To Choose Pain After Pain Chose You
There is something satisfying about chosen permanence .
You decided it.
It is forever.
It is visible.
And there are many things in our lives that are labeled as permanent.
Marriage.
Tattoos.
Death.
Salvation.
Taxes.
And many more.
But the truth is that there is only one thing that is permanent that does not require faith.
Death.
She is gonna come no matter who you are.
All else…is a false permanence.
Let’s take a look at my fingers for example.
I tattooed the words Graced, Constant, and Favored on my fingers representing my three children and their characteristics.
Tattooed.
Tattooed.
Tattoos are supposed to be permanent.
But the interesting thing about where I got these tattoo’s is that one of them isn’t.
Chris my tattoo artist told me before he even started…”Hey man. I’m just gonna let you know, this first finger you are getting inked, your index finger, it has some deep ass callouses. Like deep. There is no pigment attached to the bottom half of the side of your finger. This means that the tattoo is not gonna stay after just one session. you are gonna have to keep coming back, dozens of times until that shit sticks. And even after it sticks, it will be faded and you will always have to get it touched up…
It’s pretty much a prescription for a lifetime of guaranteed needle pain.”
I looked at him, not really getting it, but getting it, and said…”Well let’s do this then.”
It looked sick.
Amazing. but after a few weeks…there she went.
The ink started fading.
Not on any of the other fingers…Only on the index finger with the callouses.
And I went back in for a touch up.
Chris smiled.
He knew i got it now.
And when he was done touching it up it looked as good as new.
He said…”See you in a few weeks.”
My finger is faded again.
Not as bad as the first time it faded, but enough to understand what Chris was talking about.
The callous on the inside of my finger is going to take work and pain in order to keep looking good.
And when I go in again on Saturday, I’ll walk out with it looking clean, and in a few weeks, or maybe this time 2 months, I’ll need to feel the needle on the side of my finger again, because of the callous that has developed there.
Work with me…
Look at your spiritual lives.
Look at the callouses that have grown all over it.
The church has defeated you.
The perfect wife has deserted your soul.
Jesus seems like a distant 4th cousin.
Your ministry has fired you because you got caught but your boss didn’t.
You are done.
Calloused.
Over it.
Then comes Jesus again.
Gently knocking on your ethos.
You want to ignore Him but you can’t.
You want to run but you can’t.
He is loud now.
“Come back. I’m waiting. It’s not going to be easy or painless, but it will be worth it.”
So you head back.
Here is where Chris my tattoo artesian plays the role of your sanctification.
Your calloused heart is not going to be an easy fix.
It is not going to be one session and everything is as it was.
To be honest, it will never look as pretty as it did the first time your heart got tattooed by the love of Christ.
It will take work.
It will take many sessions, but once again you will wear the mark of Christ.
And once again you will be marked by your faith.
It won’t look pretty.
It will actually look a bit gnarly.
But it will be deeper set than any of your other friend’s faith.
And it won’t ever leave once it has past the callousness into the pigment that is deep below.
At this point the fresh inked people with no calluses will see your faded, black turned to green inked fingers and want to know how you kept it there.
And it is your responsibility to not sugar coat your journey…
To not bow to those who want a pretty, gift wrapped, fresh tattoed faith..
And tell them that you and your faith faded because of your calluses, and although it is painful to keep heading back to see Chris, your sanctification tattoo artisan, it is worth every ounce of pain it takes to get the ink deep, past the callous, and into your pigment…
So that you are marked with an ink that is not shallow, but deep set.
RAIN IT DOWN
I’m thankful I clicked through. I needed this desperately.
I’m struggling with making the decision to accept the pain. I know I need to. I know it is is what’s best for His glory and my good. But I’m terrified of the pain.
I get it man.
