My Love/Hate Relationship with @loswhit [Guest Post From Tyler Stanton]
“Some people have all the luck.”
That statement couldn’t be further from the truth. “Some people” don’t have all the luck. One person has all the luck. His name? Carlos Whittaker.
Those of you who know Carlos and follow him on a regular basis are all too aware of this truth. And quite frankly, I’m sick of it. And you should be too. I mean, consider the following:
+ I text while driving, I get a ticket. Carlos produces a video while driving and gets a Peoples Choice Award.
+ I watch The Bachelorette and get ostracized from my family. Carlos watches The Bachelorette and gets asked to appear regularly on CNN as a “pop culture expert”.
+ I’ve been trying to get my catchphrase “that’s straight beef” to catch on since 2001. Carlos says “boomsauce” a couple times on Twitter and it’s now so common my Great Aunt used it in proper context.
+ I only get one race. Carlos gets all the others.
+ I tweet more than seven times in a day and my best friends unfollow me. Carlos tweets seven times per minute and thousands complain that it isn’t more.
+ I release a single with Chris Tomlin and it slowly fades into obscurity. Carlos releases an album and it now comes standard in the back of all TNIVs.
+ I punch a guy in the face, I get the crap knocked out of me. Carlos punches a guy and he gets up begging for another “Whittaker-maker.”
+ I make a 90-second montage of my entire day and people label me narcissistic. Carlos makes a 90-second montage of his day and families watch them for their daily devotions.
+ I want a tattoo and can’t even get my friend to come record it with his iPhone. Carlos wants a tattoo and TLC begs him to do it on LA Ink.
+ I released a book a year ago. Carlos’ unreleased book has already sold more copies than mine.
+ I pass gas, I get the evil eye from everyone in the car. Carlos passes gas, and every passenger in the car rolls up the window to savor the moment.
@loswhit, knowing you has been the single most humbling experience of my life. And I don’t think I’m alone in this.
Ragamuffin community: I know you feel my pain. What can you add to this list?
Carlos and I will pick our favorite one and give that person a copy of my book and one of his CDs.
__
Tyler Stanton is part of a movement of people who don’t take themselves too seriously. His blog, tylerstanton.com, helps dozens of his fellow travelers in their own journey every single day. If all goes according to plan, his glorified pamphlet, Everyday Absurdities: Insights from the World’s Most Trivial Man, will be required reading in all nationally accredited universities by 2026. His one wish? That you would join the movement with him.
Kevin Keigley is your average everyday kind of guy. He flies his jet pack to his job on a secluded island just like everyone else. His blog, kevinkeigley.com, is a creative outlet where you will find rich and delicious bits of humour or things that you may not find amusing. You should share it with your friends and family, or even your co-workers on the secluded island where you work and have to use jet packs.
RAIN IT DOWN
My fav is the one at the bottom where I get his CD placed in some book to protect it during shipping!
hahaha. Yeah, the pages will actually be torn out and crumpled up for maximum cushioning.
I write a 500 word heartfelt post with pictures and a video and get 1 comment. Carlos posts a picture and a four word question and gets 81 comments.
So true!!!
Haha!!!! I know, right!
Seriously, dude!
HA! For real. I love this. I even end it with a question and I get no love! This is awesome!
I cry and people tell me to man up. Carlos cries and they bottle it to water a village in Africa for a year.
Just wait. this will be a charity: water campaign in less than 6 months.
i am nowhere NEAR funny enough to add to this list! LOVE IT!
well played, mr. stanton, well played.
Tyler didn’t actually write this. Carlos did. That’s why it is actually funny.
Hilarious! I am loving the guest posts Tyler. Cannot wait to see what you have in store for us tomorrow.
Carlos nothing but love for ya bro, but these are so true.
I know they are. But I would rather call it skill than luck.
Not luck. Blessings.
Great post. Straight beef.
How about this…
If Carlos says “That’s what she said” in the midst of an online prayer night, it becomes a memorable moment and everyone lols. If I said “That’s what she said” in the midst of an online prayer night, then no one would care but me, my wife, and my dog. If a tree falls in a forest…
Did I say that?!!!!!!!
Only Carlos, can get more hype and pleasure out of this!
I love getting roasted. Cause it’s true and funny!
Carlos can say ‘boomsauce’ in print or in person and he looks like the coolest guy in the room. I say ‘boomsauce’ and people start dialing child protective services.
This blog post is Epic.
I play church basketball and get kicked off the team for not being good enough, Carlos plays church basketball and the Miami Heat ask if they can “welcome him to South Beach”
Carlos was actually asked to write Modern Family, his family was actually chosen to be in the show but the producers didn’t find it believable. How could a family be that awesome? America just won’t believe it.
Seen Carlos? Seen Mrs Whittaker? See my point? It’s like the Christian version of “King of Queens” or “According to Jim”.
That’s amazing.
I start going bald and shave my head, and wife leaves me. Carlos… well, he has to shoot down “Christian Groupies”.
