When your 5 year old says…”What’s Up Bitch?!”
Phone ringing…
Losiah answers…
“What’s up bitch?”
“LOSIAH! NO SIR! THAT IS NOT OK!”
Tears.
OH MY LORD.
“Wow. Babe. Can you believe he answered the phone like that? I mean. Where in the world?”
Heather politely responded to my inquiry…
“Sweetness. You answered my last phone call that way. Remember? You somehow thought it humorous. How would you put it? Gangsta.”
I am a walking contradiction.
I don’t say bitch frequently.
I don’t really say it ever.
I don’t want someone calling my daughters that.
So I shouldn’t use it.
But I’m a failing human so sometimes I mess up.
I do say some other colorful words frequently, but not in front of my kids.
I don’t say bitch because it hurts people.
But I said it to my wife because I knew it would make her laugh in the moment.
Wait.
It doesn’t hurt her but it would some people.
Wait. But I’m not saying it to those people.
I have 2 circles in my Google Plus.
Friends I can cuss with and friends I can’t cuss with.
The Bible says not to let coarse words come out of your mouth.
And by coarse it means offensive and vulgar.
But I guess that depends on who I’m saying it in front of right?
It wasn’t offensive to Losiah.
But it would be to my mom.
But I don’t want Losiah to say it to my mom.
So I shouldn’t say it.
Unless he is not around.
Wait.
The Bible obviously isn’t talking about a list of words.
That would be silly.
The Bible is talking about purity and keeping your heart and mind pure.
But can someone who uses words that you don’t deem pure actually be pure if they don’t deem them vulgar?
Crap.
I’m confused.
So at the end of the day I think I should aim for pleasing God in all I do.
I wonder if He is offended if I use a word that I don’t deem vulgar but you do around people who don’t see it as vulgar.
Agh.
Maybe I need to write a list of dirty words to not use.
Wait. But that would not be biblical.
Cause the Bible doesn’t have a list.
You do.
All I know is that I had a parenting fail with Losiah.
He didn’t cuss because he doesn’t know what it means.
But some people he might drop that bomb around would definitely be offended.
So no saying bullsh** around my kids.
Not because they even know what that means.
So I’ll say poop instead.
Wait.
It’s the same thing.
Crap.
No. Not crap.
Feces.
Ugh.
So I just continue to press on towards figuring this thing called sanctification out.
Where do you sit with language in your current situation of life?
Los
RAIN IT DOWN
Bravo. Love your heart.
I actually have a hard time with my heart.
well hell.
Sticks and stones may break my bones
O-M-G I love this! =) You made my day just FYI!
O-M-G. I’m offended.
Okay, THAT’S funny!
Good question! I had never even heard my husband swear til about a year and a half ago when, suddenly, it became a hilarious language between the two of us. We cuss ALL THE TIME around each other, finally letting lose the language that’s been rolling around in our heads all this time. But we don’t cuss while fighting, and almost always in jest. We do censor around our kids and some friends- though the majority of our friends are not offended by colorful language. As former-Christian’s-now-Christ-followers-slash-agnostics I guess I don’t stress too much about the Biblical reasons for not swearing. But I do live by the saying “Only speak words that make souls stronger” and would never use foul language to tear someone down. Peace, Beeotch!
This.
“‘Only speak words that make souls stronger’ and would never use foul language to tear someone down”
yes. that’s how i feel exactly about cussing. thank you for summing it up so nicely!
This is how my husband and I feel too. We curse :: <– from NY
:: joking around with one another, but never while fighting, or having a serious talk. As a matter of fact, usually only in play.
I did a little research on some of the things we as a culture say and what they stemmed from and you'd be surprised how a lot of common phrases actually hold (in my opinion) a stronger, more offensive meaning then "Biz-nitch."
I should really do that 2 circle thing in Google+! Genius!
Dude!
I was a huge mess a few weeks ago when my 13 year old posted a clip from Zombieland on her Facebook page.
Now, I let her watch Zombieland. And we think the Twinkie scene with Woody Harrelson is absolutely hilarious. And we walk around the house shouting “Where’s the…freakin’…Twinkies?!?” all the time.
But OMG. The child posted an unedited clip of that on her Facebook page. Where my parents are her friend. Where her youth leaders are her friends. Where people will see what a shi…crappy parent I am.
So yeah.
Welcome to the club.
You don’t say those words around you kids. Why? Is it because you think them to be inappropriate? Why? Is it because you want to keep your kids pure and innocent? If so, then why don’t you want to bring purity into all of your conversations? I’m not if favor of a list of words either. There are some words we don’t think of as cuss words but are just as vulgar and should be avoided to keep our conversations pure. Not being judgmental, honestly questioning.
Which is why I blogged it. TO bring up conversations.
I don’t think it keeps them pure.
Honestly, I don’t say them so they don’t repeat them so other parents don’t judge me.
That’s honest.
How about “I don’t say them so they don’t repeat them because I would prefer my kids not speak vulgar words”? Why do you care what other parents think of you? Just wondering and… I dont have any children so I dont know what Im talking about probably. Hahaha!
Another point is that these kids are far too young to understand when it is okay to use these words and when it is not. You can’t tell a kid “It’s okay to cuss, but not when you’re serious about it.” That just doesn’t work. THAT is why you keep it from your kids. Obviously if they’ve ever stepped one foot out the door they’re gonna learn these things at some point in their lives. So as they mature you start introducing new concepts to them, with the appropriate theology to go with it.
carlos,
i had a conversation with abby (7 yrs old) the other day about “cussing.” and basically, it hit me smack in the face why i can and she can’t. it’s a discernment issue. i can say things to my hubs that i could never say to my mother-in-law. both flowing from the same heart. (out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks!) but abby, well, she doesn’t have the discernment to know who would deem her “word up bitch” comment as funny and who would find it deeply offensive. so until the maturity and discernment kick in, she needs to steer clear.
Man what a tough one…I have always tried to not say any “cuss” words at all since becoming a Christian but have always felt like a hypocrite because they are in my head. I have also had a Christian friend or two that I felt comfortable saying anything around a certain cuss words we would say just because they are really funny but I would never do it “in public”. I now have friends in ministry that will say “minor” cuss words that in a way is freeing because we are a safe place with each other and in another way disturbs me because of the verse you reference and if we wouldn’t do it everywhere should we do it anywhere? Why is it ok for us but not ok for our kids? I struggle. What do you think? Are we just being ourselves or is that the point of Christianity to overcome ourselves?
Get out of my head please… I have no answers.