This was major encouragement to me today, Los. Thank you.
yw
Am I correct after praying and reading this over and over till my callosed heart finally got it that, I know your an awesome Christian with an awsome family, and you are wise in many ways, but I get the still small voice that you allowed the Holy Spirit to share this wisdom that a few will never get,and a few will never forget. This is deep, thought provoking, life changing,and amazing to use this small thing like a tatoo to become an amazing testimony as how we grow our faith. Being steady, not always pretty,but very deeply rooted, and the word graced is the one you have to let your specialist ,( or in salvation and living’s case) Jesus , the Holy Spirit access when plesant or not, constantly, sometimes painfully keep working till we see him face to face. This is so deep on many levels. It serves to make me less impatient,less worldly,less judgmental,( there is nothing you can do but accept the pain,Let Him do His work at His timing) and create what He wants. When we make a vow some are easy but some are almost impossible to promise to stick to. This just blows me away. Every time I read it I think of another aspect like it constantly changes yet it constantly stays the same, just like Jesus. This insight ( not taking anything away from you los) seems to me to be of a divine nature that has changed the way I look at everything.I will not forget this. I am going to write this down and keep it in my Bible. I would love to have something that constantly reminds me of Gods grace.But so far I am coming up empty. I need to spend more time in prayer,keep in the word, and look to that something that will never change what it says, just that it takes a lot more work ,a lot of planting the word in my heart over and over. Thank you so very much for sharing this. It really is the most amazing thing I have read in a long time. ty,ty,ty. Praise God that He led me to this site. It woke me up and makes me think for the first time in a long time about being a christian. It isn’t always easy or done once and then over. Repitition is the most imporant thing,and God gave you an amazing example. wow. Amen and Amen….sorry about typo’s and misspellings. But my Spirit is definitely letting the Holy Spirit into every aspect of my life. I am literally thinking differently.I just realized that we christians think we know it all, 1 time at the drive thru and were good to go. Not that way at all. We aren’t supposed to look perfect like we haven’t fought battles with our sword and shield. I want so much to be more like Jesus every day and this site really does help. This is the only site I look up to every day. Sorry this was so long, but this is an amazing subject that I never heard anyone mention about expecting some pain. It isn’t a punishment that we did something wrong, just that we are growing. Growing pains hurt, but are natural, we all go through them to grow up. Our Spiritual selves should be the same way. Amazing that I never thought about it before like that. Seriously, I have been in and out of church all my life, and for the first time the Holy Spirit is shaking my thought life up, and yes I am growing, and yes sometimes it hurts bad,and I have to constantly work on it, forever…..Seriously, just thank you so very much. Sorry so long, just feeling the spirit moving. Maybe you should pray about writing a book on this subject. I never hear anything about this subject. Usual Christian tv or net ministers tell you the opposite. God punishes you when you have done something wrong. If you give enough money,pray more, read more, attend church more, or just send us some money and we will pray for you and your life will be perfect. These are lies that have really hurt and ruin lives. We need some honesty out here in the world. If we choose Jesus- like you chose your tatoos, it isn’t always gonna be a bright,bright sunshiney day. This in a book that you can keep looking up knowledge daily since things happen daily. Praise God for your willingness to share things like this. Ok promise I will shut up now.
please delete, I didn’t realize how long it was. thanks
Please, I am embarassed enough. please delete my short story. I never meant to leave anything this long,so instead of awaiting moderation, please just delete it before anyone else see’s it. I am ashamed and embarassed enough already. I need this deleted please. I will not do this again. The Holy Spirit was just moving through me and I just wrote down what was coming to my mind. I got excited. Like a friend said to me the other night, why do you call your self my friend, when all I wanna tell you is to shut the …. up. He is right I am totally A.D.H.D. and you do not need someone like me leaving my thoughts, I prattle on. I was born like this. I need to go back to being funny. please don’t wait on moderation,I flunked. Please just erase. Thank you so much, Diana
Diana, what was great about your story is that it was honest, which is all Los ever expects of his readers and commenters. You spoke what was in your heart, and you should NEVER be ashamed of that.
What a great picture of faith lived through a lifetime. Thanks for sharing.
Brilliant.
