Pastor. Please don’t look THROUGH me on a Sunday morning. Be PRESENT with me.
Nothing pisses me off more than when someone is looking THROUGH you while they are supposedly looking AT you.
Sunday mornings in your local church lobby or auditorium you will find this happening like white on rice.
Please church leaders…when you are talking with someone who attends your church, even if they are very NEEDY individuals who don’t seem to have a point…look into their eyes and take in their story.
Be Present.
These ARE the people we are called to serve.
I think this is just one problem I see on a Sunday morning that does not allow church staff to be fully present in the lives of their church body.
On the other hand my iPhone is probably my BIGGEST distraction that takes away from me BEING PRESENT when I am a church attender.
And tweeting a line from a sermon removes me farther away from BEING PRESENT there than I’d like others to believe.
Other things that I that do not help Sunday church PRESENCE are…
1. Green rooms
2. Pastor hideouts
3. Media overload
This is the theme that the team I work with at Catalyst is busy honing in for this October’s Catalyst Atlanta event.
I am more excited about this theme than ANY other I have been involved with.
You can join us here!
So please help us with some honing in of ideas.
What are some things that you think keep church staff and attendees from being present on a Sunday morning and what are some solutions?
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
Yes, the green room! I hate the green room. As a non musician, it’s so disconnecting. Music is an important part of corporate gatherings but so is the person doing sign ups for small groups in the lobby. The people that serve in other retrospects dont have a place to hang out to get away from the people they serve…
I get the drain, and understand you have been there since early, and you should totally be able to go grab a snack or water but so many friends of mine camp out there. Its like the Max from Saved by the Bell. Everyone knows about it, but only the certain kids hang out there.
Join us in the lobby. It’ll be a blast. And probably awkward, but at least we will all be present. And the phone thing was dead on for me too. I will work on that.
For me as I’ve been a worship pastor and traveled doing worship events, one thing that i think can be helpful is when the lead pastor or speaker is engaged with worship. So many times I’ve seen pastors and speakers sitting down front looking over their notes or in another room while their body is worshiping God.. It sets a tone in the body when the spiritual shepherd isn’t singing and raising his hands himself. My view is that I’m not ultimately the body’s worship leader.. my pastor.. or the speaker of the moment is.. If the deliverer of God’s word isn’t active in teaching his people how to respond to God in worship.. my experience has been that the body itself struggles with how to do that as well. Thanks for the opportunity to share.
Wow, Los…you really hit a lot of what I was pondering today. A friend of mine yesterday mentioned what they called the “Christian caste system” and how in America we’ve reached the point that some Christians are just seen as less important than others. I think what you mentioned here falls into that…the single mom who’s struggling to survive that needs some kind words of encouragement is ranked less in the mind of some church leaders than the guy with “media skillz” who can pump up the graphics on the screens during service…so they look through the single mom and give tons of attention to Mr. Mad Skillz.
Jason I couldn’t agree with you more. It’s like school and the social clicks. Unfortunatly, what then happens is the person ignored leaves the church and in many cases doesn’t find christ.
As a single mum who feels lost in a big church, I agree completely. It’s the people that are seen as active IN the church that tend to get the attention. Yes, they do need it, just as the rest of us do, but minority groups, ie single mums, etc, get overlooked. In the end they leave, like I partly have. I’ve hooked up with another church, and hopefully I’ll get connected there better, and my needs as a single mum will be met.
I think, as a pastor of a smaller church, the biggest thing that takes away from my being present at church is overworking. My husband and I carry out about 80% of everything that happens at our church on any given Sunday. I know that’s not the way it should be, and we’re trying to change that, but it’s a difficult battle. If more people helped, we’d have more time with the people. It breaks my heart sometimes, because I know we’re really missing the point. But I’m not sure how to fix it.
Green rooms are tough, make them accessible for all your volunteers (that need a place to go), and don’t stay in there the whole time.