There’s the crux:
i have a somewhat unique situation… my wife and i have been in children’s home ministry for 9 years. for obvious reasons, the standard vulgar language is not allowed… but the home we worked at prior to where we are now went as far as to disallow both kids and adults to say “shut up” or “stupid” because our director deemed those terms to be at the very least rude, if not offensive (quite possibly the whole “raca” thing from matt 5:22 was his motivation for this rule). so i live in a completely different fishbowl than the average person, and just avoid it all as a matter of practice… which isn’t always easy having learned some of the most colorful swearing ever from my dad growing up
So to you shut up is course. But would you label it “cussing”? Good thoughts.
oh, i don’t think it’s course OR cussing (our boss did), but that was the rule, so we lived with it. what was funny was after a few years of that, we’d be sitting in church and the pastor would be telling a story or giving an illustration, and he’d say “that was stupid” or “i told him to shut up,” and me & my wife would look at each other like “oooooooooooooooh”
in the context of where we minister (the children’s home), i’d like to clarify that as a foster dad talking to any of my kids, i would never tell them to shut up, nor would i call them stupid. and even in interactions among adults, i think to tell someone to shut up would be course. but to say a situation or an action is stupid, or to say “she should have shut up when she had the chance,” i don’t see any problem with that. unfortunately the boss did, and we’d get called on it.
I find it odd that we are “shocked” by sh*t, f*ck, d*mn, etc. but isn’t stupid, shut up, and dumb actually worse and more harmful to speak to people?
Seems not cussing is just another badge to show how much better we are than others. Of course I continue to pretend to never cuss but alone in my office when something goes terribly wrong I don’t actually say phooey.
I think that this is something that we all struggle with. I have 4 children and something similar has occurred with all of them. Dad is in the military and apparently cursing is a daily requirement. Trying not to use this language is a struggle. Succeeding at not using it doesn’t make us better than someone else, it just means that we are doing one thing the way that God requests us to. Saying this knowing that we are all sinners and that while today I might succeed at this there will be something else I fail at. And tomorrow sh!# may probably come out of my mouth but that I’ll do something else that God has asked us to do. Los thanks for the perspective. I loved the way that you talked about this.
This is what we teach our kids (ages 5 & 3). “Shut up” and “stupid” are not terms they’re allowed to use because they’re rude words to use…and that’s what the girls’ childcare provider/daycare center teaches, too.
In other words, the preschoolers are taught that it’s not ok to tell a friend to shut up nor is it ok to call a friend or something “stupid” because it could hurt somebody’s feelings.
Instead of “shut up,” we try to reinforce alternatives like “Please don’t say that to me. It hurts my feelings when you ___.”
That made me crack up. Poor Losiah and poor Dad. My oldest repeated sh@! at 11 months old after I burned myself. It has happened to most of us. I agree with some of the above, a lot of it depends on the intention. Cuss words are man-made. If you are using them to tear someone down, then your intentions are not good, no matter what you are saying. If you are laughing/joking and no one is offended then the intentions are not bad. It is all about what you mean by them. ; >
P.S. Look at that adorable face; I doubt there are ever bad intentions there.
Poor kid. And yes. Behind that face is a sinful, evil, broken mess of a human. He just hasn’t figured it out yet. lol.
I LOVE the picture of Losiah that you chose to accompany this post. This is an issue I grapple with often.
And I also have 2 G+ circles. It’s better that way.
Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite movies:
“He’s shi**in bricks…”
“You really shouldn’t say that”
“Oh right, He’s shi**in rocks…”
I’m sure the first person to name that movie will get a prize or something, right?
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
John Travolta’s character in Pulp Fiction. Do I win?
Chevy Chase’s character in Christmas Vacation.
Chevy Chase’s niece in Christmas Vacation, so what do I win?
That’s one of my favorite parts of the whole movie – and it’s usually censored on TV.
In James 3 we are challenged to tame our tongues – which means 2 things: 1, your tongue needs to be tamed and 2, you can tame it.
Speech is a habit, the phrases we say, the words we use, the replacement words we use so we dont have to say the words that we arent supposed to use.
We are called to be in the world, but separate from it – and that goes with our words. In college I started an outreach ministry to students at our college bar. I decided then that I could fit in but not fit in by changing my language and my actions – so I didnt drink any alcohol while there or use bad language. I literally had to train myself to stop and think about every word that was coming out of my mouth. I had to take captive every thought.
Fast forward 20 years and to this day I dont swear – even in times when it might be obvious. The time spent training so long ago still holds things in check. Now when I swear I do it intentionally (repeating a story or for some dramatic effect) and the last time I did one of my friends told me that it was the first time they had heard me swear.
Take heart Los, know this: the tongue is out to get you, but you can and will tame it. And what is even more impressive is that you are learning from your kids. Never miss the lessons they can teach you.
God bless
Good words. But why would you not drink at the bar?
I’ve wrestled with this little conundrum as well. There are just times and situations where a well placed “cuss word” is nigh necessary. Context. It’s all about context. Words are simply a series of sounds that are not inherently vulgar or insulting. The meanings we attach however…Once upon a time “bitch” was simply a term for a female dog…we turned it into an insult. An obscenity. And now it begins it’s journey back into normal usage, with a completely different connotation associated with it. Ass – same thing. How did we get from “donkey” to “posterior region”…or “jerk”?
Our kids hear us cuss regularly but never AT someone. It’s used as emphasis in situations and never to throw at a person. We have taught them that some words are reserved for adults who can fully grasp the impact and appropriateness of what is being said. And of course we’ve had an incident or three where they have defied us. But each time they have seen how their words negatively affected someone. Hopefully they’ll learn from that.
Hmmmmmmmmm.
Interesting.
Great post! My mom let me cuss as a child. I could say anything I wanted (with the exception of two words) but never in front of my grandparents or teachers. So I have a potty mouth. I didn’t grow up in church but when I started to develop a relationship with God, the only thing that immediately and permanently left my vocabulary was “g-d”. Everything else makes occasional appearances but I do try very hard to be aware of my audience and adjust accordingly. If you look into the history of modern “cuss words”, it is extremely interesting.
Googling now…
I am true believer, through personal experience, and having my own ears offended, that the use of vulgarity, and words deemed “curse words,” is a sign of laziness, a lack of intelligence or more simply, a lack of better vocabulary. It’s also a lack of a higher culture.
I’ve recently entered into a situation where I find myself using vulgarity more and more due to exposure. I started to volunteer at a fire house, and at first, I was offended, but more so, bored at their vulgarity. Most especially, at their response of, “get used to it. It’s a firehouse.” That is not an acceptable excuse.
If you want to live a life in a progressive strive towards bettering yourself, a couple of lessons in grammar, vocabulary and temper control, I feel, works wonders.
Compare a phrase minus the vulgarity to the original. It speaks volumes of your character.