I read all of your blogs and laugh at your tweets and talk about you and your family to my husband so much that he refers to you guys as my other husband. But today, my friend, you have opened up a closed door. A door that has remained shut and untouched. The door marked pain. The illustration was perfect. Thank you. Thank you for allowing the Jesus in you to speak to me and remind me of that there’s beauty that can and will come from my pain. I am a hurt worship leader who doesn’t even want to pursue music anymore. I am an abandoned leader who doesn’t even know how to follow anymore. I am an angry writer who can’t put my thoughts down anywhere anymore. I am in pain. I’m ready for Him to deal with my calloused heart. I want to feel Him now like I felt Him then….
I’m learning that we all somehow depend on others to grow, to speak, to nurture, to do whatever it maybe in our lives. But when God takes those things, those people out of our lives and puts us in new and different circumstances that we didn’t anticipate, he’s trying to say “I want to be Number One in your life. Those people, those things, will help but I am the ONE, I am the Truth…I want you to trust me, rely on me. I will take care of you.” As I write this, I begin to think, do we all as Christians in some fashion get lost in the going to church, or going to the pastor or a friend, small group or whoever, but not going to God first? I will admit I do that.
Thanks Los.
I’ve tried hard to avoid pain the last few weeks. Deep pain..pain that I’d rather never deal with. So thanks for posting this today, as it pushed back open the door to deal with this. and realizing its ok to not sugar coat my story. And it doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. And its ok that its not at all pretty.
I love this post. It speaks so deeply to my heart today especially after the past 3 years of life.
Thanks for always being so genuine and real.
Wow ! That was simply so beautiful and touching.
Wow. I really needed to read this today. Thank you for your words.
I get this. I relate to it. After chasing my questions so far I stopped believing, then marriage, abuse, divorce… My faith is rough and gritty and it isn’t pretty like it once was. And it doesn’t stick so easily like it once did… Here’s to painful sanctification, and keeping at it, because it’s worth it.
wow…this was beyond brilliant..needed it today and just incredible. Great stuff! Thanks for sharing.
Excellently written! I needed this today, too. Your blog is a quick daily dose of refreshment, thanks!
This is beautifully what I needed in my heart. Thank you. <3
Truly brilliant, my friend! I am living in one of those “defeated by the church” moments and I can’t seem to see that it’s gonna change at any time. It was good to be reminded that God is way bigger than my defeat and doesn’t give up on me!
I don’t usually post, nor do I always read the blog, but this time I felt pulled in. Your message was dead on! Where I’ve been the past month has been: “I don’t know if I can keep doing this….” I told myself maybe just pull back from your ministry for a minute and try to get it back together, but I don’t feel like that’s the answer either. To keep going back is hard. I’ve been a disciple of Christ now for 14 years this year and honestly there’s a part of me that is tired and doesn’t want to go back. But, like you said Christ calls and I come back. Basically, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing.
holy dang. that was good. absolutely love this. oh and your tats are sickkkk.
Thankful for your blog, especially this post today.
Somewhere along the way, I can’t help but wonder if I started going to the wrong tattoo artist. I walked away three years ago, disillusioned with wounds that seemed to become infected, like they were inflicted by the wrong tattoo artist. I swore it off, but can’t shake the lingering feeling– what if not all tattoos are bad? what if the original tattoo artist is calling to me, wanting to make something beautiful out of the mess others (including myself) have created?
I don’t know if I believe that or not, if it’s true or not, but thanks for bringing it to the forefront of my mind today. Hoping that if it is true, I can be brave enough to endure the painful penetration of my callouses, of which there are many…
one of your best and most needed posts. Thanks dude. Been praying for you. Seems to be working. Pray for me, homie.
Oh…I need to read this every day.
Awesome! Just what I needed to hear today. And sweet tattoo, by the way.
At last! Something clear I can udnersantd. Thanks!
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The pain is worth it for the marks of love.
…even if at the time you wonder why you bother.
Thank you. I needed this.
Thanks. I thought I was the only one that had to keep returning to refresh my tattoo…silly me! Your words have touched me and encouraged me.
nailed it.
This spoke straight to my soul. Thank you for sharing this.