Carlos sports a beard and bald head and looks like a champion MMA fighter. I grow out my beard and shave my head and I look like an old Amish pig farmer.
hahahahahhahahahahha
Made me LOL! Ha!!
The most interesting man in the world only follows @loswhit for his inspiration.
Too Funny…well done Tyler.
When my blog grows up it wants to be like ragamuffinsoul.com
This blog post will garner Carlos 53,000 new readers – each of which will buy his album and click on every advertising link on his page to purchase something.
Tyler will lose his last 15 readers for being too hard on Carlos.
True. Ev, you won’t leave me, will you?
I have to wake up early to make it to church in time for worship rehearsal, and get nasty looks when I’m late. Carlos gets picked up in a helicopter and escorted to a private dressing room next to the pastor’s office, complete with 65 inch TV and hot tub, and they push the service back so he has time to soak.
I wear a v-neck shirt and get made fun of. Carlos wears a v-neck shirt and women swoon even though his chest is devoid of hair.
Carlos makes an album and it climbs the iTunes charts, I make a sandwich and it climbs its way into the trash can.
Carlos is asked to tour the country with Jeremy Camp and John Mark Mcmillan, I get asked to tour the distance between work and home (all three blocks of it).
Carlos has a beautiful Wife, I have an ugly shirt.
People admire and praise his parenting skills, people are afraid to leave me with their pets.
Carlos writes a song it becomes a worship standard, I write a song my roommate moves out.
Love ya both. See you guys at CatWest.
I love how you capitalized the word “Wife.”
Very wise.
Carlos’ family gets interviewed on CBS. My family gets interviewed on public access.
Carlos could start a ministry, it will take off w/o a hitch w/ little networking needed and the boomsauce would happen automatically. If anyone else starts a ministry, they would have to hire Chuck Norris to succeed (including having the boomsuce) or end up networking, begging, and pleading to get it barely functioning on crutches and there would be no boomsauce w/in a thouand miles unless carlos was near by.
Carlos is the Chuck Norris of Christian Pop culture.
He chooses deep v’s because he can donate the cutout v shaped fabric to children in Khazakstan for loin clothes.
Most have heard the cliche, “did Jesus have a quiet time..” to answer a question where the answer is an obvious yes… Well friends, I’ve got some boom sauce for you.. “does Carlos use a capo and play everything relative to G.” #boomroasted
Korean parents are lining up to adopt Carlos.
That’s genius.
this one is good
Who is Carlos and why has he become the Christian version of Chuck Norris?
This is excellent. The comments about “According to Jim” and the Amish pig farmer are HILARIOUS! Don’t know how you’ll choose between those!
Carlos, you’re a good sport, man.
Thanks for showing us all how to take a little ribbing. 
And my (weak and only slightly bitter) sumbission:
Carlos makes his kid cry, and it goes viral. I make my kid cry, and my mom calls CPS.
Carlos wears a cardigan and Urban Outfitters decides to make a line of cardigans inspired by him.
I wear a cardigan and my grandma asks to borrow it.
Tyler – I bought your book and his CD. I love you equally.
I go to LAX and see a shirtless, overweight man getting a flu shot. Carlos goes to LAX and runs into Theo Huxtable.
A spider crawls onto my desk at work, and my coworker laughs at me for jumping.
Carlos kills a spider, and he is the great hero of his family, plus it turns into an epic movie.
Carlos walks into his house and screams “I’m home kids!” and they all come running with hugs.
I walk into Carlos’ house and scream “I’m home kids!” and Sohaila calls the police on me while Heather takes an aluminum Easton to my lower back.
What’s up with THAT?
Carlos freudian slips while leading worship, playing his guitar, “I’m nervous…there is only a big piece of wood between me and you…” and everyone in service pretends not to notice. I laugh and I am still labeled a pervert 3 years later (by a select few that apparently are too spiritual to admit that they actually watched Animal House, Porky’s or Van Wilder as a kid)
LOL Really!!? That could have been a line in a movie!!
Totally happened.
Hahahah… I would’ve laughed too!
That’s hilarious!
bahaha
LOL, I just laughed so hard i think i pulled something. Hilarious!
Carlos asks someone in the twitter-verse to come up with an animated intro for his videos and has his pick from many submissions.
I call 911 after a car wreck and they put me on hold for 45 minutes while playing “Ragamuffin Soul” as hold music.
HAHAHAHA… this one had me rollin’.
Well played.
Hahaaaaaaaaaa!
I make hilarious 80′s and 90′s hip hop references in common conversation and on twitter and get no response. Carlos references 80′s and 90′s hip hop and gives their iTunes sales a bump, and then does he remind everyone that it is because he the first song he ever wrote was Sugar Hill Gang’s Rappers Delight.
To this day, the Sugar Hill Gang sends his family a Christmas card.
My hair is losing the Civil War with my forehead and I am gradually resembling a less attractive Christopher Lloyd, while you shave by choice and resemble an approachable Bruce Willis if he appeared in kid movies.
The evidence is that at this time (12:50pm CST) @loswhit has 46 responses on this post and Tyler has 1. Sorry Tyler!!
burn
burn is right.