I like this.
agreed – swearing often betrays my mediocre vocabulary. and yet the fact is that there are times when the rawness of certain words expresses my feelings more accurately than a “perfect” description with better words.
sometimes i feel more frustrated than i’ve ever been – as if the weight of the world is on my shoulders, i have an itch that i can’t reach, and i can see my car being towed but i can’t quite get there in time.
and sometimes, i’m just at the end of my f&$%ing rope.
My favorite response yet. Los clean up your act
I knew a lady once who determined she didn’t want the “F” word used around her child. So she replaced it with “swim”. She worked an EMS job so her son was around her co-workers quite a bit so she insisted that they use “swim” as well.
Interesting conversations and I have to think that somewhere down the line a little boy thought that “swim” was a bad word.
Oh My. Amazing.
My wife and I… we swim. Sorry, someone had to do it.
…this post is swimming awesome!
So…my friend, my situation is the exact opposite. My friend Joseph is 12 and has aspergers syndrome, along with o.d.d., a.d.h.d. and p.d.d. There are often times when he gets angry or frustrated, and the f bombs start flying (along with many other words) and I am like, dude! Really??? We could be at walmart or church…doesn’t matter. He’s gonna let ‘em fly and there is something extremely humbling about that. Transparency at its clearest and most defined sense of the word.
Nothing quite says we are not a perfect family like your child having a meltdown and cussing like a sailor in the middle of the church lobby.
Swearing has gone in cycles for me. I grew up in a super conservative home, where “Oh my gosh” wasn’t even looked upon too favorably. In high school it became kind fun for awhile because it shocked my friends that the Christian girl was swearing. But then I got all convicted and cleaned up my language. When I first went to my Christian university, it was just not part of my vocab. No one around me really swore, so it just wasn’t on my radar much. But when my life started to fall apart and I got crazy bad depression, I started swearing all the time to a select few people and in my journal. Holy moly did I swear all the time in my journal. And you know what? Looking back, I still can’t come up with any other words to accurately describe how I felt. Now that my life has leveled out and is actually good again, I just find that I don’t really need to swear much. Almost never around other people. Truthfully, I don’t love how it sounds coming from other people most of the time. And I’m always very conscious of who’s around. My cousin wrote and filmed a sitcom her last semester of college. She swore in it, and it was really distracting. It was so unnecessary to the plot. So…I guess I’m sort of a mixed bag. I feel that there are appropriate times and places to express yourself uncensored, but you should always be respectful of people around you, especially if you don’t know them or their level of comfort with certain language.
A little sociology for you: The society determines what language is offensive or not. What is “normal” language here might be offensive in other countries, including hand or facials gestures. Being out of the norm of your community is seen as deviant, but it could be fine in others.
I determine “curse words” as something that brings a person down. So even normal words we use every day can be a curse to someone’s self esteem.
I overheard one of my boys telling his brother that a certain movie is bad because it has the ‘s’ word in it. I asked: “What’s the ‘s’ word?” He says: “You know – s..h..blank…t”
I didn’t know he knew this word so I asked him to whisper it to me and he whispered:
“It’s ‘shut up’”
Los (can I call you that?),
I suppose this issue falls under the umbrella of “disputable matters” (much as, say, Harry Potter does as well) as layed out in Romans 14-15 & 1 Cor. 8-10. While I personally wouldn’t feel comfortable joking with my wife in that way, it’s a matter that every individual believer must have a clear conscience before God about. And if you have a that between you, your spouse, and God, who am I to act as your conscience? (I say this as someone who just got a thorough talking-to from concerned friends about Mr. Potter).
In any case, I recently went through something similar with my 5yo daughter: Such A “Hassle”.
I don’t cuss because it I realized it wasn’t going to get me a girlfriend
I dropped the “F” bomb while playing ping pong and remembered the girl I liked was in the room. Took a lot of holy language to make that up.
But seriously, I don’t cuss for 3 reasons
1) It reminds me of my old self…my self BEFORE I met Christ. There needed to be a change in that area AFTER I met Christ.
2) It makes people sound stupid, lazy, and direspectful
3) My fiancee, family, and other people I spend the most time with don’t appreciate it and would offend them.
As soon as I read this, I emailed the link to my wife, who read it and responded to me with this: “This was good…at least you only said ‘stinker butt’ today!”
Thanks for starting convos like this, Los!
I cuss a lot more in my head than through my mouth. I don’t think it matters so much whether someone hears it or not, it’s the purity of heart that matters. Of course we should take care to be a good example of what a Christian should be.
Maybe a good way to keep a proper filter is to ask ourselves this: Would I talk to God/Jesus this way? Yes, it’s a very high standard but it keeps up the purity ratio at a high level
My dad always taught me that the only cuss (curse) word was damn, because only God can damn something. He taught me that other vulgar words were used by uneducated people. I don’t make vulgar expressions a practice, but I’ve had my fair share of uneducated moments.
This obviously isn’t the same thing, but i was reminded of it… I have tattoos. I don’t have kids yet, and when I do I will not let them have tattoos. When my kid turns 18 I will take him/her to get his/her first tattoo if it’s what he/she wants. Until then, it’s mine and my wife’s choice. I guess I’m not worried about my kids seeing my tattoos even though they can’t have them. I feel similar about cursing. When they’re in my house I’ll try to set a good example and good boundaries. When my kids are 18, it will be up to them to set boundaries. Hopefully I end up being an OK role model!
Love your posts, especially the ones on parenting.
I like this comment, and internally thought of this in a very similar way. I have a tattoo. My wife and I both use curse words. Our kids have grown up understanding that at certain ages things are and aren’t ok. A silly (maybe?) rule that my wife and I have is that our kids can’t have gum, soda, or play with sparklers until they are 5. After I got my tattoo, our son kept asking for one and I told him that when he was older we’d talk about it… and he went “Oh, it’s like gum and pop… so, how old do I have to be before we can talk again?”
Similarly with cursing – there are a few explicatives which we don’t use at all but our kids hear us curse regularly, and know they aren’t old enough to use those words.
Same goes for drinking beer & wine, incidentally… We do both and don’t hide it from our kids, and have talked to them openly about it.
I totally forgot about the beer/wine thing, excellent point!
This is bullpoop!
I cuss at my dog. A lot. The other day I came around the corner to see him, 2 paws up on the coffee table eating my 2yr old son’s cereal. Yelling, “Andy! Eff!” as I ran towards him, my son chugs along behind me and pipes in, “Andy! Eff!”
I stopped in my tracks. Looked at my wife. She essentially stabbed me in the face with her eyes.
It’s a weird deal. I rarely cuss. I say “eff” quite a bit, which I suppose is really the same thing. No doubt my heart isn’t pure, though saying “eff” is the least of the causes.