Wow! This is one of the most beautiful posts i’ve read in a while. God bless you so much for sharing
Wow…needed that…thanks! Also thankful that my name is
tattooed on God’s hand (Isaiah 49:16)
This is… beautiful, Los. And just where i am in life. i’ve been hurt, so hurt by “the Church”… i’d give it all up if i could… but despite the pain, the questions, the doubts something, someOne keeps bringin’ me back. Thank you for such raw vulnerability in your words
Love that the one that is fading is the one that says grace. It’s the grace we forget in all our striving. I read recently “Every artist dips her brush in her own soul” and that’s what has to happen when my ink fades. I have to go back inside and remember who I am and that I’m loved. And now your tattoo tells even more stories than you originally intended. There is always more than we originally intended. I’m with you. I’m going to keep facing the pierce of the ink until this shit sticks. Even if it takes a lifetime, which of course I know now, it will.
Mandy so appreciate your voice out here on the blogosphere… you take Los’ words up a knotch for me
I love that it is “Graced” that you keep returning for.Powerful.
You nailed it….wish everyone could read this
So simple, that quiet knocking on our door, yet so hard to open it sometimes. This was beautiful and nearly brought me to tears this morning. It strips away what we complicate (church, relationships, etc.) and brings it back to the heart of Christ, His heart for us.
Thank you.
This imagery will stick with me for a very long time.
Sanctification and love tattoos on calloused skin… Damn.
Thanks for helping this stranger along the way,
A Calloused One
seriously??? this is so brilliant!!!
One of your best posts! This really shows a great picture of the life many of us live. And it also shows the value of tattoos and tattooed people.God’s grace is for all the permanently painted and those with holes in there ears and faces. It’s always available to all of us…I’m going to read this a couple more times and share it a lot…Thanks…Like I tell all of my favorite writers,I’d love to have a book by you soon! Whenever you get a chance…
oh wow, I just got this today. yesterday was(I’m sorry to say) poor me ,just look at all the stuff I have been through this year,people I have lost and three times I really shouldn’t be alive. I get it now. God wants me to rely totally on him. Now I feel kinda bullet proof cause I am not going anywhere till He is finished with me. I need to be still, listen through the pain,and put all my faith and trust in Him. I just read what David said in psalm 18:3 All I need to do is cry to Him-oh praise the Lord- and I am saved from all my enemies. David says even in his distress he cries,praise the Lord. I need to accept the pain and praise the lord. Really be thankful to him,and count totally on him because he will rescue me.
thank you for these hard questions and statements. wow
I’ve been reading your blog for four years now and the majority of your stuff is awesome. But nothing has touched me as much as this did. It’s brilliant. And true. Gut-wrenchingly true. THANK you.
Wow. Wanted to write something that shows how good this was for me at this moment. Carlos, thank you for doing what you do.
Frigging brilliant post Carlos. Nothing more to add other than that.
Do you even realize the balm that your words bring? They sting sometimes, first, then they soothe.
I’ve only recently started following your blog. My pastor sent me the link to your Post, Drunken Faith Fight, http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2011/10/drunkenfaithfight/ , which is so where I am at right now.
Since then, I have found friends and challengers and encouragers on this blog. If you weren’t so bold in sharing your struggles, alot of us would still be struggling alone.
Though you don’t know me, I call you my friend. You and the stories about your family have been a blessing to me and touched my life in ways you might never know.
Thank you. You have made a difference in my life again.
It seems as though I am not growing unless there is some sort of Pain, I always refer back to the Pain that my Savior, Lord Jesus Christ went through for me and then it seems to lessen. I also know that if HE is to get the Glory, HE will get me through it. Growth is painful but always worth it even when it doesn’t seem like it! Praise GOD! Mike
dang. didn’t expect that… had been happily reading through your other posts and then got a one-two punch w/this one… I especially appreciated this reminder…
“it is your responsibility to not sugar coat your journey”
thanks Los, appreciate you.
Los, this is easily one of your best posts. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you. I wasn’t looking for this, just some cool ideas for finger tats, but as usual God gave me what I needed and not simply what I wanted.