Whenever I am talking with someone I am always thinking of the next questions/idea/point that I’m about to bestow upon them – and I realize that I am not actually listening to people, or caring about what they are saying… That sucks…
This was me thinking:
1) green room stuff
2) not being present.
What is hard for me is having to have several conversations at one time. Multiple people coming up and wanting to talk. I love it and I hate it.
I’m broke. SO…if anyone wants to buy me a ticket or 2 to the CAT 11 conference I would take them off your hands. I need a kickstart to get CAT tickets
Are we allowed to cross topics? Or is that like crossing the streams in ghost busters?
As a worship leader I was always running around Sunday mornings getting things ready; so I could never really be present with the congregation before worship. Now, I come in on Friday mornings and get everything ready – yeah it can be a pain, but having things done so I can actually have a conversation with someone without counting the seconds I have left until worship begins has been so much better. Stronger relationships, and a whole helluva lot less stress.
My friend always talks about maintaining a ‘non-anxious presence’ during gatherings. This can be very hard at times (e.g., when technical problems arise and right before a leader is supposed to go on stage), but it is so important in creating and modeling a culture of peace, trust, and presence.
I struggle with this sometimes as the associate minister because I feel pulled in so many directions. I work with the youth so they want to talk to me, then a parent wants to talk with me, I work with the young adults so they want to talk with me, I am preaching this morning so I have that on my mind, not to mention the other people that are not connected to the ministries that I lead but would just like to talk. I need this reminder to stay in the moment with the people I am with.
We are a portable church. We meet in an art center. So everything we do requires set-up/tear-down. Positive thing about that is that we don’t get comfortable in our own church building. Negative thing is that sometimes leaders tend to overlook other people not being present because everything has to be set up before the first person gets there. With two services our core workers are their all morning so after the second service is over, we scramble to tear things down so we can go eat and be with out families. This is usually fixed when everyone is reminded of the real purpose of why we are here, and not to just go through the motions
We’re a portable church too and we have the same issues in terms of being so busy doing that we forget to BE PRESENT. As the pastor and too often a people-pleaser I worry about not being super busy too and doing the heavy lifting alongside my team. I want my volunteers to see me as lead servant, but sometimes I need to let the volunteers do their thing so I can be more available to talk to the visitors, searchers and others looking for a connection.
I used to be a singer in worship arts and some of the things that bother me are “performers”— people who you know are clearly putting on airs when they are worshipping. Nothing wrong with hands in the air, eyes closed, etc. but you can tell when it’s genuine or phony. And I think it can be a distraction and cause people to disengage and not be fully present in their own worship
When I sit in the congregation now, I don’t like the big graphics on the big screens, it’s too distracting. Put the words of the song up there, but keep it simple.
I MISS CHOIRS AND SMALL GROUPS!!!! When did someone decide that it wasn’t okay to have choirs anymore? We have zero choirs in any churches around where I live in SoCal and it’s sad to me. My former church “fired” the choir and many people had served for more than 30 years. Now it seems like much of the music is “MTV Unplugged”. I think there can be a balance; there’s nothing like a rockin choir singing praise music or hymns, and there certainly is a place for individuals or small groups singing more contemplative music too. Too much of one thing isn’t great.
I know churches aren’t about the buildings and pews and stained glass, it’s not what’s important, but sometimes I wonder if they’ve gone too far the other way in attempts to “be real”— if it’s all warehouse looks, stages, big graphics, same style of music, people looking like they just rolled out of bed vs looking like they are awake, excited and ready to worship the Lord, what’s the difference, really? It’s all for show, just a different style of show.Again, a balance! : ). It bores me and I sometimes don’t feel as present as I should. Perhaps it’s my own issue that I need to work on! : )
Gosh, I sound like an old woman complaining ; ) !
I think it’s VERY important for people to welcome each other, especially those that might be new. You never know if it’s a person’s very first time at any church, they might be seeking, they might be hurting. A hello and a smile can make all the difference. And it’s so important for every message to include the message of salvation (again, for the above reasons).