Such a weird topic. I just hope I’m in your cussing circle you pirate hooker. (wait, is that cussing too? Is Johnny Depp offended? Eff.)
I am laughing so hard right now over this comment!! HAHAHAHA!! =)
I use foul and offensive language and don’t believe that I should, specifically for the reasons you mentioned.
I think if I were you (and I’m not), I’d dig a little deeper on the segregated google thing……
I’m not a big cusser. But I have Churchy friends that do it around me because they know I wont judge them. I have said many times, and I still stand by the statement that, my mother can out cuss anyone. I was raised with A LOT of bad language. It doesn’t bother me at all. BUT like you, I don’t want my kids cussing as children. I think as an adult, they can make an informed, mature decision, as the whether or not a word is appropriate in a situation.
I like the word Bee-och, it cracks me up.
hearing my dad use curse words was a pretty normal thing growing up, but i can honestly say that my sailor language has more to do with my brothers and who i was being influenced by in high school. i am not proud of the words that i say in my head and even less proud when those words escape my lips. but honestly, i think gossip and words that reflect a negative attitude that escape my lips are more concerning than the 4-letter ones.
It seems that we sometimes spend too much effort trying to figure out how much more we justifiably get away with. Bitch, sh*t, damn, hell, and f*ck may not be bad in God’s eyes but it’s really not so bad to NOT say those things either. Why do we expend so much energy trying to make traditionally bad things (which apparently don’t matter to begin with) acceptable?
It’s all about your intentions. What makes something a “curse” word is when the intention is to offend, or speak death. In that context, I do not curse, but I have certain words that I do say that some people may be offended by but I do not mean them offensively. Take shit for instance. Usually when I say that it is because something unpleasant has happened and I literally mean excrement…because feces, crap, poop shit, or whatever you wanna call it is unpleasant.
Just my take.
As a 19 year-old college student who is not married, has no kids, and is surrounded by peers who use blatantly foul language (not in jest, but as demeaning, derogatory, etc.) Here is my stance on it. The individuals that I know who drown every aspect of their conversations in filthy language are an example of someone that I do not want to become. Many of these individuals NEVER let a nasty word out of their mouths many years ago, UNTIL they met someone or got involved in a certain crowd. FIrst it was their language, then it was their habits (drugs, alcohol, cigs, the usual). Their change in morals in the “language” department seemed to be a “gateway”, of sorts, to a radical change in their entire lifestyle.
Okay, that paragraph didn’t really convey my thoughts. Let me put it this way.
The world puts a high value on these words, yes? Every “good” movie, TV show, song, etc. has this language in it. It is considered cool. So I do my best to avoid this at all costs. I am not of this world. I do not want to do what the world deems as “cool”. I want to be better than that. I feel we, as Christians, are called to do so.
However, with regards to your joking with your wife, I cannot comment. I don’t know the mindset behind cussing in jest because I have not experienced this myself.
For myself, however, there are no times in which cussing is acceptable.
A) Because I do not want to be like the world.
B) For me, even allowing something like that “occasionally” could very easily lead to using it in every day conversation.
This is a wonderful discussion on a great topic. Thanks to you, Carlos, and all other commenting. I’m always lookin for older, wiser individuals’ opinions on things like this to help me form my own opinion on life’s toughest issues. Thanks!
I like your thinking
I throw down the bird when I play rock, paper, scissors. I always win! I bet that is wrong too, huh?
Just wanted to say I enjoy reading your blog, and this one is by far my favorite so far. I’m one that tries not to say anything in front of my children I don’t want repeated – “cussing” or not – because they will repeat anything and everything (ex: My mom said she can’t stand you) Oops!
It’s also hard with movies with my boys, because they love action movies (ex: Spiderman, Batman etc.) and those don’t always have the best language.
Thanks for this post and the honesty! Love it!
So, interesting problem and we all seem to face it. We use colorful words for lots of reasons, humor, emphasis, to express anger, to be impressive etc.. My father used to say “people cuss because they can’t think of anything intelligent to say” He also said: “if you can’t think of anything good to say, don’t say anything at all!” He wasn’t a cusser but he used to make up his own words when he was angry like : “ knock it off you honyoc!” (whats a honyoc?) He said they are just words and you can choose to use whatever words you would like to express yourself. He “chose” not to use words that were identified by the world as “cuss” words. So, any opinions people had of them would not be attached to him. As a Mom of 4 I chose not to use colorful language ever! If you use them at all they will eventually come out when you least expect it and be heard by who you don’t want to hear it. (if its in ur head…you’ll say it! Take captive every thought…)Our kids are going to hear all kinds of language as they grow up, its out there and there is no stopping it! You need to choose what you want them to hear from you! As far a cussing in general, if you have a serious convo with yourself & ask the big question: why do I cuss? The answers start sounding like a 14 year old: it makes me look cool, everybody else does it, its funny, what difference does it make?, why do you care? Seriously! Turn back the hands of time cuz ur a teenager again! Haha They are just words and each of us has to decide why we use them if its really a necessary part of our lives.
I grew up in a house where it was even hard to find substitute words that were allowed. Parental units didn’t even like “oh shoot” because “it’s just a substitute for a cuss word”. Well duh, isn’t that the point? I will admit that post college while my husband was in the military our language went severely downhill but usually only around that crowd. Of course we’re in much different circles 16 years later.
One thing I have noticed is that “language” I use somehow always sounds worse coming out of my 11 year old’s mouth. I say “that’s crap” or “you gotta be freakin’ kidding me” all the time but when my son says it I always take issue w/ it. Total double standard I know.
The only phrase I can’t seem to escape (because there is no good alternative) is “half-assed”. Do you know how many times I want to say to my kids “Are you kidding me? You did a half-assed job cleaning the bathroom?” …but I don’t. I just think it. And that’s okay right?
I have friends i can’t cuss or drink with. I certainly wouldn’t cuss or drink with the people i minister to. I will however tweet the word ass, blog with words like bitch, and even slip the occasional F bomb out to make a few people giggle. And alcohol… being in the south people just don’t understand it… i don’t want them to stumble. Feel like i am living a double life. Like im not being real with them. But beer… and cussing, i don’t want to be a douchy evangelist.
You raise questions, i raise all the time as i caution friends who follow me on twitter, censor my Fb, or buy my booze at stores where my conservative friends or people i minister to often won’t see me.
I’m with ya, bro. I’m covered in rough edges and I’ve got a trail of noses out of joint behind me at any given moment. Gotta be honest, I’ve always felt like I should be offended by the way you drop the Level-One-mini-cusses in your public presence. My inner monologue would say things like, “Dude, you gotta pick your spots,” and such. Truth is, you write like I talk. My response was probably more fear-driven because it felt like you were letting some club secret out of the bag. I think part of me was even jealous that your public self and private self were a couple steps closer together than mine were. I guess I was worried that if you put it out there and the fight started, I was gonna have to admit which team I was on. Dumb.
