold of both of them when I was a teenager and now they are completely different people. They are sold out, crazy, in love with Jesus, people of good character, and honor God with their finances (VERY generous). I can only hope to marry someone half as good as my dad is one day. Love you dad!
thanks for sharing this with us Los. Now I see why you are such a great dad too
My dad had/has/will have his issues (as do I), but a defining moment in our relationship came at my 40th birthday party where he spontaneously paid for everyone at the table (I had like 25 people there), and then hugged me and said in my ear how proud he was to have been blessed with 40 years of having me as a daughter.
You can have a million years of yuk with family, but its those healing moments like I had that remind me of the truth of the beauty of family
Wow. I was going to share my own story of my dad’s battle with addiction and our complicated relationship, but after reading about so many who went through the same thing with their dads, I just want to pause and pray that the church comes together to seriously reach out to addicts and start talking about it openly and honestly so it doesn’t rip apart any more families…
That’s my dad to a tee. We live fourteen hours apart, but he calls to check in, lay a verse on me, tell me he loves me. And man, is it mutual. Thanks for the window into your life.
Boy, the daddy question really brings it out in us, doesn’t it?
When I was growing up, even though my father was an alcoholic and I know he put my mother through hell, I thought he was literally the man who hung the moon. He was my hero. Could do no wrong. We were closer with each other than I was with my mom and I never thought that would change.
Much has changed since then, and he has hurt my family – both the blood bonds and my “grown up” family of husband and child – so much that a little over a year ago, through a series of emails sent back and forth between us, I had to tell him to just cross my name off of his list and pretend that I don’t even exist, because dealing with him on ANY level has become too painful and consuming.
I’ve been debating responding to this post for a day. With all due respect, my dad really wasn’t very good as a dad. He has 6 kids and 5 baby mama’s (and another half a dozen folks that look JUST LIKE US). I tell some of my family story here:
http://stevieking.wordpress.com/speeches/family-picture/
I was a fairly accomplished baseball player growing up and played on several all star, all state, and tournament teams. I did spelling bees, speech contests, academic bowls, marching, concert, and jazz bands, and math teams. I was a fairly involved kid and my dad came to a grand total of 0 events.
What I do recall my dad doing later in life was bringing his “friends” by my jobs and introducing me to his new girlfriends (now understand he had got married back in the 80′s).
I don’t regret where I came from but one of my biggest misses in life was not have a father/son relationship like you and your pops Los. I guess that’s a lot of the reason I try so hard to be super-duper involved with my son. I always say I learned everything about being a father from Cliff Huxtable and everything about being a man from a coach. So I guess if I’m analyzing my “dad” that man was funny, fair, educated, challenging, thoughtful, insightful, loving, understanding, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything.
Ciao
SK
Hey Los, I don’t know if you remember me (I met you at Catalyst a few years ago…I’m Scott Hodge’s homie from Minneapolis). Great topic…I have been in therapy for over 8 years dealing with the impact of negative fatherhood issues in my life. Never knew my biological father, and my step dad was a part-time abusive alcoholic. As a leader, pastor, and husband I try to be very open and transparent about the pain and God’s redemptive healing process in my life on this issue.
This is a bit off-topic.
But I just wanna say, my husband James – He’s a good daddy to our babies. I’m SO FREAKIN’ THANKFUL that my two little ones have a Papi that lays his life down for them every. single. day.
Growing up my Dad and I always butted heads. In my opinion he drank too much and I never let him forget that. He just didn’t live up to my expectation of what I wanted for a Dad. He wasn’t perfect. After years and years of arguments and not getting along, I began to pray. I kept picturing how awful it would be if my Dad were to pass and I still couldn’t even stand to talk to really talk to him at any length. How awful I would feel because my Dad was one of the best people in the world to everyone who knew him, except me. So I prayed and I prayed and I decided that I would not fight with him, no matter what. I accepted him for who he was and instead of expecting him to change in his 60s, I did the only thing I could do, I changed. I put my faith in God and started only counting on Him and it all changed. NOW my Dad is someone I not only turn to for advice but I actually listen. Even though I’m a grown woman I started calling him Daddy, just so he knew that’s how I think of him. My Dad is just as broken as I am, as we all are. And even though he did drink a lot, and still does, the worst thing he did to me while he was drunk was get on my nerves telling me how much he loved me. I’m am very blessed! My Dad is truly one of the most brilliant, caring, and wonderful men I know. He just isn’t perfect
I now join everyone else that knows him in seeing him for the unique, amazing, flawed, individual that he is and I God to thank for that.
Now I pray that my Dad be as blessed as I am and that he may find a relationship with Jesus Christ too.
My dad and I had a great relationship when I was growing up, and we still do now. I think it might have helped that I was a tomboy, but we would always play basketball or hockey in our driveway, and I remember going to countless action movies during weekend trips to the city. We played video games together (I usually beat him), and he was always willing to drive me to soccer games and to watch and support me. He still supports me just as much now, and I know that no matter what I do, he’s proud of me. He’s usually always there to help, and I know that whenever I have computer problems or life problems, he’s there to help in any way that he can. I am grateful for my dad!
My dad was verbally and mentally abusive growing up. He tended to care more about making money than actually spending time with his kids. Sometimes, even when the rest of the family was playing games or talking, he would turn the tv up louder to make us get quiet. We eventually just learned to do things on our own in our rooms, so as not to make our dad angry. And now, I wish I could say things were better. I can’t remember the last time he said “I love you,” and lately most of my decisions seem to be stupid or worthless, unless they involve me making money somehow. But I pray for him daily, and know that God can work in him more than I ever could!
Growing up my dad was a phone call, my parents were never married and whenever I needed somehing,my mother would have me called my dad and usually it would take a long time for him to get what I needed, the waiting and hoping was painful. It was painful seeing him living with his family and my sister and brothers having stuff that I needed or wanted. I thanks God for my step-mother who embrace me with love and always tried to make me apart of their family. Today I have a good relationship with my sister and brothers because of that. I can only remember two talks that I had with my dad, once before I went to College and the other before I got married. Today we have a okay relationship, not very close and I realize from the previous comments that I have some unresolved feelings that I need to release and pray about. Thanks for the topic, we had this same topic at our Wednesday night service. I had a great supportive Step-dad who passed away last year.
My dad raped me and beat me, his wives and my younger brother and sister. While he was dying of cancer, I took care of him, but my brother and sister refused to attend his funeral.
God bless those fathers who are there for their families. In my case and others like it, I believe God had good things for me in mind when he put me in this family. I have to.
Even on his worst day, I thank God for the Father that he gave me. He was great when I was a child and he just gets better. The other day I had an exam for a job and he called to say that he’s praying for God’s will to be done in my life. That made my day!