Worrying so much about being the opposite of all the problems with ‘church leaders’ that I forget to just love people and love ministering in a church.
I can get so damn paralyzed wondering what professional church leader critics might think about what I’m doing on a Sunday morning that I’m afraid to do anything at all.
I had a wrestling match in my brain the other week while worshiping with my church. “I hope nobody thinks this is a show. I’m not trying to be a show. We all prayed together as a team. I love everyone up here. I love everyone out there. Do they love me? Wait, they’re not supposed to love me. They’re supposed to love Jesus. I should probably stop moving so they know I don’t want people to love me more than Jesus. Am I wearing something that people will think is showy. Crap, maybe my jeans are too dark. They don’t have any holes in them. Holes are authentic and show that I’m real. I’m so fake. What are we doing up here. Wait, there’s Jeff. His daughter is dying of cancer. Oh my gosh, this song we’re singing is breaking my heart for him. God is totally ministering to him and me right now. Oh crap, there’s my bald spot on the screens again. I suck.”
I love you Los and I love the discussions you foster, but sometimes I’d rather rest in the love of Christ and pour it out to my church than disturb and disrupt. Love is disruptive enough. I love my people. I love my church. I also love being given the benefit of the doubt. I might actually be looking at you and into you when you think I’m looking through you. Sometimes distraction is in the eye of the beholder. We all come to church communities with stuff that filters how we see others — including church leaders.
Grace Brother. God’s grace. Grace that is greater than all our sin.
I disagree completely with the tweeting thing. I tweet every week during the sermon. Read the Bible on my iPhone as well.
It is how I take notes.
And it doesn’t remove me from the sermon. In fact, I find I pay a lot more attention.
And to be honest, to steal a little from the title of this post to the worship leaders…I would add…”Please don’t entertain me on Sunday morning. Don’t attempt to put on a show. It’s not about you. It isn’t a concert. Just be present and worship with me.”
I’m not perfect. In fact, I’ve sat in church while the pastor preached while texting back and forth with someone. Last Sunday I noticed a girl sitting on the second row (and I noticed that the pastor was distracted by what she was doing) texting throughout the sermon. It was obvious that she was not in the present experiencing and participating in the moment. It really has challenged me to make sure I’m not leaving the presence of the church to be a slave to technology.
I believe that being present on Sunday morning worship begins waaaay before I get through the doors of church.
It’s been a theme for me now, God calling me out when I am so distracted and rushing to get to church.
My church posts weekly on our website a “preparing for worship” guide. It can take various simple forms- just to focus that Sunday is just a continuation of our worship experience and awareness of God during the week- only now with God’s other kids.
I noticed the same problem a few years ago after we first began meeting publicly. We were, and still are a mobile church, and as anyone who’s set up on a sunday morning knows, the mindset you have on sunday mornings is “go go go.” We noticed that interactions we had with visitors was with the same attitude. We rushed through everything, including the time we spent trying to connect with people. We decided to start arriving 30 minutes earlier than to have time to unwind and switch gears from “go go go” mindset, to a more welcoming and calm demeanor. This helped us connect and be present more than I can explain.
Agh yes, traditions forged by today’s pastors! God only wants you, you and you! You can’t fix it, stop trying, demonstrate being prentice with Jesus and your congregants. When others see the difference – they will ask, wonder, question. But in His presence will the needs of all His followers be met. Traditions only get in the way. I’f they are that important and you or your husband can’t get to it, allow God to fill it with those in whom He chooses. He is so much more the talent scout anyway! Blessings from an ex over worker!
There’s a flip side, too, as a pastor: giving someone full attention while talking before worship only to have another interrupt without so much as an, “Excuse me.” I live with it every week.
I have, however, always made it a practice to break ANY conversation before/after worship when one of my three children come running up. Not bad manners. They hug me and are gone. I think it does, however, teach them that church will never supplant their presence.
LY