So, all that to say, consider my 2 cents more like that nod between 2 dudes at a stop light than the voice of an annoying back-seat driver.
Also, thinking about all this inspired me to right the following….
An Open Letter to “They”:
I don’t want to offend you. More importantly, I don’t want to offend Jesus. So, I’ll try my best not to offend you, but at the end of the day I’m more concerned with offending Jesus, and I haven’t really gotten a handle on that one yet. Consequently, you might get caught in the cross hairs once in a while. Sorry. I probably will even offend you because of a direct choice I make in an effort to follow Jesus (and not offend Him) from time to time. In those cases, unfortunately you’re just going to have to be offended. My quest to live a life that’s inoffensive to Jesus doesn’t leave me enough room to do the same for you. There are times when my actions will offend you AND Jesus, or that my offense of you will offend Jesus. I need to correct those and I will continue to try. Rest assured, however, that it’s because of Him that I need to make those right and not because I owe it you. Scandalous, I know. Sorry if it comes across a bit offensive. I’m working on it.
- JS
I pretty much love this post. I wrestle with this too because I do want what I say to be pleasing to God, but just yesterday I accidentally slipped out a cuss word in front of a Christian friend I’d never cussed in front of before and breathed a sigh of relief when they didn’t call me out or judge me for it. For some reason, those are the friends I tend to value the most. Why is that?
teeheee. Kinda reminds me of the time I heard my kids say to one another after a good video game move, “My nigga!!!” Oops, my bad.
But I totally blame my husband for that one.
We just encountered this situation with my youngest nephew (age 4) while at the beach. He randomly started saying “What the?” He only said those 2 words, thank goodness, but we knew he’s picked it up from another adult that may have curbed their language by omitting the F*bomb. And it was the *way* he said it that mimicked an adult. Still, it wasn’t a phrase his parents wanted him saying & one that he likely picked up from his Daddy.
Pete Wilson tweeted or blogged about this last year. He & Brandi compiled a list of words that are not acceptable in their home or for any of them to utter, like stupid, idiot, crap, etc. No God doesn’t give us a list of bad words to avoid because he gave us brains to know them when we hear them. Just like you don’t need to define porn – we know it when we see it. Garbage in, garbage out. Whether you have kids or not, just avoid the ugly. As adults, why do we want to say ugly words anyways? I think that’s your question to answer, Los. That’s the question *I need* to answer too. Great topic!
This just gave me a flash forward into my parenting future. I love that God doesn’t hold us to a specific list of dos & don’ts (because I for one could never keep up with it and would be doomed), but I get tempted to ask for one in confusing situations like the one you described.
Another excellent post. And I love your !$(#*@(! honesty here!
We don’t swear in our house, but we’ve told our kids that different cultures have different words that they consider “swearing.” Those are man made and I don’t think they carry much weight (i.e., not encouraged, but not a big deal).
OTOH, what IS a big deal and not allowed is shouting out “Jesus” or “OMG” because we consider that to be taking His name in vain. That definitely sets our kids apart from their friends who use OMG for everything from “OMG! I love your jeans!” to “OMG! A lion just escaped and is coming to eat you!”
I tell you, I think learn just as much from these conversations as I do from studying with a concordance. ..maybe more.
I cuss at times… my wife and I have a joking relationship with it. I do adjust accordingly to whom I’m with, including my kids. It’s very rare, if at all though. More comical than anything else because it’s like a surprising thing so when it does happen we actually think it’s pretty funny because it’s so out of character for us.
The coarse jesting or vulgar talk is a different subject than cussing imo. It seems that vulgar talk would have to do with the intent of the heart, making depraved sexual humor, or generally degrading jokes. There’s even a fine line with that and my Christian friends… and even we’ve cross that line from time to time. We’ve actually apologized to each other from time to time also.
Why apologize? Because it’s about spurring each other on to a deeper relationship with God and trying not create stumbling blocks for one another. There you go… thanks for challenging me in this area, never really gave it much thought!
What is a “cuss” word? Really though. In other countries “bloody” is a curse word. A** is, but arse is. It’s not a list, but perhaps it’s just how and what we say in the circle we are or not in?
My Dad always said kids shouldn’t cuss, and adults shouldn’t tell dirty jokes. Beyond that, he said he airs on the side of caution, and doesn’t cuss really unless he knows where someone is at. He focused on teaching my brother and I to talk intelligently. He said a well timed “a**” or “b*****d” are ok, but not every other word.
Is he right? Is he wrong? Questions to ask the Big Guy later on.
This is interesting… because I never used to cuss around my kids at all. Now I do occasionally – but never “AT” them. Frankly since they started public school they have heard far worse than I would ever say. So, I have begun teaching them that there is a time and a place. My 12 year old knows he can say anything he wants to say PROVIDED he knows his audience. He will never get in trouble with me for saying a “bad word” as long as he never offends someone. So, he doesn’t cuss around his sisters or younger kids. He knows he can’t use words around grandparents and most church folks but there are close mom friends who are ok with it – and their kids have the same rules and he can use those words in those circles.
My 10 year old only ever uses “those” words with me… but she is learning the same rules about them as her big brother.
The biggest thing is we don’t use those kinds of words in anger or to insult someone… but we also don’t use unkind “not bad words” in those situations either. The word is not bad, how you use a word can be a weapon.
I have the same battle w/my mouth. And I have a similar circle of friends. My mother, who has never heard me say anything worse than “damn,” has never heard me really let go. I live in mortal fear of not hanging up my phone in traffic after talking to her and someone cutting me off. We’ve had close calls. My personal rule is that if I’m going to curse, it better be about something worth it, not what celebrity stopped dating another one or I stubbed my toe. And God must just look down at me and my stupid “rules” to justify my potty mouth and shake his head. And when I ask for his forgiveness at night and I’m recounting how I cussed in my head at a customer/friend/the ant crawling on my toothbrush, I’m so thankful he loves me and all my, um, crap, anyway.
I am constantly asking myself how badly am I messing up my kids…SIGH!
Thx for the honesty!
God bless!
The price is wrong, Losiah.
A few years back I was dealing with the issue of cussing. I was cussing on a pretty regular basis, like every other word and really bad when I was mad. At that point it had been a couple years after I had recommitted my life to Christ and I honestly didn’t think that the cussing was bringing glory to God in any fashion. So what I did in order to stop was I just changed the words from cuss word to silly words, like bumbly gump and flibberty gibit. It has helped me alot just whenever I have gotten frustrated with stuff, I say a silly word and people around me as well as myself end up laughing. Yeah every once in a while a cuss word will slip but I don’t get on myself or anyone else for it.