Carlos’ readers are checking out Tyler’s blog out of obligation now
Tyler’s readers already have Carlos’ in the blog reader list. At the top.
now THAT is straight beef.
Carlos says “damn” and gets great gritty conversation.
I say “damn” and get an intervention.
“+ I pass gas, I get the evil eye from everyone in the car. Carlos passes gas, and every passenger in the car rolls up the window to savor the moment.”
This had us rolling…too funny….
great post
Only if, I to could savor the @loswhit gas for just a moment…
:/
I go to D.C. to visit the White House and get rejected because I’m Latino.
Carlos visits D.C. to visit the White House and gets named to Obama’s Cabinet.
This post is hilarious!
I recommend people read Carlos’ blog on my blog.
People who once read my blog, after reading Carlos’, say, “Oh! You have a blog?”
I go to church with ripped jeans and a faded t-shirt and people start asking if I need the church to help me with my bills this month. Carlos walks in to lead worship with ripped jeans and a t-shirt and the pastor is caught in the youth building trying to swap clothes with his teenage son.
My wife is related to Mr. Wonderful’s Paul Orndorff. After 20+ years have I ever met him? umm…..no.
Los stumbles upon Mr. Wonderful at LAX and shares life for 5+ hours.
Carlos gives the thumbs up sign on national television and it’s suddenly replayed on TMZ and copied by Bieber. I give the the thumbs up and my 4 year old rolls his eyes at me.
I hear after using #boomsauce so much, Carlos has been asked to launch a new international BBQ sauce called Boomsauce. In “mild”, “spicy”, and “You Gotta Be Kidding Me”.
Carlos asks the twitterverse what the best way to get from Baltimore to DC is and someone swoops in to pick him up and chauffeur him, I ask the same question and somehow end up in some sketchy part of downtown philly wondering how the heck I got there…
I post elsewhere questioning the status quo and good debate and conversation ensues.
I post here questioning the STATUS LOS and Carlos bans my IP. For life…
As seen on MSNBC’s News of the Weird: “In a somewhat disturbing yet unsurprising discovery, NASA has uncovered that the earth isn’t orbiting around the sun. It’s actually orbiting around Carlos Whittaker’s head.”
I tweet for help with the baby, and the silence is deafening. Loswhit tweets for help with his tie, and Jim Collins writes a book.
Loswhit doesn’t sleep; he waits.
Loswhit and Mr. T once roundhouse kicked each other at the same time; the result was the 80′s.
Loswhit once ordered a Big Mac at Burger King…and got one.
What makes me sick about him is that he can shave his hair and have a full beard and it looks tight.
If I shave my head, it’s covered in razor burns and cuts and that “beard” of mine looks like it could use some fertilizer.
I get rejection letters to attend “I kissed dating goodbye” bookclubs, and Carlos gets named Rob Bell’s replacement in the Noomas.
Unrelated, but is it me or does Los resemble a lighter version of Steelers coach Mike Tomlin? Love you man!
A few years ago:
“Darius Rucker! Can I have your autograph?”
“Dude, I’m Carlos Whittaker.”
Now:
“Carlos!! Carlos Whittaker! Can I have your autograph??!!”
“Dude, I’m Darius Rucker.”
Ha! HOOTIE!
awesome post tyler. I am super surprised carlos allowed someone else to write a post for his blog but i am glad it was you! These comments are awesome! I think my fav is the Chuck Norris of Christian Pop Culture! Great stuff! Carlos and Tyler keep up the great work!
Who is this Carlos fellow anyway that you are all talking about? Someone clue me in.
I try to tweet a short two word phrase and get a message from Twitter saying that it can’t be done.
Carlos tweets “…” and gets retweeted by hundreds of people in a matter of seconds.
The homeless guy on my street rejects my offer for lunch. Carlos gets homeless people to sing along to his tunes.
Carlos is just THE MAN!!!
I finally get my blog looking decent and not like something from 1992 and then Carlos goes all boomsauce on his layout and bam! I’m back to 1992.
When asked to guest post for @lostwhit, Tyler writes about how awesome @loswhit is. If @loswhit wrote a guest post for Tyler, it would also be about how awesome @loswhit is.
Oh my dang! I wonder if his aunt really said “Boomsauce!”
I.Love.This.Post!
Epic.
Carlos says “Yay” on national TV in front of millions and they don’t take away his man card or the Wheat Thin’s People’s Choice Trophy…
That is luck.
(Oh, and never forget that behind every great and VERY lucky man is a woman. Carlos has a good luck charm-Heather- and a pretty good assistant too…)
i love love love this post…and yes i too seethe with envy
brilliant!
If Chuck Norris were a worship leader, he’d be named Los Whit.
Ya know. “Boomsauce” is exactly the reason I never send food back at a restaurant.
Speaking of restaurants:
Today I unveil proof that I had little monster fans BEFORE Lady Gaga.
Enjoy
http://wp.me/p1g2iA-1dW
Who won the book and CD?
Haha this post is amazing. I can’t think of what to add to this.