All I have to say is, …its almost Tuesday.
Thanks for showing us that we’re not alone in parenting. You and H got a good thing going. Love the Whittakers!
That reminds me of the time my boy (4 years old at the time) yells Fu**in S**t at the tech booth at my old church before service.
I love your heart too.
Yeah… I have no idea. My husband and I have had the same above dialogue. Back and forth. God knows my heart. But people are affected. But it doesn’t matter what they think. But it does… I don’t know. One step forward. Two steps back. At least Jesus is there the entire way.
Dude….seriously…I get that your a blogger ….artist…Worship Pastor…thinker etc. But seriously do you ever feel like your confusing people..or maybe even your kids? Since you want honesty…here it is! I actually get that your trying to get people to think…and I know the more controversial…the more comments you might get…the more followers etc. But at one point all you need to do is ask yourself one question, does it glorify God? Sure…we all fall short of the Glory of God..but is seems lately that your slowly by slowly your post seem like your unraveling at the seams. Heck…your confusing me? Someone once said, speak as if JC is sitting right next to you…would you say in front of him? Uhmmmm….that’s something for us ALL to THINK about! As parents we ALL fail at one time or another…just remember they (our kids) are always listening….watching….even when we think their not. Don’t beat yourself up!
Um. Go back in the archives 6 years. The unraveling is not new…
And i don’t care about number of comments…
I care about people searching and finding truth!
…IF Jesus was right there with me?
…he’s been there for every cuss word I’ve ever uttered with my mouth OR in my head! He’s been there for MUCH darker and more depraved moments in my life. He’ll be there for when I screw up next time (which, with my heart and my thought life, will be like 27 seconds from now!).
Among the many things I return to Los’ blog for (been lurking for the last four years) is his sacrificial willingness to be so openly vulnerable, publicly. In a world where we “need” small groups to teach us to be vulnerable, I value Los’ work in stretching and growing our ideas of Biblical community…and that means bringing up the questions that offend (to say nothing of their often more offensive answers!) so we can wrestle along with him.
Note: I have only read a handful of these other comments. Because when it gets to be like, 8 or more, my ADD kicks in and I can’t manage to finish the whole thing.
Don’t judge.
HANEEWAYS, do I think God cares about a 4 language English word?
No.
Does my momma?
Hellz yes.
When it comes to child rearing, I think it’s just like anything else that must be taught. It’s a bit trickier than “Don’t touch that because it’s hot” but about as complicated as riding a bike…ish.
While “dropping the eff bomb” is not something I deem vulgar, I do deem it vulgar if it is being used maliciously. You will never hear me swear at someone or use the word maliciously.
It even pains me to hear someone say “Oh, fu** her…”. The term is being used maliciously.
Well, unless you’re in the car while I’m driving and a large vehicle tries to get in my lane. It’s kind of like that Dane Cook routine…”Ummmmm, HELLO?!?! What the (EFF) are you doing?”
Thank God that Jesus saves.
I forgot about that Dane Cook routine! I need to start remembering that when I drive, because I know that as soon as I say Ummmmmmmm, HELLO! really loudly to myself, I’ll start smiling and then be a less crabby driver.
I tiled my bathroom today. First time ever doing that on my own.
Oh my lanta, I swore so many times I’m gonna have to scrub the walls of my house…
As you can see I’ve returned to the wild exclamations of my grandma’s generation just to stay on the safe side.
When my 20 month old niece says “book” it sounds like “bitch”. When she says “blueberries” it sounds like “boobies”. When she says “floor” it sounds like “whore”.
She has made it completely acceptable to swear at family dinner and I love her for it.
I work on a construction site. Needless to say, the language is colorful. There was a time that “shut up” was considered a swear in my house. Now that my girls are older, we are a bit more lax about language, but I still try (emphasis on try) to keep it clean. But it’s hard. In fact, my older girls would tell the youngest “you can’t say that until you are in high school,” and try not to giggle. Especially working with construction guys around me all day. My “potty mouth” comes and goes.Good luck with Little Los and the language.
Los you and H are awesome! Thanks for letting us know that we aren’t the only ones! That’s a lie that a lot of people believe, “don’t say anything because you’re the only one.” obviously we aren’t! love and miss you guys!
thanks. I just spewed all over my Mac laughing so hard.
& then I cussed. but only in my head. or is that really in my heart?
oh wait.
too funny! bahhahahaha!
Thanks for your honesty. I’m a pastor now so I’m not surrounded by cursing as much as I used to be. While I was working my way through school I did all kinds of jobs and people had very foul mouths. I didn’t scream at them for using the language I just put up with it. But I didn’t curse, and that was the first thing that people would notice was different about me. They’d ask for prayer just because they noticed something different.
I think it comes down to being in the world but not of it. Think of the words you use are an example of who lives inside you when you’re in public. And in private, practice for when your in public. You’ll slip up a lot less.
I may live in a bubble at times, but I have a lot of mentors like Dan Miller, Zig Ziglar, John Maxwell, Michael Hyatt etc… and can’t imagine them using vulgar language. I know they are human, but if I heard them cuss, my opinion of them would be less. I don’t want to ever lower my standards just because I am human and make mistakes. I want to always be striving for greatness and victory in the self discipline dept. I don’t want to make excuses for something just because I struggle with it. And, bottom line is, I just think it’s not the BEST I have to offer. And, cussing doesn’t and won’t make you more relevant to ministering to others, loving them like Jesus will. I too am a full time ccm artist. So I have lots of folks listening all the time. Whether I want them to or not. And I use the term ccm lightly, you know what I mean though.
i read your bog today! love you bro. i read this aloud to TJ & Promise tonight and we all had a good laugh. Cleverly written. Thanks for sharing your life. Gotta love that Losiah!
I haven’t read the comments so don’t know if this is an old thought but: maybe a different view, a change of definition would help. Cursing is not a word or words, it’s an action. It’s something you do. To someone else. And this action is aggressive. No?
Words carry content, context, and culture. Cuss is another word for curse. Do you really want to damn someone or yourself when you speak? “life and death are in the power of the tongue…” Speak life. Jesus taught ” 33 “Again, you have heard that the ancients were told, ‘YOU SHALL NOT MAKE FALSE VOWS, BUT SHALL FULFILL YOUR VOWS TO THE LORD.’ 34 But I say to you, make no oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, 35 or by the earth, for it is the footstool of His feet, or by Jerusalem, for it is THE CITY OF THE GREAT KING. 36 Nor shall you make an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. 37 But let your statement be, ‘Yes, yes’ or ‘No, no’; anything beyond these is of evil.”
I moved from Bible Belt USA to England last year, and “cuss” words are different here. It’s really shown me that it’s all about cultural context. It’s not about the word itself, because whether it’s vulgar and/or offensive depends on where you are and who you’re with. It really is about what’s in your heart.
I’ve also learned not to be offended when I hear ‘swear words.’ As Carlos would say, “It’s better that way.”
If I wouldn’t say it in a conversation with Jesus, then it’s probably not best to say it in a conversation anywhere.
Just my two. Take it or leave it.
I try to not cuss at all. I fail miserably, that’s for sure. But, with the advent of my kids, I find myself self-editing all of the time.
Tim
A friend of mine did a seminar in Austrailia for middle school students. During his talk, re recognized that the students were slouching in their theater seats, so he told them all to sit up and scoot their “fannies” to the front of their chairs.
Cue explosion of raucous laughter and giggling. The headmaster bounces on out from the wings of the stage and whispers in the ear of my bewildered friend, “Right, mate–you yanks call the rear part your ‘fannie,’ but Aussies call the front part ‘fannie.’ You just made their day by using a naughty word.”
Some of us need to lay our cards on the table and provide our definition of “swearing” and “cussing.” I think there’s a lot of confusion amongst us because we aren’t sharing common ground on what it means to cuss or swear. Gramma’ thinks “pissed” is cussing, my mom thinks pastors shouldn’t say “butthole” on their Facebook pages (sorry, Mom!), and my lead pastor pretty much leaves the field wide open for fair play (especially when we’re eating dinner!).
Someone speak up and “define” cussing / swearing and tell us where you got that definition.
Taking the Lord’s name in vain is where I draw the line. No exceptions. No excuses. I’ll warn you once but after that eternal damnation is your responsibility. Yes, there’s more to it than that, but common sense Christians know what I mean.
That being said, I do my best in the heat of an angry moment to hold my tongue. You know, a gentle answer turneth away wrath … or something like that. It seems to work and I feel better about myself when I’ve made a dignified point. I suspect that has something to do with the vulgarity I was surrounded by as a child. New wineskin, new wine.
This is who I am: I use language in all its forms and I really do try to sensor myself but truthfully, at the end of the day, I shoot from the lip. (^_^)
Just had a convo about this on Twitter. I don’t cuss. But the tiny sailor inside of me does (and quite often, too). Reading this kiiiiiinda makes me want to reconsider how often I let that lil’ guy run amok. In the meantime, though, I’m just being honest with people. Not sacrificing authenticity for sake of being non-offensive. Yet also not trying to offend. If people know my heart, hopefully they’ll understand and love me (and my lil’ sailor) back.
I think you just found your new t-shirt!!
I love the way my wife deals with this. When our kids say something they shouldn’t, she (1) does NOT make a big deal about it, because making a big deal about it makes it more interesting to the kids and they’re more likely to do it again, and (2) she calmly explains to them that she doesn’t care if they say that but that many people think those words are rude and if they keep saying them around the house, then they are more likely to say them around other people and eventually they will say it around other kids or parents and those parents will not let their kids play with our kids any more. “It’s your choice, but I want you to understand the consequences.”
I think really what we need to do is look at what the Bible says. “No unwholesome words…”, “…only what is edifying…”
Many times we want to put our own spin on what the Bible says, or what we feel, think, etc.
Not to be harsh, but that doesn’t really matter at all. What matters is what the Word (God) says. End of story.
There may be room for interpretation as to what a “bad” word is, but if you have to ask yourself if the word is bad, wouldn’t it be better to just not use it?
I think as Christians, we often wonder why we don’t see God moving in the US like He seems to in other places. Perhaps it’s because His children are being impacted more by the world than then world is being impacted by them.
Just my $.02.
We’ve chosen to spend more time teaching our kids (ages 14 and 9) about how their words can hurt people and less time teaching them to avoid a certain list of “dirty” words.
If one of them drops a bomb, not a big deal… we’ll probably tell them, “Hey, be careful how, when, and where you use that word. That’s one that can get you in trouble if you’re not careful.”
If one of them intentionally uses words (any words – not just the four-letter variety) to hurt others, then we’re gonna have a serious chat.
Here’s some alternatives that I hope you’ll enjoy from a humorous work memo…
Cursing at Work
Dear Employees:
It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with their co-workers.
Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended,
this type of language will no longer be tolerated.
We do, however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately
express your feelings when communicating with co-workers.
Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative ‘TRY SAYING’ phrases have been
provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in
an effective manner.
Number 1
TRY SAYING: I think you could use more training.
INSTEAD OF: You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.
Number 2
TRY SAYING: She’s an aggres sive go-getter.
INSTEAD OF: She’s a f___ing bit__.
Number 3
TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late .
INSTEAD OF: And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?
Number 4
TRY SAYING: I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
INSTEAD OF: No f___ing way.
Number 5
TRY SAYING: Really?
INSTEAD OF: You’ve got to be sh___ing me!
Number 6
TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with…
INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a sh__.
Number 7
TRY SAYING: I wasn’t involved in the project.
INSTEAD OF: It’s not my f___ing problem.
Number 8
TRY SAYING: That’s interesting.
INSTEAD OF: What the f___?
Number 9
TRY SAYING: I’m not sure this can be implemented.
INSTEAD OF: This sh__ won’t work.
Number 10
TRY SAYING: I’ll try to schedule that.
INSTEAD OF: Why the f___ didn’t you tell me sooner?
Number 11
TRY SAYING: He’s not familiar with the issues.
INSTEAD OF: He’s got his head up his a__.
N u mber 12
TRY S AYING: Excuse me, sir?
INSTEAD OF: Eat sh__ and die.
Number 13
TRY SAYING: So you w eren’t happy with it?
INSTEAD OF: Kiss my a__.
Number 14
TRY SAYING: I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
INSTEAD OF: F__ it, I’m on salary.
Number 15
TRY SAYING: I don’t think you understand.
INSTEAD OF: Shove it up your a__.
Number 16
TRY SAYING: I love a challenge.
INSTEAD OF: This f___ing job sucks.
Number 17
TRY SAYING: You want me to take care of that?
INSTEAD OF: Who the f___ died and made you boss?
Number 18
TRY SAYING: He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF: He’s a pr_ck.
Hahahaha! Love this!
Too bad cartoon swears don’t work in real life.
Because it would be awesome to be able say “holy $#!*” and really mean it.
LOL… I move my lips and gesture using my pinky or another finger (not the middle) as if I were really chewing somebody out with some incredible profanity… my boys laugh but then again they are very capable of mimicking the same mannerisms… possibly saying the wrong words… GULP! Jesus help us all…!
this sounds like a bible school conversation… the point isnt cussing or not cussing, or whatever you want to call it. the point is, what does our heart look like? is it compartmentalized? do we have ‘circles’ within our heart that we allow to be pure while others are blocked off? im not throwing stones, i really admire and respect you and your blog, ministry and everything. ive sat here for 15 minutes thinking of a response, and this is my response to any question like this. it doesnt matter what we say or dont say, what does our heart look like? do we live in such a way that allows our hear to to be open and pure before the lord all the time or just part of the time? as a pastor, father, brother, and husband- this concept applies to every area of my life rather than just cussing or whatever. i think if anyone takes the time to boast in their freedoms, than i would question the condition of their heart.
Man I love this blog. As an imperfect parent of six beautiful children this resonates with me. Reading the comments it saddens me to see so many people struggling with legalism vs. antinomianism. Does the Spirit testify to your spirit? Are you of the flesh or of the Spirit?
In my family it was the opposite that happened. My oldest, was 3 and is now 15, had just learned to unbuckle her car seat and would “harry houdini” her self out mid-trip. Well, my beautiful wife was driving and saw a pig-tailed head bopping from seat to seat, no longer secured by the “legal” restraints of her car seat. This now being the um-teenth time, in a frustration she pulled over buckled our daughter in and said, “quit doing that! you’re being a jack-@$$!” no sooner had it left her mouth, was she regretting it. A day or two later my daughter was in rare form, terrorizing the house and her younger sister, when my wife yells, “You need to stop!…” My daughter, before my wife can even finish her reproof, looks up with a toothy grin and says, “I’m being a jack-@$$, huh mom?” Priceless.
Keep loving your children and teaching them how to love Jesus. Anyone can change a child’s behavior but only God can change their heart.
I had a neighbor who told me one time that she could justify anything she wanted to do…..I guess we all do that.
First, we should establish what is considered a “cuss (curse) word”. I think my opinion of them and my childrens’ opinions would differ….as many of ours on this website would. There are certain words that make my skin crawl and may not be offensive to someone else.
Working in a public school for a few years, I heard a little of it all. I was always sad for the children who could only express themselves in conversation that included a considerable amount of expletives. Were these the only words they knew to show their emotions, were they trying to impress me, intimidate me……or was it just a habit?
Webster has a lot of words in that dictionary of his and the biggest majority of them are not used. Maybe we (myself included) could trade some of our “cuss words” for some of these……..
Great thoughts Los.
And yes…Jason, why would you not drink at the bar?
Trash is a good “cuss” word I use to substitute for words typically deemed as profanity. I guarantee none of you were offended in reading the word trash. However, if from the bottom of my heart I called someone a piece of trash in a certain context, I’m sure it would be offensive, possibly damaging and thus obviously profane. On the flipside, if I’m in the car with a friend trying to find a parking spot and someone ganks the space I was waiting for, I might spout in the privacy of the car “what a trash head”. It would be funny and perfectly appropriate. I feel “cussing” has it’s place honestly. I don’t feel any conviction or guilt when using a little swear word now and then. I think it’s all about context, your heart/motive and knowing when it’s appropriate.
Really, in the end when we face God we will probably find out certain things we thought were a big deal… really aren’t a big deal to God. We will probably also realize some things we barely put emphasis on…are a huge deal to God. It’ll be that “enter profanity here” kind of moment. We all fall short folks…attempting to be holier, or thinking you are gaining ground with God by avoiding a list of words is foolish. Think about it!
GRACE
A further thought:
Controlling your tongue is definitely a discipline, and important. Otherwise it wouldn’t be in scripture. Just don’t put more weight on it than it deserves, especially regarding your right standing with God, or holiness. This conversation could go much deeper, but let’s leave it at that shall we?
Much love peeps
I don’t manage it 100% of the time, but I decided my guiding light would be “would I say that to/in front of a child?”. That ranges from “shut up” to more conventional swears. This meant I don’t say cr*p, even though my paster does and many awesome Christians I know do, just ’cause I wouldn’t say it to a kid. People are rarely offended by soft language, so I err on the side of caution. Or rather try to.
It’s not a flawless system, but what is? But the only main time it doesn’t work is when talking about more “adult” conversations, e.g. circumcision, sex etc. But then you just have to use a little common sense, if the word is needed to present the facts, just use it and get on with it, if there is a ‘nicer’ word, maybe go with that.
That’s just too funny that I stumbled on to this blog for the first time today.. amazing, inspiring, and ever soooo TRUE!!! In response to your first comment about your heart, the Lord gave me this verse to pray and meditate on this week, if it didn’t already get brought up, in Psalm 19…
12 How can I know all the sins lurking in my heart?
Cleanse me from these hidden faults.
13 Keep your servant from deliberate sins!
Don’t let them control me.
Then I will be free of guilt
and innocent of great sin.
14 May the words of my mouth
and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing to you,
O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.
Amazing and encouraging BIBLICAL SOUND parenting resource btw Sure helps me!
heh heh heh
Did Becky ever tell you about the “bomb tally” board we used to have? He kept track of ‘em. I still haven’t cleaned up my language, not sure I ever intend to. Good, bad or indifferent it’s part of who I am. Do I try to watch it around kids and one particular colleague? Yeah…out of respect.
Now I’m confused. Tanks fer nuttin’.
WOW. Los, you sure do bring up some deep things. I think it is awesome because it really makes us dig deep in our minds and think. Did we learn these things (language) as children? In school? Our parents? Did we do it to feel older,smarter,funnier? Somme jokes just aren’t funny in the clean version. I so get it. I also get that we will be judged by every word that comes out of our mouths. Unfortunatly for me I learned colorful language as a second language. lol. But like you said, where is the list? In America the F bomb is bad, but not so much in England. Over there it is bloody well. This site is the most awesome place I have ever found on the internet. Please keep up the really,really good work. You would probably be shocked by how many people it helps. Thank you so much. Diana
Funny – I found this post when googling “explosion”…
Let me put it in a slightly different light. I enjoy an occasional beer. My brother, in fact, calls me a beer snob because I prefer a stout from a small brewery in England over mass-produced American yellow water.
Before I came to know my Savior, I was a hard drinker. My old drinking buddy does not understand the line between an occasional beer and getting sloshed. Because of his perception of Christianity, my witness to him would be destroyed if he saw me consume a single beer. He has made this rather clear, and keeps offering me beer in an attempt to discredit me. I, therefore, do not drink in his presence.
Do not ask where the food comes from. Don’t worry if it’s been sacrificed to idols – just eat if it’s offered. But do not eat it if it causes someone to stumble.
Same thing goes for “foul language” in my book. Like Tourniquet sez – “The color grey is real … your world of black and white is surreal.” It depends upon the situation.